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Kanda was not used to his new heart. It beat entirely too fast nowadays for his liking, especially when he was around Allen, or thinking about her. He had always prided himself on being someone who never let his emotions get in the way of anything. But right now, he couldn't even concentrate or meditate, because that damned Moyashi kept getting tangled up in his thoughts whenever he tried to relax and meditate – she was just about knotted into every single emotion he was capable of feeling. Even when he emptied his mind to fall asleep, her smile would appear in the dark recesses of his cold mind, emanating warmth, and the corners of her eyes would flick upwards as if they were telling him, stop sulking and get some good rest.

It didn't help that his mind kept replaying her daily, mundane actions in his head; every now and then, he would find himself remembering how Allen always talked in a friendly tone, how she smiled before she turned to leave, how her hair fell about her shoulders, trailing softly in the gentle breeze… To make matters worse, that baka usagi was now pacing away right in front of him, without a scrap of regard for the ancient tradition of mediation, yabbering away as if it were the easiest thing to do to filter his voice out of Kanda's radar. And he was talking in a very loud voice, supposedly discussing certain important matters with his annoyed roommate.

"Lenalee seems interested in this guy called Bak Chan. I heard he plays for the national soccer team. He lives in our dorm, you know. I saw him that day, when Lenalee and I were at the café, and she practically spent the whole time ogling him." Lavi said expectantly, more gossip hanging perceptibly in the cool air of the air-conditioned room.

Kanda frowned, trying to block out Lavi's voice.

"You know, Kanda, I think a cockroach might have crawled into your soba this morning," Lavi remarked sometime into his joyful tirade. "You ate it, of course."

Kanda raised a thin eyebrow but did not speak.

"You're just like Allen sometimes. Both insist on eating whatever it is they need to eat… and it doesn't even matter if roaches or flies or worms or whatever gross things appear in the soup." Lavi droned on, seemingly unaware of Kanda's gathering annoyance.

"And, Yuu-chan, I think I like Allen." Lavi finally came to the point, after a whole half hour wasted on dissecting various issues that had happened over the past week, after discussing (one-sidedly) if Lenalee would soon find herself a boyfriend, after cheekily trying to ask Kanda what he did with Lulu Bell when he had to be around her, and after prophesising that his guardian, Bookman, would soon find himself a pretty young lady with whom he could settle down.

Kanda growled and tried to squeeze his eyes shut. But calm and peace still evaded him even as Lavi's words caused Allen's image to surface in the choppy waters of his warped mind. I will not think about the Moyashi. She is a stray hair that needs to be set in place. No thinking, Kanda. Close your eyes and breathe.

"Yu, I think I like Allen. Did you hear me?" Lavi squatted in front of Kanda and waved his hand in front of his friend's face.

Kanda swatted the hand away. "Yes I heard you. I've been hearing you say that for the past month and longer!"

"I'm thinking of telling her about my feelings sometime this week. Maybe even tomorrow. I'll do it as soon as I can get some roses, in fact."

Kanda sighed. He'd heard this a few times before. Lavi always tried to tell him about how he would go about confessing to the girls whom he liked. There had been quite a few before Allen; the one he remembered the most vividly was a girl named Chomesuke whom Lavi had once tried to date. Unfortunately for him she had died in a car accident right before the date, causing Lavi to rush to the morgue to mourn over the mangled corpse of his love, with bone-filed skin and shuttered eyes for joyful company. Lavi had been really upset then, and he had thrown a huge fuss and cried and generally made life unpleasant for his friends, including Kanda. So Kanda had a reason to sigh when he thought of what Lavi might do if Allen rejected him.

"You don't think it'll work out, do you? I heard you sigh!" Lavi demanded.

Kanda's only audible response was another sigh. His eyes were closed.

"I really do like Allen a lot. I hope she feels the same way about me too. I mean, she's friendly enough to me and all. Who knows, she might just fling herself onto me and hug me when I give her the roses!" Lavi continued to blabber on, unaware of Kanda's growing discomfort.

In his head, Kanda could picture the scene. Autumn leaves and colourful trees in the background, and Lavi and Allen in the foreground. Lavi would kneel to give Allen the flowers, and then perhaps, Allen might accept them. At this, Kanda's heart gave a painful jolt. The scene he had just imagined cut through his thoughts, slicing through his inner calm with frightening ease. His thoughts, usually collected, ran wild, racing through his brain. Adrenaline started to build up, and he felt like he was being steeped in volcanic ash. The pain was unbearable. Undulating, it washed over him in repeated waves.

And then Kanda saw them in his head again. Only, this time, Allen was in Lavi's arms as she kissed him goodbye. He saw the white-haired head locked against the red-topped one, and he could feel his pulse speeding up. Kanda opened his eyes to clear the cobwebs of nightmares away.

Lavi was still pacing around, blabbering away about his affections for the Moyashi. "So, I think I'm going to tell her tomorrow. What do you think?"

Kanda looked up at Lavi. His friend's face was aglow with the excitement of love. I can't possibly tell him that I… that I …that I have weird feelings for… that I love the Moyashi! Kanda's eyes narrowed to slits. He usually denied it, but Kanda did like Lenalee and Lavi. He did love them in his own special way, for they were friends. Not that Kanda ever used that word to describe the bonds holding them together; the word 'friendship' was just not in his vocabulary. But he did know that he couldn't just take away Lavi's happiness like that. After all, Lavi had been the first to stake a claim on Allen's affections. He was of ancient samurai stock, and honourable swordsmen such as he was did not lay claim to the lovers of their friends, no matter how much their own hearts hurt from love denied.

"Che." That was Kanda's sole elegant reply. He couldn't tell Lavi, okay, please do, I wish you luck, because he didn't exactly want Lavi to succeed. And if he said that, he would be nothing better than a damned hypocrite, which of course he wasn't. But he couldn't tell Lavi that he liked Allen too, because he couldn't find it in himself to do so. Which left 'che' as the only politically correct answer.

Lavi stared at him, smirked, and left to get the roses.

As the door slammed to a close, Kanda stood up, all his patience used up. Mediation would have to wait. What was a lovesick young man to do? He couldn't deny his feelings, but he couldn't give vent to them in reality, either. With a grimace rarely seen on his empty face, he drew Mugen out of its sheath and started to fend off an imaginary foe, a foe with red hair, preferably, and green eyes the colour of envy.

A/N: Okay this is the last update before school starts for me, on Monday. Not that i'll go on a hiatus - i'll probably only update on fridays from now on, because i intend to work hard this year and get an A for every single subject, much as i dread the tonnes of homework that will soon come my way. So yeahh i hope you liked this. It's pretty short too. Sorry if this wasn't exactly good :/

Heh, I've been reading A Tale of Two Cities recently omg it's so depressing. I love the ending, but it's more than i can do to stop myself from crying over every sentence. Dickens is awesome HAHAHA.

Well yeahh that's about it. Thanks for reading! And reviews are appreciated - constructive criticism is always welcome!