Chapter summary: What? Oh, God! Oh, God, no! Don't do it, Rosalie! Just hang on! Please don't kill Bella!
"Esme, I'm sorry; I'm really, really, sorry! I didn't see it go down this way, and ..." I began.
Esme held up an imperious hand.
"You didn't see what go down what way?" Esme demanded angrily.
My apology wasn't starting off that well.
Go for chipper or cute?
I looked into Esme's furiously black eyes.
No, going for chipper wouldn't be such a good idea right now.
"Um, the phone call? I thought, that, well, Paige was sleeping deeply and ..."
"Yes, Paige," Esme interrupted. "Paige. And just how long have you seen her, and have been keeping tabs on this, Alice?"
"Um."
No, my name isn't Bella Swan nor is it Paige Morgan, okay? But you try talking to Esme when she's like this.
"A few weeks, perhaps?" Esme asked. "A few weeks where just one little phone call from Edward or just one little phone call from you, Alice, that 'oh, Edward's doing better' just so I can ..."
She pressed her hands to her chest. It wasn't a fake or a dramatic gesture. It was an Esme gesture, because she ached.
I looked away. I wasn't my Jasper, but I felt her suffering.
"Why, Alice? Why did you keep this from me?" Esme pleaded.
"Edward ..." I blew out a breath. "Esme, Paige is human. And Edward didn't want ... well, you saw how Edward was when he left for Viriginia Tech. He didn't want anything, and when Paige blocked his way to class, he just picked her up by the shoulders and put her to one side and kept on walking, but you know Paige well enough to know that really impressed the Hell out of her, but ..."
"But ...?" Esme prompted.
"But, Edward didn't want to repeat ... you know?"
I was almost as shy as saying Bella's name when it was brought up in reference to Edward. It had just gone so horribly, fantastically wrong for him, and now she was with Rosalie, who was so deliriously happy with her new ... new something — girlfriend? lover? soulmate? — I mean how were the rest of us supposed to feel about all this? Happy for Bella and Rosalie? Sad for Edward?
It was a big happy-sad confused mess.
'Yeah, I lost my bride-to-be to my sister ...' or 'I found my true love walking down the aisle to marry my brother ... when I was being fitted for my bride's maid dress ...'?
Either and any way you put it, it seemed something that even the most imaginative fiction writer couldn't ever come up with, for goodness sake!
And Edward, putting everything that was him trying to keep Bella human — because he loves her — only to have all that taken away by her, twice, because 1) she wants to be a vampire, and the Volturi said 'damn straight' and 2) because she takes herself away from him anyway to go with the only (God forbid) vampire (not human, nor, God forbid, again, werewolf) that could top him in the looks department?
And then along comes little Paige Morgan, who looks and acts nothing like Bella, but there it is, Paige is human, and so Edward, right in the midst of his heartbreak has to consider seeing the sequel of this soap opera when he didn't like how prequel turned out at all?
What would Edward say to Paige? I'll tell you what he said, because he says it to every human girl, and, for that matter, any vampire girl (ask the Denali sisters) that throws herself at him.
No, 'fuck off,' is not the exact phrase he uses, but the message, no matter how diplomatically delivered, amounts to the same thing.
But for every other girl, Edward's first, or second, or, in Paige's case, third salvo are, for Paige, just an interesting conversation starter, even if sullen Edward is mum after his dismissive grunt.
But Edward was bound and determined to end this Paige thing before it started.
Just as Paige was bound and determined to get the ball rolling.
It was very, very entertaining to watch, especially during the yawn-fests of Jasper talking to a bunch of tweed- and argyle-wearing old fogies arguing 'quiddity' verses 'haecceity.'
Do you know the difference between the two? I do (one of my Ph.D's. is philosophy; I can't let Jasper bully me with talk of noesis and noema).
But what does matter when there's Paige to watch?
"Alice," Esme said, "that's where I could've helped. If I knew about Paige, I could've ..."
Paige to watch ... not to involve oneself with.
"Esme," I sighed.
"What?" Esme asked, offended and angry.
"You could've done exactly what Edward didn't want you to do," I said sadly.
"How can you say that, Alice?" Now Esme was even more miffed.
"Esme, will you listen to me, please?" I asked quietly.
"That's what I'm doing right now, Alice," Esme glared at me with stiff posture, black eyes and crossed arms.
I crossed my own arms and waited.
Esme regarded me angrily for a second, but then blew out a sigh and uncrossed her arms.
"Maybe we can sit down?" she waved her hand to her enormous bed.
I smiled in acknowledgement. She sat down, and I sat right next to her. She wrapped her arm around my back, resting her arm on my shoulder, and I leaned into her, breathing in her: Esme, Mom. She kissed my head, and pulled me into a side-hug. I snaked my own hand up to her own shoulder and pulled her tighter into our side-hug.
"Okay," Esme said. "Let's start over. I'm really disappointed and angry that I didn't know about this before, especially as I was so worried about Edward, but I'm listening now. Why couldn't you tell me before, please?"
"Because it was a private matter for Edward to handle on his own." I said, firing round one.
"Alice, Edward is my son," Esme said firmly but quietly and calmly. "His well-being is my concern, and when he can't handle that, it isn't a private matter or his concern, it's mine."
"... and Edward was afraid as soon as you found out, you would drag Paige right into our family ... just like you did with Bella, ... just like you did with this phone call, when Edward feels then only good for a human is to be pushed away from us ... from our kind, not to be brought in and embraced where they'd be exposed to mortal dangers they never possibly could otherwise."
I fired round two. That's me, Alice: I shoot from both barrels.
I turned my face into Esme bringing my left hand around Esme's front to meet my right on her shoulder and hugged her as tightly as I could.
"Oh!" Esme said. I felt her stiffen as my words hit her.
It was quiet for a moment.
"You know," Esme said quietly, "Bella would have been exposed to none of the dangers she was if we listened to her wishes to be turned, or she would have been able to handle them without exposing her to so much risk ..."
"Esme, you're preaching to the choir, and you know that," I said into her shoulder, "but you know Edward's views on that ... as well as Rosalie's ... What are you going to do at the airport in Virginia? 'Hi, Paige, I'm Esme; this may sound odd, but may I skip the preliminaries and bite you now for your own good and self-protection'? That wouldn't stroke Edward's paranoid fantasies that you're grabbing every mortal Edward looks at so you can to grow the Cullen family to feed some matronly imperative. I mean, seriously, first Rosalie, then Bella, and now Paige."
"We didn't turn Rosalie to be Edward's mate, we turned her because she was on the point of death." Esme said stiffly, pulling away
I pulled her back. "And the fact that you had designs on her even when she was mortal escaped Edward's notice?"
"... and Bella isn't even turned!" Esme whined.
"... yet." I finished her statement.
"... nor is she for Edward!" Esme pushed.
"... but she was originally, wasn't she?" I asked back.
Esme was silent.
"And now Paige," I said.
Esme's silence was sullen.
"You're buying the plane tickets tonight, aren't you, Esme? You're already fitting her into the family in your mind, right? I don't need Edward's gift, Esme, I see plans. I see hopes being entertained, because those are decisions, even if they are little ones." I said the last bit sadly, because Esme was just so hopeful for Edward here, as she is for him in every glimmer of hope she imagines.
"So, ..." I finished, "that's why I didn't tell you, huh? Because Edward so wanted to spare Paige all of Bella's suffering, because she has suffered, and, well, he sees it's because we're what we are, and if I told you, this is what happens: Paige gets invited right into the vampires' spooky castle, with the vampire mommy so wanting happiness for her vampire son from the next human sacrifice."
I smiled weakly at my non-joke.
"Oh," Esme said quietly, and her hand left my shoulder.
"Esme, hold me, please," I begged.
Esme was quiet for a moment.
Then her hand returned to my shoulder.
She kissed my head again.
You know how vampires don't cry?
Neither Esme nor I cried.
Yay.
Esme held me for a moment ... then: "May I say something?"
"Yes," I said quietly.
There's a price to be paid for using my ability. If I look forward seconds to see what Esme would say, I'm moving along in the future, and I lose the present.
So what?
So I start to lose the present.
Do you know what happens to people who lose grip on reality? They call those people various things, but basically, and bluntly, those people are called insane.
It's not a technical term, but that's what it is.
When I 'peek' I take the (measured) payment of losing the present to the (very) possible future. I have a fear, though, that one day I'll lose my way in the future, and not return to the present.
This is such a thing as insane vampires. Did you know that? In their first two years, most vampires lose it, that's why it's so important that newborns have a guide to help them through the truly surreal experience of being human and then being ... not.
I had no such guide, but I had no experience of being a human: as far as I've experienced, I've always been a vampire, taunting from the destroyed James notwithstanding.
And there are other times during a vampire's existence when it's just so easy to ... snap.
Do you know what happens to vampires who snap?
That's what we have the Volturi for.
So, I could peek on Esme ... quiet easily. But I have a fear: how easy is it to come back to the present.
Sometimes, it's not so easy.
Sometimes, when I'm in the future, it's not so pretty what happens to me in the future ... nor in the present as I'm gripped by the future.
Sometimes, it's nice to let future come into the present one second after the other, normally.
And sometimes, I don't have a choice. Sometimes the future grips me.
So sometimes it's nice when I do have the choice to choose not to know a priori.
I let the future come to me one second at a time.
This time.
"Are you happy in the Cullen family?" Esme asked me.
"Oh, Esme," I exclaimed, "you know that from my first year of existence this is all I've always wanted."
"'All'?" Esme pressed.
"Yes, of course, Esme. Why do you ask?" I was confused now. The Cullens and my Jasper are all that I could ever want.
"So you're completely satisfied with your sisterly interaction with Rosalie?" Esme asked.
"Well," I said, feeling my eyebrows pull together, "Rosalie is Rosalie, and we enjoy some things together, sure, when, you know, she isn't being ... well, Rosalie. But, I mean, Bella's going to be turned sometime, right? Yes, I like Rosalie; I have liked Rosalie, but I'm happy Bella's joining us, too, and really happy that Rosalie's so much happier now, too, so ..."
"And you 'saw' Bella as your best friend ..." Esme said thoughtfully. "What do they call it these days?"
"BFF," I said, then explained: "'Best Friend Forever.'"
"'Forever,'" Esme said the word slowly.
"Yes, but Bella wants that, Esme, so I don't see ..."
"And you didn't tell us about this until ..." Esme began.
"Esme, you know the futures are uncertain, and Edward ..."
"What does Paige look like?" Esme interrupted me.
"What?" I asked confused.
"I know what she sounds like, Alice," Esme said. "What does she look like?"
"Esme ... wouldn't to better for you to see her for yourself?" I said gently. "Sometimes experiencing surprise is better than demystifying the future."
Esme wasn't mollified. "Humor me this time, Alice. Is she shorter or taller than Bella?"
"Esme," I said, seeing where she was going with this, "Paige doesn't look anything like Bella, okay? Edward didn't go out and get a girl that looks just like Bella to console himself. No, she went to him, anyway."
"Yes, and you saw it, and you could have called him so he could avoid the situation, but you didn't."
"What?"
I was stunned.
"So," Esme continued. "'Paige Morgan.' Germanic, right? So, brown or blond hair?"
"No," I said, now utterly confused at Esme's implication. "Her hair's almost, well, it's black."
"... and she's shorter than Bella, right?" Esme demanded.
"Well, ... yes?" I felt myself being cornered, but I didn't know why, and I felt myself being tempted to peek.
And that's the worst time to peek: when I'm tempted to.
"About your height, right, Alice? Or maybe your sister's when you were human?"
I suddenly saw what she was implying.
"Esme," I said, pulling away, but this time Esme pulled me back into her. "She doesn't ... I mean, her hair is long and straight, and she has blue eyes and ... well, she has some acne, and ..."
"What color were your eyes when you were human?" Esme's voice floated from the void of nowhere of the present.
"Esme, I don't kn-..." I began, but then the whole room tilted onto its side ... it's left side, in fact, ... and then went away.
Oh, no!
A vision. I was in the grips of a vision. A powerful one.
I felt my body go away. I felt Esme's arm on me, but I didn't. I heard Esme call, "Alice?" but I didn't.
Because I was Somewhere.
I wasn't here anymore. I wasn't in now anymore. I was Somewhere else. I was Somewhen else.
I was in a room, but I didn't see any details, just a small bed, sort of the size of Edward's dorm room, but that didn't feel right, as the bed seemed to be against a different corner than the one I saw in my visions of Edward and Paige.
Blue. I thought.
I was on the bed looking up at a vampire in pure ... I couldn't identify it besides the overriding fear.
I was a vampire floating above me, a human, looking down at me.
But then the human me went away and became pulsating red, a vessel of living blood, and then the red heated to pure white.
And I could see me, the human, anymore, I just saw pure need. I, me, the vampire. I wanted. And that pure want was the human beneath me.
And me, the human, looking at up into the vampire saw pure black eyes. Pure hunger.
I, me, the vampire, leaned down to I, me, the human's neck, and I opened my mouth ...
...
"Alice ... Alice ... Alice ... I'm here." A voice.
"Alice, I'm here, love, I'm here." Jasper's voice.
Arms around me. My lips attached to a neck. Something in my mouth.
"Alice, it's okay, dear, it's okay; I've got you." Esme's voice.
I took a breath through my nose. I took another breath.
Esme held me.
The front door opened.
Carlisle.
"Esme, I'm home. Sorry I'm late, the Christmas holiday really fills the hos-..."
Carlisle stopped, then he put all his senses out, questing.
The very next instant he was up the flight of stairs, through the door and standing by Esme.
He looked around the room.
"What happened?" He asked quietly, his voice filled with concern.
I breathed in. I breathed out. I realized that the something in my mouth was a piece of Esme. I pushed her in my mouth with my tongue back onto her collarbone and removed my teeth and lips from Esme's neck and shoulder.
I looked around. The bed, Esme's clothes, the surrounding area, including the carpet on the floor?
In shambles. Shredded.
I looked at Esme's shoulder.
A very tiny mouth had taken a bite out of her shoulder; the chip from her shoulder was working it's way back into place, but the bite mark would always be there now.
My bite mark.
Jasper answered Carlisle, pointing to me: "A vision. A bad one. I think she saw her singer. I felt it."
"No," I gasped.
All eyes, already looking at me, intensified their stare.
"Not my singer. Rosalie's."
I now recognized the vampire from the vision from my clouded and dull human eyes.
I looked at the three vampires looking at me and swallowed the venom the vision had pooled in my mouth.
It seared every inch of my indestructible throat as it went down, but it didn't hurt as much as the next words I said.
"It's Bella. Bella just ... Bella just becomes Rosalie's singer."
I swallowed again and told the three stunned vampires what I saw.
"And Rosalie's going to drink Bella dry, and she can't stop herself."