Scorpions and Elephants: Slow and steady.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Ranger24: Hi everyone. Well Seamus, Rolo'mono, Fapad, and Kanton are... indispose
Switch to a hospital where Rolo'mono is in a full body cast for elites, Kanton has a neck brace andboth of his arms in casts, Seamus is attached to a computer terminal while his body is in the shop, and Fapad has a bandage wrapped aroun his head.
Kanton: Nurse can I have more coke?
Enter Carla from scrubs.
Carla: Look kid you've got a neck brace! You should be taking it easy.
Rolo'mono: Nurse can I have something to drink. Ow.
Carla: I told you no talking. You've got three breaks in your mandibles.
Seamus: Nurse, can I download porn?
Carla: No and I have a name you know!
Fapad: I need cookies. GIVE ME COOKIES!
Back to Ranger...
Ranger24: Anyway in the mean time Xibchi is back with us to do this chapter.
Enter Xibchi with her usual look of not giving a shit.
Xibchi: I'm getting paid still right?
Ranger24: Yeah yeah let's just do this. Human heavy vehicles.
Xibchi: Emphazie on heavy.
Ranger24: First up is the scorpion tak which was apperantly produced just before the war to replace an older class of tank called the Rhino. The Rhino will be touched on in a later chapter about the new vehicles in halo wars the upcoming Halo rts.
Xibchi: Whats RTS stand for?
Ranger24: Real Time Strategy.
Xibchi: Oh. Wait Halo has a real time strategy game?
Ranger24: Moving on. The Scorpion M808B Main Battle Tank is the primary heavy vehicle used by UNSC forces. It has 90 mm cannon which, if you've played call of duty 4, would be a medium between the 40 mm and the 105 cannon.
Xibchi: Which means one big explosion.
Ranger24: The scorpion has a supporting M247 T 7.62mm Medium Machine gun for support against infantry.
Xibchi: So if you see one of these run.
Ranger24: The scorpion is used for anti Vehicular and anti Infantry combat. It has a top speed of two meters per second which if you count right...
Pulls out a calculator and begins to crunch the numbers.
Ranger24: About 7.2 kilometers per hour. Not very fast but it will get the job done.
Xibchi: I guess they didn't go for speed.
Ranger24: Hey against plasma bombs they needed all the armor they could get. Even still it can't hold up against a dircet hit from heavy covenant vehciles such as the Scarabs main gun. It does have speed advantage over the wraith in a flat run without boosters.
Xibchi: And its a lot less weaker in the back.because you can turn the gun around anmd blow the living shit out of that poor bastard.
Ranger24: Enmass scorpion tanks are devestating! A group of four can obliterate even the strongest defensive positions set up by the covenant.
Xibchi: Like in halo 3.
Flash back to the ark...
We see a brute chieftan standing on the big tower thing hefting his hammer.
Brute Cheiftan: We have two lines of four wraith tanks, seven choppers, eight ghosts, a chili cheese burrito launcher, and a scarab! There is no way those pathetic human meat bags will make it through this line!
Suddenly a warthog and four scorpion tanks roll out towards the covenant armor pwn every wraith with ease, turn the choppers into scarp metal, and run over the ghosts.
Brute Cheiftan: WHAT THE!
The scarab moves into attack! A single tank rolls into attack!
Burte Cheiftan: Fire the chili cheese burritos!
Buritos go flying at the tanks but mis and get lodged in the scarabs engines.
Brute Cheiftan: Oh shit.
End flashback.
Ranger24: Moving on we have the elephant. Which is a heavy UNSC mobile command post. It carries two heavy machine guns for point defence and an onboard mongoose that can be deployed to aid ground troops or send messages to command or whatever.
Xibchi: It's really fucking slow. So slow that the fat guy from Austin Powers could out run it.
Ranger24: Speaking of Austin powers, WOW wasn't the only peice of human stuff the covenant got their hands on. Other items they stole from us included...
Seinfeild
The democratic party
All three current seasons of battlestar Galacitca
Playstation.
Playstation 2
Playstation portable
Playstation 3
God of war
Kingdom hearts
Final fantasy 7-245
Devil May cry
Devil May cry 2
Devil May cry 3
Ranger24: Now if you're wondering why devil may cry 4 isn't on the list its because of an annoying part of the Covenant religon. The Covenant long ago swore a blood oath of loyalt to the playstation system. They would only play games solely for the Playstation and computer. Devil may cry being totally badass became the second most popular game in thee Covenant.
Xibchi: The prophets fudged the poll results to show WOW as the most popular.
Ranger24: When Devi may cry 4 came out there was much rejoicing! Until they discovered that the game they had waited five hundred years for was aviable on the X-Box 360. The Prophet immedatly banned the game. This was another contributing factor to the shattering of the Covenant. The Elites wanted to play Devil May cry 4 and the brutes were to busy playing Kingdom hearts 2 and failing to beat it while the prophets were wrapped up in the playing of WOW.
Xibchi: Wow the morons at capcom did something good for once.
Ranger24: Right it also turned out that the elites saw master chief as a possible descendant of Dante from devil may cry when they saw him dual wield pistols while having an energy sword as his back up weapon. Apperantly the Elite's thought the events of the devil may cry games were as real as the Matrix movies.
Xibchi: So is that it?
Ranger24: Yeah I'd say so. Anyway I'm Ranger24.
Xibchi: And I'm Xibchi.
Ranger24: And we'll see you next time on why humanity won the war. Next time Hornets and Pelicans: Banshees are so last season.