Thanks again everyone for the reviews and reading the story! It seems that people are still enjoying the story and that it isn't disappointing. I will hopefully have an update soon, but it may take a little longer. Enjoy!
Ch. 13
Despite the slightly lingering hangover, Julian was whistling in the shower thinking about the perfect morning he shared with Brooke a few minutes ago. Brooke was no longer pushing him away and was in fact quite welcoming of him this morning. He smiled broadly thinking of how the week with Brooke's cast would be seven days of foreplay, but more importantly a week to reconnect with her, show her and tell her that he loved her. He hated that the accident had not only caused her physical injuries, but had derailed their newfound romance.
After showering and dressing, he continued to whistle his way into the kitchen. Jamie and Nathan were eating breakfast as Julian practically bounced into the room. Nathan laughed into his cereal bowl, "Dude, try not to be too obvious." Nodding to Jamie, he added, " He's six, not stupid."
Julian was too content with the dramatic change in his relationship with Brooke to be embarrassed by his outward displays, and simply laughed and ruffled Jamie's hair. Sitting down with the father and son, Julian relaxed in his stool and admired Nathan's life. Nathan had everything that Julian never realized he really wanted, that was until he met Brooke again. The easy bond of mutual adoration and love between Jamie and Nathan produced a lump in his throat as he thought of his own domineering and absent father. Looking over Jamie's messy hair, Julian caught Nathan's eye and said sincerely, "You're a great father."
Nathan chuckled and shook his head, "It's just a bowl of Cheerios man." Despite trying to deflect the compliment, Nathan nodded his head in appreciation and smiled. He added, "It wasn't always like this. I couldn't have this with Jamie, hell any of my life, if it weren't for Haley."
Julian nodded his head, completely understanding the importance and the role Nathan's wife played in his life. Like most of the world, Julian had read Lucas Scott's book that chronicled the tumultuous childhood and teen years of the entire group. Julian read the book because of Brooke, he was desperately hungry for the description and account of her life after she left California. He was heartbroken on her behalf at the tragic triangle she was unwittingly captured in between her best friend and boyfriend, but was inspired and awed by her strength and self-sacrifice. Julian related to the book not only because of Brooke's relationship with her parents, but also the chilling characterization of Nathan and Lucas's father, Dan Scott. He knew with certainty that Haley James had saved Nathan Scott from becoming a bitter, carbon copy of the Scott patriarch as much as Brooke Davis had saved him from becoming his own father.
In an effort to lighten the emotional moment, Julian smirked at Nathan, "You're totally whipped man." Jamie laughed and pointed at his father then turned to give Julian a high five, "You're right! He is whipped!" Nathan began tickling Jamie, "What are you talking about? You're whipped too… you're going to get whipped!" Nathan had lifted a giggling Jamie off the bar stool and carried him towards his bedroom. He turned to look at Julian before leaving the room, "You still wanted to do the Rivercourt right?"
Julian nodded enthusiastically, he wasn't sure if Nathan and Lucas would've remembered their plans from the previous night. "Absolutely! I'll just go tell Brooke I'll be back in a few." Nathan and Jamie simultaneously responded a loud, "Whipped!" from the stairs.
Chuckling in agreement to their assessment of him he headed back to Brooke's room. As soon as Julian entered the room and saw three pairs of angry eyes he wished he had stuck with the boys. Haley marched to his side and grabbed his arm hard enough to cause bruises. "What the hell Julian?!" Millie was almost as quickly by his side and roughly pushed his shoulder "You better have a good explanation!" The two livid women were angrily shouting over one another various insults at him, but he'd rather deal with them than hear the disappointment and distance in Brooke's voice when she said, "Do you guys mind giving me a moment alone with Julian?"
Brooke was looking at her hands, unable to meet Julian's confused eyes. She had a million thoughts running around in her head, but the dominating one was to retreat and protect her heart. She had been so close to opening her heart completely to him, but the pictures made her doubt him, but worst of all it made her doubt her self. How could she have been so easy this morning? How could she be so trusting?
"Is there something you should've told me before you kissed me this morning?" She was proud of the steady, emotionless quality of her voice. She wanted to give him the opportunity to confess before she showed him what the world would see tomorrow.
The cold and calm tone of Brooke's voice made his heart sink, he could literally see the progress they had made evaporate and the walls around Brooke being reinforced. His mind jumped to the only possible conclusion: Rachel. She promised to call Brooke first thing and she must have set him up. Damn it! Angry at himself and guilty, Julian bowed his head, he couldn't look at Brooke.
Brooke couldn't control a tear to slide down her cheek when Julian lowered his head in guilt. It is true. She had hoped there was some explanation, but she knew whatever excuses came after didn't really matter. His body language confirmed what the pictures revealed.
"Rachel" he exhaled her name, not as a question, but as a confirmation of her fears. His guilt prevented him from moving closer to her or meeting her inquisitive gaze. Finally he sat on the bed and rambled about the previous night's events. "I know I should have told you, but Rachel is your friend and employee. Nothing happened between us, well except she sat on me naked." Julian ruefully laughed, realizing there was nothing amusing about the situation. "I'm sorry, Brooke. You should've heard it from me and not her."
Brooke had no other tears to shed because this was nothing new for her. This was not the first time she had witnessed her friend with her boyfriend. But as hurt as she was, she was disappointed in the person this meant Julian actually was. She believed that he was above this type of behavior and would be the last person to ever hurt her, especially in this very public and devastating manner. She was humiliated by the tabloid article, but even more than that she felt she had lost something she couldn't even describe.
Wordlessly, she turned the laptop towards him so he could read the email and view the pictures. Julian's eyes widened, his face physically lost color, and he even laughed out loud at a couple of points mentioned in the article. The pictures were damning, but as usual with the tabloid media, it didn't show the entire situation. But he knew better than to try and explain that to Brooke.
He slowly closed the lid to the laptop and looked over to Brooke. He wanted to reach out to her and hold her closely to his body, but he knew that wasn't a possibility at this point. He tried to read her face, but it was stony and absent of any reaction from her.
"Brooke," he paused for a moment hurt that she flinched at the sound of her name. "The pictures, this story, it is inexcusable. You don't deserve the public attention and humiliation this brings, but more importantly you deserve so much better from me. I am sorry that I did anything that made you question how much I care for you, how much I love you." Julian couldn't help but to hold his breath as he made his admission of love. It was a gamble to tell her this for the first time under these circumstances, and he had no idea how she would react.
Apparently, not well. Brooke closed her eyes in an attempt to compose herself, but it didn't do any good. She bitterly laughed and her hazel eyes flashed green fire when she looked at him with contempt. "I love you. You love me?! Are you fucking kidding me, Julian?! You love me so damn much that you're getting lap dances on the beach from one of my oldest friends?" She gripped her hands into frustrated fists and resisted the urge to throw the laptop at him.
"You were on a public beach for the entire world to see, and you know what? The whole world will see it all tomorrow." She shook her head and looked at him as if he was a stranger. "Look, let's be fair. I tried to tell you to go, that it was too quick, and you felt committed because of the accident. I don't know what we were, but I know what we aren't now, and what we will never be. I mean, did you even think of me?" Brooke grimaced at her last question and the weakness it showed of her.
Julian's eyes were red from trying to hold the tears from flowing and he nearly jumped across the bed to hold her hand, but she pulled it away. Slumping his shoulders he could barely speak, "That was all I was thinking about, you." He shook his head and closed his eyes, remembering back to just a few hours before. "I came to find you and you were in bed with Owen. I know, I know, now I know he is gay." Julian prevented her from interrupting him. "But I didn't know that when I saw you asleep on his chest last night. It doesn't excuse what I allowed to happen with Rachel, but don't think for a moment that you were anywhere but in my head last night and every second since I finally found the courage to find you again after you left California."
Brooke's shoulders and impenetrable façade began to soften as she thought to the possible conclusions Julian would have thought seeing her in bed with Owen. "Julian…" she whispered his name, and she didn't have anything to say, but it was the only thing she could say. His name served as a lament for what she had and what she wanted, but was too scared to pursue.
Julian reached out to cup her cheek, and surprisingly she leaned into his touch instead of pulling away, but her face crumpled in tears at his touch. He pulled her into his arms and she cried into his shoulder. Brooke was silently cursing herself for falling apart in front of him, but it was all too much for her and she allowed him to comfort her. He gently stroked her hair and rubbed her back. He was thankful she was showing him her vulnerability because that meant there was still a glimmer of hope for them, but at the same time he hated that he was the cause of her pain. He wanted to kiss her, not so that it would lead to sex, but as a way to reassure her and to show his feelings for her.
Nathan and Jamie returned downstairs, ready to take Julian to the Rivercort. Haley and Millie furiously informed Nathan of the forthcoming tabloid story as Jamie called his Uncle Lucas to cancel the male bonding. Jamie wasn't sure what was going on between Julian and his Aunt Brooke, all he knew was that he wouldn't be playing basketball today. Nathan was shocked and fuming that Julian wouldn't mention the tryst with Rachel on the beach last night, but he was most concerned about the impact it would have on the fragile brunette.
Brooke stopped crying, but continued to stay in Julian's embrace. His arms wrapped tightly around her made her feel safe from the outside world, even though he was the cause of this most recent tribulation. She took a couple of deep breaths to compose herself, but it practically undid her by inhaling his clean and masculine scent. She softly pushed herself from his chest, but he refused to release her and gently tightened his grip to keep her in his arms with him.
Julian knew he couldn't hold her forever, but he had no idea how to proceed, what words to say. He kissed her roughly on the top of her head and reluctantly let her go. He whispered, "I'll be right back," and left the room. He quickly returned with his bag and began to rummage through his things. Finally he turned to her and his voice was choked with emotion and lower than usual as he began to open his heart and say what he wanted to say to her last night when he entered the house. "Brooke, I know the timing is horrible, but I need to tell you, I want to tell you. Last night the sound of the ocean reminded me of California and the first night we met at that party our parents dragged us to. The couple of months we spent together as just friends changed me forever, you changed me, and I'm the man I am today because of you." He stopped and cynically chuckled, "Maybe that's not saying much in light of recent events, but I couldn't be with her anymore than I could be with any other woman than you from here on out."
He handed her a scuffed, brown leather-bound notebook and motioned for her to open it. "Do you remember how I told you to write Lucas a letter? Well, I took my own advice." Brooke's eyes watered as so many memories flooded over her. She remembered the pain, very similar but less stinging than her current pain, she felt that summer over Peyton and Lucas. She remembered the healing words of Julian and their carefree summer together. She remembered the numerous letters she wrote to Lucas and the emotionally draining night she gave them to him, seeking her own redemption because of her one night with Chris Keller. Julian knew her history, he had read it and lived a short portion of it with her, but he didn't want to use it against her. "I know how you gave Lucas your letters, and I'm not trying to copy you, but I want you to see. I want you to see that I've spent a lifetime trying to find my way back to you. No one has ever compared to you. That you, Brooke Davis, were my first love that summer, and now I know my only love. I love you Brooke Davis because as much as I helped you that summer, you healed me too."
Julian quietly kissed Brooke on her cheek and stood to exit the room, leaving her with his journal of letters that he thought he would never deliver. Brooke was already reading before the door shoot softly behind him. She almost couldn't bear the anguish she felt as she realized his first letter was dated her last night in California, after their last night together. The letter poured out in true teenage angst his unrequited love for her and his hopes for her happiness with Lucas. She was amazed at the variety and scope of the letters. Julian was right, she had never been far from his thoughts. He had written to her periodically over the past nine years sharing his accomplishments and failures with her, and supporting her own endeavors.
Her tears barely allowed her to read his last letter which was written last night after he returned inside from his night on the beach with Rachel. She momentarily stopped reading to sob as she read his heartbreaking confession to her and his declarations of devotion and love that he was worried once again, like his younger 18 year old self, wouldn't be reciprocated because he was afraid he might have lost her forever.