A/N: endless, endless thanks to sfulton229 for following me through this story!
JD made up his mind that he was going straight into that saloon and tell Chris that Miss Nettie said he'd better get his sorry hide back to Nathan's clinic pronto. But one glance through the swinging doors to the look on Chris' face, and JD thought better of it. So he made up his mind that he was going straight back to the clinic and tell Miss Nettie that Chris was in no mood to be talked to. But one thought of what Miss Nettie would say to that and JD thought better of it. So he made up his mind to go straight into that saloon and tell Chris -
"What's all the pacin' for JD? Stork ain't circlin, is he?" Buck asked, startling JD out of his thoughts.
"No..."
"Well, you been up and down this here porch nine times now son...somethin's going on."
JD took a quick look around, they were on the porch of the saloon, too close to Chris for JD's comfort. He pulled Buck as far as he could down the boardwalk and spilled his problem.
"Miss Nettie told me to come get Chris and bring him back to Nathan's right quick, only I don't think I can just go in there and tell Chris that without him gettin' all mad at me only I can't go back and tell Miss Nettie that I couldn't even talk to Chris much less bring him back with me - -"
"Hold on - hold on JD. First things first. Is Vin okay? She want Chris there 'cause Vin's doin' poorly?"
"Naah - nothin' like that. I don't reckon anyway. I was sittin' out on the balcony, y'know, in case they needed anything. I could hear 'em talkin' in there. Vin sounded sick, but still he was talkin'."
This gave Buck an idea. "You was there JD - what did Vin say to Chris that got him so riled? Did you hear what he said?"
"Yeah...." But JD wasn't comfortable repeating it, even to Buck.
"Well, y'gotta tell me..." When JD still hesitated, Buck bribed him. "You tell me what Vin said, and I'll go talk to Chris. You can tell Miss Nettie that I'm wearin' him down, that way won't neither of 'em be mad at you."
This was something JD couldn't resist. "Well...they was trying to get Vin to take some more soup I heard. Chris and Nathan. Only he didn't want any and they was trying, not mean or anything. But then Chris said he'd make Vin drink it and Vin said 'who died and made you my Pa?' Nettie was there, she was in the doorway, that's how I heard what Vin said."
"Remind me not to get Vin riled at me." Buck said. "All right, you go on back, tell Nettie I'm talkin' to Chris. I'll get him up there as soon as I can."
"All right."
M7*M7*M7
Vin stared unblinking at the far wall, and the flickering shadows cast by the lamplight. He wouldn't talk to Nettie, he wouldn't talk to Josiah. He didn't respond at all when Nathan touched him. He didn't even turn his head when the door opened. He knew it wasn't Chris. He knew Chris would never come back and he'd die all alone. Just like his Ma.
M7*M7*M7
JD looked around the door to motion to Nettie and she followed him out onto the balcony. He took his hat off and pushed the hair off his forehead.
"Well, is Chris getting his sorry hide up here or not?"
"Buck's talkin' to him right now Miss Nettie. He said he'll get him up here as soon as he can."
"He'd better. I don't aim to sit here and watch that boy wither away just because Chris has got his spurs in a knot."
M7*M7*M7
Buck took a deep breath, walked back into the saloon, and sat himself right down at Chris' table.
"What the hell do you want?" Chris demanded.
Steeling himself for what could be an ugly incident, Buck tried his best to be as cantankerous as Larabee.
"I'll tell you what the hell I want Chris. I want to know what you're doing sittin' here, feelin' sorry-assed for yourself when your friend is lying down there at Nathan's, maybe dyin'."
"He ain't dying."
"Oh, you're so sure about that, are you?" Buck snapped, but the look that crossed Chris' face made him sorry he had. Chris looked the closest to despair Buck had seen him in a long time. "No Chris. He ain't." Buck said quietly. "I shouldn't have said that. He's still holdin' on." And Chris sat back in his chair, relieved.
Still - "I ain't goin' up there." He told Buck.
"He didn't mean what he said Chris. You know that. He's sick, he's scared, and he's in pain."
"That ain't why..." Chris tossed down a shot glass of whiskey.
Buck waited, but nothing more came. "So - you gonna tell me why?" Chris was silent a while longer, but Buck recognized the look of memories being arranged and rearranged in his mind. He knew Chris was getting ready to open up.
"It ain't what he said Buck. I mean, yeah, it soured me. But that ain't why." He spoke softly, not because he thought other people might overhear, but because that's what he was feeling.
"Then why?"
"I just - started - thinking..." The words came out slowly. Chris looked like hell, hair falling into his eyes, he needed a shave, he needed more sleep than he'd gotten the past night or two. "...about Adam. I always think how he must've been waiting for me to come and save him." An anguished look crossed Buck's face and he looked down and away. "No - Buck - I don't mean to make you feel guilty and I sure the hell don't want you to. I'm just saying that Adam was used to me being there to make things all better and I think how he must've wondered why I wasn't there."
"So what does that have to do with Vin?" Buck asked. His voice was tight.
"I hate thinking that Vin kept waiting for his grandparents to be nice to him. He kept trying to figure out what he was doin' wrong and he kept trying to be better until one day it all just died inside of him and he stopped trying. And he stopped being a little kid. I hate thinking about that and I hate that there ain't nothin' I can do about it."
"Chris - Vin ain't expectin' you to do anything about his growin' up. He just wants you there now. He ain't asked you to make it all better, has he?"
"He wants to tell me what happened. At my room yesterday, he said he wanted me to help him figure out what he did so wrong that he got treated so bad. How can I do that? How can I sit there and listen to him tell me how they beat him and neglected him? When all it makes me want to do is go out and hurt the son of a bitch who hurt Vin and I can't because they're dead. I can't hear him tell me and see the look in his eyes, and not do anything about it."
"Chris-" Buck tried again, more firmly this time. "Vin don't expect you to do anything about it. He ain't asked you to do anything. All he wants right now is just for you to be in the same room with him while he don't feel good. What in thunder is so hard about that?"
"I can't do it Buck. I just can't do it." And Buck saw that Chris was telling the truth. Not only couldn't he do it, Chris was ashamed that he couldn't do it. He knew he was abandoning Vin, maybe to die, but he couldn't even sit with him.
"All right Chris. I'll make sure nobody pesters you no more." Buck stood up, and with a backward tap on Chris' arm, walked out of the saloon.
M7*M7*M7
More footsteps coming up to the clinic that Vin knew weren't Chris. It was Buck this time judging from them. Vin felt the night air swirl into the room as the door opened, then no sound except Nettie heaving a sigh and walking out onto the balcony. And the door shut behind her.
"You know I am gettin' mighty tired of traipsin' out here just to have you boys tell me what you can't do." Nettie said.
"Ma'am, I have talked to Chris and he can't be here right now. He'd come if he could, but he can't. He knows he's hurtin' Vin, and he ain't doin' himself no favors either, but ma'am, right now, he can't."
"Hmmph. We'll just see about that." Nettie was about to move off when Will O'Brien came running up the stairs.
"Boy - what are you doin' out this time a' night?" Buck asked.
"Is Mr. Jackson here? Bart's real sick. My Ma sent me to fetch Mr. Jackson."
"Yeah - he's right inside, c'mon." Buck opened the door and Will shot into the room.
"Mr. Jackson - can you come quick? Please? Bart's real sick and my Ma, she sent me to..."
"Bart?" Vin turned over. "Is Bart okay?"
Will was startled to see Vin looking so sick. He'd found him asleep at the campsite just this morning.
"He got lost again this morning, we got him home and then later he said his throat hurt and he couldn't breathe..." Will divided his remarks between Nathan and Vin. "Ma just sent me to get you, ask if you could come right quick."
"Nathan - go on." Vin wondered why Nathan wasn't moving. "Please - go help him. Please Nathan."
"I'm goin' Vin. Will, just give me minute to get my things together..."
"Nathan -" Vin pulled himself up to sitting, or tried to. "Please - go help him."
Josiah went to Vin. "Lay back down, Vin. Nathan's goin'. You know he won't let that boy down." Vin let Josiah gently ease him back down, but he was still distressed.
"Go with him Josiah. Y'gotta make sure he's okay. Please Josiah..." Vin had it set in his mind that Bart was being ignored or neglected or mistreated or something. Even as nice as the O'Brien's were to their 'chickens', Vin couldn't help thinking that Bart would be sick and alone and miserable... that's what always happened. That's what always happened to him. "Josiah, please."
"All right Vin. I'll go... doctor, you don't mind company do you?"
"Naah, welcome it." Nathan said, especially when he saw how it comforted Vin. "Come on Will...Miss Nettie, you'll stay with him?"
"No, Buck can stay. I aim to go have a chat with Mr. Larabee."
To be continued