Chris hadn't even blinked in fifteen minutes. He stared hard at Vin, almost willing each breath into his weakening friend. His mind flashed briefly on the possibility that the blankets were too heavy for Vin to draw a proper breath, and although Chris knew that wasn't true, he drew all but one of the covers off Vin's chest. Vin's eyes flickered at the touch.
"How you doin' Pard?" Chris asked softly, but got no answer. "You hang on, y'hear? You been through worse than this..." A guess more than a certainty. "You just gotta hold on."
Lord, it was hot. Vin couldn't remember such unrelenting heat, even in Texas. The sun was dead straight above him, nearly blinding him in a white glare. Not even a shadow. He kept thinking he had his canteen. He'd see it there, strapped to his belt. But whenever he reached for it, it was gone. He was so thirsty. If only he could recognize which part of the desert he was in, he could remember where the nearest water hole was. If only the sun wasn't so hard...
He blinked against the brightness and for a moment saw shapes on the rim of his vision. At first, the swirling haze made the images dance, but his eyes seemed to grow accustomed to the sunlight and Vin recognized the horror.
Oh God –
Buffalo carcasses, skinned and bloody, lay all around him.
Please God –
He turned, but wherever he looked, the land was glutted with it, rotting flesh and clinging blood, slowly melting into the burned earth. Vin wanted to cover his face to keep from gagging, but he couldn't bring his hands up. He had to get out of here. If only he could get back to town, he'd be safe in town. But there was no easy path through the carnage, his legs didn't want to move, and he could feel his feet catching on the ravaged animals. He wanted to gag.
Please God - just let me get to town.
Suddenly, there in front of him, he saw a buffalo calf. Newborn, still wet with afterbirth. It looked up at Vin, mournfully crying out for the mother it had lost too soon. The mother that Vin had killed and skinned.
Oh God –
Desperation built up inside of Vin. He had to get around it, climb over it, something, anything, but he couldn't get his body to move. It was just a baby buffalo, why couldn't he just walk past it? It was as though the ground was swallowing him up. His legs wouldn't budge, his feet were sinking into the grisly dust.
Oh God - I'm sorry.
He twisted, turned, tried to free himself from the mutilated carcasses. The stink of them made him want to gag so bad. He couldn't push himself free without touching the raw, rotting flesh and he didn't want to touch it. He could hear the buffalo calf still crying, it's plaintive wailing sounding so much like a incessant question - why? why? why?
God - please - let me get back to town...
It was then that Vin saw them, again at the rim of his vision, slowly shimmering into focus. He saw them and would've cried but his body had no moisture left in it, not even tears.
Oh God - I'm sorry They stood singly, or by family, or by tribe. Old people, young people, babies, their dead eyes bored right into Vin and their ululating lamentations echoed the dying calf's cry.
Why? Why? Why?
Whole families dead for each buffalo that Vin had killed and skinned. Old men, young women, babies - starved and frozen to death over the winters there had been no buffalo to see them through. Why?
God - please –
Vin was afraid he'd go mad if he didn't get out of this hell. He had to get back to town. Back in town they'd help him make sense of it. He had to get back to town. He had to get back to town...
There, in front of him, lay the body of the buffalo calf. Dead, eyes dried and sunken, and still it cried out - why...?
Vin tried to scream but his mouth and throat filled with the bloody sand, choking off any sound...any air...any life...
"What is it?" Chris demanded of Nathan. Vin twitched on the bed and pulled in ragged breaths. His eyes were open, but he wasn't seeing anything, his hands clutched at nothing.
"Could be more delirium..." Nathan felt Vin's forehead. "Fever hasn't gone up any."
"Could be?" Chris snapped. "Don't you know?" Nathan leveled his gaze at Chris and spoke very calmly.
"No Chris. I don't know. It could be delirium, it could be a bad dream. His fever might be givin' him seizures. Or the infection might be goin' into his blood stream and affecting his brain. I don't know." And the fact that he didn't know ate at Nathan. It showed in his face.
Chris roughly rubbed his eyes. "God, I'm sorry...I know you're doin' all you can. I know Vin wouldn't have lasted this long without you. I'm sorry."
Nathan managed a smile he didn't quite feel. "It's okay Chris. I know you're worried. We're all worried. C'mon now, why don't you go out and get some fresh air? I sent JD for water. It's been a long night and day for Vin and I need to clean him up. Don't have to go far, just get up and stretch your legs...c'mon now." He repeated when Chris made no move to get out of the chair. "I'll call you if I need help."
"Okay." Chris stood up stiffly. Every joint ached. "I'll just be outside." He went as far as the balcony and sat on the top step. He bent his head down to try and stretch the ache out of his neck.
"How's he doin'?" A near voice made him look up faster than he should have.
"Nettie." He wondered if she was going to lay into him for not being welded to the bed post. But she left her question hanging there till Chris answered. "Restless, he slept off and on. Don't know how much rest he got though. Nathan's tendin' to him now, gettin' him cleaned up."
"Good - I brought some nightshirts, figured he'd need a couple more. I'll lend a hand." She walked up the stairs and just as she came even with Chris, he felt her lay her hand on his head. That was all. No other word, no further remark. She lightly ruffled his disheveled hair then kept on going into the clinic.
Chris rested his head on his hands, staring down at the splintering step between his feet. He tried not to feel that ache inside that told him he was losing somebody. He tried to pray but it'd been so long since he'd sent anything remotely civil heavenward, he wasn't sure God would listen to him anymore.
He heard JD walk up and down the stairs, carrying water in, carrying laundry out. If JD had said a word to him, Chris wouldn't have heard it. He was back, standing on the boardwalk in front of the saloon, watching a mob drag a black man off to be lynched, watching a young shop clerk watch the mob too, while he pretended to sweep a clean porch. Chris tried to remember the feeling he had when they harmed the woman, and he watched that shop clerk walk into the store calmly and come back out deadly. He was a wiry kid, Chris wouldn't have put him above twenty at the time, but he was resolved to face that mob alone.
Chris shook his head. Vin hadn't even looked relieved when Chris got in step beside him, he just had that look on his face that Chris came to realize covered almost every emotion Vin might have inside. Except that look he had when Eli Joe died - that look of utter despair. Chris realized he didn't know if Vin had ever really forgiven him for killing the son of a bitch. They hadn't talked about it even once since then. All Chris had cared about at that moment was saving Vin, saving his life.
Funny how a scrawny kid with a determined look in his eye could come to mean so much to him in so short a time. Chris shook his head. He ain't no kid, he thought to himself and grinned. How many times had Vin stepped in, taken over, when the Seven had trouble to quell and Chris wasn't in a position to be their leader? It said something about Vin that the men would follow someone so much younger than themselves. Or somebody not too much older in JD's case. It said a lot about Vin.
The door opened and closed behind him and Nathan came out. "Chris, you can go on back in now. He's all set. I'm goin' out to the O'Brien's, have a look at Bart."
"Okay..." Chris unfolded himself, joints still creaking from the night spent in the chair. "I need to do anything?"
"Not for awhile. I just gave him some more medicine. Keep him quiet, I'll be back soon as I can."
"All right." Chris headed into the clinic. He found Nettie standing at the bed, gazing down at Vin with a very tender look on her face. Her expression didn't change as she looked up at him.
"Nathan tells me you had a rough night."
"We got through it." Chris shrugged. He looked down at Vin. They'd turned him on his side and he was curled into the pillows and blankets. His eyes were closed now and he was no longer twitching and restless.
"Walk me out to the stairs Mr. Larabee...?" It was nearly a request and Chris walked with her, held the door for her, and stood near her at the top step. "I believe I owe you an apology for last night, Chris."
"You didn't say anything I didn't deserve."
"Ain't for what I said, it's for what I was thinking."
"In that case Nettie, we'll just call it even - I owe you one for what I was thinking too."
M7*M7*M7
Footsteps.
Vin struggled to pull himself out of the darkness, to hear what was going on, who was nearby. What time was it? What was he still doing in bed? He lifted his head to look out the window, to gauge what time it was. Early afternoon by the angle of the sun.
Footsteps...
God, no - he was really going to get it this time. Early afternoon and he hadn't done his chores. They didn't wake him up, they waited to see how long it took him to realize how much trouble he was in. Waited sometimes standing over the bed for him to open his eyes just in time to see the first blow coming.
Footsteps...
He was coming in the door.
M7*M7*M7
When Nettie was down the stairs and on her way to Mary's, Chris went back in to Vin. The first sight that greeted him was the empty bed. Buck had told Chris that whenever Vin was left on his own, even for a minute, he'd try to get out of bed, and Chris briefly wondered where Vin thought he was getting to, sick as he was. It only took a second to see him, pressed into the corner of the room on the far side of the bed. Chris reckoned Vin was delirious, or confused, or too hot, and he went to help him get back into bed.
Footsteps...
He'd only gone a few paces when Vin snarled at him: "Don't touch me. You touch me and I'll kill you. I ain't no kid no more. You touch me and I'll kill you..." His weak voice held a desperate threat. He wasn't even looking at Chris.
"Vin. .." Chris took one more step and Vin shrank even further into the corner and tucked his hands under his arms. Chris stopped. He didn't want to frighten Vin any more than he was. He also didn't want to leave him - couldn't leave him shivering in a borrowed night shirt, huddled in the corner, trapped in an old fear. So, while Vin might think Chris was going to hurt him, Chris knew that he wasn't. He pulled the quilt off the bed and approached Vin again.
"Don't - don't -" Instead of fighting back, Vin seemed intent on melting into the rough wood of the walls, tensing himself against the beating he knew was coming. "Please..."
When he got close enough, Chris knelt on the floor to get the quilt around Vin's shoulders. "C'mon Vin, it's okay. It's just me. I won't let anybody hurt you..." Chris hoped his soft words would get through to Vin. "You're safe now, you're here in town with us...you're shiverin', I just want to get you warmed up again...it's okay. Nobody's gonna hurt you. I won't let anybody hurt you." It wasn't hard to draw Vin up enough to wrap him in the quilt. "It's just me..."
"Chris?"
The sound of Vin saying his name startled Chris. He sat back to get a look at him.
"How're you doing?"
"Why am I on the floor?"
"I don't know..."
Vin looked around the little area between the wall and the bed.
"Why am I on the floor?" He asked again as though he hadn't heard Chris.
"I think you had a bad dream...your fever's pretty high."
"He was gonna beat me." Vin remembered. "I didn't do my chores 'n he was gonna beat me for it...for bein' sick."
"He ain't here Vin, just me." Chris reminded him gently. "You c'mon back into bed and close your eyes. You're safe here."
"No - I don't want t'go back to sleep." Just the thought of it scared Vin. "He's there. He's there when I close my eyes. Just waiting for me to be dead too so's he can drag me off into hell with him." His voice rose in panic. " Don't make me go back to sleep Chris - please - I can't go back there...I don't want to die there. Please Chris, please don't leave me there..."
"I won't, Vin, I promise. You don't have to go back to sleep, you don't have to go back there..." Chris didn't know exactly where 'there' was, but Vin was terrified of it. "You want to just stay here, where y'are? Keep the blanket around you, just sit here a spell?"
"I don't want t'go to sleep..." Vin insisted again. Tears flickered in his eyes, illness, exhaustion, pain, and fear taking their toll.
"No, you don't have to go to sleep." Chris turned so that he was sitting on the floor next to Vin, with his back against the wall. "We'll just sit here a spell. You don't even have to close your eyes. We'll just sit here a spell." Chris figured Vin wouldn't be able to hold out too long against his body and he'd be asleep soon. "That OK with you?'
Vin nodded. "Yeah..." though he sounded suspicious.
"Okay..." Chris slowly and gently slipped his arm around Vin's shoulders. He felt Vin still shivering. "Why don't you lean against me, like you did last night - remember? So y'don't have to lean against the wall. It'll keep you warmer..." That thought persuaded Vin more than any other. "And we'll just sit here a spell, all right?" Vin nodded and shifted slightly so that he leaned against Chris, keeping the quilt tucked around him.
The room was quiet and dimly illuminated with the sunlight that found its way through the windows. The street sounds were muffled. The only real sound in the clinic was the harshness of Vin's breathing, and the way it caught every once in a while as he tried to shake himself out of falling asleep.
"You okay?" Chris asked.
"Don't want t'go to sleep..."
"I mean - sitting up like this? You comfortable?"
"My back hurts." Vin said. If he didn't feel so sickly and about to die, he'd be embarrassed to be needing such comfort. "Hell, everything hurts. Can't find a place to be where it all don't hurt."
"Here..." Chris told himself that JD wasn't the only devious one in the bunch. "Maybe if you just turned a little more...you're holdin' on so stiff just to stay upright, no wonder everything hurts...I won't let you fall or nothin'...here..." Chris put his other arm around Vin and gently guided him till he was tucked against Chris, head resting on Chris' shoulder. Vin was about to say how foolish he felt, a grown man needing any kind of support and comfort - but all that came out was an unreserved sigh as his overburdened muscles finally relaxed into the support. He was dead asleep in a heartbeat.
'I forgot how heavy kids are when they sleep.' Chris thought, as pleased with himself as JD had been that his plan worked so quickly on someone so unwilling. He adjusted the quilt that didn't need adjusting, and settled himself back for what he hoped for Vin would be a long sleep.
to be continued