A/N: Here's another chapter for all you loyal readers to read (of course) and reivew (please say you'll review?).
Hope you all will enjoyreadingthis as much as Craftygirl and I loved writing it "
I want to be good," Orochimaru said to his loyal slave, Kabuto, one day out of the blue.
"Well, then go ahead, why don't you?" Kabuto prompted with a shrug. "But first of all, you've just gotta get rid of your pale face. It just screams evil!"
"And you do you suppose I'll go about doing that?!" Orochimaru barked.
"Hey, take it easy, alright? Remember, you want to be a good sannin now," Kabuto reminded him.
"Oh, right," Orochimaru said, catching himself before he could go overboard. "But then what should I do?"
"Wow, now that you ask, the list could go on and on. First of all, you've got to free all your test subjects, make up with the Third Hokage, the Akatsuki, and Jiraiya…oh, and then there's Sasuke—"
"Okay! Okay! I get it! It'll take a lot of work making me good, but where do I begin?" Orochimaru demanded.
"Just waltz back into Konoha and tell them you're sorry for being the lying, deceitful, cold-hearted serpent you've always been!" Kabuto advised.
"…Just like that?"
Kabuto nodded.
And it was Kabuto's easygoing response that made Orochimaru start strangling him!
"T-that's n-not w-what a g-good guy w-would d-do!" Kabuto struggled to say.
Thud!
That was Orochimaru letting Kabuto fall onto the ground after he'd released him.
"I'm working on it," Orochimaru grouchily replied as Kabuto—gasping desperately for air—massaged his stinging reddish neck.
"Okay," Orochimaru continued, not really caring for Kabuto much at all. "I'll do as you'd suggested." I mean, how hard can it be?
"Ooh! I'm so glad you agree!" Kabuto gushed, the excitement radiating from his voice. "But let me get some of my Special Products first to get rid of the ashen vampire look! I'll give you a gorgeous bronze tan in a matter of minutes!" He leapt up from the floor and made a break for the door.
That is, until Orochimaru threw a kunai knife in Kabuto's direction, just barely missing him. Kabuto froze.
"If you do anything to my face, I'm afraid you won't live long enough to see the 'good sannin,'" Orochimaru threatened.
"Y-Yes, lord Orochimaru," Kabuto stammered.
So Orochimaru left his secret headquarters, riding on the back on Kabuto. "W-We're here, Master," Kabuto panted, collapsing from exhaustion.
Orochimaru just stepped off Kabuto and inhaled the fresh air, gazing fondly over the Leaf Village. "Ah, home sweet home. Do you think they'll accept me?"
"Well, do you?"
"Hey, have you forgotten?! I am your master! So answer me!"
But Kabuto didn't reply.
He was dead.
Orochimaru sighed. Now I have to go and get another slave—although I don't think anyone would be as obedient as this one was…
Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming his way. Uh-oh. My turn-to-good image will be ruined if anyone sees me with a dead guy. S/he will think I did it! I must hide…
So, he hastily did.
Just in time before Sasuke and Sakura came into view!
Orochimaru's eyes widened in shock. Sasuke Uchiha? Here? This is just too good an opportunity to pass! Must… absorb… the… Uchiha… No!
Orochimaru slapped himself in reminder of his new resolution. I'm good now. I must resist that… delicious… temptation…
He shook his head to rid himself of the thought. Stop it! Think good, think good, THINK GOOD!
"OHMYGOSH, IT'S OROCHIMARU!!"
Orochimaru turned his head quickly to see Sasuke quivering behind Sakura. "H-Hide me!"
Sakura rolled her eyes. "It's just Orochimaru…"
"I swear! He's after me! He wants me! I'm not safe here!" Sasuke exclaimed frantically. "Let's go back to the village! It's safe there!"
Orochimaru raised an eyebrow. So, the Uchiha's scared of me now, eh? Interesting…
He slowly approached Sasuke and then lowered himself to his height. Orochimaru flashed his best attempt of a smile. "Why, hello!"
But his smile only wound up looking like an evil vampire grin, ready to sink bloodthirsty fangs into the nearest unsuspecting neck.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!" This time, both Sasuke and Sakura made a mad dash for it.
Orochimaru glared at their fleeting backs. "Oh, c'mon. I can't be that scary." He turned around, and came face-to-face with a cow.
"MMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
The cow—terrified out of its wits—died.
"Stupid cow…" Orochimaru huffed, "It's because I'm pasty and have purple eye shadow, is that it? Well, stop critiquing my—"
"YOU MURDERED MY COW!!" an unfamiliar woman screeched, almost irritating Orochimaru with her high-pitched shriek. But as Orochimaru was going for the nice-guy image, he tried to fix the situation.
"It's not dead," he lied before reaching to pick up the cow, trying to make it stand. "See?"
Clonk!
The cow fell down instantly. "EEEEEEEEKKK!!"
"Woman! Would you stop your screaming?!" Orochimaru bellowed, then hesitantly added—as if it was an afterthought, "…Please?"
"EEEEEEEKKK!! MURDERER!! HELP!! SOMEONE!! THIS VAMPIRE MURDERED MY COW!!"
"I'm not a vampire! I'm the Sannin, Orochimaru!"
"EEEEEEEEEKKK!! EVEN WORSE!!"
"But I'm not evil," he hastily added. "I've changed. I'm good now, see?" and to prove it, he offered her his hand.
Unfortunately, he forgot that that activated his snakes. Oops…
He could already see what was going to happen, but was unable to prevent it.
CHOMP!!
Orochimaru recoiled his snakes as soon as he could, but it was already too late. He slapped his hands against his cheeks. "Oh, no! I really am a bloody murderer! A BLOODY MURDERER!"
"Bloody murderer…murderer…murderer…"
Orochimaru's words echoed throughout the open field, and for a moment, Orochimaru stood in panicked silence.
Fortunately for him, no one heard.
Orochimaru breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, well. It's not like anything can be done now. Time to go back to the village and make my reconciliations!"
So Orochimaru pranced into the village, taking the back road to avoid suspicions. After all, the first person he wanted to see was the Third Hokage.
Bursting into the room, Orochimaru held his arms out wide. "Sensei!"
Sarutobi nearly choked on his cigar. "Orochimaru?!" He went into a panic attack. "ANBU! ANBU! Dispatch the ANBU now! The village is under attack!"
Orochimaru just ignored the 3rd's freak-out. "Oh, don't be like that Sarutobi-sensei! You've got your old student back! And he's so happy to see you!" Orochimaru then flounced to his former sensei, broke through the desk, and embraced him in a hug. "Sensei! I missed you!"
The Third Hokage gasped for air. "S-Someone!" He rasped. "H-Help…" His voice trailed off as his eyes glazed over, the cigar falling from his mouth.
And then the Third died of a heart attack.
Of course, Orochimaru didn't quite realize that right away… "Ohh Sensei, just think of all the fun times we'll have together now that… … …sensei?" Not again! Why does this keep happening? Why do I end up killing everyone?
Am I really meant to be evil?
Before Orochimaru could ponder his question…
Bam!
The ANBU showed up, bursting through the doorway.
Late… but still here.
"Lord Hokage, are you alright?" an ANBU questioned—in which he got no response. "Lord Hokage?"
"He's dead," Orochimaru announced nonchalantly. Duh. Even I could see that
"Dead?!" an ANBU gasped while another broke into a sob.
"Nnnoooo!" another ANBU screamed and another cried out, "Why? WHY?!"
"Don't cry," Orochimaru began, patting a sobbing ANBU on the back. "We still have—"
"Don't touch me, murderer," the ANBU barked, jerking himself from Orochimaru.
Orochimaru was stunned. "Now, I did not murder my old sensei."
"And why should we believe you, Orochimaru?" another ANBU spat out accusingly.
"All I did was hug him…" Orochimaru mumbled in explanation, already foreseeing the outcome.
"I bet… strangle him was more like it," an ANBU corrected in fury.
Orochimaru frowned. "You know, you're really hurting me…"
"You?"
"Ha! That's a laugh…"
"You don't have feelings!"
As the ANBU mercilessly took out their grief on the poor Orochimaru, quietly said, "I'm warning you, don't push my buttons…"
"What are you going to do? Kill us?"
"You asked for it."
Just because Orochimaru was turning good, doesn't mean he still could react in anger.
"That's it! I've had it! What did I do wrong to deserve this?! WHY CAN'T I CHANGE?!" Orochimaru bellowed.
The ANBU cringed in fear, expecting Orochimaru to kill them point-blank. But what they didn't see coming was that the whole ceiling came crashing down, burying them on impact.
Somehow, Orochimaru hadn't even felt anything. Instead, he just stood above the rubble, wallowing in his self-pity. "W-Why me? W-Why can't I just be the 'good sannin'?" he wept.
"WWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!" Orochimaru screeched. His loud shriek echoed throughout the whole village, causing the Hokage Rock to crumble away to an instant pile of…well…rocks.
The next thing Orochimaru knew was that all the villagers were standing around him, staring at his milky face. "What do you want with me?!" he demanded fiercely.
Suddenly, a familiar voice spoke up from the crowd, one full of promise and hope. "Orochimaru? Orochimaru, is that you?"
Orochimaru gasped at the sound of the voice. It was Jiraiya, his bestest friend in the whole world! "Yes, it's me!" he answered, suddenly happy again. "Finally, someone who'll accept me for who I am!"
Jiraiya scoffed. "Who said anything about accepting you?! You snake vermin! I wished we'd never met! I HATE YOU!!"
What Jiraiya said…
Made Orochimaru start to bawl! "W-WHY?! W-WHAT DID I-I-I DO T-TO DESERVE T-THIS?!"
"YOU BETRAYED US!!" Jiraiya shouted viciously. "And for that, we can never forgive you."
"N-never?"
"Never," Jiraiya confirmed, and then turned his head to someone behind him. "Tsunade, will you do the honors?"
This was almost too much for Orochimaru to take. "Y-you too?"
Ignoring Orochimaru, Tsunade replied to Jiraiya "with pleasure" before she formed a fist and…
Well…before Tsunade could send Orochimaru to outer space, someone stopped her…
It was the Third Hokage!
Tsunade's eyes dilated in shock. "S-Sarutobi-sensei?"
Jiraiya and Orochimaru expressed equal concern. Orochimaru even started to tear up. "B-But Master, I-I thought I killed you…"
The Third just smiled. "Nonsense! You're too weak to kill someone like me!"
Orochimaru just ignored the insult: "But then how come…?"
The Hokage thought about it for a moment. "I was so surprised you had come back calling my name like that that I almost died…but it was just a temporary state. I'm alive now, aren't I?"
"Yes you are, sensei!" Orochimaru exclaimed, and then gleefully embraced the Hokage in a death-hug.
Literally.
In the process of hugging his sensei, Orochimaru had "accidentally" cracked the Hokage's neck!
"Hehehehe…silly me…" Orochimaru sneered, dropping the corpse of his former sensei. "I guess you can never really turn a 'snake vermin' into a 'good sannin'! MUHAHAHAHAHA!!"
Yet before Orochimaru could savor the moment of his renewed evilness, he saw Tsunade's fist come flying at his face. "Uh-oh," he squeaked.
WHAM!
And so yeah, it turns out, Orochimaru did wind up getting punched into outer space.
A/N:Craftygirl loves punching people into far places, don't you (if you're reading this as well, my co-author)?
Once again, if there were any errors (although we pray not) please inform us so that we can correct it ASAP. Thanks!
UPDATE: Thanks SOOOOOO much, Frog Lady, for pointing out that "brawl" to "bawl"!