Wow, Ladies, I feel like I'm jumping the shark with this but I had to, so please give me feedback wthat you think. Thanks for the reviews.
betareader: Fleur LB
song: Decode by Paramore
CHAPTER 11
…AND THE SCARS WILL BE DEEP
Alex slowly opened her eyes, her mouth curling to a little smile as she let out a satisfied sigh. She looked next to her, but Tim wasn't there although she heard his voice from outside. Alex reached for Tim's shirt next to the bed and put it on. She climbed out of the bed, barely feeling her legs, which wasn't such a big surprise after yesterday's events. She probably also had bruises not like she cared. She giggled at the thought they were lucky Billy wasn't home yesterday.
Alex tiptoed to the door, quietly opened it and started to the kitchen. She stopped at the moment when she heard the familiar feminine voice. Alex peeked out to find Lyla and Tim talking on the door. She couldn't hear what they were saying but the way Tim held himself and that Lyla touched his cheek softly, she didn't have to be a genius to figure out that Lyla had finally given in.
Alex swallowed hard as she watched them. Lyla's words echoed in her mind: "Do you really think pulling down Tim with you will do any good for you? Look at yourself, Alex. What have you become?" Lyla was right, I'm a mess, Alex thought. And she was also right that I desperately tried to pull Tim with me because I was afraid otherwise I would lose him. It has to stop.
Alex tiptoed back to their room, put on her jeans and shoes, grabbed her bag and threw it out of the window. She didn't want a big scene about what happened yesterday. Tim finally got Lyla, he didn't have a reason to worry about her anymore. Alex jumped out of the window, picked up her bag from the dust and went to her car.
She didn't know where to go so she decided to go to the bar, she could use a drink anyway. On her way there she called the guy who owned the place she wanted to rent.
"Hey, Phil. It's Alex Sawyer."
"Hi. Is there a problem? Did you change your mind?" Phil asked anxiously.
"No, no. Actually, I wanna move in today. I know we didn't agree this way but is it possible?" Alex asked, praying for a yes. She didn't want to spend one more night in her car.
"You are lucky, the guy who rented the place moved out yesterday so there's nothing to stop you from moving in."
"Thank you, Phil. You are awesome," Alex sighed.
"I will leave the keys under the flowerpot next to the door."
"Okay, thanks."
"You're welcome. Bye," Phil ended the call.
"Hi, baby girl," the bartender smiled warmly at Alex as she entered the bar. "Didn't know you coming today, too."
"Hey Big Joe," Alex smiled tiredly at the bartender, sitting to the counter. "I'm not here to work, I'm here to celebrate."
"You don't look like somebody who wants to celebrate. No offense," Big Joe looked over at Alex. She still wore Tim's shirt, her make up was smudged but she didn't have time to clean up. She wanted to leave before she would meet Tim.
"Just a matter of time, just a matter of time. Give me a double whiskey then one again and again and I will look like somebody who won the lottery," Alex smirked.
She sat there, drinking shot after shot, the hours passed by slowly.
"Hey, I was looking for you everywhere," Tim stopped next to her.
"Why would you do that?" Alex raised an eyebrow.
"I… I dunno… I thought maybe we should…" Tim rambled, nervously.
God, he's cute when he's nervous, Alex thought but she shook herself mentally. Pull your head out of your ass, girl, she groaned mentally.
"We should what?" she asked, sipping her whiskey.
"Talk about what happened," he finally blurted out, looking at her.
"What happened?" Alex asked like she had no clue what he was talking about.
"You and me, you know," Tim mumbled, narrowing his eyes.
"Oh, that," Alex laughed, loudly. "Timmy, we had sex. We are adults. It isn't like I lost my virginity with you, which actually I did, but we both know that didn't happen yesterday," Alex giggled. It was handy she already had some alcohol in her system.
"So that's it?" Tim studied her doubtfully and she saw a glint of hurt in his eyes.
"Yeah, no worries," she waved at him.
"When will you come home?" Tim asked after a few silent moments.
"I won't," Alex answered, simply.
"What?"
"The guy who owns the place I wanna rent called me and said I can move in today."
"Oh," Tim gasped. "Well, congratulations then," Tim mumbled, patting her on the shoulder, awkwardly.
"Thanks," Alex answered, pouring another shot to herself. "So, you and Lyla, hmm?"
"How do you know that?" Tim raised an eyebrow.
"Well, you know good news spread fast," Alex shrugged.
"And bad news even faster," Tim added, smirking.
"I didn't say that."
"But you wanted to," Tim said.
"Nope," she said, causing Tim to snort.
"What's your problem, Riggins?" Alex asked, sharply, turning to Tim. "Did you expect tears and begging or what? You know me better than that. And you weren't that good," That's it, Sawyer, keep it up, hit where it hurts the most. "No offense," she added smirking.
"Fine, I gotta go," Tim said, rushing out of the bar.
"What?" Alex looked narrowly at Joe when she heard him snorting. "Give me that bottle," she reached behind the counter, watching Joe shaking his head and she rushed out of the bar.
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Alex sat on the couch in her very own new place with the bottle in her hands, feeling all alone and pathetic, thinking about what a mess she'd made.
How can I decide what's right?
When you're clouding up my mind
I can't win your losing fight all the time
Alex knew she hurt Tim when she pretended to be an ice-hearted bitch as he would say. But her dad always said the best defense is a good offense and she lived by that.
How can I ever own what's mine
When you're always taking sides
What did he expect? She wouldn't beg him to choose her over Garrity.
But you won't take away my pride
No not this time
Not this time
She did what she could in her own strength. At least she kept her pride.
How did we get here?
Well I used to know you so well
How did we get here?
Well I think I know
It was all her fault. It was the biggest mistake of her life to fall for him. How could she even think somebody would want her? And over Miss Perfection… Sure… Way to go, Sawyer.
Do you see what we've done?
We've gone and made such fools of ourselves
Do you see what we've done?
We've gone and made such fools of ourselves
After all it wasn't a surprise she fucked it up, too. It was just matter of time before something like this happened. Alex Sawyer always found a way to make a mess out of everything.
How did we get here?
Well I used to know you so well, yeah yeah
How did we get here?
Well I used to know you so well
I think I know
I think I know
And that was it. The end of something she thought she would have her whole life. There was no way they could go on after this. Well, you made it, deal with the consequences, she thought.