So that's it then. This is the last chapter of 'Faith'. If there's any interest, I'll write an epilogue, but you'll have to let me know, I wouldn't want to impose...
Thank you all so very much for reading and sharing your thoughts with me, your reviews are what kept me writing. I'm glad I was able to take you on this journey with me.
'Keep the Faith' wouldn't have been possible without Stayce. She kept me going when I was ready to give up, she kept brainstorming with me, beta-ing, editing...you name it, Stayce did it. Thanks Babe!
Disclaimer: Still not my characters, but I promise to return them mostly unharmed. The title is borrowed from Bon Jovi
Keep the Faith
Chapter 32
¦lt;/p
Okay, so my life was pretty much a mess. My 'kids', Rex and Bob, were in foster care, with Valerie and Lester respectively, I hadn't caught an FTA in like two weeks and I was trying to find out if I still had a relationship with my boyfriend.
And if that wasn't enough, I had yet to find out who's been trying to shoot at me and leaving threatening messages on my voice mail and sending me weird emails. I was hoping it was the same guy so there was only one psycho to catch.
But on the plus side, I'd just spent an afternoon spilling my guts to my best friend Mary Lou, and that had helped me realize what I had to do to get my life back in order.
I had a plan. Tonight, I was going to collect Rex and Bob and sleep in my own apartment, hopefully with my boyfriend.
And tomorrow, I was going to go to work on the outstanding FTAs and meet Harry the Hammer who would hopefully help me figure out who wanted me dead. He had connections, I figured, he might know someone who'd heard something.
Overall, I felt pretty good about tomorrow. Not so much about right now though, as the line was ringing and I was praying Ranger was going to pick up the phone. I couldn't believe how fast my heart was beating and how sweaty my palms were, I had to fight the urge to slam the phone down and run screaming out of the kitchen. That urge was silly, of course. That's what a woman who couldn't face up to reality would do…
"Hello?"
'Hello?'? Since when did Ranger answer the phone with 'hello'? Oh. Mental head slap. I was calling from Mary Lou's landline and he had no way of knowing it was me. I took a deep breath.
"Ranger, it's me."
"How're you feeling?" he asked, and I tried to gauge his tone. Was he happy to hear from me?
"Better than in weeks," I told him, and that was the truth.
"I'm glad to hear it," he said.
Okay, I realized, we were making polite small talk here. Was he waiting for me to tell him something? Was I supposed to apologize?
So it was time for me to step up to the plate. "Can I see you?"
What? What kind of question was that? It had been out of my mouth before I could stop it, and it had made me sound pathetic. And as if that wasn't bad enough, Ranger didn't reply, I got a hesitating vibe through the phone. What the hell?
"Now's not a good time, Steph," he finally said and I almost fell back into the kitchen chair as I sat down.
I felt as if I'd been sucker punched in the gut, all the air left my lungs, and tiny white dots danced in front of my eyes. No, no, no, no, no, he didn't just say that, I heard him wrong, I had to have. I was struggling with what to say, hell, I was struggling to open my mouth!
"Wh…what?" was what eventually came out, I know I'll never win an eloquence award.
"I'll be in meetings all day," Ranger said, his voice neutral, blank.
Okay, new plan. Since I didn't have a plan in the first place, I sure as hell didn't have a Plan B. I wanted to see Ranger, I had to talk to him in person, we had a lot to discuss. I couldn't even begin to scratch the surface on the phone. No, I decided, this had to be done.
"It's important," I said, trying to keep my voice steady.
"Are you okay?" he asked immediately and he sounded concerned now, allowing emotion to show.
I knew he knew I was okay, his men were sitting outside Mary Lou's house and had probably been reporting every change of location since we left my parents' house. It gave me hope that he was obviously concerned for me beyond my physical safety.
"I really need to talk to you," I said, trying hard to stay calm now. I promised myself it was the last time I'd mention it, I would not beg.
I had the mental image of Ranger checking his watch, going over his schedule in his head. It never occurred to me that he'd make up a reason he couldn't see me.
"I finish here in a few hours," he said after a moment's pause.
"Come to my apartment," I said, surprising myself with the suggestion. "And bring Bob. I'm going home."
"Your place at 6," he said, and then we disconnected. That gave me three hours.
Suddenly I was out of breath, realizing I'd told Ranger what I wanted before I'd admitted it to myself: I needed to be home. Physically, I felt okay, although I'd looked better, and I was sure I could take care of myself. The night before, I'd needed my parents. Earlier today, I'd needed Joe. Now it was time for me to be by myself again.
Well, myself with Ranger. If there still was a Ranger and me, I cautioned, but quickly banned that thought from my mind. I needed to think positively now.
When Mare came back into the room a few minutes later, I straightened my shoulders and gave her a small smile.
"I have a date tonight," I said. "Mind if I borrow a dress?"
Mary Lou grinned and hugged me spontaneously. When she pulled back, she studied me for a second.
"Anything in my closet is yours, you know that," she said. "But may I suggest we start with your hair?"
My hand flew up to the gauze that was covering what felt like half my head. I'd forgotten all about that. "I need a wig!" I said, picking up the phone again. "I need Sally!"
Mare clamped a hand over her mouth. "Oh my God, no, that's not what I meant! I'm so sorry, Steph, you look fine!"
"No I don't," I said grimacing. "And as my best friend, I expect you to tell me the truth. The best dress won't make a difference if I look like Frankenstein's monster!"
Mary Lou laughed out loud at that and pulled me with her by my elbow as I was punching in Sally's number.
"Good thing we have the house to ourselves," Mare said, still laughing as we climbed the stairs. "This is going to be a project!"
She got me everything I needed and then left me in the bathroom, where I took a long shower. I shampooed, conditioned, shaved, buffed and then lotioned, all taking me an hour.
After the fog cleared somewhat, I took a critical look in the mirror, a real look this time. They'd shaved off about a third of my hair, and it looked weird. I tried covering the large bald spot where the wound was already healing, but that just made me look like a female Donald Trump.
"Mare!" I yelled and she surprised me when she threw the bathroom door open less than thirty seconds later.
"What?" she asked.
I recognized the voice and the look, she was in mom mode. I smiled. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to alarm you."
She waved it off. "What do you need?"
I handed her a pair of scissors I'd found in a vanity drawer. "I need you to perform the surgery." With that, I sat down on the toilet and closed my eyes. "I'm ready."
"How much of it do you want me to cut off?" Mare asked.
I swallowed. "All of it."
"All of it?" Mare almost screamed.
"That's why I need your help, I can't do it alone. Just so it all looks even, it's the only way."
Mare looked at my hair, probably trying to come up with an alternative. "Okay, I'll try my best. It's already growing back where they shaved it; it's not so bad…" I think she was trying to convince herself and not me, so I kept quiet.
If you've ever seen '16 Candles', you can imagine the scene that played out next. Mare was almost in tears, chanting 'Oh God, Oh God' with every snip, and I had my eyes closed and went to my mental happy place. Although I have to admit being drunk would have helped me find that place a lot.
"I'm going to use the buzzer next," Mary Lou announced, apparently getting over her shock, and I just nodded without opening my eyes. Sally would be here any minute and I was determined not to see myself until I had the wig on.
"Hey, it worked for Britney Spears," Mary Lou said when she'd turned off the buzzer and wiped my neck with a towel. "It's sort of sexy on you."
I snorted. "What did I tell you about honesty?"
Mary Lou giggled nervously and I finally opened my eyes, looking straight ahead to avoid the mirror.
"A sick part of me wants to take a picture," she said, letting her gaze wander over my scalp.
I glared at her and resisted the urge to run my hand over my fuzzy head; I didn't want my palm to give my brain any images. I would wear the wig until I had something to work with, and that was that. As far as I knew, that's what Britney Spears did, now that Mare had brought her up.
Mary Lou handed me the robe from the hook on the door. "Wait till you see the outfit I have for you!"
I really didn't know what to expect from that so when Mary Lou led me into her bedroom and showed me the elegant black cocktail dress she'd selected and hung on the outside of her closet door, I was pleasantly surprised. Somehow I'd expected sequins and neon colors, because the last time we'd gotten dressed at Mare's house, it was 1987 and that's what we wore.
"It's beautiful," I said, running my hand over the satin material. "Is it new?"
Mary Lou nodded. "I bought it a couple months ago hoping to fit into it by summer. That didn't happen, but I think it'll look great on you." She bent down and reached into the closet, producing a pair of black suede, 4"-heeled pumps. "These'll go great with it."
I almost had a mini-orgasm on the spot at the sight of the shoes. They were perfect. Now it was my turn to spontaneously hug Mary Lou. That made it twice we hugged today, more than in the past ten years. It was an emotional afternoon.
"Go ahead, try it on," Mary Lou suggested. "I'll go get us some drinks to get in the mood." She winked and turned to go, just as the doorbell rang. "Guess your hair is here," she said and went downstairs to greet Sally.
I tried on the shoes first because, while the dress was pretty, the shoes were divine. And I hadn't dressed up in way too long; the Jersey Girl in me had been all but hibernating. The pumps fit perfectly, which meant they had to be too big for Mary Lou. I wondered how long ago she'd actually bought them and the dress and made a mental note to ask her about it later. I stood in her white terry bathrobe and the FMPs in front of her bedroom mirror, keeping my eyes firmly on my feet.
When I heard commotion on the stairs, I hurried back into the bathroom. Not even Sally was going to see me as Telly Savalas!
Mary Lou knocked on the bathroom door moments later. "Are you decent?"
I wrapped a towel around my head and answered the door. "I guess the shoes fit," Mary Lou said smiling with a look at my feet. Shit, I'd forgotten to take them off. Now I really looked ridiculous!
"Killer pumps," Sally said admiringly and high-fived me by way of greeting.
"Thank you for coming so quickly," I said, ignoring their comments as I stepped out of the shoes. "What did you bring?"
Sally looked unusually decent today, in faded ripped jeans and a white t-shirt that had once been advertising AC/DC. If it wasn't for his dangling rhinestone earrings, he would have looked like a regular guy. He took a duffle off his shoulder.
"I brought an assortment," he said. "I didn't know what kind of look you were going for."
I hadn't thought about that at all, I guess I was going for the 'with hair' look. "Not Marilyn," I said, "Nothing fancy. You got anything brunette?"
Sally looked puzzled. He opened his mouth but Mary Lou shot him a look and shook her head. "It's okay," I said to her. "He was going to find out anyway." I turned to Sally. "I had to shave my head."
I lifted my hand to take the towel off, but stopped short. It was enough to tell him, I really didn't want to see a look of pity in his eyes.
Sally looked like he was searching for the right words, then he gave up and rummaged through his bag. "The closest to brunette I got is red," he said. "Think that will do?"
He held up a wig with shoulder length, straight, fire-red glossy hair. Mary Lou and I wrinkled our noses in unison. "I don't think so," she said for me. Sally shrugged and got another wig, this one dark blond and short, a little like Mia Farrow. I liked it.
"Why don't I try them all on," I suggested and held my hand out for the duffle bag.
Sally nodded. "Sure, let me help you with that."
"Oh no," I was quick to say. "You can put on the finishing touches." I took the bag and closed the bathroom door behind me.
After trying on all the wigs and almost, almost going with the Cher number, I decided on the Mia Farrow blond after all. I've always wondered what I'd look like with short hair, but was too chicken to get my hair cut. Now I was going to find out, but I wanted a preview.
Sally let out a long whistle when I finally came downstairs, in my black dress, FMP's, complete make-up and pixie style haircut.
"Perfect," he said, and he sounded absolutely sincere.
I turned around slowly and Mary Lou nodded. "Classy," she said and handed me a drink.
I happened to know they were right. After I'd put the wig on, I'd finally dared a look in the mirror. The blond and the short were new, but it looked okay. Then I took some gel to it and the end result wasn't too bad at all. After I'd added three coats o f mascara and the new Berry Berry lipstick, I looked downright sexy, if I did say so myself. I was happy Sally's reaction confirmed it., because I intended to look my best for Ranger.
I took a sip from the drink Mary Lou had handed me. Rum and Coke, perfect. After the first tentative sip, I drowned the rest in one gulp.
"I needed that," I said, putting my glass on the counter in the kitchen. I checked the time on the wall clock and took a deep breath.
"Wish me luck. And thank you," I said, hugging Mare. Again. "Mare will explain," I told Sally and hugged him, too. "Thank you!"
"Go get him, Tiger," Mary Lou said, holding me tight for a moment. "Good luck!"
"Yeah man, whatever it is, I hope you get it!" Sally said and toasted me with his drink, grinning from ear to ear.
I gave them both a thumbs up, took a deep breath and walked out the front door, straight to the RangeMan SUV parked at the curb. I had two errands to run, and I was short on time.
The Merry Men were professionals. Hal and Ram were my protectors today and there was no comment about my hair and I didn't expect any. Now, if Lester had been in charge, I'd known for sure whether or not I passed the final test, because he would have commented. As it was, I didn't want to ask the guys, it was done, nothing I could so about it now anyway.
First, we collected Rex from Val's house. There was a minor riot when Mary Alice and Angie didn't want to let Rex go, and I believe I promised them their own hamster for their birthdays just to get them to release mine. I'd deal with that later, I figured, closing my arms protectively around Rex's aquarium.
The guys smiled fondly when they saw Rex. "Taking the rat to headquarters?" Ram asked when I climbed into the back seat behind Rex.
"No, taking him home. I need to go grocery shopping next."
I'd told Ranger to bring Bob, so I didn't have to worry about that, but I knew my fridge and cupboards at home were either empty or their contents spoiled by now. And I was planning to make dinner, all part of the plan, I couldn't worry about being way too dressed up for the Shop'n'Bag right now.
It was nice to have help when grocery shopping, I discovered. Ram took care of all the heavy lifting and loaded the bags into the car, all I had to do was select and pay.
I got really nervous about two blocks from my apartment. Hal hadn't blinked when I'd told him where we were going, but I had second thoughts. Was I doing the right thing putting everything on the line like this? Was I ready to be home alone again? Only one way to find out, I figured and followed Ram into the building. I was carrying Rex, he was carrying everything else.
He deposited the grocery bags in the upstairs hallway and did a quick sweep of my apartment while I waited outside. Shit, I realized I hadn't cleaned in there for over a week and I had less than an hour before Ranger would arrive. That meant I had to change, clean, and then…
"All clear," Ram interrupted my thoughts, opening the door wide. He picked up the bags and disappeared into my apartment.
"We're home," I told Rex as I followed Ram.
Rex was completely underwhelmed by the experience, once in the car, he'd scurried into his soup can and hadn't emerged since. I set him down on the counter, threw a couple raisins and hamster nuggets into his food dish and finally allowed myself to take a look around, assess the damage so to say.
"Ella was here," Ram said matter-of-factly, probably I looked totally confused when I was just surprised.
"That explains it," I said, taking in the spotless kitchen. Everything, absolutely everything, was clean and dust-free, there was no evidence left of the break-in a week ago.
Tears pricked my eyes and I took a couple deep breaths to hold them back, I really didn't want to ruin my make-up.
"You okay?" Ram wanted to know.
"I'm fine," I assured him. "Can I get you anything?" My Burg manners coming through.
He gave me a brilliant smile that I think was one of the RangeMan trademarks and shook his head once. "I'll be right outside if you need anything."
And with that he was gone. And I was alone, trying to get back in touch with a home I'd all but abandoned after the last time it was ransacked. I only had a few minutes for it though, because I still had to get dinner started and make sure I still looked OK for Ranger.
Okay, so I cheated on dinner. Maybe Ranger wouldn't know I got heat & serve lasagna and threw together a big ass salad from the salad bar, maybe he'd think I chopped and diced for hours? Not that it mattered, and I wouldn't lie about it, it was the thought that counted after all.
I realized I was trying to avoid the actual subject and rushed into the bathroom to check my reflection. Due to the fact that I hadn't done the heavy lifting or the grocery carrying, my hair was still in place and my mascara hadn't run. I re-applied some lipstick and wished myself good luck, just as I heard a knock on the front door. My breath caught in my throat and I was more nervous than on my first date. That was of course because so much more depended on tonight, but that realization didn't help.
I stalked over to the door on legs that felt like stilts, my heart was beating frantically and my palms where sweaty. And since when did he knock anyway? Why didn't he just come in as usual?
I stopped right in front of the door, my hand already on the knob. What if it wasn't Ranger? What if it was one of his men, giving me Ranger's regrets? Would I be able to keep it together?
Only one way to find out…
I turned the doorknob and it seemed like it had never taken this much effort to turn it. I hadn't bothered to lock it since I had a bodyguard right outside and whoever could get past him wouldn't be stopped by any of my flimsy locks.
A hundred emotions raced through my head in the second it took me to open the damned door and find out who'd knocked.
Ranger stood in front of me, a couple feet away. I almost laughed out loud. Ranger was bald! He'd shaved his head as well. Unlike me, he hadn't covered it, obviously, and he was still wearing the gauze pad, but if I'd pull off my wig, we'd look comically alike.
I was so relieved and happy to see him, it took me a moment to discover his blank face. He was dressed in a charcoal grey cotton sweater and black jeans, looking like he just stepped off the cover of GQ, so he had changed for the occasion. But he was also wearing the blank face. Ranger Manoso, master of the mixed signals.
He dropped Bob's leash and Bob rushed past me, into the kitchen, in search of food.
I took a step back to let Ranger enter and he let his eyes wander down my body before he came in, with a last barely there nod to Ram.
His appearance had done nothing to calm my nerves, on the contrary, I was even more on edge, and I hadn't thought that was even possible. This was it, I kept thinking, I had one relationship to save, and this was my chance to do it.
Ranger walked past me into my apartment, he didn't stop for a kiss or to take me into his arms. I swallowed my disappointment and closed the door, praying for the strength to turn around and talk to him.
Bob came galloping back out of the kitchen to slam himself against Ranger, begging to be petted, buying me some time. The pathetic part was that I sort of envied Bob for his courage, I pretty much wanted to do the same thing to Ranger.
"How are you?" I asked Ranger, mentally slapping myself. Lamest conversation starter ever.
Ranger leaned down to pat Bob's side. "I'm alright," he said.
And that's when it hit me, almost physically knocking me back, one thought standing out: Fuck it.
There'd been enough small talk, enough beating around the bush, I couldn't take it anymore. Now or never, once and for all, and whatever other cliché I could think of.
I tried to take a deep breath, but only managed to suck in a little air. "Ranger, I love you." There, it was out. "I don't want to lose you."
I want to tell you I took one timid step toward him and he closed the distance between us and swept me up in his arms, but that's not what happened. Instead, he straightened slowly, our eyes locking and holding.
"Life's not all about what we want," he said philosophically, his eyes never leaving mine.
"No," I admitted. "And you can't make people do what they don't want to do."
I refused to accept all the blame here, he'd pushed us into this corner we were in just as much.
"I like your hair," he said as if he hadn't heard what I'd said.
Damned if he couldn't completely confuse me with such a remark. I had to shake my head a little to stay focused.
Bob apparently didn't like the vibe he was getting, he looked form Ranger to me, then back to Ranger and took off for the living room. To be honest, that's all I wanted to do, too. I hate confrontations and I hated all-or-nothing conversations. But that's what had put me here in the first place, so I had to fight it out.
"I believe you need to get help, saying that you love me doesn't change that," Ranger said. His voice was eerily cold.
My stomach felt like a tight ball of rubber bands that was slowly sinking. "I'm glad you could fit me into your busy schedule then," I said without meaning to. I can't help it if I get sarcastic when I'm desperate.
"Do you want to tell me about today?" Ranger asked. Was it my imagination or was his tone softer?
We were still in the foyer of my apartment. I don't know about Ranger, but I was unable to move, I had to concentrate on breathing in regular intervals.
It was either passing out or talking, so I chose talking. "I talked to Mary Lou and…Joe today."
Ranger moved his head a fraction of an inch, his version of a nod. I knew he knew, but I had to start somewhere. "And I got a lot of things worked out."
Well, technically, I'd identified what needed working out, but that was the same thing. Ranger continues watching me, waiting for me to go on.
"Step one was getting Rex and Bob back and reclaim my apartment," I said, waving my hand in the direction of the living room. "Well, we're here."
"Phase one complete?" Ranger asked, the hint of a smile playing around his lips. So this was going in the right direction.
"Something like that," I said. "Step 2, get back to my job, or jobs if I still work for RangeMan."
I raised my eyebrows at Ranger in a silent question. His expression was back to the blank face.
"Your employment status hasn't changed," he said.
I didn't think a government report could have sounded less emotional. But I still had more to cover, there was hope I'd get the real Ranger out.
Actually, I just had one thing left on my to-do list. Better just spit it out and get it over with, avoidance hadn't worked so well for me these last couple weeks.
"Step 3…" I started but couldn't get myself to finish. It sounded too clinical, 'Step 3 is securing my boyfriend'. The steps had worked for the other things I needed to straighten out, but not for my relationship with Ranger. Then I remembered the fourth step and almost laughed out loud with relief. I'd just swap them around until I'd find some courage.
"Step 3 is finding the one or ones responsible for the drive-by shooting and get them behind bars."
That got Ranger's full attention. "I have two teams working on ID'ing the car, they're in close contact with Trenton PD as well. We have a mole in jail who's trying to get close to Hartung and DalBo before they get deported."
"They'll get deported?" This was news to me, but not all that unexpected. As far as I knew, both DalBo and Hartung were in Trenton on a tourist visa and wouldn't even be tried here.
"Don't worry, we'll make sure they go from jail to jail," Ranger said.
"I'd like to be more a part of the team to find the missing link," I said. "They shot at me. They hurt you. We need to find them."
He studied me for a long moment. "It's kinda hard to protect you from them if you stick your neck out trying to expose them."
I rolled my eyes. "I don't have to be out on the street. I meant be part of the team, I can do the research, run the checks."
"What's Step 4?" Ranger asked. Nice try at changing the subject.
"I'm on the team or I do my own thing. I won't be shut out from finding them," I kept my voice steady, but it took some effort. True, I wasn't fighting fair, but what the hell. I meant it.
I knew the last thing Ranger wanted was me out there, but he also knew I'd tried before, and I could lose my bodyguards if I put my mind to it. So I had no intention of taking one unprotected step right now, I didn't have to share all my feelings, did I?
Ranger did his version of a sigh, but I thought I saw the beginnings of a smile, too. "Okay," he said.
I'd expected a 'no' so I was ready to argue my point some more. As his 'okay' sank in, I snapped my mouth shut.
"What's Step 4?" Ranger asked again, this time letting his gaze wander from my blond hair to my FMP's and the smile was up to a half-smile. "There has to be a step 4 that explains the outfit."
As his eyes wandered over my body, I'd felt the familiar tingle down my spine and my heart beat had sped up. His words were the equivalent of a cold shower. Or maybe I was imagining things; maybe there hadn't been the undertone that had made me feel cheap?
Fuck it, I was going to go with it. I'm not much of a gambler, but at that moment, I decided to go all or nothing.
"The outfit seemed fit for the occasion." I said, drawing a shaky breath, unable to meet Ranger's eyes. "Step 4 is you. My life isn't complete with out you and I need to know if you still give us a chance."
Easily the hardest thing I'd ever had to say. I felt like downing a couple shots after that one. I don't do sharing my feelings well, but in this case, I felt I had to. Unable to breathe, I waited for Ranger's reaction.
His expression turned to serious, no trace of the smile remained. He stood perfectly still, watching me.
"Please say something," I said, almost deafened by the silence.
"I did a lot of thinking today," he finally said slowly.
Last time he'd done that, it had turned out well for us; he'd decided he needed me in his life rather than out of it. I bit my lip in an effort to wait for him to continue and not interrupt him.
"We can't go on like this," Ranger said and the room started spinning, I felt like I was going to pass out. He took a quick step towards me, his hand outstretched, ready to catch me. "Steph!"
A few possibilities of how he'd answer had been running through my mind, but what he actually said wasn't one of them. But I wasn't ready to give up just yet. I just had to keep calm.
I held up my hand, signaling I was okay. "Let's sit down," I suggested and brushed past him into the living room.
"Explain," I said, mimicking one of Ranger's one-word sentences, when he joined me.
He blew out a long breath and I realized this was just as hard for him as it was for me. Talking about our feelings came as easy to us as biking to a fish.
"Like what?" I prodded, unable to give him more time to gather his thoughts. "You can't go on like what?"
"We can't go on like this," he said, turning so he was facing me. "Me trying to get you to do what's best for you and you fighting me tooth and nail. Me loving you and you pushing me away. I can't do this anymore."
To say I was shocked was an understatement. Was that what I'd been doing or was he exaggerating?
"I'm not fighting you," I said when my brain was connected to my mouth again and his words sank in. "Trying to get me to do anything won't work, you have to tell me, talk to me, explain why you think it's the best for me. I know you're trying to help me but it comes across as bossing me around and I can't…" I gestured, trying to find the right word.
"Can't have that?" Ranger suggested, raising one eyebrow. No, not the word I'd been looking for, but he was teasing me, that was good…"I can't read your mind Ranger. Share with me." Okay, that was close enough.
He thought about that for a second. "Maybe you're right," he said. "I can see how you could feel bullied." He rubbed the palm of his hand over his chin. "Old habits die hard, I guess. My men just follow orders; I don't need to explain them."
I smiled and leaned against his shoulder. "Maybe I should join the Army to learn how to follow without argument."
Ranger snorted and draped his arm around my shoulders. "You'd quit after a day."
Okay, I'd lightened the mood. I hadn't meant to, but it worked for me. Light mood I could do. Tension made me nauseous. Except there was more to what he'd said and I needed to address it, and it was everything but light…
"And I never push you away," I said, snuggling closer against him.
We were both quiet for a minute, digesting what the other had said. And at least for me it boiled down to one common denominator: Misunderstanding. We'd read each other's signals wrong, we misinterpreted what the other said and we were a pair of idiots for not talking sooner!
I slung my leg over Ranger's lap and put my arms around his neck, bringing us eye to eye.
"I want you in my life because you're the best man I know. I love you and I want to be with you. I trust you."
It sounded like I was speaking my vows at a wedding ceremony, but I didn't care, the situation called for serious words.
"I was wrong to think you had anything but my safety in mind, but you need to make an effort to make sure I understand what you want."
Ranger waited a moment to make sure I was finished, then he wrapped his arms around my waist. "I should have known better than to try and force you to do what I wanted. I guess I was desperate. But it never occurred to me that not having you in my life was an option."
He brushed his lips over mine. "And I love you."
I took a deep breath. Not that I wanted to spoil the mood or anything, but I had to have closure. "So, we're good?"
Ranger smiled and rested his forehead against mine. "Yeah, we're good."
"No more ultimatums? No more bullying?"
"No more running away, no more tantrums?"
That sounded like a fair trade to me. "No more," I confirmed.
He pulled me closer to him so our hips were flush. "Then I now pronounce us lovers."
Obviously, I wasn't the only one who'd gotten the vow vibe. I snorted before I tightened my arms around him. "Forever and ever."
"Amen!" and I kissed him for all I was worth!
The End
A/N: So what do you think? Do you need extra closure in an epilogue? If so, what do you want to see happen?