Paper Gangsta

AN: Seventh piece inspired by "Paper Gangsta" by Lady GaGa.

Disclaimer: Plot is mine, not the characters and the song belongs to Lady Gaga and associates!

Rating: T for language

It was past midnight and the room was dark and empty. He wasn't sure what he had expected, but he should have known better.

Midnight had come too fast.

He couldn't take his mind off the emptiness. It was jarring and he couldn't help but feel betrayed. Even through years of quelling his emotions, boxing and locking them away, he felt betrayed. And it hurt.

This wasn't going to work.

Betrayal was painful. It made him angry, made him upset. It made him feel too much. The pursuit of this relationship was illogical. He would never get more than this, regardless of how much he invested. The Captain would never give him anything other than this half-hearted arrangement with mutual benefit on the surface.

If he ever intended to commit, he wouldn't desire this. This was wrong, empty, just like the room, a silent reminder that it meant more to him than it did to that Captain. He was cognizant of that fact, felt it every time the Captain turned his glance away, refused to see him, as if seeing it made him realize what he had gotten into. It was hollow, and he never expected that to hurt as much as it did.

When the doors slid open at twenty minutes to three, he had already decided. When he felt those cool hands on the hem of his shirt, his eyes narrowed, his fingers closing around those thin wrists. He saw the look on the Captain's face, a combination of shock and confusion.

"I think it's time to terminate this relationship."

"What?" The Captain's voice was defensive, hurt, like a wounded animal. "I've only been late-"

"That is not the issue, Captain."

"Damnit, Spock."

He couldn't help but quirk an eyebrow at the statement. He knew what had gotten the Captain riled up, but he couldn't bring himself to say the man's name, even now. It wasn't for the sake of formality; saying that name meant owning up to what he was losing.

The silence built up between them. The Captain wouldn't look at him, but he knew the man was losing his patience, breaking down; he could feel the wrists, held captive in his hands, shaking.

"What is it?" The Captain snapped, those bright blue eyes, dampened by his anger, locking with Spock's guarded, space-black eyes. "What did I do?"

"I am not certain what you want out of this endeavor, but I am certain that your interests and mine are not the same, and the most logical course of action would be to end this."

"Can you ever just say what you mean?" The Captain shouted, wrangling his wrists out of the hold on them. "And how the Hell would you know what I wanted? All high-and-mighty, get off my case." The Captain's body was trembling in anger.

"It isn't hard to conclude from the way you've been treating this that you have no real investment in it. And since that is that case, I have no reason to stay."

"You think I've been playing you?"

"I do not understand."

"Like Hell you don't." The Captain's mouth shut, lips a tight line, as if he was holding in the words.

"If you're implying that I believe that you have not been truly interested in me, then you would be correct." He stated, his voice more robotic than usual. When the Captain only stared at him, his expression unreadable, he continued. "For the entire length of our relationship, you have shown no interest in being with me. It seemed as if I had been just a logical alternative. That arrangement is not beneficial to me."

The Captain's expression became fierce and he stepped closer, their faces centimeters apart.

"Don't even go there."

"Where am I going?"

"Goddammit!" The Captain screamed, retreating back a few steps, holding his head in his hands. "Fuck you. Stop fucking around."

"Excuse me?"

The Captain locked their eyes again. He was furious.

"How can you even claim that I was acting distant? You must have written the fucking book on how to show no interest. I didn't know how to react to someone so passive."

Spock still hadn't moved. He just watched the Captain pace.

"What the Hell was I supposed to do? I don't know how to act around you! I always offend you somehow. I don't listen, I'm impulsive, I don't know how to be something that doesn't drive you crazy."

Spock remained silent, unsure of how to respond.

"Say something! You started this fight." The Captain accused, the look in his eyes slightly frantic. "What do you want from me?"

"I desire proof that this is as important to you as it is to me."

"How important is this to you?" The Captain asked, right in his face again, but his voice of void of any emotion.

He couldn't find the words. He reluctantly met the Captain's eyes with his lips pressed tightly together. The Captain stared him down. It was hard to bear.

"Well?" He prodded.

He still didn't back down, but he was scrambling uncharacteristically for words.

"I need to know that what you express is real." His eyes narrowed at his own statement, an illogical sentence that was semantically null. "I need to know that I can depend on you to follow through."

He stood under the full force of the Captain's scrutiny, awaiting anxiously the words he could see forming in the Captain's eyes, lingering on the tip of his tongue. He could feel time drag.

"If it wasn't real," The Captain started, pausing to collect himself. "I wouldn't be here fighting with you. If I didn't care, why would I waste my time?"