Meredith just stood there frozen, afraid to look at Derek or Greg. Eventually she looked up at Derek, he looked as if he was in actual physical pain. He glanced at her and Greg's arm protectively slung around her shoulders and quickly went back to staring at the door.

"Have a night nice Dr. Holden, Dr. Grey," said Derek as he got off at his floor.

"You too Dr. Shepherd," said Greg completely oblivious.

'So this is the problem with dating' thought Meredith.

Chapter 15

"Derek," Meredith hissed as she followed him into his office. He hadn't said a word to her all day, he could barely look at her. "Derek talk to me."

"And say what?" sighed Derek.

"Anything," she said somewhat desperately.

"I don't know what to say."

"I didn't know Greg would show up here," said Meredith. "I didn't plan on meeting him here."

"I know."

"Are you mad at me?"

"No."

"Then stop being like this," said Meredith desperately.

"Like what?"

"You can barely look at me," said Meredith sadly. "Do you hate me?"

"I don't hate you," said Derek reaching out and caressing her cheek. "I love you."

"Then stop this," she said closing her eyes cherishing the feeling of him touching her again. "Stop it, please."

"I'm sorry," he said dropping his hands from her cheek. "You asked for time, you want a year. You're dating Greg and I…he kissed you like he's kissed you before like it's just something he does every day…like he'd be doing it every day for the rest of his life."

"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't want you to see that. I never meant to hurt you."

"I know."

"Derek…you're scaring me," said Meredith placing her small hand on his broad shoulder. "Is this…do you want to end it…again?"

"No," said Derek shocked she would think that. "Of course I don't…I meant everything I said to you."

"Then what do you want from me?"

"Just you."

"Well here I am," said Meredith. "Don't push me away."

Meredith stepped forward so that her body was pressed against Derek's, she put her arms around his torso and hugged him. She pressed her the side of her face to his chest, listening to his heart beat, inhaling the scent of him just in case this was the last time she got to be this close to him. The whole dating thing wasn't really going to plan, when she was on a date with Greg she just thought about Derek and when she was with Derek she never wanted to leave. When Derek called her, her heart skipped a beat when she saw his name on her caller ID, she never wanted to hang up. She hated it when she had to go to sleep alone. She wanted Derek all the time, she wanted a full relationship with him.

But things hadn't changed. Rose was still too fresh in her mind for her to give in to her heart.

"I love you," said Derek taking his hand and cradling the back of her head.

"I love you too."

"Then what are we doing?" asked Derek frustrated. "Why do I have to see other men kissing you and holding your hand? He took your hand…I'm not allowed anywhere near you but he gets to walk out of this place holding your hand."

"I have never slept with him."

"That's not the point," Derek growled. "I don't want you for the sex."

"You could have fooled me."

"The sex is good…amazing in fact but it's not what I want. I want to love you."

"You said you do love me."

"I do, I just wish you would let me," said Derek. "I don't get to kiss you when I wake up or before I go to sleep. I don't get to have breakfast with you or talk to you for a decent length of time. I don't get to hold your hand."

"You can hold my hand," said Meredith finally understanding what he was saying.

"I hate dating."

"I know you do," said Meredith. "I'm sorry."

"Ten months to go," said Derek. "I'll wait I promise I will. But it's hard it's so hard Mer…I hate Holden, I could happily punch him out right now."

"He's a nice guy," said Meredith. "He knows I'm dating someone else, he doesn't know it's you."

"I figured," said Derek kissing the top of head. "I mean it, in ten months I'll still be here."

"I hope so," said Meredith.

"I can guarantee it," said Derek letting her out of his arms.

"When do you finish?"

"I…uh just have some paperwork to do then I'm out of here," said Derek.

"I've already finished," said Meredith. "Can I come over tonight?"

"I thought you had a date?" said Derek bitterly.

"I do," said Meredith. "I'll cancel."

"You don't have to do that," said Derek.

"I know, I want to though. I've missed you."

"I'll take my paperwork home then," said Derek. "I've missed you too."