Candle is flowing again. (Burning again?) This chapter is so effed up. Read on.
This looks so much better on my LJ - I use colored text so the entries look pretty. pastiche-pen(dot)livejournal(dot)com/6134(dot)html#cutid1
Jacob Black's Sanity Compendium. Listening to "Let It Be" and wishing the world was such. Dated months later than this entry should have been. This entry should have been put in a police report the date it occurred.
Entry Three:
If a girl comes up to you and screams "I'm looking through you!" with the implied beat of the Beatles but none of the sweet guitar harmonies, how should you respond?
I'll tell you.
You smile and tell her she looks fetching.
You smile because your eyes will fight to say the truth. And the truth is to be chained by the would-be boy hero you believe yourself to be in such instances. After all, you get off on saving people, so why not here too? Dear Momma Nature, What did I know? How could I have known?
Bella did look different, and yes, oh, yes, yes, yes, she had changed—because I was looking through her—and she was not the same. And when I say "not the same," and that I was "looking through her"—I need to explain, because fucking duh, Bella is near a transparent critter to begin with, but it was more than that then. It was a shit-load more.
She showed up at my door: cut bottom lip pouting out with angry scarlet, hair billowing like grey-brown strato-nimbus, and eyes corpse-like and yet cartoon-crazed with the forks of capillaries that fanned around her irises.
I thought at first it must have been my own imagination pulling the wool over me. And now, I can say, my eyes so got it right. (Super eyes!) But at that time, I second-guessed myself. Sane people second-guess when presented with the improbable.
I was looking at Bella—and she looked... Bella looked cloudy. Like the violet blue of her forearm veins seemed to have a rolling zip. Like her teeth seemed to shine more fluorescent than a daytime smile should allow. Like the blush that came over her cheeks crested like a soft rolling wave. I stepped back. I blinked. I tried to tell myself I was crazy, but I couldn't. So, instead, I told her (asked her?) with wide eyes, "You're... faded?"
Bella, looking faded and angry and so just out-of-a-music-video, gave me a single nod.
And she opened her mouth to speak, and the scent was in the air... ripe and alive and fucking wrong.
Blood.
But not Bella's.
I didn't even know how I knew that, but I did (the whole latent superwolf thing).
And so I asked, "Were you in an accident?"
"You might say that..."
"Why might I...?"
"Mike Newton has a weird fetish."
The Boy Hero leapt to defend! "Did he hurt you?" I snarled.
She gave me a baleful roll of the eyes. "No. I hurt him."
Not what I expected. "Oh."
"But he liked it."
"Ew." Ew. Ew. Ew.
There was something of a lull in the conversation occurred as I tried to rationalize the nagging "ew."
Bella un-lulled us. "Jacob, do I look odd?" she asked.
"A bit?"
"Oh."
"But like odd-hot."
"O-o-oh. I mean, ohh."
"Bella, you're being weird."
"I feel weird."
"Well, like how do you feel?" I reached out to press a palm over her forehead, but she took a step back.
"Like I..." she trailed off, and then she looked up at me. "I don't think I can explain?"
To which, I fucking rolled my eyes, "Come on, Bella, we're tight. You can tell me anything."
"Perhaps, but you might hate me later."
"Uh... no." (Girls can be so dumb.)
And then Bella shook her head, and I saw it cross her face. The look. The "I got Lizzie Bennett in my pants" look, the one that hopped on motorcycles and cursed in public places and let her skirt hike a little too high and left only avocado sushi rolls for Charlie's dinner.
Oh, yes, Jakey knew that look.
And then Bella fucking swaggered as she walked around my kitchen table. She swaggered, and her hip almost hit the corner, but it didn't and then she was a great female "v" above me, with luminescent blood smell and power-to-the-pussy hot senior high school girl magnetism, and yeah, I didn't fucking think of stopping her when she lowered herself across my shivering thighs.
I didn't even stop her when she said:
"Words won't do it."
"I'm going to show you."
"This might hurt."
"Tell me to stop."
The pain—from below my collar bone—from where i cut myself wrestling with Quil—it was like Bella went for the scab.
But it was Bella. She was there. She was not the dead, Urban Outfitters looking with eye-liner-but-no-lipstick Bella. She was daytime soap opera (fuck yeah!) Bella.
But then.
Even though I could feel her. I could feel her hurting me. I could hear her wheezing at the seeping smell of minerals and liquid protein in the air. I could feel the suckling of her mouth. The tensing of her hips in mocking female ways.
She was there—but then she wasn't.
You won't believe me.
Bella. Before my eyes.
She fucking disappeared.
Gone.
Poof.
Evanescent Bella.
I won't lie. I may have freaked out a bit?
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Succubus's Anonymous - LiveJournal Community Post
Hi! I have a bloody stupid question...
Posted by MYEXBFIZAVAMPIRE18
Eh, so this is my first post, and I wanted to say that uh... Google has failed me. Totally and completely. First off, Renfield syndrome is the fucking creepiest thing I've ever heard of. First of all, in the book, once Renfield got done with eating the bugs, that crazy zoophagus fucker was intent on eating a kitty if he could get his hands on one. Nasty. Gross. I found it scary-cool in Dracula. But in real life, I vomit slightly in my mouth.
And well, blood fetishism seems to mostly be an excuse for erotic pleasure or whatever, but I wanted to ask you all the whole hemoglobin chugging phenomenon... like do you like the smell? Can you smell it? And after you've partaken of your partner, does he ever suffer an altered physical state? And I'm talking like a little wolfish? Maybe? Do you suffer an altered state?
Help?
Your virgin succubus poster.
-MYEXBFIZAVAMPIRE18
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Sanguine Sam -
Are you really a virgin?
Bob -
Blood smells sweet.
xxx-bloodluvr-xxx -
You Got it wrong, honey
Renfield syndrome is not that way. It's about childhood trauma. Lose Google and go to a your local library. Really or consider buying something from the bookstore. If you're truly in need, go to a college library.
Sanguine Sam -
Re: You Got it wrong, honey
You shouldn't be so mean. We all don't have access to libraries. You dont' even know what country she's from. She could be from the third world! And she's a virgin.
RainbowVampire -
Bow-Wow!!!
Wicked! Alternated fysical state! Where do you get yo feed, virgin hemo-babe? n fucking A. Wolfish? Man. You do it doggie neath the full moon? Ripper howl! yeahhhh! Dude. Fucking awseom.
Sanguine Sam -
Re: Bow-Wow
She couldn't have been doing it doggie style. She's a VIRGIN.
Bride-ov-ze-blood
Re: Bow-Wow
She didn't say that was for sure.
Sanguine Sam -
Re: Bow-Wow
Why? are you a virgin?
Bride-ov-ze-blood -
Re: Bow-Wow
I could be if you wanted me to be... ;-)
Sanguine Sam -
Re: Bow-Wow
You have a stupid name. I can forgo.
Bob -
You mentioned symptoms? What symptoms?
MYEXBFIZAVAMPIRE18 -
Re: ???
Uh, well, like I said, blood smells bad to me... but then I drank some. (Don't ask. Especially not you RainbowVampire.) And then I felt this awful choking feeling in my stomach which spreads down to my fingertips.
Bob -
Re: ???
Was this a burning sensation?
MYEXBFIZAVAMPIRE18
Re: ???
Maybe?
Bob
Re: ???
Did it last for three days and then did you wake up with rockhard skin and an inclination to drink people?
MYEXBFIZAVAMPIRE18 -
Re: ???
Just for clarification, I still have a heart beat.
Bob -
Re: ???
Just checking. Either way, you might consider seeing a specialist. I'm from Italy. We have a hospital for blood-related illnesses and psychoses here in Volterra. You might consider it. There's a lovely castle and everything. Also a spa. You should send in an application to spa_de_sange(at)volterra(dot)com.
By the way, what was your ex-boyfriend's name?
Dracula-Has-My-Tantaculas -
OMG Volterra SPA
I've sent in applications three times! Those Volterra people never respond back!
xxx-bloodluvr-xxx -
Re: OMG Volterra SPA
Have you tried a phone book? No one ever uses the phonebook anymore.
Sanguine Sam -
Re: OMG Volterra SPA
That's because you have a stupid name.
MYEXBFIZAVAMPIRE18 has logged off.
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Sue Clearwater's Notes from the Impromptu Tribal Meeting
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1. Jake - Now, Jake has joined the pack. (celebration planned on Friday. note: make leah bake cookies - threaten her with emily's muffins as a last resort if she gives any lip - seth can babysit paul's little brother)
2. Budget - Harry will compete by 12/15
3. Bella - Must figure out what to do about Bella.
-no relevant legends
-does this effect the treaty?
-what do we do about charlie? tell him? not tell him?
(definitely sending him cookies - make leah bake extra - she needs to get off the couch)
4. Youth smoking Issues. Embry needs to quit. (his mom works too much - send her some cookies)
5. Old Quil's 80th birthday party (Leah's cookies will not do. ask emily to make a cake)
V-v-v-V