Pranks

Stan never could remember what it was exactly that caused most of his and Kyle's pissing contests. What he did remember was that Kyle always blamed him, and since he couldn't remember, he could only assume that either Kyle was right or Kyle was taking advantage of his inability to remember the start of it. And, since Stan was not one to back down from a challenge, he would naturally go with the latter assumption, because what fun would it be to back down so easily? Besides, that would make him a pussy, and Stan Marsh was no pussy.

So maybe he'd relabeled everything in Kyle's music library. But it was worth it just to see the look of unadulterated horror on his face when what should have been his favorite album by The Cure turned out to be some random pop starlet's album. After all, the simple fact that Kyle had such a thing on his computer more or less begged for such a prank to be pulled.

But when Kyle retaliated by painting Sparky bubblegum pink, well, that was just crossing the line. What did poor Sparky ever do to deserve such brutal humiliation? Never mind that the crazy dog seemed pleased as punch with his new coloring.

Cartman and Kenny were useful as ever. Cartman, of course, had a several page long list of "suggestions" for Stan's pranks, all of which were far too cruel for him to even consider pulling on his best friend, even if he was being a total asshole. Kenny on the other hand told Stan to stop being such a bitch and to go kiss and make up, because this cutesy shit was killing him. Stan didn't believe Kenny, but when the kid kicked the bucket during one of Kyle's stunts (who knew toads could explode like that?), he was about as surprised as he could be for seeing his friend die for the umpteenth time.

Things eventually devolved to a point bordering on ridiculous, if they hadn't already crossed that line at some earlier point. Stan's latest and admittedly stupidest prank involved dropping a flaming bag of Sparky's crap on the Broflovski doorstep - admitted mostly because he was terrified that Sheila Broflovski would eviscerate him if she ever found out about it.

Trying not to snicker, he speed-dialed Kyle on his cell. "Hey Kyle, I left you a present outside!" he stated cheerfully and flipped his phone off without waiting for a response. Oh man, this was gonna be awesome.

When Kyle opened the front door and glanced down at Stan's fiery "gift," Stan could barely contain his glee as he watched from his hiding spot across the street. He was gonna stomp the fire out and get dog shit all over his shoes, and it would be funny as hell. Stan couldn't help congratulating himself on such a perfect execution; it might have not been a very original prank, but it was tried and true, transcending the years of prankdom, if that was even a word.

But Kyle didn't seem to think it was all that impressive, given his reaction to the prank. As if he'd expected something better from Stan. "That's it? Weak, Stan. Super weak."

And with that, he unzipped his fly and put the small fire out in a very crude but effective way.

"Aw, aww! No fair!"

"Dude, seriously, what the hell?" Kyle shook his head disapprovingly, but couldn't conceal his smirk. "Couldn't you get at least a little more creative than that?"

"Like what?" Stan didn't mean to whine, but that definitely sounded like a whine. God dammit.

"Oh, I dunno. Maybe hiding kinky sex toys around my house to freak my parents out and get me in trouble. Something better than that," he glanced down at the sopping paper bag, "which you had better clean up, dude."

"But... you pissed on it!"

"Observant, aren't we?"

"Aww, gross." He really didn't want to clean that up. Seriously, that was just nasty. "Ugh..."

Kyle snickered at Stan's dilemma. "If you clean it up, I'll forgive you for being such a bitch and we can call this stupid prank war off." Just in case Stan needed more convincing, he added, "And I won't tell my mom you dropped flaming dog shit on the step."

There was no arguing with that, so Stan grumbled something along the lines of not being a bitch and grabbed the hose from around back, making short work of cleaning the mess.

"Dude, when I said clean it up, I didn't mean hosing it onto my neighbor's property."

"Eh, whatever." Just then, something Kyle had said registered in his mind. "What was that about weird kinky shit before?"

"Oh. Um, nothing," Kyle laughed nervously, refusing to meet Stan's eyes, but that just confirmed his suspicions.

"Dude... you were gonna pull that on me, weren't you? You asshole!"

His annoyance was not helped at all by Kyle's increased laughter. "All the more reason to be glad this is over now, hmm?" He clapped an arm around Stan's shoulders and raised a eyebrow, though it turned out more goofy than suggestive. "But hey, if you're so disappointed, I could always show you the stuff I got."

Stan tried to give his best unimpressed look, but then Kyle just had to waggle that stupid eyebrow and he couldn't help but laugh and shake his head. "Yeah yeah, sure." As he turned to follow Kyle inside, he smirked and smacked the other's ass. "But just remember, I'm not the bitch here."

A/N: I'd like to take a moment to thank everyone who's taken the time to read and review this thing so far, I really appreciate it. :) Over 50 reviews and 3500 hits, sweet!