Buck was caught in the worst dilemma he remembered being in. Nathan was giving him instructions to take care of Vin as he headed to the livery and Buck wanted to make sure he got them straight. But Nettie was on a sure path to disaster heading to the saloon and Chris, and Buck wanted to stop her and explain before the two of them collided. And JD was gone to the jail, so Vin was right now alone in the clinic.
"I got it Nathan - one dose every two hours... Vin -" he called over his shoulder, hoping his voice carried. "I'll be right back." And he ran down the stairs after Nettie and did what was customarily unthinkable to him: grabbed her by the shoulder to stop her. She turned an icy and threatening gaze on him.
"Buck, you better have a real good reason for doing that."
"I know Miss Nettie and I am sorry. But I got to explain. I gotta ask you not to go talk to Chris. He ain't not comin' just to be cross. You know that. He's got a lot of pain goin' on inside of him too, and just 'cause he ain't got them sad puppy eyes that Vin does, don't mean he don't need lookin' after just the same." He saw that his words were having at least a little effect on her. "Now, Chris done told me why he can't be up there with Vin right now, and I understand. But I knowed Chris a long time too Ma'am, and I can tell he's gearin' himself up to be there. He's got a lot of grief of his own to overcome to get there though. And I told Chris I'd keep people from pestering him."
Nettie raised an eyebrow at this and Buck steeled himself again for what might be an ugly incident. When he spoke again, his voice was firm.
"Now Miss Nettie, I know you're a lady, and I admire and respect you. But Chris is my friend, and has been for a long time, and it's my job to look out for him. I told him he wouldn't be bothered and by God he won't, no matter what I have to do. Now we got ourselves a choice here, either stand here in a stalemate over Chris or get back to takin' care of Vin who is alone at this very moment, and who knows what kind of trouble that boy can get into, even half dead."
Nettie considered Buck a long moment. The shadows from the street fire made it harder for Buck to read her face. "I ain't in the habit a' bein' spoke to that way."
"I ain't in the habit of speakin' that way neither."
"Is Chris aware of what lengths you go to protect him?"
"I don't think so, and I wouldn't want him to know. He ain't the kind of man would take it agreeable."
"Yes, I guess you're right..." Nettie took another minute to consider. "All right - for now. But that boy needs him something fierce, though Lord knows why..." She relaxed and patted Buck's arm. "You go on back to Vin. I'll get him some more soup..." She saw the misgivings in Buck's face. "I promise, I won't go near Chris. You have my word."
"Thank you Miss Nettie."
SPN*SPN*SPN
When Buck got back to the clinic, he found Vin sitting up at the edge of the bed clutching a blanket around himself. His head was down and Buck would've thought he was asleep until he lifted his head to look at him.
"Vin, what d'you think you're doing?"
It took Vin a moment and some breath to answer.
"Man's gotta take advantage of privacy when he can..." His voice was still weak and raspy, but he smiled. Buck smiled back at him.
"All right Pard, if you're all set, let me get you back down..."
"Buck - ?"
"What?" Buck was afraid Vin was going to ask about Chris.
"...'long as Nathan ain't here, y'think I could sit near the stove a spell? Awful cold, 'n my back hurts real bad. Just like to change posts for a spell."
Buck wasn't sure about saying yes, then he figured as soon as JD got back, he'd tell him to keep a watch out for Nathan so's he could get Vin back in bed before either of them got caught.
"Sure, let me just get it set for you. Keep that blanket around you now."
He moved the chair to the stove and spread a blanket over it. Then he helped Vin stand up and walk the few paces to the chair, and when he was settled, he bundled another blanket across his lap and under his feet.
"While I got the chance, think I'll change the beddin'. Always feels nicer when you're sick to have fresh beddin'."
"Thanks Buck."
"Maybe while we're at it, we'll getcha fresh long johns." Buck said as he began to strip the bed.
"Ain't got but the one pair." Vin told him and this stopped Buck cold.
"All them shirts and bandannas y'got - and you ain't got but one pair of long johns?"
Vin shrugged. "Don't nobody see 'em...usually..."
Buck sighed and continued with his work. "Well, we'll see if we can scare you up another pair anyhow."
"...'kay."
SPN*SPN*SPN
As soon as they got to the O'Brien's, Will jumped down from the back of Josiah's horse and ran into the house.
"Ma - they're come! Mr. Jackson and Mr. Sanchez!" She was outside in an instant. Even at this late hour, a passel of children followed her.
"Thank the Lord and you two boys..." She greeted them. "Will, Dan, take their horses...Bart poor boy, seemed all right this morning. Got himself lost again, he does pritnear every day. Goes lookin' for his folks...Abby, put the kettle on for tea...don't know what we can do short a' tyin' him down..." She led them into the cabin. "Then about supper time he said his throat hurt. Didn't seem to hurt that bad or I woulda sent for you sooner." She was trying to sound calm, but her worry showed in her face. "He's yonder."
Neither Josiah nor Nathan expected poor Bart to be in the neglected, mistreated state that Vin so feared, but they also didn't expect to find him the way they did. Mrs. O'Brien showed them over to the kitchen and there sat Mr. O'Brien in a worn rocking chair, with Bart snug in his arms, one hand gripping the front of his Pa's shirt and sucking the fingers on his other hand, firmly asleep. He was flushed and feverish, but appeared surprisingly content to be where he was.
"Miz O'Brien, you mind? I might hafta wake him up to check him."
"Oh no Mr. Jackson, whatever you need to do. You just make sure our boy's all right."
"Yes Ma'am." As Nathan set about his task, Mrs. O'Brien proceeded to make tea for them.
"It was right nice of you Mr. Sanchez to come outta your way to check on us." She said as she got cups down off the shelf.
"Well, I will be honest with you Ma'am, Vin asked me to come check on Bart. He's feelin' mighty poorly himself right now and...well...he took it into his head..." But he wasn't sure how to say it without sounding insulting.
"That we might be harmin' that boy." She said it without resentment.
"That'd be about it."
She sighed. "I been wonderin' what it was I saw on his face whenever it looked like he was somewhere's else. I'm gatherin' he had a rough turn, growin' up?"
"Yes Ma'am, he did. Orphaned, 'bout the same age as Bart there. Got taken in by grandparents who mistreated him. Vin ain't had an easy life by anyone's measure."
"How poorly is he?" She asked, pausing as she set a plate of biscuits on the table. "Will told me he found him this mornin' sittin' out by a cold campfire. Out when we was all lookin' for Bart."
"He's poorly...Nathan said quinsy."
"My word...and he really thought we'd be mistreatin' Bart same as he was..." Mrs. O'Brien shook her head. It wasn't a question that needed an answer. "You think he'd mind if I paid him a visit? Set his mind at ease?"
"I think that'd be right nice of you."
Across the table from them, Nathan did his best to assess Bart without waking him up, but finally the boy did wake up. He whimpered and turned away from Nathan.
"Pa - Pa -" He clung to his father, weakly protesting and frightened till Buck shushed him.
"It's okay Bart. Your Pa's here, I'm right here..." And Bart looked up at him, staring a moment, then he nodded and curled himself into his father's arms again and went back to sleep.
SPN*SPN*SPNVin watched Buck in the flickering lamplight as he made up the bed with fresh sheets and blankets. Vin never felt as easy around Buck as he did Chris. Hell, he never felt as easy around anybody as he did Chris. He wasn't sure about anybody else, but Chris he knew, you tell him something in confidence, he'd take it to his grave. He was the only one Vin trusted to tell his past to. He was the one it mattered the most to Vin that he understand.
Still, Buck was a good man. He was here now when no law said he had to be, humming to himself as he made sure the blankets were straightened just so. After Ezra, Vin figured Buck was the fussiest of them all. 'Course, that was mostly because of the ladies. But he was usually shined up pretty nice. Vin looked down at himself. He figured he was the worst of them all. Didn't reckon any lady would want to get near him, clean or dirty. Not any real lady.
Well, there was Nettie, but she weren't no lady, she was just Nettie. And Casey - well, there was times she was even dirtier than he was. There was Mrs. Potter, but he was a paying customer and she probably was just being polite. And Mary, but she was probably just being nice 'cause he was a friend of Chris.
The last thought hit a fresh wound in Vin. "Guess I ain't his friend no more." he said to himself.
"Did you say something?" Buck asked. He was crouched down at a cupboard, looking for pillow cases. He turned back to Vin.
Vin was just going to shake his head, but Buck looked worried and Vin realized with a surprise that Buck was worried about him.
"Could I have some water?"
"Sure...here you go..." He brought the cup over to Vin. "Ain't even none a' that ditch water neither..."
"Thanks..." Vin's hands shook as he drank it down.
"How you feeling? You ain't soundin' any better." The concern in his voice moved Vin and he dropped his head and drank more water to not have Buck see his face. "You gettin' warmed up enough?"
"Yeah..."
"You ready to lay back down here? Couldn't find no pillow cases, but everythin' else is fresh."
"He ain't comin', is he?" The sudden question startled both of them. Buck set himself slowly and deliberately into the opposite chair, buying himself as much time as he could.
"Not right now Vin. " Buck rested his arms on his knees, leaning toward Vin who still wouldn't meet his eyes. "He's hurtin' - not from what you said." He added quickly when Vin winced. "Vin. .." Buck reached out to put his hand on Vin's arm, making the contact that Vin was trying to avoid. "I didn't figure I had to say this to you, I figured you'd just know it...there's anything in you needs tellin' Vin, you can tell me. I know I ain't as smart as Josiah, and I ain't got no medicine like Nathan...but I can listen." Vin didn't answer and Buck sat back in his chair, breaking the contact.
"You and Chris are a lot alike, y'know that?" He kept his voice quiet. "You both keep something locked inside of you, and you hammer away at it, all red hot and angry, like you're trying to shape it into something else. Only what you got inside a' you ain't malleable like that. And you come to find out all you been doin' is pounding on yourself..."
Then Buck waited. Nathan and Josiah could carry on remarkable conversations about complex subjects, physical or spiritual, for any length of time. Ezra's mind was sharp as lightning and twice as fast. Buck and JD could both talk at the same time, or talk over anybody they had to. And Vin and Chris were alike. Both smart, sure enough. But they not only needed silence to talk in, sometimes they needed the silence to gather their thoughts to where they needed them to be.
So Buck waited.
Many things turned over in Vin's mind. The sudden, near possibility that he could talk to Buck. A mountain of pain that he could unburden into Buck's willing hands and maybe then he'd feel better. Then another, distracting thought spoke up.
"He told you." Vin's weak voice was accusing. He looked Buck straight in the eye.
"Who told me what?" This wasn't what Buck had been waiting for.
"Chris - he told you what I said - about - about - how I was raised up."
"Yeah, he told me." And Buck sensed that Vin was retreating behind an invisible wall.
"Didn't mean for him to tell you. Didn't want him to."
"He's worried about you Vin. .." Buck didn't really know what to say to him. "Truth be told, I could see how worried he was about you and I made him tell me what was goin' on."
"What all did he tell you?" Vin asked, still accusing. "He tell you everything?"
"I don't know." Buck said. "I suppose, maybe he did. You know, he ain't your only friend..."
Vin had the sudden, odd notion of going to the O'Brien's to 'save' Bart, take him up into the mountains where they'd both be free, and safe from the hurt and the loneliness, and the people who didn't understand. The feeling tugged hard at him, even though he knew it was foolish.
"You reckon they're takin' care a' Bart all right?" His voice was calmer.
"You know Mz. O'Brien dotes on them young 'uns. And Nathan and Josiah are out there right now, making sure..." Buck wondered what turn this conversation was going to take next. He decided to steer it. "There's no way that boy'll have as hard a time as you did Vin. And you ain't gonna ever have that hard a time again neither."
Vin still had the cup in his hand. He finished the last of the water just for something to do, then he set it on the floor and pulled the blanket tight around his shoulders. And Buck waited.
"He tell you everything?" Vin asked again. His voice was quiet, asking what Buck knew. Asking what he all could know and still be sitting here with Vin.
"Well Vin, he ain't told me what you ain't told him...he told me your grandfather beat you, and your grandmother hurt your hands. He told me it seems like it's botherin' you that the O'Briens took in all them little kids when all you got was misery." Buck deliberately left some out.
"Just don't seem fair sometimes, the life I got..."
"Hell Vin, it ain't fair. Won't never be fair how you was treated when you was a tyke. You got the right to hate what happened to you, and you got the right hate the ones that did it."
"It ain't that I wish them kids misery...I just wish I'da had more'n five years of bein' happy." Talking was wearing Vin out. He tried to decide if he wanted to lie down again. "And I can't even remember most of those years anyway..."
Buck was about to tell Vin that he had the whole rest of his life to be happy, then he remembered that the whole rest of Vin's life might just be long enough to die of quinsy.
"You been happy since you fell in with us, ain't you?" He asked instead. "We all been like family to each other...least ways, that's how I feel."
Vin sorely wanted to list each and every time that he'd felt welcome and happy with them. He kept each incident tucked away in his memory to be taken out and gone over again and again, mostly to relive them, sometimes just because he still couldn't believe it. But his throat was sore and he was rapidly losing strength.
"I been happy." Was all he could manage.
"You got family now, and no matter what, you know we stand with you."
"Even Chris?" Vin had to ask and Buck nodded firmly.
"Even Chris."
"He ain't here."
"That's 'cause he's got somethin' to work over in his mind and he knows you're in good hands. But if he thought there was trouble you had to face down, he'd be here like a shot."
"Yeah. Thanks Buck..." Vin meant for more than the bed and Buck knew it. As he stood up, he lightly squeezed Vin's shoulder.
"You just hold on."