Footsteps.
From under his hat, Vin heard the footsteps coming closer to him across the dry grass and fallen leaves. Quick as thought he sat up, with his gun dead aimed at - - -
Chris -
Who stopped dead with his hands held in front of himself.
"Hold on. Just me. Supper's ready, I was gonna wake you up."
Still Vin waited a few seconds, till his heart stopped pounding and he trusted his eyes that it really was Chris and not some demon come to drag him off.
"Sorry..." he re-holstered his weapon. "Guess I was sleepin' too sound, y'startled me."
Chris held off saying that Vin needed to sleep that soundly. He turned back to get the food while Vin repositioned himself, stowing his worn blanket between himself and the saddle.
"Thanks." when Chris handed him the plate.
"Sure..."
They didn't talk much at first as they ate. Vin's throat was still raw, and every swallow of food had to be washed down with a swallow of water, trying not to wince in pain every time. The wind crackled the grass and dead leaves around them, and passed lightly through the campsite. Vin turned his face up, into the wind. Eyes closed, he seemed to lose himself in it.
"Seems like forever." he finally said. Chris wondered what he meant.
"Since y'been outside?"
"Since I been anything, really...outside, on horseback, eatin' food - real food..." he opened his eyes to look at Chris. "Seems like forever I been in this town...longest I been anywheres since I been on my own..."
"Weren't you planning on staying when you first came to town? When you worked at the store?"
Vin started to say 'yeah' a few times, then gave up.
"Naah, not really. I wanted to, but I knew it weren't a good idea, wouldn't hold up. Somebody'd find me, some bounty hunter...I knew I couldn't stay. Just figured to save enough money to move on. Best I could do." He shrugged and went back to eating.
"Why a shop clerk?" Chris asked. He figured Vin would say no bounty hunter would think to look for him with a broom in his hand. But the look that settled on Vin's face spoke of a terrible longing.
"My whole life I stunk a' dirt n' death. I'se the fella quality folk would cross the street to not have to walk near. Buffalo huntin', bounty huntin', they just remind folks a' things they don't rightly want t'be reminded of. The cleanest I ever been in my life was the week I worked at that store. I knew it wouldn't last, but I wanted to know what it felt like to just be like anybody else. Get up in the morning and go to the same job every day, come home to the same room every night. Sleep in a bed like regular folks. Eat supper off real china plates and real cloth napkins. Have people call you 'sir' and not just 'mister' or 'you'...knew it wouldn't last..." he said down to the graniteware plate in his lap. "Just wanted to feel it a little while..."
He picked at his food then, and managed a few more swallows.
"Why'd you give up bounty hunting?" Chris asked then, guessing that the answer wouldn't be what he thought either. Hard to bounty hunt when you're the bounty.
"Didn't, not really. Ain't exactly what you'd call a reliable income anyway. Always was hard...get a description, places they been seen, family or old haunts. Hardest part weren't usually the catchin' but the findin'...but times are changin'. Lotta them wanted posters got no picture, just writin' on 'em..." Vin shrugged. "Never was good at trackin' my letters."
He couldn't read. Chris had known that quite some time. He also knew it'd been a secret Vin had held onto longer than the bounty on his head.
"You're real smart Vin. I read that poem a'yours that Mary put in her paper. You'll learn fast."
"I don't know." Vin shook his head. "She's got me tryin' this book, I thought it was about Paul Bunyan, now I think maybe it's about them pilgrims came over with Columbus...can't make heads ner tails of it."
Chris tried to hide the smile that Vin's grasp of history and literature brought to his face.
"Tell you what Vin, when you feel better, I'll get some wanted posters and help you figure out readin' those. I think that'll be a lot handier to you than 'Pilgrims Progress'."
Vin nodded his thanks. Weariness hit him again hard and sudden, and he caught himself to keep from nodding off right where he sat. He set the plate down and got comfortable again on his bedroll.
"Reckon I'll just close my eyes a minute or two...let me know if anybody shows up."
"I will."
Vin tucked his old, worn blanket under his arm again, and tilted his hat to cover his eyes. Chris figured he was asleep right off, but after a few minutes, Vin said:
"It was the first thing I ever bought with my own money." He tilted his hat back again and indicated the blanket. "I was cold, and I needed a blanket and I had the money and I bought it. Reckon that seems foolish, reckon most people can't remember the first thing they ever bought with their own money...meant a lot to me. Still does. I know I should get a new one, but I can't. It'd be like givin' up the oldest friend I got. Longest time this blanket was the only friend I could say I had."
He waited a moment for Chris to answer, but Larabee didn't say anything.
"Reckon I always knowed it was foolish..." Vin tipped his hat down again.
Chris stared at him a few minutes, trying to grasp the flood of information Vin had just shared with him. The determined loner, who didn't need anyone or anything to get by in life, secretly envying people their monotonous lives and dull routines, slowly losing his edge in a harsh world of bounty hunting because he couldn't read, clinging to a tattered length of wool because it was the one source of warmth he knew he could count on, standing with his back to the fence, wishing somehow he could be inside, where they always thought he wasn't comfortable.
"Complicated man." he said softly.
" 'Why, Mrs. Travis...' " the voice from under the hat surprised Chris. " 'I didn't think you noticed...' "
M7*M7*M7
Stars hung over the campsite, close enough to touch. Stretched out on his bedroll, Chris stared up at them through the trees overhead. The day had fallen, and the night closed in cold around them. Crickets shrilled on the edges of the camp and somewhere close by an owl sounded in the branches of a tree. The campfire was just glowing embers. In the darkness, he figured Vin was asleep- he'd stirred long enough to pull two of the new blankets over himself before falling stone still again. That was all. Chris didn't suggest that Vin should eat a little more, or drink some more water. Didn't even let himself think about what Nathan might have in store if he brought Vin back in a worse condition than he brought him out. He just let him sleep.
They hadn't often gone out on the trail for no other reason than to be out on the trail. Usually they had somewhere to get to, or someone to get back. Vin spent a lot of time by himself, on the trail or in town; he never seemed particularly interested in company. Chris always got the impression that Vin could be alone or with someone, have friends or not, he was used to adjusting himself to survive his surroundings. Chris figured the only reason Vin'd let him come along this time was because he needed physical help, nothing else.
But after what Vin'd just said about wanting an ordinary life, Chris wasn't so sure anymore that Vin preferred being alone. Maybe it was like Mary said, the more you want something, sometimes the harder you pushed away from it. It didn't matter though, Vin was alive when Chris had been sure half a dozen times that he wouldn't live to draw another breath. In a short space of time, he'd recovered enough to be obstinate.
"Keepin' me awake, you're thinkin' so loud over there..." The raw voice broke into Chris' thoughts.
"Winter's comin' on." was all Chris said.
"Couple months...looks to be a hard one this year. Seen a lotta critters storin' up already..." A couple of moments passed. "Chris?" He almost stammered it out.
"Yeah?" Chris turned his attention from the stars to his friend.
"When I was sick, in Nathan's bed, anybody else come in the room?"
"Well, we were all there, one time or another. Nettie too, Miz O'Brien..."
"Anybody y'didn't know?"
Chris wondered what Vin was getting at, figured he just wanted to know if anyone had seen him laid up, so sick and vulnerable.
"No, anybody else needed tendin' Nathan took care of it somewheres else."
"Oh..." Vin sounded disappointed, and Chris had to ask:
"Why?" He heard the movement and could barely see in the glowing embers that Vin pushed back his hat and turned his head to look toward Chris.
"I just had the thought that my Pa was there." he said it quietly and hurried to add: "I know he's dead and gone on with my Ma. It just seems so much that he was there with me..."
"I'm sure he was Vin. " Strange how words like this came easier in the dark. "You have kids you'll see, even death can't keep you from caring about 'em. One way or other, I'm sure he was there with you."
"Holdin' me?" Vin asked.
Make sure nobody ever tells him it was me Chris reminded himself before asking:
"Did you feel him holding you?"
"Yeah."
The way he said it made Chris amend his previous thought. For his sake, let him always believe it was his Pa.
"I could feel his heartbeat...thought it was him anyway. Guess it couldn't a'been. Just seemed so much like he was there. Every time I kept feelin' like I was goin' away, somethin' kept me stayin'. Somebody had hold a'me and kept me there...just seems so much like it was my Pa." He paused. "Guess I just been havin' a whole lotta crazy dreams bein' sick, hunh?"
He turned his face back to the sky, but didn't pull his hat down.
"Vin -" How to answer without telling him the truth? "If things were different, and I was gone and Adam was still here, I'd sure as shootin' be there if he was sick. No matter what. Ain't a crazy dream - if you felt him, he was there. Your Pa was there lookin' out for you."
Vin didn't say anything and after a minute he turned on his side away from Chris. Almost immediately, Chris heard him sniffle and cough, heard the odd way his breath caught in his throat, how often he raised his hand to his eyes.
Please let him always believe it was his Pa - now Chris prayed this. Don't let that get taken away from him too...
M7*M7*M7
Vin slowly became aware that it was morning. He opened his eyes to familiar ground. They weren't still fishin', were they? What was goin' on? Why did he feel so heavy and tired? He heard voices - Chris, Buck, and Nathan. Hell, how much was that bet anyway? He'd owe Chris now. He stayed still and pretended his was still asleep.
"How's he doin'?" Nathan was asking.
"Slept all night. Ate supper and drank most of a canteen of water."
"No chills? No fever?"
"No, seemed fine."
"Yeah well, Miss Nettie's on the high side of cantankerous." Buck said. "If she'd a'known where y'all were, she'd a'been down here by now. Sputterin' something awful back there in town. Worse'n Nathan."
Vin listened to them talk. He felt bad, knowing Nettie was worried about him. Knowing that the rest of the Seven were going out of their way to take care of him. He didn't like it. He wasn't comfortable being the point of so much attention. Better to stay unnoticed, stay out of people's minds. Look after yourself. He'd always done that, it was just easier that way. Soon's he got back to town, he'd get on his own again. Been too long havin' too many people around.
"By sunset." Nathan was warning Chris.
"I know - by sunset. We'll be back." Chris answered. Vin considered himself lucky when Nathan didn't come to wake him up and have a poke at him. He heard him rummaging around in his saddlebags, for more medicine most likely. And Chris was telling something to Buck in a low voice he couldn't make out. Blankets, something about blankets...he closed his eyes and drifted off again. When he woke up, Chris didn't mention they'd had visitors and Vin didn't ask.
M7*M7*M7
The creek sparkled in the morning sunlight, shifting specks of golden white weightless on the flowing water. Vin crouched there, staring at nothing, twirling a length of grass in his fingers. Mrs. McGinty was on his mind now and he couldn't get her to leave. Some folks said she was weak, some folks said she was strong, for doing what she done. Slipping herself away in a muddy cow pond because she couldn't stand being apart from her little baby boy. His grandparents said she'd burn in Hell forever.
Vin had seen a lot of death in his time. Everybody saw death, there was no getting away from it, but lately, since spending time in town, lately Vin had come to realize he'd seen death so many more times than most. People dead by fire, by disease, by a knife or bullet, hanged, starved, poisoned, or froze to death. He hadn't just seen them dead, he'd seen them die. So often that death had become commonplace to him.
But he'd never seen anyone drown.
He stared at the water and wondered what it would feel like.
M7*M7*M7
Chris was just getting ready to head after Vin, when he appeared back at the campsite.
"Thought maybe y'fell in." he said. Vin gave one short laugh.
"Had enough a'that with JD I reckon...foolishness..." he added to himself.
"I'd catch hell from Nathan I bring you back sopping wet." Chris watched Vin a little, not wanting to stare, but wanting an idea of what was going on. Ever since waking up, Vin'd been fidgety, eating his food in hasty swallows, eager to get away from the campsite. He'd only mumbled something as he pushed the plate and cup away and hurried off to the creek. It'd taken him nearly an half an hour to come back.
Vin went to his bedroll and started pulling his gear together. He didn't have to do it yet, they weren't supposed to leave till near sunset, but he had no energy to talk to Chris and if he was busy doing something else, he wouldn't have to try and think of anything to say. He knew that look in Chris' eyes, trying to cipher something - and the something was him. Vin felt peculiar was all, since talking about his Pa the night before. It seemed almost now that his Pa had been with him, through the worst of the pain and visions, had kept him alive and with his friends when Vin felt so sick and miserable that all he wanted to do was give up and die.
Peculiar though, because that was what hurt - that he'd had to draw strength from someone who'd been dead twenty five years or more. That he had no one living right now he could depend on for the comfort and support he'd felt in his sickness. It made him feel even more alone.
As comfortable as he'd felt the night before, as desperately as he'd wanted to be out in the wind and hard ground, today Vin would be just as happy to be back in his room at the boarding house, off by himself. Chris probably wanted to get back anyway. Between keeping Vin company at Nathan's, and now out on the trail, Chris probably figured he'd spent enough time away from town. He was probably be fairly itching to get back. Well, Vin was set to oblige him.
Just as he intended to turn and predict rain, and recommend an early retreat to town, Chris surprised him. Vin was feeling poorly, wondering if Chris wanted to head back to town. He wasn't up to much fishing and generally just felt like he'd dragged Larabee out here for no reason. Then, standing there, watching out to where the creek was, Chris walked up to him, then past him.
"Come on, let's go down the creek botChris. You can show me all those fossils you and JD was looking at."
Vin didn't know why it warmed him, but the gloom lifted. He bent his head down and followed Chris to the water's edge.
They didn't go into the water, Chris didn't want to get wet, and he wasn't about to encourage Vin. They aimlessly picked up a few rocks and fossils, mostly they wandered down the water's edge.
"How'd you sleep last night?" Chris asked, and to Vin's questioning look, explained: "Nathan's gonna want an account and he knows better than to ask you outright."
"Slept all night I reckon." Vin shrugged. "Not as tired's I was...feel better some..."
Chris wanted to ask if Vin'd had anymore bad dreams, was his grandfather still chasing him down the long years. Instead they talked about the rocks and the creek, about nothing in particular, and about nothing at all. When they'd gotten half a mile or so from the campsite, Vin set himself down on a large rock set firmly in the sandy shoreline.
"Weather's holdin'." he said, looking up at the sky.
"Rain's comin' though." Chris said. "Tomorrow, likely early."
Vin thought how he'd planned to tell Chris it looked like rain - - he forgot that a rancher would know weather as good as a tracker. Maybe even better since his livelihood depended on it.
"We'll be back before then, I reckon." Vin said. "If I'da heard Nathan say one more time 'sunset don't mean no pitch black neither' think I'da made drink some of his own boiled skunk....y'ever wonder how he came to be a healer? Not meanin' how he was a stretcher bearer n'all, but - after all'd been done to him. Woulda thought he'd be bitter all his born days." He looked up at Chris. "How does a man who survived slavery 'n cruelty turn out like Nathan? Y'know - compassionate?"
Chris wondered if Vin saw the parallel at all in what he was asking.
"I don't know Vin. How does a boy who survived cruelty and near-slavery with his grandparents turn out to be a man who'd risk his life to save that compassionate man from lynching?"
Vin followed Chris' words, still it took him a second to realize Chris was referring to him.
"I don't know."
He shrugged it away, like a child being ask who broke the family china. Chris didn't push for an answer he knew wasn't there. He started to suggest they head back to camp when Vin added quietly:
"Almost didn't...save Nathan you know."
Chris didn't say anything, he waited for Vin to go on.
"I'se afraid at first. Didn't want t'bring no attention down on me, 'case a bounty hunter were around. An' I didn't want t'get involved. I learned, early on, don't mess in nobody else's troubles, 'cause there ain't nobody gonna mess in yours. Ain't nobody'll take care a'you but you."
He looked up once at Chris, then down.
"But I knowed if what Nathan was sayin' was true, he was an innocent man gonna hang. Figured - I figured I'd want somebody steppin' in when my turn came at the gallows..." his voice dropped to nearly a whisper. "No innocent man deserves to die that way..."
Chris put his hand on Vin's shoulder.
"No innocent man I know is gonna die that way Vin. I give you my word."
Vin looked up at him and nodded.
"Be all right with you if we was t'head back early to town? Think I might want t'lie down in my own bed for awhile..." his voice was still the whisper.
"Sure, we can head back."
Chris didn't let on how it worried him that Vin wanted to head back at all, much less early. Vin nodded once more and stood up to walk back to the campsite. A weariness had come over him that wasn't purely physical. Neither of them said anything as they walked to camp, saddled their horses, and headed back to town.
To be continued