Love, Marriage, and Babies

"A journey into the more... humorous, facets of pairings."

Disclaimer: Do you honestly believe that I own Naruto? ... I didn't think so.

Introduction:

Hello, and welcome to my idea of what could happen if any fan-pairings happened. Some fics might explore the positive sides of pairings, but I am going to rip into any possible relationship problems, and use them to entertain myself and the depraved masses. Now, prepare yourself for stupid jokes, possible character bashing, and things that would make almost any Naruto fan vomit in their sleep, yah, I dunno what that means either. (Shrugs)

Let's get things moving!

SasuSaku: Where Did All The Character Developement Go?-!

Now this pairing is only slightly more plausible than the last one. Before the Sasuke's desertion this pairing was possible. But now, it is nearly impossible.

Love

Now, let us indulge in the crack bucket, and imagine that Sasuke and Sakura actually love each other.

Sasuke: Oh Sakura! I know that I said that I would kill you if you got in my way, and I and as far as I know, you are just as useless as you were when I left, but I love you!

Sakura (With sparkling eyes): Oh Sasuke! I love you too! But... (sniffle) you knocked me out, betrayed the village, and nearly killed Naruto when he tried to stop you!

Sasuke (With a rose in his mouth): Oh Sakura! I did all those things for you! I knocked you out so I would have time to plan our wedding, and I only attacked Naruto because he threatened to rape you!

Sakura: Gasp!

Sasuke: Indeed! It's true! Naruto didn't want us to get married, so he told me to call off the wedding or else he would impregnate you!

Sakura (With tears in her eyes): Oh Sasuke! I knew there had to be a reason! I always hated Naruto! It's you I love!

Sasuke (Dressed as prince charming): Come, Sakura, let us be married!

Sakura (Dressed as Cinderella): Of course!

Marriage

On a cotton candy cloud in a gumdrop castle, the wedding took place.

Kakashi (Dressed as the fairy godmother): Do you, prince char- I mean, Sasuke, take Cinde- I mean, Sakura, to be your eternal snuggle-muffin, to snog and to screw every fifteen minutes, until the end of time?

Sasuke (With sparkly eyes): Why, good golly-gosh, of course I do!

Kakashi (Turning to Sakura): And do you, Cinde- I mean, Sakura, take prince cha- I mean, Sasuke, to be your eternal snuggle-muffin, to snog and to screw every fifteen minutes, until the end of time?

Sakura (With sparkly eyes): Why, good golly-gosh, of course I do!

Kakashi (With an eye smile): Then, I now pronounce you bishie and bitc- I mean man and wife. Hm... Maybe I should be more careful when I talk... Nah, those ungrateful brats aren't even paying attention to how I messed with the vows. ... But I wonder how Naruto is taking this...

(Scene change to Naruto sitting in his room)

Naruto (In the fetal position): That ungrateful bitch! How dare she marry Sasuke! And after all the evidence that pointed to us getting together! (Sits up) That's it! (Narrows his eyes evilly) If I can't have Sakura, then nobody can have her! Bwahahahaha!

Babies

(Scene change to the Uchiha palace, seven months later)

Sasuke (In an ANBU uniform): (Opens the door) Honey! I'm home! How wa- What the Hell?-!

The living room is strewn with the bloodied corpses of dozens of Uchiha babies. And in the of the bloody scene is Sakura, her clothes torn and her skin sticky.

Sasuke: Sakura! No! Who could have this to you!

Sakura (Whispering weakly): It was... I... ta... (Shudders and then dies)

Sasuke: Itachi... (Sharingan activates) Uwaaah! You f-king bastard! This time you've gone too far! Come out and show yourself! I will ki- (Is crushed by a falling ceiling fan)

There is a puff of smoke, and Naruto appears.

Naruto: Hahaha! You bastard! You thought you could take Sakura from me? Face it! She and I are destined to be together! (Turns around and sees Sakura's dead body) Ah shit. Oh well. (Shrugs) That Hinata chick is still pretty hot... And so is Ino... And Tenten... (Smirks) In fact, I might as well just make all the women mine! Yes... as payment for taking my precious Sakura away, all the women in the world shall be made my concubines! Bwahahahaha!

But as Naruto prepares to leave, he looks at Sakura.

Naruto: Well, she may be dead, but her corpse should still be warm... (Crouches over Sakura's corpse, obscuring it from view) Huh? ... Ahhh!

Naruto falls backwards, unconscious. And two shadowy figures loom over him.

TBC 3