Thank you all so very much for your feedback. I appreciate your reviews so very much, please keep them coming.
This is the second to last chapter, so I apologize if there's too much 'wrapping up' going on and not enough action…
A special thanks to Donna and Cathy for suggesting this solution.
I have the best editor in the world. I hope you feel better soon Stayce, thank you so much for your help!
Disclaimer: Still not my characters, but I promise to return them mostly unharmed. The title is borrowed from Bon Jovi
Keep the Faith
Chapter 31
"I'm happy to see you, too," Ranger said when the kiss ended, and there was an unusual amount of emotion in his voice. As much as I complain that Ranger doesn't share his feelings, when he gets emotional like that, it almost scares me.
"I thought you were dead," I said, tightening my arms around him. I never wanted to let go.
He didn't respond to that, he just put his chin on my head and held me. We stood like that for several minutes, and I felt like nothing else mattered. Ranger was alive.
Finally, Ranger took a step back and I reluctantly released him.
"How're you feeling?" he asked, lifting my chin with his index finger so he could make eye contact.
I sighed. "I'm fine. If I had all my hair, I'd even be ecstatic."
Ranger chuckled. "I know the feeling. But I wasn't so much talking about your physical state…"
He just had to bring that up, didn't he? "Oh." I blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "I'm mad at you."
He pulled me to him again and wrapped his arms around me. "Small price to pay if you're feeling better."
I'd expected an apology, or maybe an explanation. Hard to be mad at somebody who accepts the blame so willingly. Or was he? Maybe he was just making fun of me? I knew I could just let it go, but my pride wouldn't let me.
I freed myself out of his embrace. "No, I mean it. I'm happy you're healthy except for…" I gestured at his head, "but that doesn't give you the right to sic a shrink on me. And to make it a condition to see you?"
Ranger shrugged. "I got Carl's message that that plan didn't work so well." He took me by the shoulders and made sure he had my full attention before he continued. "Look Steph, we need talk about this, but not here and not now. Your doctor will be in soon to talk to you, if he likes what he sees, you'll be released in the morning."
"Stay here overnight?" I asked, the surprise making my voice kind of pitchy. "But I'm fine!"
Ranger shook his head, it looked more like exasperation than anything else and I suddenly felt like a spoiled kid. All that was missing was the whine. What was I doing? I knew the routine. Probably they just wanted me to stay for observation, no big.
I took in Ranger's clothes; black on black, down to the combat boots. "How come they aren't making you stay? You're the one with the head wound!"
"I'm leaving AMA," Ranger admitted.
I studied him for a long moment, waiting for some kind of explanation, I guess. He didn't offer any.
"So what you're saying is, even though we were both injured, and I wasn't the one bleeding, that you're okay to leave and I'm not." The anger was back, simmering just below the surface. If I didn't keep a lid on it, I'd explode.
Ranger ran his hand down the healthy side of my head. "What I'm saying is that you've been through a lot more than I have the past couple days. You need some rest."
I wanted to throw my hands up in the air and tell him exactly what I thought of his suggestion, but I knew there was no use talking to Ranger in his current mood. He was sure he was doing what was best for me. And I was tired of the same argument over and over.
"Ah yes, rest. What better place to get it than at the one I hate?" I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm, and then I turned away from Ranger.
"Steph," he started, but I kept walking over to my bed.
This conversation was over as far as I was concerned. How this man could turn me from angry to loving and back to angry in a matter of minutes was incredible.
I climbed into the bed and avoided looking at him, but out of the corner of my eye, I could see he hadn't moved. Hard to tell what he was thinking.
"Lester will stay here," he said after a moment. "I'll pick you up in the morning."
And the he was gone. I stared at the closed door open mouthed, unable to grasp what had just happened. He was supposed to come after me, to beg me to understand, or apologize, or whatever. Instead he had left! How can you have an argument with someone who doesn't fight? Just because I'd considered the conversation over, didn't mean he was allowed to. Damn him!
I sighed heavily and sank back into the pillows. I had no intention of staying overnight, that much was clear. But I wasn't going to sneak out, that had been a silly idea. If Ranger could go AMA, so could I, I'd sign whatever form the doctor would throw at me.
I didn't have to wait long. My doctor came to see me on his evening rounds. His name was Ellsberger, which sounded way too German for my taste, and I'd never seen him before. But he was nice enough as he explained he was running some tests and was waiting for the results, should have them in the morning. I didn't ask what kind of tests.
"I'd rather leave tonight," I said. "I feel fine."
He looked from me to my chart and started raising his eyebrows. "It's okay," I cut him off before he could argue. "I'll sign the form."
"I can't keep you here against your will." Well, that was a relief. "But make sure you check in tomorrow for your test results."
With that, he promised he'd get my discharge papers ready and left. Wow, that had been easier than I thought!
I got up and retrieved my shoulder bag from the floor by the closet where I'd dropped it when Ranger entered and fished out my cell phone. It only took me a second to know exactly where I was going.
"Mom, it's me. I'm being released tonight, can you send Dad to pick me up?" I said when my mom answered her home phone.
"Already?" Mom sounded doubtful. "They told us they'd keep you overnight."
"You know how I hate hospitals. I'm better off at your house."
Mom couldn't argue with that and promised to send my dad over right away, and I disconnected with a smile on my face after asking her to pack a change of clothes for me. I was going home.
There were basic toiletries in the bathroom, and I used them to freshen up. At some point, I decided after a quick glance in the mirror, I had to make a decision about my hair. I looked like a circus freak right now.
Maybe Ranger was right. Maybe I should just get some rest. And staying at my parents' house, while being chaotic in its own right, would at least guarantee I wouldn't have to look for intruders, or fear being attacked at night.
I didn't have a hat, so I just made the best effort at a half-assed ponytail and left it at that, there was no need for make-up, I decided.
A half hour later, there was another knock on my door and my dad entered, followed by Lester.
"Your dad is here to pick you up," Lester said, although he made it sound more like a question than a statement. I knew what he was thinking.
"Dr. Ellsberger has my discharge papers ready," I told him, taking the small bag from my dad. "I'll just get these on and be ready to leave in a minute."
Dad nodded and Lester looked confused as I disappeared into the bathroom. My guess was he was trying to decide whether to call Ranger or not. Probably he would have been less surprised if I'd just snuck out the window.
I put on the clothes my mom had packed, underwear, blue jeans and a white long-sleeved t-shirt, and felt a little more human. Now I couldn't wait to take a shower and wash the hospital grime off.
"OK, I'm ready," I announced when I stepped out of the bathroom.
"Whoa, hold on," Lester said. "Ranger know you're leaving?"
Wrong thing to say. Now Lester was making us both sound like Ranger was our dad. Or like we were his dogs. I shook my head to clear it from such thoughts, knowing Lester had meant nothing like that.
"He will once you tell him. My dad is taking me home," I said as calmly as I could and picked up my shoulder bag.
Lester narrowed his eyes at me slightly and I almost crossed my arms over my chest defiantly, when my dad jumped in for the second time that day.
He held his hands out for the now almost empty duffle. "I'm parked right out front."
Lester took a step to the side, indicating I was free to go, and plucked his cell phone off his belt. "Please wait for us to take position behind you, Mr. Plum," he said and punched in a number.
Dad just shrugged and held the door open for me. The look in Lester's eyes told me he didn't think this was over and would talk to me later. I shrugged mentally, he was in good company, everyone seemed to have a bone to pick with me.
Dad didn't say a word while I signed the discharge papers or while we took the elevator down, but I didn't really expect him to. He's a man of few words, he and Ranger have that in common. Damn, now I was thinking about him again!
My phone started ringing just as we left the hospital. I didn't have to look at it to know who it was, I was sure Lester had called Ranger as soon as I left my room. What would I say to Ranger? 'You left so I left'? Something even more childish than that? No, I was better off not talking to him for the time being, until I had a chance to rest, as he'd suggested.
Dad unlocked the car and opened the passenger door for me. "Your phone's ringing."
I contemplated fibbing for a second, but I was so tired of it. In the end, I went with the truth. "I don't want to talk to anyone."
He just nodded and closed my door, walked around the front and sat down beside me. "Your mother is re-heating dinner," he said with a glance in the rearview mirror.
"That's nice," I said, and my stomach grumbled in response. I really was hungry.
We waited for the RangeMan SUV to pull up behind us, and I had the urge to tell my dad to just take off, but I knew he wouldn't have. He'd told Lester he'd wait, and that's what he'd do, my dad was a 'man of his word'. He started the engine when the shiny black Pathfinder flashed its headlights behind us, but before we could leave the parking lot, a blue and white pulled up and Carl jumped out.
Dad rolled down the window and Carl stooped down as he tipped his head. "Frank, we're gonna escort you if you don't mind. Going home?"
Dad nodded. "I sure appreciate it."
Well, at least one of us did. I thought it was total overkill, but I kept my mouth shut as Dad rolled the window back up and we finally got moving.
Riding in a car with my dad was a lot like sitting next to Ranger, actually. I don't know if Dad has a zone, too, but he doesn't say anything. It suited me just fine, because I had a lot to think about myself. Like, what happened to the mental to-do list I had?
When we pulled into my parents' driveway, the porch light was on and Mom and Grandma Mazur were standing in the open door behind the storm door as usual. The black SUV parked at the curb and the cop car parked right behind us.
"I have dinner ready," was the first thing my Mom said when I got into the house. That was Plum speak for 'I love you and I hope you're okay, let me take care of you'.
"I'm starving," I said, the equivalent of 'I love you too'.
"Should we invite the hotties?" Grandma Mazur asked, jerking her head at the SUV.
Mom looked from the SUV to the blue and white, wringing her hands. "I don't have enough for all these hungry men!"
That must have been killing her because in her mind she was violating Burg customs, so I rushed to tell her all the men had already eaten anyway.
We all sat down to dinner even though it was past nine. It meant a big deal that dinner was served after six PM, and I was so grateful, I took seconds. When I had to open the top snap on my jeans after the blueberry pie, I felt better. Life was never all bad when you had dinner.
I knew my mom had a thousand questions for me, but I was in no mood to answer any of them. So I pretended to have a killer headache and went to bed. The bed was freshly made and my nightgown lay ironed on top of it when I got to my room and I once again congratulated myself on my decision to stay here.
When I got out of the bathroom, my dad was standing on top of the stairs with my cell phone in his hand. "Ranger wants to talk to you."
Here I'd thought it had been a great idea to 'forget' my phone in my shoulder bag. It may have been, if I'd remembered to turn it off.
I was very close to lifting my nose and telling my dad that I didn't want to talk to Ranger, but then I had this image about a stubborn little girl in my head and too the phone with a sigh. Closing my bedroom door behind me, I sighed and plopped down on the bed.
"Yo," I finally said.
"You left the hospital," Ranger said and I tried to read his tone. It sounded like the emotionless voice that went with the blank face, there was no telling how he felt.
"Against medical advice, just like you," I said.
"And against my advice," Ranger said.
"I hate hospitals. And you said I needed rest, I'm at my parents' house, I can rest here." There, didn't that sound like a good argument?
When he didn't respond, I continued. "Lester's outside along with the cops. I'm totally protected, I'm safe." Still no response. "That's what you were concerned about, right? Don't worry, I'm really safe."
I heard him take a deep breath. "You need help Steph."
"What I need is a good night's sleep and a boyfriend who supports me," I shot back, maybe a little too annoyed. But I'd had it with his safety and help shit.
"I support you," he said, still all calm. "But if you want a boyfriend who sits back and watches you fall apart, you have to look elsewhere."
No fair, how was I supposed to come up with a comeback to that? "I'm not falling apart." Lame.
Again with the pause. I knew what he was waiting for, he'd made a pretty heavy statement, did I want to look elsewhere? He couldn't possibly think that!
So I said the first thing that came to mind, "I miss you."
Meaning, I missed the old Ranger, I missed being with him the way he was before his mission, and before Harry had called his favor in. We were happy!
"I miss you too," he said after a moment and I could picture him, leaning his forehead against the wall with his eyes closed.
Did he mean that the same way? Had I changed in the past couple weeks? I didn't think so, but I wasn't always on top of my game these days.
I sighed. "I need to work some things out. Give me some time."
"I'll call you tomorrow," he said.
"I love you," I said just before he disconnected. He didn't reply.
I realized I'd admitted what I hadn't even admitted to myself before, I did need to work some things out. I needed to update my to-do list. No, fuck the to do list, I needed to do it!
I snapped the phone shut and slid under the covers, staring at the same ceiling I'd stared at as a teenager. Tomorrow, I promised, tomorrow I'd get to doing.
Sunlight filtered in through the sheers, and I was momentarily disoriented. I waited for the inevitable fight over the bathroom, but I couldn't hear anything. Getting my robe out of the closet, I shuffled out of my room. The bathroom door was wide open and I could hear my mom puttering in the kitchen. After I did what was necessary in the bathroom, I checked my cell phone clock: it was already 10:30, I'd slept almost twelve hours!
Now it made sense that I felt so rested, I'd finally gotten the sleep I needed. See, I told myself, it was a good idea to come here.
I knew breakfast was over and Mom would be preparing lunch right now, so I took a long shower, dressed in clothes my mom had ironed and put in the closet for me, and went downstairs in search of coffee.
Mary Lou was sitting at the kitchen table, some cookies and a mug of coffee in front of her. "Hey there, Sleeping Beauty," she greeted me with a smile.
"Are you feeling better?" my mom asked as I filled my own mug.
I nodded. "Yeah, I haven't slept this much in weeks."
"The men had breakfast, but now they're back outside in their car and Mary Lou came to see you," my mother said, "But she wouldn't let me wake you." Then she went back to her pot on the stove. It smelled like minestrone. I suspected 'the men' were the Merry Men and my mom had treated them to a breakfast of bacon and eggs they were unable to turn down.
"Where are Dad and Grandma?" I asked.
"Your father is out with the cab," my mother said, stirring the soup. "And your grandmother is at the beauty parlor, she said she had a lot to share."
I sat down next to Mary Lou and took a cookie from her plate. "Sorry I kept you waiting."
Mary Lou waved her hand dismissively. "Don't worry. Lenny has the kids this morning, they're visiting the in-laws. This is my time off anyway."
We made small talk until my mom declared the soup ready to simmer and disappeared to do her laundry. Then Mary Lou turned to me and her expression grew serious.
"How are you? I heard you were in the hospital again? Are you okay?"
Boy, that was a loaded question. I almost said 'Define okay', but then I had an idea.
"Mare, would you drive to the cemetery with me? I want to visit Joe, but I don't want to do it alone."
Mary Lou said she'd be happy to, and after I told my mom and grabbed my purse, we left the house. I waved at the Merry Men on our way to Mary Lou's Camry and they flashed their headlights in acknowledgement as they started the engine.
Although it was only early June, it felt like summer. It was sunny and hot as we got out of the car at the cemetery. We'd stopped at the florist on the way over and I had a bouquet of yellow tulips to place on Joe's grave.
I put the flowers down next to the headstone and then sat down, touching the stone. It was my way of saying hello. Mary Lou excused herself to lay her own flowers down on her grandparents' graves, and I knew she was giving me time alone with Joe.
It's not that I hear his voice in my head or anything, but I feel close to him when I sit by his grave. I told him about the last couple days and imagined his reaction. But I couldn't think of any advice he'd give me, only he had always known the right thing to say or do.
"You still miss him, don't you?" Mary Lou interrupted my thoughts.
I looked up at her and nodded. "A lot."
"You have a visitor," Mary Lou said and waved over at the entrance to the cemetery. "But it looks like your bodyguards won't let him through."
I stood up and dusted my pants off. Sure enough there was Hal, standing between Harry the Hammer and the entrance gate. I smiled, feeling very safe.
"It's okay Hal," I told him when I reached him. "I want to talk to Mr. Garibaldi."
Hal gave me a look that seemed to ask 'Are you sure?', but stepped aside to let Harry through.
"Sorry to disturb you here," Harry said, holding out his hand. "I didn't know you were here, but I do want to talk to you too."
We shook hands and walked over to one of the benches. "You have protection now," Harry said, waving over to the gate. "That's smart."
"A couple weeks ago, I thought I needed protection from you," I admitted.
He shook his head. "I'm just here to pay my respects."
"Oh I know," I rushed to say. "I had it pretty wrong. I mean, I also thought Guzzarella was acting on your orders."
I couldn't read the look in his eyes as he nodded slowly. "He was for a long time. But he won't bother you any more."
Hm. That much was true, but was that because Harry had 'taken care' of things? Probably I should have asked that, if only I'd have the guts to.
"I'm sorry about what happened at my house," Harry said.
Oh that. What had happened again? It hadn't ended with me being kidnapped, so I barely remembered. Apart from the knocking Tank out part.
"Now Eric's father will take care of him and his associates," Harry said.
I'd almost managed to forget all about the bad guys. They were dead or arrested, that's all I cared about.
"He won't get a chance to," I said. "DalBo and Hartung are in prison, awaiting trial."
A small smile played on Harry's lips and I felt a little stupid for what I'd said. As if prison walls could stop you if you were 'connected'. I was sure I didn't want to know DalBo Sr.'s plan of action here. A change of subject was in order.
"Do you still want Joyce out of the picture?"
"I don't want her dead," Harry said and I realized I should choose my words more carefully in his company.
"You just want her gone, out of Vinnie's life," I clarified and Harry nodded, the smile dying.
"I know he's your family, but Lucille should have never married that faccia di stronzo!" he said, his voice barely rising at the insult.
"I have a suggestion then," I said, making the plan as I spoke. "If you help me get rid of whoever wants me dead, I get rid of the skank. That's a promise."
The words 'deal with the devil' tried to swim to my minds surface but I pushed them down again as I struck out my hand just as Mary Lou was approaching us.
If Harry was surprised, he didn't show it. He shook my hand slowly and for at least a minute. "I heard what happened to you yesterday. I hope you never suspected I had anything to do with it?"
"No," I said, shaking my head so fast it made me dizzy again, "that never even crossed my mind!"
Harry looked up to greet Mary Lou then he turned to me again. "Why don't we meet at a nicer place to discuss this? Tomorrow at noon?"
"My parents' house," I decided and Mary Lou sucked in some air. But I was done with Harry's house and any other public place. Nothing bad had ever happened at my parents' house.
Harry only hesitated a moment before he nodded. "Tomorrow then," he said and nodded once at Mary Lou and once at me by way of saying goodbye.
I sank back against the bench with a whoosh. "What the hell was that?" Mary Lou asked as she plopped down next to me. "I almost bit my tongue off trying to stay quiet!"
We both watched Harry walk through the gate and get into his car, Hal never taking his eyes off of him. "Mom is gonna freak when I tell her."
Mary Lou snorted. "Duh. I'm not sure I'm not gonna freak. Did you just set a date with Harry the Hammer?"
"It's not a date," I said turning back to her. "But I could sure use one of those."
Now she frowned. "What about Ranger? Aren't you two as good as…"
I cut her off before she could finish that sentence. "I don't know." Then I sighed and told Mary Lou everything.
We were far enough from the Merry Men so that they couldn't hear us and there was no one else on the cemetery within ear shot. It was just Mare and me. And it felt good to share, go figure. I told her all about Ranger's 'suggestion', trying hard to keep it neutral, his behavior in the hospital, and finally about the last phone call.
I took a deep breath. "So that's why I'm not exactly sure what I have and where we stand."
Mary Lou thought for a second and then she straightened her shoulders. "I'm gonna ignore the fact that you didn't call me and tell me about this before, I understand there was other shit going down. How you kept all this to yourself for so long I don't know. But, hello, no wonder you're a mess!"
"I'm not a mess," I said, regretting I'd shared with her.
She put her hand on my arm. "I didn't mean it that way," she said, but then her forehead scrunched up again. "Or maybe I did. But I said it as a friend who wants to help. You need help, Steph."
I knew she was waiting for me to protest here, but I'd realized she was right before she even showed up at my parents' house. I may not have believed Ranger the first ten times he said it, but I believed him now.
"I know," I admitted. "But I don't know where to begin."
"Ranger loves you," Mare said. "You know he'd do anything for you."
Yeah, like have me committed. "I'm not sure Ranger would do for me what I want to have done for me."
"Huh? You may want to explain that," Mary Lou said.
I sighed. "I told you what he said. If I don't talk to a shrink voluntarily, he'll have me committed."
"That's bullshit," she said. "He didn't say anything about that. He wants you to get better, not worse."
How would she know what exactly he said? I got an ugly suspicion. "Did you talk to him?"
Mary Lou blushed and looked down, studying her hands. I gasped. "You did, didn't you?"
She sighed, still not meeting my eyes. "He called me last night," she almost whispered. "But just because he's so concerned. Yes, he asked me to talk to you, but only because he said you don't listen to him. Don't be mad."
I thought about being mad, but really, what difference would that make? Probably I would have called Mary Lou anyway, right? In any case, the only one I should be mad at was Ranger, not Mare.
"I'm not mad," I said. "But Ranger needs to stop trying to control me."
"How is he trying to control you?" Mary Lou asked. "By suggesting I'd talk to you?"
It was no use, Mare was brainwashed. Probably Ranger had turned on the charms. She'd never doubt he meant what he said. "Forget it," I said.
"For what it's worth, I think he's right," Mary Lou said. "Tell me about yesterday, you must have been so scared."
And suddenly I realize I didn't have to be brave anymore. I didn't have to pretend all was well. This was Mary Lou, my childhood friend, my best friend. I opened my mouth to tell her I was okay, my standard answer, but instead, a sob escaped and before I knew it, I was crying in Mare's arms. It was as if flood gates opened, I didn't even know I'd needed to cry.
Mary Lou just held me, whispering encouraging words I couldn't hear over my sniveling, and patted my back until I calmed down some and was able to breathe again.
"Good thing you're okay," Mare quipped as I blew my nose for the second time. "I'd hate so see you when you're all stressed out."
I grimaced. "I didn't know I had that in me either."
"As long as it's out," she said. "Now we can start fresh. Out with the old!"
She got up and motioned for me to follow. "We need sugar for the next part."
Of course, sugar meant doughnuts. She drove us straight to the Tasty Pastry where we bought two dozen doughnuts, one for us and one for the Merry Men I argued, and then we continued to her house.
It was nice and quiet with the kids gone and we settled ourselves in the kitchen and then Mare made me talk. I mean, she made me! She kept asking questions, and she wouldn't accept 'I don't know' as an answer. The weirdest part was that I felt so much better after I'd said it all.
"You still believe Ranger wants to control you?" she asked. I shook my head slowly.
"I think you should call him and tell him that," she said, taking her portable off its cradle. "I'd bet dollars to doughnuts he's waiting for your call."
I knew the Merry Men gave Ranger constant updates on where I was and how I was doing, so I doubted he needed to hear any of that. But I didn't know if he still wanted to hear from his girlfriend either, after our last conversation the night before. And the preceding one in the hospital, come to think of it.
"Might as well," Mare prompted when she sensed my hesitance. "You know you want to." And she bit into another Boston cream.
No, I didn't think Ranger was trying to control me. It'd taken me an hour to share my feelings with Mare, after I'd told Ranger over and over I had nothing to say. Now that I started, I wanted to continue. Ranger would be harder to talk to than Mary Lou, but if I did it right away, I might not lose my nerve.
Mary smiled at me and touched my arm, lending me her strength, then she got up to give me privacy. I prayed it wasn't too late as I punched his cell phone number in and waited for the ring tone.
faccia di stronzo - a bastard, a son of a bitch
TBC
A/N: OK, now it's up to you. How should the conversation with Ranger go? Should he be understanding and forgiving? Should he insist she see a specialist and refuse to talk to her until then? What would you like to see in the final chapter????