"What are you doing down here?" Mark asked. He had come to a dark on call room to lie down.
"I'm contemplating," said Meredith staring straight ahead.
"You want some company?" he asked. Derek had told him what had happened at breakfast, Mark had a pretty good idea of what Meredith was contemplating.
"Sure," said Meredith.
"So tell me your problems," said Mark sitting on the floor so that he was back to back with Meredith.
"You tell me yours and I'll tell you mine."
"Dr. Hahn is not attracted to me at all," said Mark. "This stays between us, right?"
"Right," said Meredith.
"She doesn't respond to anything I do," Mark continued. "She's immune to me, but…I haven't felt like this about anyone since Addison."
"I'm sorry that really sucks," said Meredith. "If you really like her, you shouldn't give up. Try showing her that you are a nice guy and not a sex crazed jackass."
"I'm trying," sighed Mark. "Breaking the habit of a lifetime isn't easy."
"I guess," said Meredith. "But if you really like her, it'll be worth the wait."
"I hope so," said Mark. "It's your turn now. Derek, right?"
"What makes you say that?"
"He told me what happened this morning," said Mark.
"He wants to give it another chance," said Meredith. "But if we do…then I have to tell him something…but I don't think I can tell him because I can barely admit it to myself."
"Tell him what?"
"I can't tell you," said Meredith.
"It might help to say it out loud," said Mark. "It won't go outside these four walls I promise."
"I miscarried his baby!"
"What?"
"The accident…when I woke up they told me I had been pregnant…only three weeks but still…I lost it during the accident. I lost it before I even know I had it."
"Wow…" said Mark, he definitely hadn't been expecting that.
"I have to tell him, right?" said Meredith. "If we do…start anything again, I have to tell him."
"You have to tell him," said Mark.
"He terrifies me," Meredith admitted.
"Who? Derek?"
"Yes."
"He scares you?"
"Yes."
"Why?" said Mark incredulously. "He would never lay a hand on you, or any woman…"
"I don't mean that I'm physically afraid of him," said Meredith. "I know Derek would never do that."
"Then…I don't understand."
"I'm just scared that it wouldn't be any different," Meredith sighed. "I just want to know that this time, we would last longer than a few months and that he won't decide he wants someone else again."
"For what it's worth, I think Derek need a shock," said Mark. "I think you need to shock him, show him that although you might want him, you don't need him. But don't tell him I said that."
"I won't," said Meredith. "Thanks."
"Take your time alright, if it's meant to be he'll wait," said Mark. "I sound like such a chick."
"Yeah you dp," giggled Meredith. "But you're right and you've actually helped."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously."
-----------------------------------------
"Hey do you a minute?" Meredith asked as she popped her head into Derek's office.
"Yeah," said Derek smiling up at her. "It's just paperwork."
"Okay…I uh…I've been thinking a lot today and…before I say anymore there is something I have to tell you and please…please don't freak out and get mad at me because this is really hard for me and to be honest I never intended to ever tell you…"
"Meredith what is it?" asked Derek worriedly. "You didn't sleep with Mark did you?"
"Oh that's gross," said Meredith looking truly disgusted.
"That is the best response I could have ever hoped for," said Derek chuckling to himself.
"Derek I'm being really serious here," said Meredith visibly nervous. "Maybe you should sit down."
"I am sitting down," said Derek.
"Alright, don't get up then and don't freak out, okay?"
"Okay," said Derek.
"Uh you know how there was the car accident and I…I uh got hurt pretty bad?"
"How could I forget?" muttered Derek.
"Well when I woke up they…they told me…I had…what I'm trying to say is that we…I," babbled Meredith.
"What is it?" asked Derek knowing something was definitely not right. "Just tell me."
"I was pregnant," she blurted out. "Apparently I was three weeks pregnant but the trauma of the crash meant that I…I had a miscarriage."
"Oh my god," whispered Derek.
"I didn't know," said Meredith quickly. "I didn't know I was until they told me that I wasn't anymore."
"I'm so sorry."
"It's fine," said Meredith. "How could I miss something I didn't even know I had?"
"But still…you should have called me or something, I would have…been there," he said running his hands through his hair.
"I didn't want to complicate things anymore," Meredith admitted. "I just thought I had to tell you before…"
"Before what?"
"I've been thinking about what you said this morning about another chance," she said. "I just wanted to tell you about the miscarriage before I told what I decided."
"Thank you for telling me at least," said Derek reaching out and stroking her cheek. "I just wish I could have been there."
"Yeah," she said. "So do I."
"So you've decided already?" said Derek. "Are you sure you don't want more time?"
"I'm sure," said Meredith. "I uh think it's worth another try…"
"Seriously?" said Derek his face breaking out in a huge smile. "Thank you so much."
"Let me finish you might not be so thankful when I'm done," said Meredith. "There are some pretty big conditions and there are non negotiable!"
"I'm listening."
"I want time, I need time. A year to be specific."
"A year?"
"Yes I want a year. I want to date and see what's out there, I think it would be good for both of us to date other people for a year. We can date each other too, so that if in a year we still want to be together we know it's because we want to and not because it's a habit."
"A whole year? You want to date other people for a whole year?" said Derek. He didn't want to be apart from Meredith for a year, he wanted to be with her now. A year was almost as long as he had known her.
"Yes, I want to date for a year," said Meredith. "If in a year we think we can do it, we can talk about starting things properly, the whole relationship thing."
"I understand," said Derek. "But a year?"
"That is all I'm prepared to offer, take it or leave it!"