I'm wicked sorry it took me so long to update, I swear it wasn't to be mean! I was away for a week and I accidentally left my muse in the caribbean...well, OK, she hid and I had to make my flight.

Thank you all so very much for your reviews and feedback, I really appreciate it!

Spaciba to Stayce, who filled in for my absent muse on this one. Love ya!

Disclaimer: Still not my characters, but I promise to return them mostly unharmed. The title is borrowed from Bon Jovi

Keep the Faith

Chapter 30

Flashback

"Steph, there's no easy way to say this. I wanted to be the one to tell you, because you deserve that much. Joe's been shot, honey."

I sucked in some air. "Is he okay, Eddie?"

I tried to jump up to grab my purse and drive to the hospital, but Eddie held me back.

"No, Steph, that's why I'm here. He died on the scene. He's gone, Steph," Eddie said softly.

I remember that conversation as if it was yesterday. Joe wasn't shot by a drive-by shooter, he was murdered by a psychopath who walked right up to him and shot him. But wasn't the result the same? And wasn't this my fault, again? There was no doubt in my mind the bullets were meant for me, if Ranger hadn't protected me with his body, I would be the one lying on the ground.

As I was clutching Ranger's lifeless body, my mind kept shouting, 'No, No, No!!! Not again.'

"Ranger, please…" I begged.

Tears were streaming down my face, blurring my vision. The blood was rushing in my ears and it was hard to breathe. I was barely aware of the crowd that had gathered around us, of the hands that were trying to pull me away from Ranger.

Sirens filled the air and everything was bathed in pulsating light, like a dream, it seemed unreal.

Strong hands seized both my shoulders and I was lifted up, unable to hold on to Ranger. I looked up to see Tank. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me away, ignoring my cries to stay.

"Are you alright?" he asked as he leaned me against a car, bending down to be at eye level. "Steph, are you okay?"

"R….Ra…Raaanger…" I wailed and swayed on my feet.

"The ambulance is here," Tank said, steadying me with his hands. "They're gonna take care of him."

He shook me lightly to make me focus on him. "Are you hurt?"

I shook my head, trying to push him out of my way, trying to get back to Ranger's side. I couldn't see him anymore, the crowd was blocking my view, and I was panicking.

"We're taking you to the hospital," Tank said, not budging. "Both of you."

"Tank I can't see him!" I finally said, pushing against him again.

Tank shook his head, taking me by the upper arm. He looked around and nodded at someone, clearly oblivious to my struggle.

An EMT came into my field of vision, reaching out for me, and I shrunk against the car.

"I'm fine," I choked out. "I'm not hurt."

Tank's arm wouldn't let me slide away, so the EMT got a hold of me. "We're just going to check you out," he said calmly and looked at Tank again.

I wanted to scream that it wasn't me they should be worried about, it was Ranger, for Christ's sake, but I couldn't make the words come out, so I grabbed Tank's shirt, trying to shake him.

He obviously misunderstood, because he bent down and picked me up, carrying me further away from Ranger.

My head was pounding and everything swam in and out of focus, but I tried to wriggle free, kicking my legs. "Nooo. Nooo."

"Steph, you okay?" a familiar voice asked.

I tried to crane my neck, but the motion, along with the floating sensation of being carried, made me sick to my stomach. "Eddie?"

Panic set in again. What was he doing here? What did he come to tell me? This was all too much déjà vu for me.

We reached the waiting ambulance and Tank put me down on the gurney. Eddie Gazarra appeared by my side, taking my hand.

"Are you okay?" he asked again.

I nodded and he squeezed my hand. "They're gonna take care of Ranger, Sweetie. Now let them take care of you."

"But I…" I started and tried to sit up, but he gently pushed me back onto the gurney.

"I'll see you at the hospital, Steph, let them take care of you."

He left and the EMT went to work. Why was everybody so concerned over me, did no one care about Ranger?

Tank stayed by my side and boarded the ambulance when I was pushed in, taking my hand.

"Steph, they're taking care of Ranger," he said, reading my mind. "You need to calm down. You're white as a sheet and your blood pressure is off the charts."

I looked at him in shock. How in the hell did he expect me to calm down when I had probably killed Ranger?

"It'll be okay," he promised.

But I knew he had no way of knowing that, he was in the ambulance with me, after all. He was just trying to calm me down.

I closed my eyes and tried to control my breathing while an oxygen mask was placed over my face, but all I could think of were my last words before the shooting, 'If you took your head out of your ass for a minute'.

And I couldn't shake the feeling they were the last words I'd ever say to him. My chest constricted at the thought and the machine I was hooked up to made some weird noises.

Maybe if I had stopped to think for a second, I would have realized I was the one with the head up her ass. Or at least in the sand. I was perfectly safe? To say I'd been proven wrong was the understatement of the year.

"Give her something," I heard Tank say.

I felt the ambulance move and grabbed Tank's hand, squeezing it with all the strength I had left.

I don't remember much about the rest of the ride, other than trying to remain conscious and panicking over Ranger. The ambulance came to a screeching halt and the doors were pulled open, and then I was in motion. I tried to hold on to Tank's hand, but I lost it in the shuffle.

I'd been taken to St. Francis. They knew me there, no forms needed to be filled out, no questions were asked. That was a good thing because in my current state, I would have had trouble remembering my name. I was patched up and wheeled into x-ray, although I wasn't sure what had needed patching up or anything, I was fine, and I kept trying to tell them.

From the nurses to the doctor to the x-ray technician, everybody told me they'd check on Ranger but no, I wasn't allowed to get up just yet.

By the time I was rolled back into my room, I was hysterical, sobbing uncontrollably, and convinced Ranger was dead. Just because everyone who worked at the hospital knew me, and knew how I'd lost Joe, they were keeping it from me.

My worst fear had come true, I had lost Ranger. And I'd killed him, just like I'd killed Joe. If his murderer hadn't been obsessed with me, Joe would still be alive. And if Ranger hadn't protected me, he'd still be alive.

They must have given me 'something' at this point because I don't remember anything else until I woke up in a semi-dark, sterile room.

It took me a moment to get my bearings, I must have been really out of it. My breath caught in my throat when I realized someone was holding my hand.

"Ranger" I croaked, my throat scratchy.

"Not quite, Sweetheart," Lester said and leaned forward. "How're you feeling?"

Although I wasn't sure I wanted to hear it, I needed a straightforward answer. "Is Ranger dead?"
Lester chuckled and squeezed my hand. "Of course not. What makes you think that?" He reached out and brushed a lock of my hair off my face. "He's fine. Resting. He'll be good as new tomorrow, just like you."

I couldn't see his face in the sparse light, but I could hear the smile in his voice and let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. Ranger was alive.

I struggled to get up and all my muscles protested. Lester jumped up. "Whoa, Steph, take it easy!"

"I'm fine," I insisted even as the room started to get a little blurry.

I forced my legs over the edge of the bed and waited a moment for the dizziness to pass. When he realized I was going to get up with or without his approval, Lester took me by my arm to steady me.

"Let me get a wheelchair or something. Wait for just a sec?"

"I have to see Ranger," I said, as if that answered his question.

He gently pushed me back onto the bed. "Either you wait until I get a wheelchair or you stay here. I won't be the one telling Ranger you got hurt on my watch."

I snorted. I could get hurt on anybody's watch, even Ranger's. Everybody needs a talent, right? But on the other hand, the last thing I wanted was to get Lester in trouble, so I sat back.

"Besides," he continued. "Your family is camped outside, just waiting for word that you woke up. I tried to send them home last night but I doubt they went far."

I groaned inwardly. This was the second time in a week I was here, not even my dad would be able to withhold a comment this time, I was sure. But delaying it wouldn't make it any easier, Mom would say what she had to say, now or later.

There was no way I'd get by my family if they were waiting outside. And it wouldn't be fair, they were worried about me.

"And then there are the cops, also waiting outside. As soon as they learn you're awake they're gonna want to talk to you, too."

"Ranger is really okay?" I asked Lester again, ignoring the police remark. Maybe if I ignored them they'd go away. There was nothing I could tell them, I hadn't seen anything.

"He got hit in the noggin," Lester said and slapped the side of his head for emphasis. "Woke up in the ambulance." He chuckled. "Last time I checked, they were thinking about putting him in restraints because he wouldn't lie still."

"Trying to get back to work?" I guessed.

Lester grew serious. "No, Sweetheart. Trying to get to you, to make sure you were okay."

"After I almost got him killed?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Honey, he probably got hurt worse in boot camp." He sat down again and ran his hand over my arm. "Trust me, this one didn't even register."

I wondered whether Lester was trying to make me feel better or telling the truth. And if what was said before the shooting had registered, if not the injuries. I'd been acting pretty bitchy.

So Ranger had been right. Again. About the needing protection part at least. I thought I'd proven I didn't need any mental help. Nothing like a death scare to put things into perspective, eh?

"I know that's how I feel," Lester said, mistaking my silence for uncertainty.

"I'm sorry I got you shot," I said.

"Wasn't your fault, Sweetheart." He took my hand in his. "It never is. You have to believe that."

I raised my eyebrows. Who was this guy? The Lester I knew expressed himself through jokes and banter, he didn't do serious. "I thought I was the one who hit her head," I blurted out.

Lester smiled. "Joke all you want. You gave us all a scare earlier, and I had to tell you how I feel."

Now he was bordering on scaring me. "I think…"

A knock on the door interrupted me, and a second later, my parents, Valerie and Grandma Mazur burst in.

"She's awake!" my mom exclaimed and rushed over to my side.

Lester got up from his chair and took a few steps back to give them room.

"How do you feel?" Valerie wanted to know.

"Are you really pregnant? I heard you fainted," Grandma Mazur blurted out.

Lester snorted at that and I sent him a death glare. He was really enjoying this.

I sighed and sank back into the pillows. Oh, this was going to be a long visiting hour.

Lester shrank more and more into the background, although I tried to send him visual cries for help. I tried to block out my mom as best as possible, of course she had to bring up all her friends' daughters who never end up in the hospital after a drive by shooting.

It took some time to convince my grandmother that I hadn't passed out because I was pregnant, probably she thought that would have been more interesting than me getting shot at. Again.

"I think we should let Steph get some rest," my dad suddenly said and everybody shut up. My dad never interrupted my mom. He just shrugged and I beamed at him.

"I think Dad is right," Valerie backed him up, hooking her arm with Mom's.

"Well, the doctor said they're going to keep you here overnight," Mom said. "Your father will pick you up and you come home to us. We'll talk then."

"Okay," was all I could manage.

I didn't want to disappoint my dad after he'd just rescued me, but I knew I wasn't going to leave the hospital without Ranger, and then only to go home with him.

They filed out of the room after saying their goodbyes and I breathed a sigh of relief. Lester pushed himself off the wall smiling. "I like your dad."

I struggled to sit up again. "I'm glad he rescued me. I need to see Ranger now."

"Uhm…don't you think you should wait for your doctor first?"

"So he can tell me what I already know?" I asked, getting irritated. "No. I want to see Ranger."

The fear was back. Why was he trying to keep me in the room? Had he lied about Ranger?

"Why are you stalling me?" I asked him flat out.

"Sta…what?" His eyes widened.

"If Ranger's okay, there's no reason for me not to see him, right?" I challenged him.

Lester lowered his head, studying his shoes. "There's all kinds of okay…"

My heart skipped a beat. If I hadn't felt so dizzy, I would have jumped up and grabbed him by the shirtfront, shaking him until he told me the truth.

"No," I said, trying to take even breaths. "There's just one kind of okay, and you know it. Is Ranger alive?"

Lester blew out a breath and looked up again. "I told you he is."

"Is he conscious?" Direct questions, I thought. There was no way Lester could talk his way out of direct questions.

"He woke up in the ambulance," Lester said.

"So I can go see him now," I said, slowly pushing myself off the bed.

"The cops still want to talk to you," he reminded me.

I rolled my eyes. "They'll have to wait. I don't have anything to tell them, I have no idea what happened. I'm sure they won't mind learning nothing a little later."

"I'll get the wheelchair." Lester sighed, shaking his head slightly, and walked out of the room as I was trying to shake the dizziness that made everything spin.

Maybe talking to the doctor wasn't such a bad idea, Dr. Mahoney had suggested as much. But that could wait, first I had to see Ranger.

By the time Lester rolled the wheelchair in, I was standing on both feet, leaning my butt against the bed, feeling better by the second. I slowly walked over to meet Lester halfway, realizing I did need the wheelchair, I didn't want to take any chances. Hospitals are just waiting for you to trip so they can keep you another day or so, I know they do!

I couldn't quite read the look on Lester's face, until I recognized the woman walking in behind him. Everything fell into place then. Lester had been stalling me, but not because he didn't want me to see Ranger. He'd been trying to keep me in my room so Stayce the Shrink could get here.

I was furious. "I don't want to talk to you," I said without looking at her and pushing myself of the bed.

"Steph," Lester started, but I cut him off.

"And I don't want to talk to you either, for that matter." My head started pounding as my blood pressure sped up and I tried to ignore it.

"Stephanie," Stayce said in her 'I understand' psychologist's voice and I immediately held up my hand in the universal stop gesture.

"I don't know who called you, but I'm fine. Ranger was shot and I haven't seen him since. I can't talk to you right now."

I had reached the wheelchair and tried to pull it out of Lester's hands.

"Steph," Lester said, "Ranger called her."

I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. Ranger called her? To come here?

Both Lester and Stayce were looking at me now and I realized I couldn't show my anger. For all I knew, Stayce would have me committed if I freaked out now. So I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

I'd been worried sick about Ranger and he'd called a shrink on me. Bastard! Now I really couldn't wait to see him so I could slap him.

"I really think we should talk," Stayce said and took a step forward.

"It'll have to wait," I said. "I'll call you."

Lester finally let go of the wheelchair, but only to close the door behind him and cross his arms over his chest.

I scoffed. "You have got to be kidding me."

"I'm sorry Steph," Lester said and looked like he really meant that. "Direct order from the boss."

"Well, he's not my boss. Don't make me move you."

Okay, so that was a lot of hot air. First of all, Ranger was technically my boss since I worked at RangeMan. And second of all, if Lester didn't want to move, there was nothing I could do about that. He was almost a foot taller and outweighed me by about 100 pounds. But still, it was worth a try. I crossed my own arms and glared at him.

"Stephanie," Stayce tried again, this time touching my arm. "I just want to talk to you. It won't take long. Of course I won't force you, but it's in your best interest."

"Please Steph," Lester said, his brows meeting in a frown.

Damn, he knew what to say just as well as Ranger. 'Please' was my big weakness, especially when used as rarely as Lester and Ranger used it. That and the fact that I couldn't get by him if I tried and I would look crazy trying. I had to appear stable so that Stayce wouldn't lock me up, I figured.

"Fine," I relented. "What do you want to talk about?"

Stayce motioned for me to get back into bed. I figured if I played along, she'd declare me sane and let me see Ranger. I was going to have a serious talk about this with Lester later, I felt he'd betrayed me by not telling me we were waiting for the shrink.

"I'll be right outside, Steph," Lester said as if on cue and disappeared.

I climbed back into bed and stared at the ceiling, trying to appear calm, while Stayce pulled a chair over, sat down, and took a writing pad out of her purse.

After Joe'd died, I'd found it helpful to talk to Stayce. It had been a very traumatic event and I just needed someone to talk to. She was a grief counselor, after all. But now? I had nothing to tell her. Sure, there were problems, but none she could help me with. Mentally, I was fine.

I knew Ranger meant well, but he'd gone too far. And if he was well enough when I saw him later, I would tell him exactly what I thought of his idea. But right now, to even get to Ranger, I had to endure the head shrinking session.

"I understand you had a stressful couple of weeks," Stayce began. "Do you want to tell me about it?"
Fine, I decided, I was sort of trapped. I had to give her something.

"A couple weeks ago, a friend called in a favor," I said, finally looking at her. "He's a business man, so he sent one of his employees to pick me up. That guy didn't like me very much and ended up dead. Since I didn't like him much either, there was a chance the police were gonna charge me with his murder."

"Did you dislike him enough to wish him dead?" Stayce asked.

"No, of course not," I rushed to say. "He was a bully and sort of mean, and I didn't want anything to do with him, but I never thought of killing him!"

Stayce nodded and made notes. "Are you afraid you're going to get arrested?"

"No." I shook my head. "I talked to the lead detective on the case and she told me I wasn't a suspect.

More note writing. "How do you feel about getting shot at?"

I groaned inwardly. I hated those questions. How did anyone feel about getting shot at? What a stupid thing to ask!!

"I'm used to it," I lied. "But I have to make sure Ranger is okay, he was the one who got shot."

"Do you feel guilty about that?"

I couldn't keep the exasperated sigh in and opened my mouth to answer, but then her question hit home. Did I feel guilty?

Lester had just told me minutes ago that it wasn't my fault, and you can't be blamed for things that aren't your fault, so you can't feel guilty about them, right? Except the first thing I remember when Ranger's lifeless body rolled off of me was guilt. The bullet had been meant for me, and I knew it.

So, okay, yes, I did feel guilty. But did I want to admit that to a psychologist, possibly prompting her to prescribe a dozen more sessions?

"No," I said and studied my hands. Not very convincing, but the best I could do.

I could hear the pen scraping the paper as Stayce made more notes.

"Why do you think Ranger called me here to talk to you?"

Enough. I felt like she was invading my privacy without my permission and the only reply I had for her was 'That's none of your fucking business'.

"Ranger and I haven't seen eye to eye the past couple days," I explained. "I guess he thought talking to you may help me see things his way."

I thought that sounded incredibly calm and sane. Any moment now, she'd get up and declare me healthy, I was sure of it.

When she didn't say anything I looked up to meet her gaze. She was regarding me with her calm green eyes, not judging, but not declaring me anything either.

"You think he told me something to say to you because you wouldn't listen to him?"

On my best day, I wasn't known for my patience. And this wasn't exactly my best day.

"Why don't you ask him why he called you?" I asked, maybe a little snippier than I'd intended.

Stayce didn't bat an eye. "He told me why he called me. I'm trying to find out if you agree you need to talk to me."

'What do you think?' would be my gut reaction to that stupid question. I shook my head slowly. "I think I want to discuss that with Ranger if you don't mind. Really, no offense, but I don't have anything to talk about with you right now."

She leaned back in her chair and forgot about her note pad for the moment. Our eyes locked and I had the feeling she was trying to read my mind.

"You were kidnapped twice," she said softly. "You were hurt and you must have been scared. Have you had a chance to digest that before you were shot at?"

"I try not to think about it," I told her honestly.

She nodded and 'hmmmm'ed'. "So you try to deny it ever happened as a way to cope with it?"

"No," I objected. "I store it away for when I have time to think about it, wait for a time when I'm less emotional to deal with it."

There was a knock on the door and I sighed with relief. I'd never been happier about an interruption.

Carl Costanza stuck his head in. "You decent, Steph?"

I waved him in. "Dr. Leuck was just leaving."

That had sounded rude even to my ears, but I didn't care. I had nothing more to say to her.

"I have to ask you a few questions," Carl said, closing the door behind him. He looked at Stayce. "But I can come back if this isn't a good time."

"No, I was just leaving," Stayce said with a poignant look at me. "I'll be back later."

She stood and gathered her stuff. "Sure," I said noncommittally.

She nodded at Carl and then at me. "Later then." And she was gone.

I sank back into the pillows. "Thank you Carl."

"What'd I do?" he asked confused.

"She's a shrink," I explained.

"Yeah, I know," Carl said. "Very nice lady. And good at what she does."

I frowned at him. "Not you, too!"

He just shrugged and took the vacated chair, taking out his own notepad. What was it with everybody making notes?
"Can we do this later, Carl? I really want to see Ranger, I need to know he's okay."

"This won't take long. I just have to complete the report and you're the only one I haven't talked to. And Ranger…"

"What about Ranger?" I sat up straight, ready to jump out of bed if necessary.

Carl looked down at his notepad. "Let's just say you won't get past any of his men until you talk to me and Stayce, I heard the order."

My eyes narrowed and the panic about Ranger was now completely replaced by anger at him. How could he? Would he want to make sure I was okay first, too?

I remembered the last words before the shooting. He'd wanted me to talk to someone and make me if he had to. A part of me hadn't believed the 'make me' part, and I would have thought he'd forgotten all about it when hell broke loose. I should have known better. If he'd been here right now, I would have slapped him.

Realizing Carl was not the one I should be angry with, I struggled for control.

After a couple deep breaths, I sighed again and answered his questions about the shooting. No, I hadn't seen the shooter. No, I didn't memorize the license plate and no, I had no idea who could want me dead.

Carl finished his notes and looked up at me. "This was too close, Steph. Until we find out who's behind this, you should have police protection."

"I already have RangeMan protection," I pointed out, gesturing towards the door.

Carl nodded. "I know. I was talking about protective custody. A safe house."

"How do you know they didn't mean to shoot Ranger? Huh?" I narrowed my eyes at him. "Why does everybody always assume they want me dead?"

"As far as I know Ranger hasn't received anonymous phone calls and emails lately," Carl said.

Well, okay, I had to give him that. "But you can't be 100 percent sure," I insisted.

"Nothing's ever 100 percent," he admitted. "But Ranger can take care of himself and he's always very careful. You're the one who needs protection."

Ungh. That was sounding like a very old record. Probably Ranger had given his orders to Carl and Stayce as well, whether they'd realized it or not.

"Why don't you discuss this with Ranger?" Carl suggested and stood up.

He walked over to the wheelchair and rolled it over to my bed, but I hesitated. If I saw Ranger right now, I didn't know if I'd be able to stay calm.

An hour ago, all I wanted was to make sure he was okay, to see it with my own eyes. Then I had to learn he was more than okay, he'd been playing with my feelings. He knew I'd want nothing more than to see him, and he'd used that to make me talk to Stayce and Carl.

"Steph?" Carl asked.

"I don't want to see him," I said, pulling up the blanket over my chest. "I'm pretty tired. I think I'm just gonna sleep."

Carl looked totally confused as I turned my back on him. I didn't want him to see the tears that had started pooling in my eyes. "Thanks for stopping by."

There was a moment's silence, then Carl exhaled audibly. "If you're sure…" he said and I heard his footsteps walk away. The door opened. "Hope you feel better, Steph."

I didn't breathe until I heard the door close behind him. Then I got up so fast, it made me dizzy again, but I ignored it. Who was Ranger to make me do what he wanted? If he thought I was his lapdog now, he'd have to think again.

I took a look around the room, searching for my clothes, and then waddled over to the door by the bathroom, hoping it was a closet. I was going to leave, and I was going to do it now, I was going to stay at my parents until I felt better and if Ranger called, I'd tell him to go to hell.

It was a closet, but it didn't hold my clothes. All that was there was my shoulder bag and another hospital gown like the one I was wearing. Fine, I'd improvise.

I yanked my shoulder bag to me and slammed the closet door shut, getting angrier with every minute. This was what we'd talked about ages ago, that he wouldn't make decisions for me. Good to know what promises are worth to him!

Just as I searched for my sunglasses to have at least a little disguise, the door to my room opened. Now I was glad I didn't have any clothes to put on, I'd have a million excuses for standing here. Maybe I could convince the doctor I was okay to leave?

"Feeling better?" Ranger asked and my heart sank. Ironically he was the one person I'd wanted to see the most a few minutes ago and the last person I want to see now.

"Never better," I replied without looking up.

"Babe."

I knew he could read me like an open book, and the anger was probably radiating off of me, and as usual, he didn't have to say anything else.

"What the fuck do you think…" I finally looked up at him and the words died on my tongue.

One side of Ranger's head was shaved; a big gauze pad had been taped over the space between his temple and his ear. Ranger's head looked exactly like mine.

And I couldn't help laughing. "You look like me!" I exclaimed and closed the distance between us, all but slamming myself against him.

He embraced me, his strong arms catching me easily and holding me against him.

I forgot my anger, I was too happy to see him on his feet, too happy to feel him against me. First I was scared I'd gotten him killed, then I wanted to shoot him myself, now all I wanted was to feel him against me.

Call me a sap, but when he put his hand under my chin to lift it and brought his lips down on mine, I was suddenly happy, and nothing else mattered.

TBC

A/N: Do you think Steph should have talked to the shrink some more? Or is there anyone else you think can get through to her? Should she just forgive Ranger or should she confront him about his actions? Whether you agree or disagree, I'd love to hear from you, your feedback is my inspiration!