Mary was surprised to see Nettie at the paper. "I thought you'd be with Vin. Ezra and JD told me that he's worse, and Josiah was bringing you to town." She brought the older woman through the newspaper office into her home.
"Well, I was gonna stay with him - Chris is sittin' with him though. We may not be able to save Vin, sure gotta try to save Larabee if we can." But Mary didn't understand.
"What do you mean - save Chris?"
"I stopped up at Nathan's first thing, planned on sitting with Vin to the very end. But Chris is sittin' there next to him, holdin' onto one of Vin's hands...the look on his face is terrible. If Vin dies, I don't know how much Chris has got left in his life to keep him going. Right now the only thing he has got is bein' the one with Vin till the end." M7*M7*M7
Vin became dimly aware of his surroundings. He was in pain, hot, anxious...but he was aware of a sound, so close he wasn't sure if he was hearing it - or creating it. He paid closer attention.
It was a heartbeat.
It startled him to realize it. He tracked his body and its sensations, and began to figure out his situation. Someone held him, nearly upright, in their arms. His head rested against their chest and their heartbeat sounded in his ear. Vin hadn't been held like this since his Ma died.
Was his Ma here? He remembered talking to her. Was he still in the cabin and Ma was hugging him for the flowers he'd brought her? Maybe she waited for him after all and now he was finally with her again. It'd been so long and he'd tried so hard to keep going, walking through a life that was too hard too often. But maybe now it was over, and he didn't have to hold on anymore.
Maybe it was his Pa though. The fabric under his cheek was rough and the voice that occasionally rumbled alongside the heartbeat was deeper than a woman's voice. It couldn't be though, not after his whole life, that his Pa had hold of him and was keeping watch while he slept. That would be too much. There'd been a lot of things in his life that Vin wanted that he knew were too unlikely to ever happen, but he'd still wished for them. He'd never once let himself wish that he could be with his Pa. The emptiness of never knowing him was too great and too painful to risk the hope. Better to know that it would never happen. Better to keep his back to it and walk away.
Still, it was somebody. Vin knew if he put his mind to it, he could think of who it might be, protecting him, comforting him. But he was too tired, in too much pain to think on it right now. He just listened to the heartbeat and let it ease him back to sleep. M7*M7*M7
Chris tried to not let it worry him whenever Vin moved, straightened, or relaxed in his arms. Tried to tell himself Vin was just restless, fidgety. They were calm movements, made in sleep. They weren't the agonized twitching he'd seen so many men go through as they died. Still, he wished Nathan would hurry up and get there.
"Nathan's comin' real soon." Chris said, not sure if Vin could hear him or not. "Buck went to get him." The quilt was still wrapped around Vin, and Chris supported most of his weight against himself. He thought maybe he'd lay Vin back in bed before the others came back. First he told himself it was to spare Vin the embarrassment, but he knew - it was to spare himself. He'd felt awkward enough holding Vin's hand in front of Buck, or when Josiah had come upon him cradling Vin on the floor. He could lay Vin back in bed and nobody would know anything different.
But Vin was asleep, content, breathing easier sitting up than lying down, trusting Chris with more than just his life. Chris wasn't about to betray that trust for anything or anyone, including himself. He adjusted the quilt that didn't need adjusting and gently patted Vin's arm.
"You keep holdin' on Vin. I ain't goin' anywhere." M7*M7*M7
Nathan wasn't as optimistic as Buck was hoping when he found the healer at the saloon, taking a few minutes to catch his breath and have a beer before heading back to his patient.
"Buck, he's been delirious and twitchy for a day and a half now. I hope it's something good - I just wouldn't count on it."
"Well - you're gonna come back and have a look ain't you? It MIGHT be somethin'..."
"Yeah, I'm comin', I'm comin'..." Nathan wearily pushed himself away from the table and followed Buck out of the saloon.
M7*M7*M7
As soon as he heard the footsteps coming up the stairs, Chris decided firmly and irrevocably that he was a coward, and he laid Vin back onto the bed. Vin stirred at the movement and the loss of the sound of the heartbeat. He mumbled something that Chris didn't understand.
"I'm still here Pard, just gettin' y'settled back down..."
Buck burst into the room then. "How is he? Anything else happen?" He was almost breathless in his concern.
"He came to a few minutes ago, took some water..." Chris added that louder as Nathan came in a few steps later. "Talked a little bit."
"Okay, let me in there and get a look at him." Nathan was only a little more encouraged then he'd been when Buck got him. Chris stood up and out of the way. "I'm hopin' that abscess will be big enough for me to drain..." He looked back at Buck, and motioned him to take Chris outside.
"C'mon Chris..." Buck said. He put his hand on Chris' arm and gently urged him outside. "Let's us get you some air...we'll keep the door open. C'mon now..." Chris let himself be led outside, he leaned back against the railing directly opposite the open door way and kept his eyes on the inside of the clinic.
M7*M7*M7
Somewhere in the pain, darkness, and fear, Vin realized the heartbeat was gone. Whoever it was, his Ma or Pa, or the somebody he'd been too tired to figure out - they were gone. He was alone.
'How come I always got to be alone?' but he didn't know who he was putting the question to. "What'd I do so bad that nobody wants to be with me? What'd I do so bad that I gotta spend my nights in a stall in the livery, or in a borrowed bed, or out in the cold and damp and lonely? I was a good kid - she said I was. What'd I do so bad that I'm all alone? How come I got nobody to look out for me? How come I always got to be alone and nobody to talk to? It ain't fair. It ain't fair."
'Y'stupid little shit...' the voice snarled so close, Vin didn't know if it was in his head or in his ear. 'Nobody wants a stupid little bastard shit come dirtyin' up their property, playin' with decent folks' younguns. I'll learn you where y'belong..."
And Vin tried to run from his dead grandfather. M7*M7*M7
"Buck - you come in here a second?" Nathan's voice propelled Buck through the open door, Chris a scant step behind him.
"What is it Nathan?"
"It's too dark in here, I need more lamps. Candles, anything."
"Is it bad?" Chris asked. Vin was twitching again, moaning softly.
"I got to see if I can drain that abscess yet. I need more light. A lot more."
"I'll be right back." Buck was out the door, hollering for JD before he even got to the street below.
"What can I do?" Chris asked.
"Keep him still while I have a look, don't need him thrashin' while I'm pokin' around his throat."
Chris sat on the edge of the bed and got hold of Vin's hands through the blankets. He noticed then how dark it was outside, and how dim the light was thrown from the single lamp. "Y'ain't gonna do anything till y'got more light, are you?" he asked.
"Don't worry Chris - I'm just havin' a look right now. This ain't gonna hurt him none. Just got to open his mouth..."
M7*M7*M7
'Worthless little shit...ain't worth your feed. We'd be better feedin' them scraps to the chickens, 'least they earn their keep.'
Vin had no argument. He believed the words hissed at him in the darkness. Worthless. He was worthless. No reason for him even to be alive on this earth. It wouldn't take much and he could be with his Ma, and this whole pot of stinking misery would be over forever. It wouldn't take much.
'Worthless stupid little shit.'
But it would take more weakness than Vin had in him.
'I ain't a little shit.' He mouthed off to his dead grandfather. 'I ain't shit an' you can't call me that.'
'I'll learn y'to sass your betters, y'little shit.'
The ominous growl in his voice frightened Vin more than anything. He looked around for help from somewhere. His grandmother, the neighbors, the dirty knot of laughing boys, even Mrs. McGinty, muddy and dripping in her dying dress, stood and watched and did nothing. He was alone.
'You come here an' I'll learn you good, little shit...'
The heart beat. Vin knew if he could just hear that heart beat again, he'd be safe. Whose heartbeat was it? He couldn't remember. Somebody who'd protect him, that's all that mattered. Without it, he wasn't safe. But it was too late. He felt his grandfather grab his hands and start to force his mouth open, to punish him with soap, or worse. And all the eyes stared at him. And no one moved to help him. He was alone.
M7*M7*M7
"I don't think he likes to be held down Nathan." Chris felt Vin struggle weakly against him.
"It'll just take a minute Chris. He ain't lettin' me open his mouth neither. C'mon Vin. .." Even though he figured the tracker couldn't hear him. "...just let me have a look..."
Emerging onto the edge of wakefulness, Vin turned his head away.
"Make him stop...please...somebody...make him stop..." His voice was soft and anguished.
"C'mon Vin, you can hear me. I ain't gonna hurt you. Let me just check your throat." Nathan was gentle and patient, but Vin kept his head turned away.
"Please - somebody please..." His body shook with dry sobs. "God, please, don't let him hurt me no more. I can't - please - I can't..."
"Vin. .." Nathan tried again, but Chris cut him off.
"Give him a minute. You're scaring him."
"Chris, I gotta check that abscess...
"
"Well, is it gonna matter if you wait a couple minutes?" Chris didn't think Vin was talking about Nathan - he wondered if he was trapped 'there' with his terror. Nathan stood back a minute and watched Vin. Watched Chris tend to him. Chris wrung the rag out in fresh water and laid it on Vin's forehead.
"It's okay Vin, it's just you and me. You're safe here...c'mon and look at me. Nobody's gonna do nothin' you don't want 'em to."
Nathan held back a sigh of frustration at Chris' words. Robbing that bank was looking more and more like a good idea if it meant he could keep Chris busy long enough to tend to Vin proper.
M7*M7*M7
Suddenly they were all gone. His stepparents, his neighbors, even poor Mrs. McGinty was gone off somewhere. All that remained was the group of boys, standing, staring at him. The leader of the boys looked different and familiar. Vin knew better than to expect to be allowed in their circle again. But he couldn't help hoping for it. He was alone.
M7*M7*M7
"Vin? Can you hear me? Look at me Vin. You've gotta hold on Vin. You been sick too long, now. C'mon and look at me." Chris didn't try to force Vin to turn toward him. Slowly though, blue eyes dull with pain and dehydration met his. "Hey Vin. ..are you holdin' on?"
A movement, almost a twitch, almost too slight to be seen in the lamplight, but Vin nodded, not taking his eyes off Chris.
"You gonna let Nathan have a look at your throat?"
Another nod. Barely.
"Okay, it won't take too long, then we'll get you some more water." Satisfied that Vin was going to cooperate, Chris stood and let Nathan get in closer to his patient. He'd only just touched Vin's face though when Vin swung out, hoarsely yelling at him.
"I'll kill you. You touch me again I'll kill you. I ain't no little kid no more. You got no right - you got no right..."
Nathan easily avoided the blows and Chris was at his side in an instant to firmly take Vin's hands into his own. He hated distressing Vin anymore, but he had to keep him safe. Vin struggled to sit up, to get away, to fight off his tormentor, but to no avail. He screamed - a weak, desperate sound that sent a knife through both Chris and Nathan.
"Vin - it's all right - it's us - your Grandpa ain't here..."
"Vin - ain't nobody gonna hurt you..."
The two men tried to calm and comfort Vin. It didn't work. As he took another breath to let out another scream, Vin choked, and a panicked look came into his eyes.
"Sit him up!" Nathan commanded and Chris pulled him upright. It didn't seem like Vin was breathing. Then with a couple of rapid inhalations and one harsh cough, Vin spat a mouthful of pus and blood down the front of himself and Chris.
"Nathan?" Chris demanded.
"It's all right Chris, it's a good thing." Nathan turned to grab some towels. "It means the abscess ruptured on its own. Just keep him upright for a minute..."
He washed Vin's face, who promptly coughed up another sickening mess. Nathan gave up the struggle fast. "Let's lay him down on his side, so's it can drain and not go into his lungs..." Vin resisted being laid down. He gripped Chris' sleeves and stared at him, as though trying to figure out who he was. Chris looked straight at him.
"Vin? You with us on this? You're gonna choke again we don't lay you down...okay? Nice and slow...I ain't goin' nowhere..." he added when Vin wouldn't let go. "Nice and slow." Vin kept his eyes on Chris until he was back down on the mattress and turned on his side, as close to the edge of the bed as they dared place him.
"Here Chris, hold this towel underneath him when he coughs again...least till we can get you a clean shirt...think we're going to have to burn that one."
"What about Vin?" Chris knelt by the side of the bed to be at a closer level with Vin. He didn't care about his own clothes. "He's got it all over himself too."
"Soon's his coughing slows up, we'll get him cleaned up. Right now it's just better to let that abscess drain as much as possible."
Vin coughed again, a croupy cough, and Chris held the towel close to his mouth as more blood and pus came up. Chris told himself he had to believe Nathan, had to trust him that all this blood was a good thing. But it was a hard sell.
"You hold on Vin. .." He put his free hand on Vin's arm, hoping to offer some comfort. "You'll be all right."
M7*M7*M7
The leader of the knot of boys approached Vin, who stood stock still, wondering what was about to happen, gearing himself up to run if necessary. But the boy, tall, blond, in dark clothes, grinned at him and reached out to take hold of his arm. Beyond him the five other boys approached as well. "Hold on." he said to Vin.
M7*M7*M7
The hacking cough stopped, and Chris folded the towel to wipe Vin's mouth. A pale, shaking hand came up from under the blankets and wrapped itself around Chris' wrist. Surprised, Chris looked into Vin's face. Those dull blue eyes looked back at him.
"Holdin' on." Vin whispered.
To be continued