I continued to stare through the window and into the hospital room, staring at the man lying beneath the starched sheets, following the tubes and wires that snaked from his body, connecting to the humming machines that lined the walls.
I don't remember thinking much of anything as I watched him. The door was shut, but I felt as though I could hear the low drone of the respirator, feel his shallow, shaking breaths in my own chest. My eyes fixed on his sunken cheeks, unblinking as I followed the bones as they jutted out from the leathery skin, up to the darkened crescents that hung below his closed eyes. I remember turning to face my mother, raising my eyes to meet with hers.
"Grandpa is going to feel better soon. He won't have to stay here much longer."
My mother told me years later that I had uttered these words. I do not remember them crossing my lips.
Two hours after I shared this with my mother, my grandfather died.
***
We sat at the small round table, the broad umbrella shielding us from the flare of the afternoon sun. There was little wind today, but the air did not feel as thick as it had for most of the week, making it quite comfortable to sit outside. We leaned back slightly in the wooden chairs, listening to the soft chirps and clicks emanating from the forest a short distance away. Oddly enough, I was quite content to sit with Benjamin Linus. The silence did not feel strained or timid. It was somehow, natural.
He turned to look at me, leaning forward slightly. He carefully pushed the plate that sat on the table before him to the side, folding his hands in its place. My eyes met with his, studying his expression.
"I'm sorry this has seemed so drawn out Abby, I know out intentions must seem slightly malicious still, withholding information from you and everything," he said, chuckling some as he spoke. I struggled not to scoff openly. Malicious? Really?
"Well, when you people took me from my own without an explanation I was slightly annoyed, I'll admit," I hated the way I spit the words at him, but I couldn't believe he was still playing this game. How long could he put up the good guy front and still not tell me one thing about where I was or what I was doing here?
"I know in the past few weeks you have learned all about the Dharma Initiative and what they stood for. We, of course, are not the Dharma Initiative…but what's taken their place, more or less. We aren't here for the same purpose that they were. What we are doing is much more insightful than their little experiments. It may not all make sense now, but it will. Even most of the people here aren't completely familiar with the big picture, but they don't need to be, not now, anyway."
I waited, expecting him to go on. He paused, smiling at me.
"Abby, I know you have had interesting things happen to you in your life. Things that to most people could be seen as outlandish or even bizarre, but you take as a normal occurrence. Have you ever taken a moment to reflect on these things? Has it ever occurred to you that you might be…special?"
I thought about his words. Ben had mentioned things like this to me before, but he had never really allowed me to comment on his theories.
"Well, I guess there have been some strange things that have happened to me…but nothing Have you ever taken a moment to reflect on these things? Has it ever occurred to you that you might be…special?"
I thought about his words. Ben had mentioned things like this to me before, but he had never really allowed me to comment on his theories.
"Well, I guess there have been some strange things that have happened to me…but nothing Have you ever taken a moment to reflect on these things? Has it ever occurred to you that you might be…special?"
I thought about his words. Ben had mentioned things like this to me before, but he had never really allowed me to comment on his theories.
"Well, I guess there have been some strange things that have happened to me…but nothing that different. I mean, nothing anyone' ever really noticed before. Of course everyone thinks their kid is the special one…my parents told me the same thing. But I don't know if I've ever felt any more special than anyone else I've met." I felt silly, almost childish telling him these things. I felt like I was in kindergarten again, sitting in a conference with my teacher about my goals for the school year ahead. Ben smiled.
"Mm. Well, you might not think so yet Abby, but you are here for a reason. The island doesn't choose just anyone. But it's chosen you, for reasons that are still not completely clear, even now. But what I do know is that there is something you have to do here, something you are meant to accomplish, and the island knows it."
I made a face as he spoke. The island? He spoke of it as if it were a living, breathing entity.
"How could the island "choose" me? How does it know what I am supposed to do?"
"That is something I can't answer for you. The island is going to have to tell you that itself," Ben said calmly, his gaze never breaking with mind. I shifted in my chair.
"And how do you know that I'm so special? You don't know what's gone on in my life," I said, irritated by his calm assurance.
"I know that your name is Abigail Morgan Emerson, you were born October 16th, 1978 in Munich, Germany. German was your first language and you spoke it around your home with your mother even into your teen years. Your mother, Linda, met your father when she was working in Germany as a psychiatrist, he on business. Your father, Otto Gottlieb, was a businessman from Dresden that was in Munich for a week for a conference. They met and courted only briefly before your mother became pregnant with you. You have met your father only three times, the last of these meetings being about five years ago. Your mother moved to Florida when you were seven and married your stepfather, Howard Newman. You have three siblings, all half, that still live there. Ringing any bells?"
I stared at him, becoming increasingly uneasy as he spoke. My heart began to pound as he rattled off all of the technical aspects of my life. I tried to shake the feeling.
"Ok, great, you know my background. But how could you possibly know about the things that have happened to me in my life? The experiences I've had?"
Ben chuckled. "Abby…we know a lot more than you would think. I know that at age four you predicted the death of you grandfather. I know that at age eight you saved the life of your younger brother, Anthony, predicting his drowning before it even occurred. And at age 15 you began to have your visions."
My heart sunk like a stone in my chest, settling in the pit of my stomach. I opened my mouth to speak, staring dumbly at Ben as he continued to grin smugly.
"How…could you know that? How could you know any of that?" I asked, panic rising at the edges of my voice. Ben leaned forward slightly, shaking his head.
"It doesn't matter how I know it, all that matters is that you are here. Abby, these things don't just happen to people. I know that's what you like to tell yourself, but they don't. Your mother didn't see it, your mother didn't understand it. But we do. And we want you to be here."
To my slight horror, I felt my nose begin to burn with the threat of tears. I rubbed my eyes quickly, trying to press the moisture back into them. I sat in silence, trying to regain my composure. I could sense that Ben understood as he waited patiently. I looked at him again.
"…okay. Well, I'll take your word for that aspect of it, I guess…but what exactly am I supposed to do?"
"Like I said Abby, it's not that simple. The island will guide you, we only have a few starting points. I'm sorry, I won't be able to answer nearly as many questions as I know you will have, but you will have to be patient…just like I did."
Ben had never mentioned himself in that way before, and it intrigued me. Had he come here for a reason, too? Had the island chosen him?
"But it will pay off, I promise you that. As I said previously, you will be spending a lot of time with me. Learning how the island works. How it is run. From our side, anyway. But I need to be able to trust you with the information I will be giving you. Because most of it, the majority of the people here do not even know. Can I trust you, Abby? Can I trust you with these things?"
Ben stared at me, an intensity that unnerved me immediately beating down on me from his stern eyes. I nodded, unable to open my mouth for a moment.
"Yes…yes, of course you can."
The smile quickly jumped back to his features.
"Good. Go home for a while, rest for a bit. I'll be back to get you tonight around seven or so. There are a few things we need to do."