Damn. Never in my life did I expect so many reviews as I received for Chapter 17, both positive and negative. As many have expressed to me, I should be proud of the passionate response from both sides. And I am. And just because I can, I decided to have a little fun with all those reviews as I wrote this chapter.

As for Chapter 18, for those who decided to jump ship after 17 for various reasons... Well, I guess they jumped a chapter too early. For my loyal Charah supporters, you finally receive your reward.

And finally, I'd like to thank some people. First, BillAtWork, my beta and idea generator. If you love this fic, thank him in your reviews. If you hate it, it's all on me. Also, thanks to folks like cville, crystalelements, and Yokaputo for their kind words, and in cville's case, the awesome philosophical discussion of Sarah, once the not-so-positive reviews for 17 rolled in.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: QUEEN OF HEARTS

Moonlight. Basking the bedroom. Reflecting softly against the white silk sheets of the tousled bed.

Atop the bed, two nude figures writhe together in ecstasy. Both sit up, her in his lap, legs wrapped tightly around his back, desperate to feel him. One arm wraps around his neck. The other reaches behind her, tightly gripping the bedsheets. Their skin practically glows from moonlight and exertions.

"Oh God."

The pace quickens. Hands roam over flesh. Heavy pants, soft grunts.

"Touch me."

In a quick, fluid motion he pushes her hard upon her back. Before she can mourn the loss of his touch, of him within her, he returns, more powerful than ever.

Their lovemaking reaches a fever pitch. White hot. Words have long since been lost, only delicate moans and whimpers, only heavy grunts remain. Their meanings, however, are not lost. The sounds drive them harder, faster, building towards release.

She cries out, her voice reverberating against the walls. She shudders, trembles, her heels digging into his buttocks, her fingernails into his shoulders.

He screams his release. The sensations inside her drives her to ever more incredible depths.

The tidal wave recedes. Both figures collapse to the bed. He tries to roll aside, sure his weight is suffocating. She will have none of that, gripping him tightly, unwilling to let go.

His fingers move up to her brow and sweep away a strand of sweat soaked hair. In her ear he breathes—

"Sarah..."

--------

"Chuck!"

Sarah gasped awake, bolting upright on the couch. Her face flush, her breathing heavy.

"Christ," she managed. She collapsed against the couch, her head resting back, staring up at the ceiling. "You're pathetic," she spat. "Completely and utterly."

Her eyes only just adjusted to the darkness when she heard a light creak. She turned in the direction of Rachel and Chuck's bedroom. Their door opened slightly, and out stepped Rachel, hair mussed, clad in blue jeans and pulling on a black tank top.

Just when she thought her heart couldn't break again, it did.

Silently sliding down, she pretended to be asleep. She really didn't want to see Rachel gloat over the situation. But then, Sarah heard a most curious thing.

A sniffle.

Rachel?

The room's main door opened briefly, and presumably Rachel left. When Sarah dared look she saw that indeed, Rachel was gone.

Without even realizing it, Sarah made her decision. She quietly reached into her own shopping bags and extracted a pair of jeans and t-shirt. Grabbing her keys, cellphone, and Colt, she went to pursue Rachel.

---------

Striding off the elevator into the lobby, Sarah was faced with a couple options. Which way would Rachel go? Would she leave the building, or would she go to the—

"Excuse me," she said to a bellhop. "Which way to the bar?"

The bellhop pointed. Sarah murmured thanks and went off in that direction.

But to her surprise, Rachel was nowhere to be seen. Surprisingly enough, there were very few people about. She went to the bartender.

"Did you see a redhead come through here? My age, a bit taller?"

The bartender nodded. "Came in a minute ago. Bought a bottle of Grey Goose and went towards the Great Room."

"Gimme a couple glasses?"

The bartender did. Sarah went to the Great Room.

It was already set up for the poker game the next night. Two long tables, each capable of sitting six players plus a dealer, were the focal point of the room. There were other tables scattered around the room for smaller games and spectators. There was also another bar ready and waiting to go.

At one of the smaller tables, Rachel sat alone. In fact, besides her and Sarah, the room was devoid of people.

In the darkened corner, Rachel idly shuffled a deck of cards. She stopped long enough to take a swill from her full bottle of vodka.

"This isn't Russia," Sarah softly spoke. "The least you can do is act civilized and use a glass."

Rachel snorted in laughter. It did little to belie the fact her eyes were red and puffy.

"Sarah Walker," Rachel loudly declared. Underneath the table, Rachel kicked out the chair, offering Sarah a seat. "Take a load off."

Sarah eased into the seat. Sliding a shot glass across the table, Rachel promptly filled it and tossed it back, then filled it again.

Sarah sat very stiffly, awkwardly. Unsure what to say. "I, uh, didn't expect to see you down here."

Rachel sipped at this shot. With a quirked brow offered, "Well, I had hoped to be otherwise occupied."

"What happened?" Sarah asked, both frightened and eager to know.

Then, with incredible sadness, to a degree that even made Sarah ache, Rachel said, "What do you think?"

-----------

"Chuck..." Rachel breathed. Very delicately, she slid into Chuck's lap.

Her lips pressed against his, allowing him to feel her full passion. But to her infinite surprise, there was only the barest reciprocation. Pulling back, gazing into his eyes, Rachel saw it. And the sight made her heart break.

"Chuck..." she whimpered.

"I can't," he feebly said.

With a brief cry of anguish, Rachel dismounted and reached behind him. She jerked at the bedclothes, forcing Chuck up. She grabbed a sheet and began twisting it around her form, intent on making a hasty getaway to the bathroom.

Suddenly, a strong hand wrapped around her wrist. She looked into Chuck's eyes once more. The pain that reflected there did nothing but deepen her own.

"It's her," she whispered. "No matter what I do, it's always going to be her."

"Rachel...it isn't like that. You are extraordinary. And under any other circumstance..." Chuck trailed off, trying to form his thoughts. "But despite everything, I have to believe the Sarah I've been seeing isn't the real Sarah. I...I owe her the chance."

Rachel choked by a sob. "She may never take it. Are you willing to wait forever?"

Chuck remained silent. Rachel decided to press.

"Chuck, I'm here, now, willing to give you all I have. I can... When this is over, I want you to come with me."

Chuck stared in disbelief. "Rachel..."

With a near desperation, Rachel closed the distance. While one hand clutched at her makeshift robe, the other reached for his cheek.

"We can disappear. You, Sabine, and I. We can disappear to some little island and live our lives in peace. No CIA, no missions, no Intersect. We can have everything. Peace, love, children of our own. A proper family. A proper life."

"I'm just supposed to give up on her?"

"Chuck," Rachel cried. "How many chances have you given her? I love Sarah, truly I do, like she was my own sister. Though it might hurt her, I can't just give up what I want."

Chuck could say nothing. What was there to say? Rachel simply grabbed a bag of clothes and went into the bathroom.

A few minutes later, she emerged wearing jeans and a bra. She fiddled with a tank top. Very sadly, she began, "Okay."

"What?" Chuck curiously asked.

Eyes wet with tears, Rachel said, "I don't like it, but I will respect your decision. Because in the end, I respect you. So wait for her. And I'll wait for you." After a hard, painful moment she concluded, "I may always be second best. But in this case, I'm okay with that. Because if the day ever comes that you want me, it'll be completely worth it."

She began to slip on her tank top as she slipped out the bedroom door.

---------

Rachel wiped away a tear as she gulped down a shot. "Son of a bitch turned me down but I still want to jump his bones. How screwed up is that?"

Sarah swallowed her own drink, the vodka burning down her throat. Tears welled in her own eyes. She hurt for Rachel, but for the first time in days, hoped well in her heart.

"Until you give him something definitive, one way or the other, he's gonna destroy himself pining for you," Rachel declared. "And I really don't want that."

She then reached into her jeans pocket and removed a pack of Marlboros. She lit a smoke and offered one to Sarah.

"I quit. Again," Sarah said.

"Good. It's a filthy habit." Rachel took a long drag. She then began to deal out cards for seven-card stud.

"What am I supposed to say?" Sarah asked.

"Go upstairs and tell him you love him," Rachel said like it was terribly obvious. "Or just break it off entirely. Finish this job and collect another assignment. Because the status quo can't hold any more, Sarah. Either your relationship grows, or your relationship ends. It isn't healthy for either of you to stick to this holding pattern."

Sarah checked her pocket cards. Seven of Hearts, Queen of Spades. "What are we betting with?" she asked.

Rachel coolly puffed at her cigarette. "What do you think?"

After a moment's pause, Sarah nodded slightly. "Call," she said.

Rachel unveiled the community cards. Eight of Clubs, Ten of Clubs, Ace of Spades.

"Raise," was Rachel's answer.

"It's just that easy?" Sarah asked.

"Would be, if you just grew some balls."

The turn: Ten of Diamonds.

"I'm terrified."

"You should be. He could say no. I don't think he will, but he could."

"It's so impractical. It's my job to protect him. If my emotions get in the way..."

"Sarah, you passed that road sign ages ago."

Sarah shook her head. Rachel made a decision.

"I'll make you a deal. Go upstairs. Strike out or fail to make a move, I move in for the full court press. He gives you a glimmer of reciprocation, I'll ease back. Let you have till the end of this mission. Then I make my move."

"That's a deal?" Sarah asked incredulously.

"How long have you known me? You're lucky I didn't cuff him to the bed and force him to like me." Then, with a chagrined shrug, "Again."

The River: The Queen of Hearts.

The agents stared. It was finally Rachel who broke the stunned silence. "Can either of us play it?"

"You assume either of us deserve to."

"To quite an exceptionally wise woman, the one person whose opinion matters isn't sitting at this table." Then, "So, Sarah, show me what you got."

Sarah showed her Queen of Spades. Two pair, tens and Queens.

Rachel stared at her pocket pair. Ten of Spades, Ace of Diamonds. Full House. A moment: "I guess you win." She tossed her cards aside, face down.

"You think so?"

"Sarah Walker," Rachel began, "you truly are a remarkable woman. But if you don't go upstairs right now and try to make things right, I can safely call you the stupidest girl alive. And I might just have to shoot you."

Sarah considered this. Then, very softly, "I can't win."

"Sure you can. You could hit the jackpot. But you won't know if you don't play."

Rachel snubbed out her cigarette. "Sarah, what choice do you have? You dick around here with me and it's just gonna be another night of brooding for him. Another night to convince himself he's destined for a life alone, burdened by the Intersect."

"Why are you suddenly shipping Chuck and Sarah?" Both agents reacted to her choice of words. Rachel quirked a brow.

"That's a reason there. Shipping? I think the nerd's rubbed off on you." Rachel lit another smoke. "Sarah, I admit, the selfish part of me really wants you to strike out. But the rational part, the part that loves you dearly, really wants you to hit a Grand Slam. Because deep down, I know you need him more than I do."

Sarah must have visibly reacted to her words, because Rachel explained.

"Heinrich did so much to make me whole again. To make me a person. While I may never fall in love again, I know I have the ability to. In just the brief time I've known Chuck, I can tell he has the same qualities. He's already made some headway with you. If you let him he can do so much more."

"Why are you saying all this to me? It's obvious you desire him." Sarah asked, still not understanding.

"Because I'm an idiot," Rachel answered. "Because I love you. I want you to be happy. And...I want him to be happy. Even if it isn't with me."

"And you're okay with that?"

Rachel shrugged. "No matter what the result, I'm going to be both brilliantly happy and completely heartbroken. But at least I'll know. And so will you." She then raised her shot glass high. "To a set of balls."

The agents touched glasses and threw back the drinks. Sarah slammed her shot glass to the table and declared, "Screw it." As she stood and moved to turn away, she stopped, then sat back down. "Okay, one more shot."

Rachel offered a sad smile. "That's my girl."

----------

The door opened quietly. Sarah slid into the room, gently closing the door behind her. With moonlight softly illuminating the room, Sarah could detect Chuck's slumbering form spread atop the bedclothes.

Sarah took pause, savoring this moment. She would never admit to anyone, but one of her favorite pastimes had become watching him sleep. It was easy enough to pull up the surveillance cameras in his bedroom from her laptop.

He always looked so sweet and at peace. He rarely experienced the nightmares this job often evoked in its agents. Agents like her. She envied him for that. Even in sleep he could let go. The mere act of watching him slumber often would send her into peaceful rest. She would curl up in her chair, the laptop on the table before her, and close her eyes...

And then, on occasion, when she wished to watch him sleep, she would catch him...relaxing. And she always switched off her screen.

Well, almost always.

"I'm sorry."

His voice nearly startled her to death.

"I was a dick earlier," Chuck continued. He was curled on his side, faced away from her. In that moment, it struck her.

He thought he was speaking to Rachel.

"I said some things, things I didn't mean."

Oh God. He'd time to think and decided he wanted Rachel after all.

"It doesn't mean I don't care about you. It doesn't mean I'll stop envisioning a future where we could be together."

Just when she was prepared for the knife to twist again...

"Sarah..." he said.

Her eyes flew open and she gasped. He still wasn't looking at her. But how did he... She didn't realize she spoke her thought aloud.

"I'd know your scent anywhere." He finally looked at her. "I am sorry."

"So am I," Sarah responded.

"We know what I'm sorry about. What about you?"

"Chuck...I know what you want from me."

"What do I want, Sarah?"

"You want to know...if this thing...beneath our cover...is ever going anywhere," she finally choked out.

"And is it?"

After several long moments that seemed like hours, Sarah offered, "Maybe."

"It's a little late for maybes."

It must have been the stress of the past two weeks. Because Sarah was completely floored by the explosion that erupted from within. But if Chuck was stunned by it, he didn't show.

"What do you want from me, Chuck?!" she demanded. "How can I prove myself to you?"

"Tell me what I need from you," he calmly replied.

Sarah paced the room like a caged panther. "Sex? It's what I offered to Bryce and James."

"I don't want sex," Chuck said. Then, slyly, he said, "That certainly came out wrong. I definitely want it, but I don't need it."

"Then what?!"

"I need what you couldn't offer them."

"Chuck...you know I suck at this. I suck at relationships, with people."

"Tough. Tell me what I need."

"Aggh!" she cried out. She continued to pace the room. "You know, don't pin all our problems on me."

"I've made mistakes," Chuck admitted. "Pushed you too hard at times when you weren't ready. Become jealous whenever Bryce blows into town. And some of my behavior the last few days...Sarah, you don't deserve the cold shoulder. Not after all you've done for me."

"You're damn right!" Sarah exclaimed. "I suck with people. And sometimes you don't make things any easier."

"I know. Now tell me what I need."

"What about what I need?" Sarah shot back. "Do you know what I need, Chuck?"

"Patience. Understanding. Love."

Sarah stopped cold at the last word.

"I love you, Sarah. Now tell me what I need."

Sarah hesitated. "Chuck, please. I'm not good at expressing...feelings. Despite that, after this long together, you must have some idea of what it is I do feel."

"Sometimes I wonder," Chuck admitted.

"How can you--!" she started to exclaim. But Chuck's look stopped her cold. Okay, so she understood.

"Tell me what I need."

"Chuck...I'm trying. Please, give me some time..."

The anguish in her voice almost made him pull back. Normally it would. But tonight he wouldn't be subject to her insecurities.

"I love you, Sarah Walker. Now tell me what I need."

She finally snapped out, if for no other reason than to shut him up, to give her a moment to think, "I love you, you stupid son of a bitch! Is that what you need?!"

Chuck blinked. Then, a silly grin appeared. "I gotta say. I don't love your tone or delivery, but the sentiment is much appreciated. Frankly, I only needed a smaller commitment. But hey, I like your initiative. And don't worry. It's only your first time saying it. You'll get better."

With another primal scream, Sarah strode to Chuck and drove her fist into his shoulder. He cried out, more startled than hurt. A moment later, he cried out again because the pain finally hit.

"Ow!"

"You son of a bitch! You've been..." Her mind struggled to formulate a cogent thought. "...flirting with her," she offered in a stage whisper.

"She started it," he whined.

"I know, but what the hell were you responding for?"

"I didn't know I needed your approval," Chuck answered.

"Well, you do!" Sarah sputtered.

"How is that fair? A few hours ago I found out that not only did you sleep with your partner, but also your mentor. How many others are there?"

"Okay, first off, lose the tone. Second, don't make me out to be some slut. And third, do you realize how hard is it to meet men outside the workplace?"

"Sorry. You're right. It shouldn't matter. It doesn't matter."

Sarah panted heavily, physically taxed by her outburst. "So...are we okay?"

That silly grin appeared on Chuck's face once more. In a sing-song voice he declared, "You said you love me." Then, slightly more serious but with his smirk intact, "And in case you missed it the first time, I love you, too."

For the first time, Sarah actually processed the words. A warm smile graced her features. "I...love you, too," she answered.

"Now without the hesitation."

"I love you."

"There," Chuck beamed, clapping his hands. "Was that so hard?"

Sarah thought about it. Disgust then appeared. "THAT'S what I've been so freaked about?"

"Hey, it's supposed to be easy when you mean it."

Sarah considered this. Then, with all the timidness of a school girl, she asked: "So...do we...I mean...are we supposed to...have sex now? You know...to make up?"

Chuck actually scoffed. "You wish. I may be cheap, but I'm not easy. You've only said the words. Now you gotta prove you mean them. Sarah Walker, you must romance me."

"Huh?" Sarah blinked. This was...huh?

"Yeah, I know," Chuck continued, oblivious to her confusion. "It's a two way street. Sarah Walker, prepared to be wooed."

To Chuck's confusion, when he looked back to Sarah, she seemed distressed by his refusal of sex. "But...I thought..." she tried.

"There's time enough for that later. But for now, sex isn't going to fix any of our problems." His brow scrunched in realization. "You really haven't ever had a normal relationship, have you?"

"Chuck...you've seen my high school yearbook photo. I still wore braces when I joined the Agency." For Sarah, that explained most everything.

"Wow. Okay, first off, there's only room enough for one self-deprecating sort in this relationship."

"This relationship?" she asked with a shy smile. "Where do you see it going in the immediate future?"

"I don't know about you, but I'm tired, and we have a long day tomorrow. I was thinking about going to bed."

"Oh," Sarah exclaimed, disappointed. But once she saw Chuck turn down both sides of the king sized bed, she realized, "Oh! You mean together."

"Clothes on, but that was the idea, yeah," Chuck answered, amused.

"Let me go grab a shirt..." Sarah said, moving to the door.

"There's one in my bag you can borrow," Chuck said. "You'll know it when you find it."

Sarah began to dig through the shopping bag he indicated. Sure enough, she found the shirt he mentioned. It was a maroon Stanford t-shirt identical to the one she wore while sleeping over at his apartment. It was brand new, of course, the lettering intact and the color unfaded, but the memories of past sleepovers filled her head, bringing a warmth to her chest.

"Give me a minute to change." She disappeared into the bathroom.

Chuck continued to fuss with the bed. A few moments later, Sarah reemerged, her old clothes in hand, the Stanford tee hanging down to mid-thigh like a mini-dress. But what struck Chuck was the fact she'd scrubbed her face clean. There was no makeup to cover up the damage inflicted in the fight with Rachel.

She looked positively radiant. He was sure his jaw dropped to the floor.

"Ready?" he asked.

Sarah nodded and crawled into bed, followed a moment later by Chuck. It was slightly awkward. Both lay on their sides, turned towards each other. There was nowhere to look other than the eyes of the person next to them.

"Chuck...are we okay?" she asked again.

Chuck thought about his answer. "Do you truly love me?"

"Yes."

"Then we will be," Chuck decided. "But you can't hide from me. I expect honesty."

"Chuck," she started, "I promise to try. But our situation hasn't changed. I'm still your handler, you're still my asset. And until that changes, my number one priority will always be your safety."

"Sarah..." he tried to deny.

"No, Chuck," she strongly interrupted. "That's my condition. I promise, if you show me some patience, I'll try to become more open. And if you truly value honesty, know I'm showing it now. I have to keep you safe, first and foremost. I can't bear to lose you."

Just when she thought he was going to argue, Chuck smiled softly. "Well, that certainly is honesty."

Suddenly, underneath the sheets, Chuck felt a small hand take his. Slender fingers played with his.

"After everything that's happened, how can you be so easy about this?"

"Sarah...all is not forgiven. We've both done things recently that we must make up for. This isn't easy. It won't be easy. But the truth is...you had me at Vicki Vale."

Chuck watched in awe as the blush appeared at her cheeks. He wasn't privy to it for long. Very slowly, Sarah slowly turned in bed, putting her back to Chuck's chest. He wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her closer. Her hand rested atop his. Delicately, he leaned into her neck and breathed her in.

"Gardenias," he said.

"What?"

"That's your scent."

Her blush intensified. "Think now that we've made our declarations that we'll start acting halfway normal again?"

"I sure as hell hope so. Our act was getting kinda old. If we were a TV show, we'd be hemorrhaging viewers."

"Good thing we're not, huh?" After a few moments of silence, Sarah softly asked, "Chuck? You do want sex, right?"

"God yes."

"Good. Because I'm really fantastic in bed. Among other places."

Chuck groaned into her shoulder. "Don't say that."

Sarah couldn't help the grin that played at her lips. "And it's been a while for me. I've got desires and frustrations to work out."

"Stop it."

"Know how good I am with a knife? Pales in comparison to my sexual prowess."

"Well, so long as you're better than you are at frying a corndog or making yogurt."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're a woman of many talents. Food prep just isn't one of them."

"Talk like that and you won't get to experience my talents."

"Sarah?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

As they drifted into silence, Sarah was pleased to note the movements of Chuck's hand. His fingers danced lightly across her stomach. She smiled. Maybe he wasn't so averse to playing after all...

But as the moments passed, Sarah began to feel frustration. She expected his fingers to dance lower and lift her shirt upwards. But yet, his hand made no move to do so. It was so...Sarah wasn't quite sure.

Finally, Sarah could stand it no longer. She had to know... Slowly turning in Chuck's arm, she met his wondering gaze. She leaned in and delicately tasted his lips. When sure she had his attention—

"Maybe you will get to experience my talents."

She moved atop Chuck, straddling his hips. Very slowly, she lowered her upper body down upon his, until her lips hovered above his. For a moment they simply stared at the other, seemingly marveling at the situation they finally found themselves in.

Then...Sarah tasted him again. Slow, languid, just...savoring. But the pace soon picked up. Her actions became more fervent, and Chuck responded in kind. His hands came up to gently cup her face.

No. His response was wrong. That isn't what she needed to know. She needed...an idea struck her.

Subtly, she began to writhe atop his hips. Sarah took enormous delight as he moaned into her mouth.

"Take me, Chuck. I know you want to. I can feel it." She wiggled slightly against his hips for emphasis.

"Sarah..." he groaned.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, Chuck. You want what you want."

At her words, something seemed to click for Chuck. Sarah let out a brief startled cry as he flipped them over, pinning Sarah to the bed. She smirked, sure of his next action. Instead—

He simply leaned in and kissed her sweetly. A kiss full of promise...just not for tonight.

"Sarah...I love you. But next time you try to seduce me, seduce me, not your mark."

He then placed a soft kiss atop her forehead before gathering Sarah into his arms.

To say she was stunned by his response would be an understatement. But then, Chuck was dead on in his analysis. Like Rachel before her, Chuck turned her down. And that only made Sarah want him more.

As she lay cradled in Chuck's arms, she marveled at the man who held her. Chuck Bartowski, Nerd Herd extraordinaire, rebuffed her advance. Sarah Walker, CIA Operative and legendary seductress, threw her greatest weapon at him – the equivalent of a nuclear warhead – and got shot down.

Surely Chuck felt it as Sarah quietly chuckled in his arms. But he didn't ask. While she had long suspected it, Sarah now knew with absolute certainty. Chuck Bartowski was something completely different. Never before had she been turned down. But now that she had, Sarah decided it was the most marvelous thing ever.

Chuck Bartowski effectively disarmed her.

The revelation both terrified and astounded her. For so many years, she had grown accustomed, even comforted, by the predictability of men. Even men like James and Bryce. When in doubt, when cornered, there was always one trick in her bag that she could use to extricate her from any situation. Her sexuality was the ever-present wild card.

He wanted her, Sarah knew that. But he wouldn't merely indulge because she was offering. It had to be...right.

"Son of a bitch," she softly breathed. He never ceased to amaze.

Well then, Sarah decided. If he was going to play it that way, Sarah would wait until the time was right. Then she would once more deploy her weapon of mass destruction.

Sarah knew, without question, when that moment finally arrived, Chuck Bartowski wouldn't stand a chance. With a soft, content smile on her face, her last thought before drifting to sleep was—

"I can hardly wait."

END PART

Well, my little snozzwangers? Am I forgiven?