For you I will wake
Part Four: Blink
"I kind of feel bad for them." Said Ensign Frii with a sigh. She was a young Orion woman in charge of PADD updates and helping with general software actualisations. She was eating in the Mess, along with her two best friends, and discussing the matter sitting a few tables to their right.
"Bad?" This was Lt. Gurn G'Narena, one of Giotto's red shirts, a sarcastic, surly man who tended to keep to himself but had inexplicably developed a fondness for the Ensign (and they got along like Klingons and tribbles, which of course meant one thing and one thing only). "Oh please, stubborn denial is not a terminal disease, it's just stubborn. They need to lighten up."
"Lighten up? They are in pain!" Frii crooned, covertly glancing at the Captain and First Officer eating together.
"Seriously? They seem pretty happy and comfortable to me, Frii." Said Ryda Miko from Engineering; a quiet, ironic woman who was one of the few of people not involved (or interested) in the Kirk and Spock romance. She, too, liked the young Orion girl, and tended to mother her in her own way.
"That's just because when they are together it's easy to forget that their relationship is not true, and slip into a dream world of happiness, but once reality comes crashing down…"
"You're such a hopeless romantic, Frii. It's kind of sad." G'Narena said matter-of-factly. Frii glared at him, her bright red hair falling slightly from it's high ponytail so a couple of tendrils framed her face.
"I am not. It's true, you'll see."
G'Narena quirked an eyebrow and turned to look over his shoulder at the couple in question. Fortunately for him the Captain didn't notice, but Mr Spock flashed an almost angry, dangerous look that spelled 'Back off' in bright, bold letters.
"Stop it, Gurn. You're about as subtle as an hippopotamus, you know that right?" Muttered Ryda nervously.
"What's an hippot- what's that?" Frii asked worriedly.
"A very large, fat, ugly, unsubtle Earth mammal." Ryda answered.
"I'm not fat or ugly, I'm tall, slim and handsome, and I think Mr Spock looks pretty much the same as he always does." Gurn said, perfectly deadpan.
Ryda rolled her eyes, knowing he liked to tease the pretty Ensign on purpose, since obviously giving strong warning looks was not usual behaviour for the ever-serious and composed First Officer.
"Are you blind? Mr Spock is suffering in silence."
"He's Vulcan, and he doesn't suffer."
"That's not… ugh! Forget it. Did you hear about the towel incident?" Frii turned to Ryda, pretending to ignore G'Narena completely.
"Yes, and I find that easier to believe than that Mr Spock secretly pines for the Captain. They're friends, is all, and this faked relationship is a ploy to stop people like you from annoying them. Leave the poor men alone, Frii."
"When you're proven wrong, can I be there and watch?" The young woman asked testily.
Just then, Ensign Rand walked over to the couple. She and Frii got along quite well, but everyone knew Rand had had a major crush on the Captain when they first met, even if now she seemed okay with everything that was going on.
The small trio couldn't hear what was being said, but for a moment Mr Spock's face seemed greener than usual. Then Jim looked at him and laughed.
The sound was… strange. Frii sighed, recognising it as a slightly hysterical, nervous laugh. What had Rand said to him?
But the blonde Ensign seemed to be expecting something, as she still stood there, watching them. With mounting horror, Ryda Miko realised what that was.
The Captain glanced at Mr Spock, shrugged, and said something in a low voice. Spock nodded once, curtly, and then just sat there like a robot that had powered down, staring straight ahead, the only sign to indicate distress (to anyone observant enough to see it) was that he sat with his hands clutching the chair so strongly he was carving grooves in the metal.
Kirk was right next to him, already sitting close, so it really wasn't that obvious or even noticeable, and all he had to do was tilt his head slightly …But in an instant the entire Mess hall went silent, as everyone whirled around to watch the Captain kiss the First Officer.
"This is so inappropriate I can't even begin to-"
"Shut up, Ryda." Frii hissed. "It's Rand's fault, not theirs."
Jim leaned in and planted a sweet, chaste kiss on Spock's lips. Spock didn't move, didn't react, didn't do anything: the Vulcan seemed to be impersonating the chair he sat on. At first.
Rand clapped her hands and giggled, and Jim leaned back with a slightly pained expression on his face but seeming relieved. He turned back to his food, apparently satisfied he'd humoured the Ensign long enough, and everything was mostly back to normal.
Until something totally unexpected happened.
Unexpected, but incredible.
In a sudden movement, Spock seized Jim's shirt front and brought him aggressively close. Their lips didn't touch but they were literally nose to nose, mouths an inch apart, breathing heavily, and the Captain's eyes were wide with wonder, trapped staring at Spock's face. Hypnotised. Fascinated. For ten amazingly long, tense seconds they just stared at each other, as every single person held their breath.
And then Spock kissed Jim just as softly as Jim had kissed Spock before, and let him go with slow gentleness.
They returned to their food with mirror blushes on their faces, and didn't look at Ensign Rand again, who stood behind them with her mouth hanging slightly open.
"Oh my God." Frii covered her mouth with a hand and turned to Ryda. "I dare you to say it's all fake. Seriously, try it Miko. Try saying they're not totally in love and I'll strip naked and dance the conga."
"Can I just go up to them and tell them?" Gurn said suddenly. "All this angst is getting on my nerves."
"No!" Frii cried, horrified. Gurn laughed, and Ryda snorted. "They'll wake up to that on their own, Gurn, don't you dare upset them!"
"When will they wake up?"
"Any second now, I'm sure!"
*
"Five years later…"
"Oh shut up, it's been a day."
"Yeah, and you said-"
"Twenty-four hours is-"
"A lot of seconds."
"Give them time."
*
"I said give them time."
"I'm waiting, Frii."
"It's been two days, Gurn."
*
Jim woke abruptly with that disorientating feeling of free-falling until he crashed into the bed. His confused brain was alert enough that he managed to register this wasn't his bed, it was Spock's, but… oh. Before anything else could be processed, he realised he had a serious Problem.
Yesterday had been the second night they'd decided (at Jim's suggestion this time) that he should sleep over. And hey, it started out pretty well. Spock opened the door fully clothed, Jim brought some pajama bottoms, and there were no discussions about the most attractive aspects of Jim's anatomy. Some might even call this a success. Jim managed to fall asleep just as (surprisingly) easily as the last time, and Spock worked at his desk, only occasionally breathing a little more rapidly or clenching his hands into fists (then looking murderously at them until they relaxed), although for obvious reasons of unconsciousness, Jim did not witness this last hiccup.
But alas, this morning's Problem made that first, awkward, tense, just-a-towel-no-pajamas night seem like a breeze.
It wouldn't be such a big deal if Jim had been alone, or if a whole lot of other mitigating factors hadn't turned a normal… reaction into a fully fledged Disaster. But unfortunately, those factors were the following:
One, he had no sheets to cover the… evidence. He was lying on top of them, shirtless once more, and even so covered in a sheen of sweat (due to the elevated temperatures of the room, and nothing else. Probably).
Two, it was a pretty big Problem.
Three, the worst thing about it was that the dreams which had brought on the Problem in the first place had had one particular starring actor, and-
Four, he was looking at Jim right now.
Now, let it not be said that Jim couldn't respond under pressure. Hell, James T. freakin' Kirk, he thrived in it. He had this amazing capacity for processing information at lightning speed, selecting the most valuable or important points and then coming up with the best course of action. It didn't matter how long it took people to actually understand why it was the best course of action (sometimes not until the last second), only that they trusted him and did as they were ordered.
However, this was not really a life-or-death, oh-Captain-the-shields-are-down-what-do-we-do-now? Kind of thing. This was more of a shit-he's-staring-at-me-and-I-can't-get-those-fucking-dreams-out-of-my-head-and-it's-almost-like-he-knows-what-he's-done-to me… like he knows…
"Jim."
Spock's hands were clenched into fists. Jim didn't see this, though, because he was still held captive by Spock's dark, dark eyes.
Seriously, they were so stunningly dark, like a blackness deep and vast and all-consuming, but filled to the brim with enigmas and codes and puzzles, and he could just spend all day staring at them like an idiot and he'd never grow bored or tired or anything, he'd just be cheesy and sappy and he wouldn't care.
"What?" He said defiantly, automatically reverting back to his usual defense mechanism and not bothering to hide himself, instead lifting his chin just slightly upwards.
"Something you'd like to say, Spock?"
Spock's eyes gave away the things that Spock didn't want to give away, they whispered all those buried secrets, they tricked him, betrayed him.
Spock's eyes spilled emotions.
"No."
Spock was staring at Jim with parted lips and slow breaths.
"You sure?"
The green flush and heated gaze were making Jim harder.
"No."
The shorts Jim wore were loose, and the moment was tense, stretched so taunt it was fragile.
And in an exhalation of movement Spock left Jim sitting on his bed alone and fled his own quarters.
Jim stared at the door-panel, bewildered and amazed and kind of stunned dumb, also completely oblivious to the fact that he was sporting what McCoy affectionately called his "kicked puppy" look.
Then Spock came back.
Jim barely had time to process his disbelief that the door opened again, and Spock walked over until he stood right in front of Jim and spoke clearly and precisely.
"My apologies, I did not intend to leave."
"I'm sure it was an accident, Spock." Jim said dryly, still reeling a little from all of it. After all, he'd woken up not five minutes ago.
Spock sat down on his desk chair again, and took a deep breath.
"I am not uncomfortable." He stated finally.
Jim almost burst out laughing, because this had to be the Number One amongst his Top Ten Uncomfortable Moments list.
"Really? 'Cause you kind of look it, dude."
Spock raised at eyebrow at that (the 'dude', apparently), and stood up again. Uncomfortable and restless, Jim thought, no matter what Spock might say with a straight face, his first officer was totally out of sorts. Lately this was almost an everyday state, for both of them, actually.
"I am not. I do not wish you to be, either. Forgive my outburst."
"Yeah, that was quite an impressive reaction, I mean, getting up and leaving? Talk about outburst, I thought you were going to choke me again there for a sec."
No one laughed.
"Sorry, that was lame."
"If you mean disabled, weak, ineffectual or unsatisfactory, then yes, I believe it was. But it was also irrelevant, as is your apology."
Jim opened his mouth to say something (he wasn't very sure what, but something was definitely going to be said), when he was interrupted.
"Jim, I understand this is a normal, acceptable situation among human males."
"Never comfortable, though." Jim pointed out helpfully, unable to stop a small, cheeky grin.
Apparently Spock didn't quite know how to react to that, and he kept talking.
"You are subject to the whims of your bodily functions and an over-stimulated brain dominated by emotional and biological imperatives, which completely takes control during your sleeping state. Your prefrontal cortex is dormant and no electrical impulses…"
Jim could have sworn that, just for a second, Spock's eyes flickered down south before snapping back to his face. Therefore, he heard approximately half of what was said next.
"… travel from it to the rest of your neurons in order to inhibit them. You have, obviously, no control over them as I, a Vulcan, do over mine. It is illogical for me to leave my quarters at this instance due to a socio-ethical code of moral conduct which does not apply to you, as you are Human."
"Clearly." Jim croaked.
"Precisely."
"Although, Spock, I have to ask: do you realise that sometimes, you can sound real condescending when you say I'm subject to the whims of my own body?"
"Condescension has negative connotations." Spock sounded almost surprised. Jim smiled sweetly.
"Yeah it does, Spock."
"You do not… 'like' me saying you lack self-control?"
"It's not just that, it's not true. And you know this; Humans control their own impulses just fine-"
"I agree, just not while you sleep. You are at this moment a perfect example to illustrate my point."
Ah. This time it was pretty deliberate; Spock looked down. Jim swallowed, definitely Not Comfortable.
"Uh, okay. That… yes, you're right. But only about the sleeping thing."
"I was only referring to your resting state, did you not hear me correctly? I never meant to suggest you were exclusively an impulse-driven animal. You are a very intellectual being."
Jim heard 'animal'.
Then he heard a really cute compliment.
"Thanks, Spock."
Then his brain melted due to reasons of happiness.
"I would never allow you to command a ship such as the Enterprise if that weren't the case, Jim."
"Oh. Lovely."
There was a moment of silence, and then Jim stood up in all his sweaty, among-other-stuff glory.
"Now, I'm gonna go shower, if that's okay with you."
"I do not have any objections to your nudity in my quarters. I assure you it does not make me uncomfortable." Spock said quickly and firmly.
This time Jim couldn't help it, and he burst out laughing.
*
While Jim was away from Spock, and out of Spock's sight and vision, and hidden from Spock's eyes that could not, no matter how they might try to, see through a door… Spock paced.
He did not care for human habits, and although he was aware of some of his subconscious ones existing, but he did not normally purposefully indulge them.
This time, he felt the situation merited an exception be made, as the even, calculated steps helped drown the sounds coming from behind the door which could not (should not, under any circumstances) be opened.
He needed an extensive period of meditation to stop himself from doing things he might later regret. This thought then brought another: his daily hours of meditation had significantly increased since he and Jim had begun this endeavour, as had his need for them. Spock noted the added frequency of similar responses, too: an unusual difficulty to suppress his emotions, to exercise control over his actions, to be careful in his interactions with Jim.
Spock had lived all his life by the teachings of Surak. He firmly believed in the philosophy. He was a true, logical being. He even felt… something akin to pride at the thought, although of course it would be completely paradoxal to feel proud of repressing one's emotions. And still, he would never forget he also had Human aspects. Jim had once said something about it; he had told Spock it must be 'awesome' to have something of two worlds. Spock had never thought of his double heritage in that way before, and he had felt a strange and unjustified increase in his already rapid heart-rate at his Captain's comment.
But he stopped walking when this particular thought crossed his mind, sensing oncoming frustration at the futility of the task, after all, and deciding to avoid it entirely. Why did walking help them achieve a relaxed state? Humans continued to confound him, at least that had not changed since James T. Kirk had begun to fascinate him.
Spock stood, instead, perfectly motionless at the center of the room. But since he'd stopped the rhythmic pace, his sensitive ears picked up the sound of the water with perfect clarity, of the moist rain falling, of movements made slick by the wet and of Jim's fast breaths and a low groan that-
No. Enough.
He finally came to a decision, wrote a quick note to Jim explaining he needed to check some equipment in the science labs, and left. It was technically true, although he knew it could be interpreted as a lie. Except that Vulcans didn't lie, of course.
Yeah right, Spock.
Okay. So… when I said this was totally the last one?
I… may have been exaggerating a little?
Oh God, please don't kill me! The next bit is almost done and will be posted so soon you wouldn't believe! I promise! It was either wait longer and read one HUGE update, or this now and the Final Part in like, no time at all!
Plus, who doesn't want to read about a sweaty Jim Kirk? I mean, seriously? Well, if you review, he's gonna come and visit! Do it, click the lovely green (yeah, GREEN!) button and you'll see! ;)
Also, I hope this isn't too angsty. I've tried making it as funny as possible and light enough. What do you think? The next part has more fun stuff, too.