Ranger24: And here's a new chapter!

A/N: I have nothing against the Catholics.

Chapter 3: Covenant defectors: Covies to the rescue!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Rolo'mono: Not all of the covenant a rigid in their loyalty to the prophets. There have been several large uprisings against the covenant as well as minor acts that undermined the authority of the prophets and the council.

Seamus: A smart grunt? He must have gone to Harvard just to learn the ABC's.

Rolo'mono: These individuals felt that the covenant was corrupted and self absorbed.

Seamus: Sounds like the Catholic Church.

Rolo'mono: The first of the three large rebellions was the grunt rebellion.

Seamus: Which was caused by elite stealing grunt salvage and jackals making grunts sterile.

Rolo'mono: Surprisingly the grunts were fierce in the defense of their planet and after the war the elite's elevated them to the position of regular infantry instead of cannon cleaners. The war is notable because it required an Arbiter to end the violence.

Seamus: This also help Truth, Mercy, and Regret rise to power from Truth having redistributed covenant technology to prevent another grunt rebellion. Then he got hooked on world of warcraft.

Rolo'mono: The second great rebellion also required an Arbiter. This rebellion was known as the great heresy. If you have played halo 2 you know what happens.

Seamus: Here it is in a nutshell. Elite finds guilty spark, He finds out the truth of halo gets all pissed off rallies his commerades destroys five copies of the burning crusade, joins the alliance in world of war craft, Prophets get pissed and send in the arbiter and Rtas Vandum to quell the rebellion. Flood show up Arbiter kills the heretic leader with his mad sword skills and everyone lived happily ever after.

Rolo'mono: The third and final rebellion was the great schism or the exhaling of the elites.

Seamus: Yeah and it ended with the covenant going bye bye.

Rolo'mono: Smaller rebellions included Yayap the grunt threatening an elite with a plasma pistol, Dadad the deacon shooting Tarturus in the foot to avenge his friend the engineer lighter than some, and the engineers on the Ascendant Justice helping master chief steal the ship here's what was going through the heads of the elite commanders near by.

Elite commander 2: Hey?

Elite commander 3: Yeah?

Elite commander 2: Is the ship supposed to do that?

Points to ascendant justice which is going into slipspace.

Elite commander 3: Their stealing the ship!

Elite commander 3: Bloody pirates!

Meanwhile…

Johnson: Hell yeah! We're getting away!

Corpral Locklear: Who wants a beer?

Engineer: Me!

Everyone stares at the engineer.

Johnson: Why didn't you tell us you guys could talk? And don't say…

Engineer: Because nobody asked.

Johnson: God damnit.

Seamus: Eh good times good times.

Rolo'mono: Grunts do the most rebelling since they hate their jobs.

Seamus: No shit, I thought they loved being the fucking cannon fodder!

Rolo'mono: Dude, are you a grunt advocate?

Seamus: No.

Seamus hides his "Teach the grunts" t shit behind his back.

Rolo'mono: What ever. With the separation of the elites from the covenant much changed. For one thing when we found out that the forerunners committed mass suicide we stopped praying at meals, during battle, during sex…

Seamus: During Spongebob, during church, during funerals.

Rolo'mono: Shut up.

Seamus: SO what do you guys worship now?

Rolo'mono: We practice the religion of Keanu.

Seamus: What?

Rolo'mon: We worship Keanu Reeves! He kicks so many asses in his movies! Like Constantine and the Matrix!

Seamus: … Okay what the heck.

Rolo'mono: It's awesome we watch the Matrix during church now and we try to attain the status of open mindedness.

Seamus: Okay good for you.

Ranger: That covers everything. Next time it's Sergeant Johnson: Mean and in green. Read and review! Again I have nothing against Catholics. Just the church's previous methods of achieving its ends.

Rolo'mono: All hail Keanu Reeves!

Seamus: Dude shut up.

Rolo'mono: NEVER!!