Thank you again to everyone who is reading and reviewing! I can't express how much your kind words and constructive comments mean to me. I appreciate any words of encouragement or improvement you provide. I just wait to make an apology, I'm not very familiar with medical procedures, so if some of the medical issues with Brooke appears unrealistic, I apologize.
Ch. 8
Julian navigated Brooke's wheelchair though her spacious bedroom towards her king size bed. Brooke watched Julian pause to ignore his third phone call of the morning. She frowned as she noticed the stressed that showed on his face as he once again put his work responsibilities on hold to care for her. Julian had become a master at changing subjects each and every time Brooke inquired about his work, because she knew he was missing critical time spending every waking and sleeping moment with her.
Pulling back the covers, Julian was getting the bed ready before he carefully lifted Brooke and tried to delicately place her on the bed with as little discomfort as possible. However, the grip she had around his neck and the blanched, taunt look on her face told him he failed miserably. He gave her a nervous and apologetic grin as he sat next to her on the bed and tucked her hair behind her ear.
Taking small, calming breaths, Brooke tried to breathe past the pain, and was reminded of Haley during her pregnancy. Of course Haley's pregnancy reminded her of Peyton's pregnancy and that she was hundreds of miles away. And I'm missing all of it… again.
"Hey Brooke, you ok? You're starting to freak me out a little." Julian broke through her friend guilt to remind her of the guilt she felt for everything he was sacrificing to be with her now.
"Sorry." Brooke gave him a small, sad smile and grasped the back of Julian's neck with her hand. "I don't deserve how good you've been to me. Thank you, thank you so much." Brooke's voice began to shake, on the verge of tears again. What the hell is wrong with me?! I'm stronger than this… I can do this by myself. I've done everything in my life alone, and I can do this too.
Julian gave a low chuckle and leaned in and kissed Brooke's forehead. "You're very welcome Brooke Davis. You deserve the very little I've done, and so much more." He looked down, searching for her hazel eyes, but she was looking down towards her fidgeting hands that were picking at the threads of her bedspread. Her sudden change in demeanor was beginning to alarm Julian and he was reminded of the girl he found wallowing in the shadows of that beach party so many years ago. Julian grasped Brooke's shoulders and gave her a gentle, little shake "Come on, Baby, time for you to take advantage of the strapping, gorgeous man in front of you who is willing to be at your beck and call."
Brooke couldn't look into Julian's chocolate eyes. She knew without looking up that he was wearing his irresistible grin and was trying desperately to reach her, to hold on to her. Brooke was afraid she would tear up and she wanted to remain calm and collected, in control of her emotions. She repeated her earlier declaration, "I don't deserve how good you've been to me. I don't deserve what you've had to give up to be here with me." Julian tried to interrupt her, but she placed a finger over his lips, "Please, let me finish."
She looked back down at her hands that were nervously, restlessly roaming her lap. "You've been wonderful to me, but you were forced into a more serious role in my life than a first date would require because of the accident. After only one date you shouldn't have to stay with an invalid, you don't deserve this. I can't ask you to stay." She could feel his gaze burning into the top of her head and she fought his silent please to lift her head. Even when she felt his hands reach her face she resisted the physical force to meet his gaze. Don't cry damn it! "Julian, this would be a horrible relationship for you. I won't let you sacrifice anything else for me. I'd only be taking advantage of you."
His voice finally cracked, "Brooke, where is all this coming from?" Silence was his only response from Brooke and he finally added in bitterness, "Do you want me to leave?"
No! She wanted to scream, but she was too proud to have him watch her struggle through months of physical therapy. She was too proud and independent to allow him to sacrifice his career to play nurse for her. She was too proud and stubborn to open her heart. So she simply nodded her head, never looking up, too ashamed to look into his hurting eyes, too weak to trust her voice not to reveal her selfish desire to keep him.
He was silent for a few minutes, never moving and never taking his eyes off of her. Without a word, Julian slowly stood and left Brooke's bedroom.
With the click of her bedroom door, Brooke Davis was alone for the first time in nearly two weeks. She looked around her darkened bedroom, eyes wildly darting and searching for someone, anyone to distract her from the pain of pushing Julian away. The tears fell freely down her cheeks and neck, slowly saturating her blouse. She knew all she needed to do was to call out to Haley and she'd run to comfort her, but she detested her dependency. Besides, it wasn't fair to Haley to whine about missing Julian when Haley hadn't seen her son or husband in days. Brooke hated herself for being a burden to her friends and decided she would suffer this in silence.
She reached into her pocket and ravenously consumed two of the pain pills the doctor had prescribed to help her sleep. Her tears slowly subsided and she eventually drifted into a numbing, dreamless sleep.
The sound of rain drops hitting her window woke Brooke the next morning. She was slightly surprised to see her surrounding exactly the same as when she closed her eyes the day before. Almost instinctively Brooke threw the covers back to jump out of bed, but was suddenly stopped by the sight of her unmovable leg. It was impossible to forget, and yet she almost had and was actually shocked to see her leg. She turned on the light of her room and examined her body alone, in private, for the first time. She ran her fingertips across fading bruises and scratches. Reaching for a mirror she kept in her bedside drawer, Brooke began to slowly remove the bandage on her face. She had seen the stitched gash before, but always in the presence of an audience. She had made jokes and bravely dismissed the glaring detraction of her beauty to her friends and Julian in an attempt to avoid vanity. But alone without Julian or anyone, Brooke looked at the ugly, crude stitches and could only thank G-d it was so close to her hair and not in the middle of her face. She took a deep breath and reminded herself of her appointment with the plastic surgeon next week.
A light tapping on her bedroom door temporarily distracted Brooke from her pity party, and she gladly welcomed Haley's entrance into the room. "Good morning Tigger! We're so glad that you got some good rest last night." Haley was carrying a large tray filled with coffee and breakfast goodies. She sat down next to Brooke on the bed and the two old friends began to graze on the variety of muffins, pastries, and fruit. Haley looked up at Brooke and hesitated before commenting, "I was surprised to see Julian leave so early yesterday." Brooke only nodded and ate a larger bite of the blueberry muffin. Great, I'm going to be injured, scarred, and fat!
Haley was concerned about her friend. Brooke had a long, notorious history of shutting people out when she needed them the most, and Haley was afraid that was exactly what she did to Julian yesterday. She reached out and placed her hand over Brooke's knee and gave a slight squeeze. "Tigger, you know I'm here for you. Millie and Julian, too, we just want to help you get better."
Haley's devotion and support was almost too much for Brooke, especially when she mentioned Julian. Brooke knew that he was no longer here for her because she had pushed him away and forbid him from helping her. Brooke opened her mouth, ready to send Haley out of the room so that she could wallow alone, but she stopped. Almost immediately she chastised herself for her selfish thoughts. She was grateful for Haley's offer to stay with Brooke for a week before heading home to Tree Hill. Haley's sacrifice had made it possible for Brooke to be strong enough to send Julian away, and she needed her friend with her.
Instead of closing herself further to her friends, Brooke opened her mouth and began to talk. She told Haley of her fears and doubts about her ability to recover from the accident. She cried on Haley's shoulder recalling how she sent Julian away for his own sake. She lamented over the loss of control she felt over her life and how much she missed her friends that were her family back in Tree Hill. And Haley did what all friends do, she listened.
"Bearing your soul is kind of exhausting." Brooke chuckled dryly. Brooke looked at Haley self-consciously, "I think I need a nap before another session tutor mom." Haley simply nodded and tucked Brooke back into her bed. Kissing her forehead before leaving, Haley turned off the light and blew Brooke a kiss from the shadows of her door.
Haley returned to the living room to see a couple pairs of concerned eyes and shrugged. "I don't know, she's really hurting right now." Haley quickly added, "She wants to rest," in attempt to prevent anyone from rushing into her bedroom. "Want to watch a movie? I'll get some popcorn."
Brooke drifted in and out of sleep for a couple of hours before she suddenly realized I have to pee! Panic almost choked her as she looked at her bathroom door several feet away from her. Julian had left the wheelchair next to her bedroom before she kicked him out the night before, but she wasn't strong enough to get her body into the chair. Swallowing her pride, Brooke called out "Haley?" The pressing sensation on her bladder would not allow her to wait, "HALEY!" she screamed with more urgency.
She could hear Haley scrambling outside her door rushing to come to her assistance. "Brooke! Are you ok? I'm here, I'm here." Haley was in full mother mode ready to soothe and comfort.
Embarrassed, Brooke looked up at Haley with a frown, "I have to go to the bathroom." Haley nodded in understanding and approached the bed. Brooke wrapped her arms around Haley and Haley reached around Brooke's waist and began to lift. Brooke knew there was no way her petite friend could lift her. Haley grunted, "You're a lot heavier than Jamie." Indignant Brooke hissed, "He's a kid, and it is the cast, not me!" She groaned in exaggerated urgency "Haley! You can't lift me. I'm going to pee in the bed!" Haley sighed, "I need reinforcements." She hastily jogged to Brooke's door and hollered, "Guys! A little help, please!"
Brooke's eyes widened, "Haley?! No, please, no one can see me like this. Who is it?" Brooke was torn between mortification of anyone seeing her in this needy state and an overwhelming hope that Julian was one of the aforementioned "guys." Her heart began pounding and she briefly forgot the pressure of her bladder as she anxiously waited to see who would come to her rescue. Her face readily expressed her shock and disappointment as Nathan and Jamie entered the room.
"Aren't you happy to see us Aunt Brooke?" Jamie's big blue eyes looked hurt as Brooke's obvious disappointment and he looked quickly to his mother and father for reassurance.
"Of course I am my Jim-Jam! You're my knight in shining armor! I'm only upset because your mother didn't tell me you were here!" Brooke narrowed her eyes at Haley and said through gritted teeth, "Or that your dad was here!"
Nathan smirked, "Well, Davis, do you want to complain and pee on those expensive sheets or do you want to gush with gratitude and let me help you."
Jamie looked at Brooke with an entirely new understanding, "Ohhhh… Don't worry, Aunt Brooke, I pee in the bed sometimes too."
Brooke laughed then grimaced, "Noooooo, no laughing. Nate, Jamie I love you both. Now please help me!" Haley and Nathan laughed as they tried to get Brooke from the bed to the bathroom. Jamie sat back and laughed at the comical threesome, "This is so much better than Spongebob."
"Jamie!" Three adults crossly shouted his name and glared at him from across the room as he quickly ran back to the safety of Brooke's living room and television.
Brooke decided to venture to the living room with the Scott family after completing her bathroom adventure. She looked at the three lounging around her living room, laughing and eating popcorn and smiled. She was thankful the young family was reunited, and that they decided to come here to her. She reached over and touched Nathan's shoulder and simply said, "Thank you."
Nathan laughed and smirked, "No problem. When you gotta go, you gotta go." He threw a basketball across the room to Jamie who began to dribble on Brooke's hardwood floor. Rolling her eyes her touch morphed into a punch and Nathan laughed. He quickly became serious and turned to Brooke, "I love you Brooke, but I did this for Jamie, Haley, and me as much as I did this for you." He looked over at Haley who gave him a warning glare and shook her head no, but Nathan decided to proceed anyway. "Truthfully Brooke, we're here for a week and then we have to head back." Brooke knew they had to get back to their lives, but she couldn't avoid feeling disappointment and sad they wouldn't be with her. Nathan continued, "School will be starting up soon, and I've got training. So we have to go back to Tree Hill and you're coming with us."
The room was quiet and still. Jamie was no longer dribbling the basketball, only grasping it with his eyes full of waiting. Haley was no longer fidgeting with the remote control, but fully focused on her friend across the room. All eyes were so closely focused on Brooke she didn't feel she could breathe and she didn't know what to say with this proclamation.
She gave an uneasy chuckle and looked away from the hopeful, pleading eyes urging her to return to North Carolina. Her mind filled with a million reasons not to follow them back to Tree Hill, but the most significant obstacle was Julian. She sent him away, but she hoped he would've ignored her guilt-induced rejection and stayed. She knew leaving for Tree Hill would be an official end to any hope for a relationship for them, and the only way to insure he would return to his former life without her. Brooke smiled for Jamie, "Do you think you could share your room with me or are you going to make me sleep in the garage?"
"Woo hoo! Aunt Brooke's coming home!" Jamie shouted as he flung his small body onto Brooke. All three adults flinched at his unpredictable movement, but Brooke swallowed against the pain and clutched him closer to her in a tight hug. He was beaming, "Aunt Brooke you can take totally take Chester's spot and I promise to look after you." Haley laughed at Jamie's innocent enthusiasm as she looked over at Brooke with worry and concern. She knew that Brooke's agreement to come to Tree Hill was motivated by her desire to run away. Haley just didn't know what or who she was attempting to out run.