The Keyes family: Oh my good you killed Keyes!

Rolo'mono: YOU BASTARD!!

Ranger: Dude don't do that.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Ranger: Okay before I start this chapter Grunt lord I am Ranger24! You threaten my fanfic appearance you threaten me! Kapesh!

Seamus: Just start the damn chapter.

Rolo'mono: The Keyes Family is a long line of military pedigree. With two main members. Captain Jacob Keyes and Commander Miranda Keyes.

Seamus: Like father like daughter in more ways than one.

Rolo'mono: Captian Keyes was already embroiled in hot moments before he graduated the naval academy. A young leutinant Had come up with a new way to increase the speed of slipspace jumps. Which was a bust.

Seamus: Basicly he killed a couple of freshmen and failed to make a jump. Keyes was court masheled for refusing to testify against the leutinant.

Rolo'mono: Wait did you just give decent information?

Seamus: Yes.

Rolo'mono: IT'S A SIGN OF THE APOCOLYPS! HELP ME KEANU REEVES!!!!! HELP ME!!!!

Ranger: Okay until he calms down I'll do the facts. Jacob Keyes was then involved with tracking down a lot of the students for the Spartan program.

Seamus: BAsicly he was talking to six year olds.

FLASHBACK!

We see some kids talking with eachother on a playground.

Kid 1: So I was talking to Gary…

A younger Jacob Keyes jumps up next to them.

Keyes: Yo homes! Wats the dillio?

Kid 1: Excuse me?

Kid 2: MOM! I'm being attacked by a pedophile!

Mom: STAY AWAY FROM MY BABY!!

A bearded fat lady starts wacking Keyes over the head with her purse!

Keyes: AH! JESUS! OW! STOP IT!!

Keyes runs off still being chased by the mom.

Kid 1: Hey Grif Your mom is creepy.

Kid 2: Shut it Church.

Kid 3: BOWCHICKABOWWOW!

Kid 4: Church, Tucker is being very scary. Can I have some orange juice?

END FLASHBACK.

Seamus: Okay back to topic.

Ranger: After that Keyes became a teacher for a bit at the naval acdemy during the early years of the covenant war. However he was forced to fight and became a hero aboard the frigate Merrie Weather Lewis.

Seamus: A guy with a girls name is the name of a ship? Man what happened to enterprise.

Ranger: Startrek.

Seamus: God damn you captain Kirk.

Ranger: You mean Willam Shatner.

Rolo'mono: Live long and prosper.

Ranger: Shut up.

Rolo'mono: Okay, now after this he was given command of the UNSC destroyer the Iroquios. It was with the Iroquios that he one the first battle of Sigma octanus with a crazy navigation officer on the verge of mutiny.

Seamus: Then that said officer went to the UNSC DMV.

CLIP!

We see Lt. Jaggers the leutinant who screwed up talking to sergeant Johnson.

Jaggers: Okay Sergeant major just fill out the form and we'll unimpound your warthog.

Jonhson looks it over.

Johnson: Whats this shit over sexuall orenination?

Jaggers: Ummmm… Nothing.

Johnson: Command we have a code pink. We have a homo.

Jaggers: WAIT NO!

Marines drag Jagger's away and Johnson grabs his key's.

Johnson: Everytime.

End CLIP!

Rolo'mono: So he was gay, a coward, and drunk?

Seamus: Bingo.

Rolo'mono: After the battle Keyes was given command of the UNSC Halcyon class cruiser The Pillar of atumn for the top secret mission involving the Spartans, the prophets covenant ships and a hope to end the war. However the attack on reach happened.

Seamus: No thanks to you.

Rolo'mono: Up yours. OH wait you don't have one.

Seamus: Split lip.

Rolo'mono: Okay douche bag shut up. After that the whole Halo thing happened and he got taken by the flood. The UNSC lost one of its best captains.

Seamus: Then his daughter became the person in charge of the ship.

Rolo'mono: Yes and she helped form the alleince between the elites and the humans.

Seamus: Sure she didn't blow the Arbiter?

Rolo'mono: Shut up bucket head.

Seamus: Bucket head oh come on.

Rolo'mono: Afterwards the Commander Keyes helped hold the line on earth post covenant invasion, provided air cover during the battle of Voi, and led the human forces at the Ark until her death at the hands of the prophet of truth. Bastrad.

Ranger: Okay now you can say it.

Seamus: OH my god! They killed both Keyes!

Rolo'mono: YOU BASTARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ranger: Next time we touch on a certain female AI.

Seamus: Meow.

Rolo'mono: Ha! And you accuse me of being a Johnson fanboy!

Ranger: Umm… Rolo' I don't think it's the same thing since everyone has a speacil place in their hheart for Cortana. Except Yaoi fangirls.

Suddenly an army of yaoi fangirls break down the door!

Fangirls: CHEIFXJOHNSON!

Ranger: DIE!! DIE! DIE!!!!

Ranger begins to slaughter the fangirls! Rolo'mono and Seamus have anime sweat drops.

Seamus: Umm…? Read and review?

Ranger: DIE!! DIE AND BURN IN HELL!!!

Ranger slices of a fangirls head.

Rolo'mono: God I hate my life.