Ranger24: Hey we're back with why humanity won the war! Sorry about the wait. My grandparents were over for the weekend.
The Arbiter: All hail Keanu Reeves!
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my OC narrators.
Rolo'mono: Finally someone I can get behind!
Seamus: better not let any fan girls hear you say that or they might get ideas.
Seamus pauses the story.
Seamus: You yaoi fan girls sicken me.
Story resumes.
Rolo'mono: The Arbiter was a member of a wealthy and powerful clan of elite's, he soon became the commander of a decent sized battle group.
Seamus: Basicly he got four ships. Whuppdie fucking do.
Rolo'mono: After the battle of sigma octanus he quit drinking to prevent further... accidents.
Seamus: You mean getting his ass kicked?
Rolo'mono: Shut up. He was promoted, gained a massive battle fleet of over three hundred ships.
Seamus: Oh.
Rolo'mono: THen he used them to attack reach which had a defense force of over 180 ships and twenty one orbital MAC stations. The battle was one by clever tactics by the Arbiter.
Flashback.
On board the Arbiter's flagship the commanders of his entire fleet can be seen. At the time he's wearing very fancy purple armor and a big fancy cape.
Arbiter: Okay commanders. The human planet is well fortified with a large force of warships, and lost of strange stations with big poles on top. These stations have unknoown weapons so well be hitting they're only weakness a large cluster of ground side generators. We will land troops at the poles with carriers and kill the generators.
Elite captain 1: Sir? How do you know this?
Arbiter: I got it from the little trashcan in the corner.
He points to a very badly damaged R2D2.
End flashback.
Seamus: Say didn't you fly at reach?
Rolo'mono: Yes.
Flashback.
We can see a large group of seraph fighters heading towards reach. Rolo'mono can be seen inside one wearing blue armor.
Elite flight commander: All units report in.
Elite piolt 1: Red 2 standing by.
Elite piolt 2: Red 4 standing by.
Elite piolt 3: Red 3 standing by.
Rolo'mono: Red five standing by.
Sean Connery: Red october standing by.
Some black elite: Red fox standing by.
Elite commander: Okay all units we've got a group of human ships heading for the planet, take 'em out.
Rolo'mono: Roger.
The seraphs roar into battle after three long swords and a pelican. Two long swords break off and attack the red october is destroyed.
Rolo'mono: They got Red october!
Rolo'mono joins a group of thirty seraphs and shoots down the long sword then fires on the pelican hitting it in the cockpit!
Ranger: Hold it!
End flashback.
Ranger storms onto the stage.
Rolo'mono: What?
Ranger: That scenes from the begining of first stirke only from inside the pelican! You're the one who killed four spartans!
Rolo'mono: Yeah I got promted for it.
Ranger: Asshole.
Rolo'mono back to topic. The Arbiter then went to halo and totally got his career fucked up when Master Chief destroyed halo and he lost his own ship to master chief while he got shoved into an escape pod.
Seamus: Sucks to be Arbiter.
Rolo'mono: The prophets punished him. Branded him with the mark of shame and tortured him.
Seamus gasped.
Seamus: They didn't do...! Tell me that they didn't!
Rolo'mono: Yes they made him which grunt pornos.
Seamus: NOOO!!!!
Rolo'mono: He was then given the positioon of Arbiter and he was asigned to the kill the heritics on a forerunner mining faciluty. He succeeded and captured the oracle 343 guilty spark. Later after the death of Regret he went to delta halo to recover the index. But the whole thing was a trap as Tarturus betrayed him and renacted the scene from 300 with his gravity hammer.
Seamus: Wait didn't halo 2 come out first.
Rolo'mono: We had the trailers and we get a lot of graphic novels.
Seamus: Well that explains all that anime porn under you bed.
Rolo'mono: Its called hentia.
Seamus: Whatever.
Rolo'mono: After the fight with tartarus he sided with the humans with the other elites and then began a massive battle to make the prophets lives hell.
Seamus: So he started killing them on WOW?
Rolo'mono: Yep. And he was playing allaince.
Flashback.
Regret, Truth, and Mercys orc warrior, Tarun shaman, and blood elf paladin (respectivly). Can be seen killing helpless boars in the forest.
Regret: This is almost as much fun as betraying the elites and cutting my self. Almost.
Truth: In a few hours we will attack the nearest alliance settlement and kill them all!
Mercy: LOL stupid pigs.
Suddenly the Arbiter's... What are those blue dog like things? Never mind warrior jumped out and killed Mercy.
Arbiter: Behold n00bs! I am level ninety!
Truth: Impossible! You can't go higher than level sixety!
Arbiter: Blizzards giving me a loop hole!
Regret: Damn.
Arbiter kills Regret.
Truth: (.
Arbiter kills Truth.
Arbiter: HA! I did it! I killed them! They're dead! Victory is mine
Suddenly a gnome mage level twenty stabbs him and kills him.
Arbiter: What the?
Yayap: I did it! I killed the Arbiter! Finally chicks might sleep with me! And I won't end up with the really old cheerios!
End flashback.
Rolo'mono: On the way to earth he watch the matrix and all of its sequels.
Seamus: Oh god.
Rolo'mono: He told us of how awesome Keanu Reeves was and he became our new god! Hail Keanu Reeves! Hail the One! He destroys Agent Smith and brings peace to both worlds! Hail Keanu! He tricks the devil into curing his lung cancer from smoking to much! Hail the all mighty Keanu! And the first prophet of Keanu the Arbiter! Hail!
Seamus: Come on jackass get back to telling us about the Arbiter.
Rolo'mono: Fine. After the fighting on earth and the ark and...
What ever Rolo'mono was about to say was censored by Ranger.
Rolo'mono: He went home to Sanghellios to try and get back into his clan bbut his parents informed him he was adopted. They found him in the streets and since they're own son had died some time earlier they used him as a replacement.
Seamus: Just like Final Fantasy ten!
Rolo'mono: He went on a quest to find his true father and traveled around the universe recruiiting Lavernius Tucker, and Yuffie Kissagari.
Seamus: From final fantasy 7?
Rolo'mono: They're dating.
Seamus: Weird.
Rolo'mono: During that jounrey and at the climatic battle on!
Ranger hits Rolo'mono over the head with his swords blunt side.
Ranger: Don't reveal spoilers to a new fan fic coming after I finish halo 3.
Seamus: So is that it?
Ranger: Yeah that's about it. The Abriter did his part to help win the war.
Seamus: I'm Seamus:
Rolo'mono: I'm Rolo'mono.
Ranger: And I'm Ranger24. And we'll see you next time. Read and review. Next time The Keyes family: Oh my god you killed Keyes!