Thank you so very much for all your feedback. I never know if something works the way I intended it until I hear back from you, so please don't stop!
Vielen lieben Dank to Stayce for being my sounding board, my editor, my shoulder to cry on, my friend!
Disclaimer: Still not my characters, but I promise to return them mostly unharmed. The title is borrowed from Bon Jovi
No spoilers, but I have to issue a smut warning for this chapter
Keep the Faith
Chapter 28
"What happened?" Ranger asked after a few minutes.
I snuggled even closer to him. "Bad dream," I explained.
Ranger leaned his head back and tipped my face up with his finger. I looked up to meet his gaze. He didn't have to say anything, the question was in his eyes.
"I feel better, really. I just needed some alone time," I said softly.
"Understood," he said, nodding slightly. "Wanna talk about the dream?"
I sat up and brought my leg around so I was straddling him. "It wasn't about the dream," I explained, waving my hand searching for the right words. "It's…it was…everything."
Ranger nodded again. "Can you narrow that down? What changed your mind about having company, for example?"
His cell phone buzzed on his belt and we both looked at it. He grabbed it, looked at the display, and pressed a button. Looking at the cell phone made me realize something. I had been too relieved to see him, but…
"How did you get here so fast?"
"I was in the parking lot," he said, clipping the phone back onto his belt.
"You were sleeping." I knew his 'I just woke up voice', and I'd heard it when I'd called him.
"And?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
I glanced at the clock on the VCR. It was a quarter of two.
"You didn't leave," I said more to myself than to him.
"I left the apartment," he clarified. "You didn't specify how far gone you wanted me. I was in the car with the second shift."
"But I thought Hal and…" I gestured towards the front door. "You left them here to…"
I realized my insecurities from the evening before were coming to the surface again and made myself shut up. He didn't need to know I'd thought he'd left his men here while he'd gone back to work.
"Okay," Ranger said on an exhale, took me by the hips and lifted me off his lap as he was getting up. "We need to talk."
"I don't want to talk about it," I said defensively and crossed my arms over my chest.
Ranger turned on the table lamp. "I'm gonna make some coffee," he said as he left the living room.
I had a better idea. I really didn't want to talk, about anything. I needed to procrastinate.
"No coffee," I said, following him. "I had to throw it out."
He was standing in the kitchen, facing the coffee maker, now he turned his head, one eyebrow raised again.
"I don't want any anyway," I said, snaking my arms around him from behind. "I got a better idea."
The perfect idea, actually. A great way to get a long overdue happy, feel his warmth and avoid talking at the same time.
He covered my hands with his and I cuddled closer. "Why don't we go back to bed?" I suggested.
Ranger turned in my arms to face me. The corners of his mouth quirked up in an almost smile.
"Has this sort of avoidance ever worked with me?"
I splayed my hands on his chest and applied pressure. "That doesn't mean I can't keep trying," I whispered and stood up on the tips of my toes to kiss him.
His lips were soft and warm under mine and I liked my idea better and better. Suddenly I thought I hadn't had a Ranger-induced orgasm in way too long. I really deserved a little happy!
"How about we talk in the morning," I said, and my lips were so close to Ranger's mouth that they touched it when I spoke. "You know, afterwards."
I didn't wait for an answer; I just let my tongue dart out and outline his mouth before I ran it between his lips, seeking entrance.
Ranger's arms slid around me and he parted his lips with a soft groan. Our tongues met and the heat spread down to my core almost immediately.
I ran my hands up and around his neck, pulling him closer to me. His hands settled on my ass and squeezed it lightly while I stroked my tongue over his.
He pulled back a little, leaving his mouth about a quarter inch from mine, and I couldn't suppress a small whimper of disappointment. "This doesn't get you off the hook, you know," he said softly, squeezing my ass again.
"No," I smiled, unable to let the pun go, "hopefully on it though."
Ranger chuckled and claimed my mouth again, lifting me up so I could wrap my legs around his waist. I cupped his face in my hands and explored his mouth with my tongue, stroking, probing, sending involuntary shivers down my spine at the sensation, and I could feel Ranger harden against my core.
His grip on me tightened, and I felt him push against me as he started to move us, carrying me out of the kitchen without breaking the kiss. We came up for air in the hall, Ranger still holding on to me, and this time I was sure of the emotion I read in his eyes, pure passion. I pressed my legs around him more firmly, and a small smile played around his lips.
"I could get used to your way of procrastination," he said as he carried me into the bedroom.
He dropped me onto the bed and with the same movement, pulled my sleep shirt over my head; I was left wearing only a pair of Snoopy boycut panties. Ranger was leaning over me, his knee on the mattress, the other foot still down on the floor, letting his eyes wander over me.
"Does it still hurt?" he asked, tracing the fading bruise on my shoulder, then running his hand up, stopping short of touching my scalp.
I hadn't replaced the bandage on my head after my bath, but I still refused to look at my reflection in the mirror.
"Not right now," I admitted, pulling his belt free of its buckle.
He smiled and straightened, ridding himself of his t-shirt before settling down next to me.
"Bet I can kiss and make it better," he said, lowering his head to do just that.
I gasped when his warm tongue slid out to lave my skin and struggled to unzip his pants. I needed to feel him, all of him, and now.
His mouth moved towards my neck, and the heat radiated out from where his lips touched my skin, right down my spine, centering between my legs, ruining my shorts in an instant.
I ran my hands over the hard muscles on his back, his skin soft, his muscles rippling under my touch. When he cupped my breast in his hand, I arched into his touch, closing the small distance between our bodies completely.
Ranger ran his tongue over my jawbone towards my mouth, then he outlined my lips before he parted them and kissed me until my toes curled. I moaned into his mouth as his hand wandered between our bodies, under the waistband of my shorts, and then lower, stroking my curls. I could feel his length pressing against me through the fabric of his cargos as he settled himself between my legs, kissing his way up from my stomach to my mouth. He balanced himself on his forearms when he reached my breasts.
Taking my nipple into his mouth, he circled it with his tongue, before gently sucking on it, pulling on it, and the pain was so pleasurable, I moaned loudly. He continued his ministrations on my other nipple and slid his hands out from between us, ran both his hands up my arms until they met mine, then he bent them up to meet above my head. I ground my hips into his, rolling them, my message unmistakable.
"Not yet," he whispered against my skin, his breath cooling my wet nipple, making it pebble hard and I could feel him smile at my frustrated whimper.
He pressed both my hands down and lifted himself up slightly, waiting for me to open my eyes.
"We really do need to talk," he said softly, his voice raspy with lust.
"You…don't mean…now," I managed to say, breathing heavily, my eyes fluttering shut again. "Please Ranger," I almost sighed.
"Please what?" he asked, his breath tickling my neck. He kissed the spot just below my earlobe and send yet another shiver running down my back.
"I need you inside me," I breathed, my voice low and husky. "Now."
And suddenly I noticed what he was doing. I was pinned under him, he had my hands in an iron grip, I couldn't move unless he wanted me to. I was trapped.
My eyes flew open. He was smiling down, his face only a couple inches from mine. And he wasn't moving.
I cooled off instantly. This was the ultimate distraction, none of the outside world mattered anymore, I needed this. And he was teasing me??
We were skin to skin, my hard nipples pressing into his chest; I could feel his heart beating, a lot slower than mine.
"I don't want to talk," I repeated, lifting my head to meet his lips, but he pulled back out of reach.
"Babe," he said, and the word had some finality in it.
I was incredulous. I knew of women using sex as a weapon, and frankly I'd just tried it myself, but I hadn't expected Ranger to use his control to withhold it from me.
I gasped, speechless. And then I narrowed my eyes at him, still unwilling to believe that it was what he was doing. He met my gaze, but didn't move a muscle.
"No talking," I pressed out, trying to free my hands from his grip. "Let me go."
"You know I want you," he said, touching his nose to mine. "But I can't be your distraction. I want you to tell me what's wrong and we can continue this, I'll even seduce you right back. But I'll need your full attention, not just the part that's in denial."
This was too much. Was he mocking me? I tried to pull my hands free, tried to wiggle my body out from under him, but it was useless.
I met his eyes. He was dead serious, no doubt about it. But there was more. He wasn't doing this out of spite, he wasn't trying to control me, he really meant it.
A defeated sigh escaped my mouth. "That's so low," I said.
"Tell me about the dream," he said, ignoring my accusation.
He shifted his weight, allowing him to lift one arm, and now he took one of his hands off my wrists and tucked a curl of hair behind my ear. "What about it made you call?"
Now I had two choices. I could continue to fight him, knowing fully well that Ranger would move before he would hurt me, or I could give in and tell him what had happened. Yes, I really, really wanted that orgasm, but I also had my pride.
The trouble was Ranger was right. Again. He would be my distraction, my means to an end, I would be using him. And he knew it. Had our roles been reversed, I probably would have reacted the same way.
I sighed again and Ranger sensed my defeat, loosening his grip on me. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath.
"It was Joe," I confessed. "He was here."
I could feel Ranger stiffen, just slightly, but I didn't know if it was the mention of Joe. He let go of my hands and I slung them around his neck.
I shook my head, trying to clear it, trying to get it out right. "No, it wasn't Joe."
Ranger raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. I smiled, rolling my eyes at myself. "I had a dream about Joe," I started again. "And it somehow made me realize I'd been trying to hide all day, throwing myself into the cleanup, denying anything was really wrong."
I didn't know if I was making sense, but I wanted to get it out before I lost my courage.
"I sent you away," I said, sliding my hands down his shoulders. "Because I didn't want you to see me so weak, so…helpless." That came out wrong, I realized at once. "No, not helpless. God knows you've had to help me often enough when I was."
"Babe," Ranger started but I covered his mouth with my hand.
"So…defeated," I finally brought out.
Ranger bit one of my fingers lightly and stroked it with his tongue. "You're never helpless," he corrected.
I smiled, knowing he meant it, and it made me feel stronger. "Then I had the dream," I continued. "And it made me realize I wasn't as strong as I thought I was. Made me realize I needed help."
There was…pride was the only word I could come up with for a second, in his eyes, then he closed them as he bent down and kissed me. The kiss was passionate, but not forceful, soft, reassuring.
"You are strong," he whispered against my mouth. "The strongest woman I know."
"You should've seen me when I…"
Now Ranger put his finger on my mouth. "Shhhh. Anyone who's been through what you went through today alone is allowed a breakdown," he clarified.
"You really think so?" I already knew he wouldn't have said it if he didn't think so, but I needed reassurance.
He nodded almost imperceptibly, the moonlight illuminating his features, making him appear both soft and strong. "I do."
"It takes guts to ask for help," he added after a moment.
And then he kissed me again and this time, his hands didn't stay still. He still had me trapped under him, but I no longer wanted to move away. Ranger's hand slid down my neck, massaging down my arm, stroking my hip, caressing my stomach.
He'd been right, with the confession behind me, I could actually enjoy myself, could enjoy Ranger and what his touch did to me. I tightened my arms around his neck and sighed into his mouth when his hand slid down my mound and he dipped one finger inside, making me gasp.
He crushed his lips to mine again, his tongue pressing through my lips, meeting mine with such force that what felt like lighting shot through me, pooling in my belly as a ball of heat.
A second finger followed and I could feel my body hum, but I needed more, so much more.
I shifted a little under him and cupped his buttocks, kneading them, and then I ran my fingernails up his lower back.
"Babe," Ranger growled and he pulled back to rid himself of his pants and then I finally felt his hard length at my entrance.
"Now," I said softly, not a question, a statement. "No more talking."
It was all the encouragement Ranger needed. He slid into me quickly and unexpectedly, and I cried out loud in surprised ecstasy.
He stilled immediately. "You okay?" he asked, his voice next to my ear.
I didn't trust my voice, so I replied to him by grinding my hips up against him and nodding slowly.
He moved then, just a short thrust, and I was on fire, so close, I could feel the waves building. I wrapped my legs around him again and squeezed him as I arched my back, taking all of him in.
"That's it Babe. Let go," he whispered as he began thrusting in and out in an agonizingly slow rhythm. "Let it all out."
And the next thrust pushed me over the edge. I threw my arms around his neck, squeezed him tighter with my legs and cried his name as I came hard.
He pulled back and waited for a short moment, but not nearly long enough to let me ride out this first orgasm. He crushed my lips under his, at the same time he was thrusting into me so deep it almost hurt, but the pleasure was even more painful, and yet I needed more. I lifted my hips to meet his next thrust, to take him deeper as if that was possible.
He pulled his mouth free and threw his head back, uttering words I couldn't understand, and didn't have to understand to get their meaning: Ranger was trying hard to hold back.
He stopped moving then, but I didn't want him to, I needed him to lose control. I bucked my hips and he almost growled, then I pulled his head back down and captured his lips, thrusting my tongue between this teeth the way I wanted him to thrust into me, our tongues were mimicking the same rhythm and I could already feel the tension building inside of me again.
He gave up then, I could feel him allowing himself to lose control, to give in, plunging into me with a groan, and I sank my teeth into his shoulder, trying to keep the scream in.
I was panting now, all coherent thoughts disappearing quickly as the pleasure continued. My nails raked down his back and it seemed to turn him on even more. His hand slipped between us, brushing my clit, pulling, teasing like he'd done to my breast earlier, my body clamped down around him again, leaving me breathless.
But this time, I took him with me as he pounded into me one last time and came hard, both of us screaming the other's name. Time seemed to stand still, I felt like I was floating, and I clung to Ranger like a life preserver, feeling him empty himself into me.
We lay like that for what seemed like forever. Ranger balanced his weight on his elbows to give me room to breathe, but didn't move any further than that until our breathing returned to normal. Then he bent his head, kissing me softly on the forehead, down my nose and on my lips.
I opened my eyes and met his, his gaze full of emotion, unchecked for once.
"I love you," I whispered, running my fingers through his hair.
His response was a slow, tender, passionate kiss, his thumb stroking my jaw bone.
After a few minutes, he rolled off of me, but pulled me with him so I came to lay half on top of him, spent and boneless.
I curled up against him and his hand came up to cup my shoulder, then down my arm and up to my breast. My breath caught when he swirled his thumb over my nipple, just long enough to stand up proud again and reignite the fire that hadn't yet gone out. His hand swept down my body then, over my stomach, caressing my hips, cupping my ass, before resting on my inner thigh.
I knew this wasn't just idle petting either. Ranger's stamina was amazing. He needed a minute for a breather, then it was time for more. And I wasn't complaining. My breath came out ragged and I rubbed against Ranger without thinking about it, like an instinct. His response was a soft growl and he half turned, rolling me back onto my back, and placed open-mouthed kisses down my neck, over my collarbone, and on the valley between my breasts. I fisted my hands in his silky hair, pressing him to me.
Now that my initial urge was fulfilled, I could enjoy what Ranger enjoyed so much, taking his time. His hand crept up to rest on my pubic bone, applying gentle pressure, while his mouth captured my nipple, pulling on it, grazing his teeth lightly over it. He switched over to my other nipple at the same time he dipped a finger between my folds and I moaned, losing my patience just like that.
I could feel Ranger smile against my skin as a whimper escaped me when he removed his finger and slid his knee between my legs, positioning himself over me. Using his momentary imbalance, I wrapped my arms around his neck and rolled us over, coming to lie on top of him.
"My turn," I whispered as I spread my legs and straddled him, splaying my hands on his chest, running my tongue from his ear, over his cheek, down to his mouth.
Ranger ran his hands up my arms, grabbing my shoulders, taking control of the kiss. I was already having a hard time controlling my breathing when I let my mouth pull away from his and ran my tongue down his throat then laved his Adam's apple. When I got to his nipples, I took both his hands in mine and bent them upwards, mimicking the way he'd held me captive not long ago.
I felt him chuckle under me as I let go of his hands and slowly worked my way down his body, kissing him, licking him, until I reached my destination. He fisted one hand in my hair, careful to leave the injured side untouched, and sucked in some air when I continued placing soft kisses around the base of his hardening shaft.
I slid my hands down his hard stomach, circled the base with them, and then took his cock into my mouth as deep it would go. My reward was a low growl that sounded more animal than man. I moaned in response and the vibration sent a shiver through Ranger.
"Babe," he managed, sounding much less in control than before.
I ran my tongue up the whole length before taking it into my mouth again, sucking lightly, massaging his balls with my hands.
Ranger moaned low in his throat as I came up and kissed the slit on top before I slowly ran my tongue over it. I could feel his hand tighten against my scalp and decided he'd been tortured enough.
Circling the tip one, twice, three times, before I took him as deep as possible, tightening my fingers around the base. He shivered under me, muttering in Spanish now, and I quickened the pace, using my tongue, my teeth and my fingers to slowly push him over the edge while I was straddling his thigh, pushing my hips against him in the same rhythm my mouth was giving him.
He ran his hand down to my shoulder, trying to pull me up, but I wouldn't have it. I took him deep one last time, sucked harder, ran my fingernails down his inner thigh, and Ranger exploded with a growl, spilling himself into me, and I milked him dry.
I was counting on his fast recovery as I placed a trail of kisses up his body to rest against his shoulder. His eyes were closed, his face was totally relaxed, and he pulled me up and held me to him while his breathing slowly returned to normal.
"Babe," he said again, his voice raspy, amazing me once more with the many meaning he could express with that single syllable.
I closed my eyes and snuggled into him, as if I was the one recovering from the orgasm.
Although I was planning to rest for just a couple minutes, I drifted off, feeling warm and safe. I didn't wake up until Ranger's watch started beeping on my shoulder, and from the barely-dawn light that was filtering through the windows, I guessed it was around six AM.
Ranger was pretty much buried under me; we were chest to chest, one of my legs spread over his. He reached over to kill the alarm and squeezed me to him.
"Morning," I murmured sleepily, burying my face in his shoulder.
He pulled my hair back from my face and ran his finger over my ear. "I have to go," he said on a big exhale.
I snuggled into him, I didn't want him to go, even though I knew he probably had a good reason, like the safety of a small third world country.
"Five more minutes," I bargained. "Give the sun a chance to get up."
Ranger chuckled and I enjoyed the vibration under me. "Or you know…" I ran my fingertips down his stomach, scraping my fingernails over his morning wood, "give us a chance to wake up."
He took my wrist, gently. "Or just stay here all day?"
"Not a bad idea," I smiled, lifting my head to look at him.
"Mmmhmm," he agreed. "But no can do. I got a meeting in an hour."
He moved under me, trying to roll me off of him, but I held on. "An hour is a looong time away…"
I just wasn't ready to face the real world again, and Ranger leaving would force me to. "Stay."
Ranger kissed my forehead and lifted me up, ignoring the protesting noises I made. He rolled over and got up, finding his cargos on the floor and pulling them on.
I watched his muscles flex with every movement and knew exactly how I wanted to spend my day. With a possible interruption for breakfast and a shower, I wanted to stay in bed with Ranger all day. There had to be a way to convince him!
I turned onto my stomach and propped my head up on my hand. "Please Ranger?"
He finished buttoning his pants and looked up. "This is a big client," he said. "I really have to be there."
Not really sure what came over me at this point. "I need you." I was using the big guns now, my lower lip may have even stuck out. "Stay with me."
Ranger fished his t-shirt out of the pile of clothes on the floor and put it on. He found his cell phone on the nightstand and clipped it onto his belt before he sat down next to me. "I can't."
A few hours ago, he'd been there for me when I needed him, and then he'd given me a couple of doomsday orgasms I wouldn't forget anytime soon. But was that enough for me? Oh no. I couldn't bear the thought of him leaving me now, even though I knew it was extremely selfish.
"You can't or you won't?" I challenged, my mouth somehow disconnected from the part of my brain that still held rational thoughts.
Ranger looked at me, his eyes searching mine. "I have to go," he said after a long moment and turned towards the door.
I recognized the tone. It was the 'I can't deal with this right now' tone, and warning lights should have gone off in my head, but they didn't. I'd probably killed those along with any sense I'd had left when I threw common sense out the window. I remember this part because I was watching it unfold like an out-of-body experience.
"You're gonna leave me again?"
"Junior and Hal are in the parking lot," he said tonelessly without turning around.
Talking about it now, with some distance, I would label it Nervous Breakdown, Part 2. Then, of course, I didn't think about it in such terms.
I grabbed the first thing I could get a hold of, it happened to be my clock radio, and threw it at Ranger as hard as I could. It missed his head by about a mile, smashing against the door. Ranger didn't flinch.
"That's what you can do with Hal and Junior in the parking lot," I added for good measure. "I don't want them. I want you. I don't need babysitters, I need my boyfriend!"
He finally turned then and took a step back towards the bed, but I couldn't watch him any longer, I hugged my knees to me and buried my face in the hollow between my chest and my knees.
"Stephanie," he said, serious, semi-pissed.
The mattress dipped as he sat down. "Look at me."
I shook my head without lifting it up, which was the best I could do short of yelling something. "Just go. Leave me. Again."
"Stephanie," he said again, touching my head.
It was never a good sign when he said my whole name, not just 'Steph' or the good natured 'Babe'. This time, it meant he was getting irritated. Running out of time and having to deal with me, was my guess. I was testing his incredible patience skills.
"I want you to see somebody," he said, resting his hand on my knee.
Now I did look up. "Like who?"
He almost-shrugged. "I don't know, maybe that woman Stayce or…"
"A shrink??" I cut him off. "You think I need to see a shrink?"
I jerked out of his reach and jumped off the bed. "I think you have that backwards," I said, taking deep breaths to keep my anger under control. "I'm not the one with the issues here. Do you see me up and leave instead of spending alone time with you?"
Fair and sane had left the building together at that point. I heard what I was saying, but I wasn't making sense even to myself.
"You, what, spend a few hours to get what you need and then off to bigger and better things?" I stared at him, challenging him, my hands on my hips and my chin high.
Ranger's eyes widened slightly and he shook his head almost imperceptibly. "Yes," he said, ignoring my accusations, and, it could have been my imagination, but he seemed to be struggling to keep calm himself. "I think it's a good idea to talk to someone who understands these things."
He got up and quickly closed the distance between us, stopping mere inches in front of me. "I think you need to tell someone what's really bothering you, and if you can't tell me…" He raised his eyebrows.
"I'm fine!" I exclaimed, shoving him away. "And I don't need a shrink to tell me that!"
He grabbed my wrists before I could pull them away from his chest. "Listen to me! You're not fine. The last couple weeks were a nightmare, I get that. But you can't go on like this!"
"I don't know what you're talking about," I lied and pulled my hands free. "You're running late. Go."
Ranger let his hands drop and took a deep breath, his eyes never leaving mine. I resisted the urge to squirm under his intense stare. "Either you go see someone…"
"Or??" I cut him off, glaring at him, daring him to finish his ultimatum. So he did.
"Or I'll make you," he said softly, his tone final.
I crossed my arms over my chest in a protective gesture and shrunk back against the wall. He couldn't possibly be saying what I thought he was. I saw a muscle work in his jaw, other that that, he wasn't moving, not even blinking.
"I think you should really leave now," I finally brought out.
Our eyes held a minute longer, neither of us moving. "You have until noon," he said and turned to leave. He stopped just before he reached the door.
"I want you to get help because I love you," he said, his voice soft again.
"Go to hell!" I cried and grabbed for a discarded shoe that was lying on the floor.
He was gone before I could get a hold of it; I heard the front door fall close seconds later. My blood was rushing in my ears and my heart was beating so fast, I thought I was going to pass out. I shivered, suddenly feeling the cold. I hadn't given a thought to putting on any clothes, I'd been naked through all of it. In hindsight, a sure sign I hadn't been the one driving, I never had fights naked, I was too self-conscious to strut around naked.
My only thought was that this hadn't happened, I had to be dreaming. I didn't just throw Ranger out for the second time in 24 hours and he didn't just threaten to have me committed. It just couldn't be true. I was going to wake up any second now.
I pinched my arm and cried out when I felt the pain, but I didn't wake up curled up beside Ranger.
That numb feeling came over me again and I slid down the wall weakly, my bones refusing to carry me.
"No," I whispered. Over and over again, denying any of this had happened.
"No."
TBC
A/N: Well, now she's done it. Not even Ranger would return after THAT, would he? And what about his threat? Would he really? Stephanie really needs some good advice right about now, let her know how you feel!