A Shelter for Broken Hearts (Slowly, Sweetly Redux)
Summary: Sometimes the brokenhearted take comfort in each other—and love has a way of blossoming from friendship.
Disclaimer: I don't own the CCS characters but this plot is mine.
A note: The problem with the copied part of last chapter is over. It is now between me and the person concerned, and was not deliberate, as an apology has been issued and the entry taken down. I thank her for straightening things out, and I would also like to thank everyone who helped me through this with encouraging messages and the like.
By the way, if you would like to repost my work or part of it elsewhere, translate it, or whatever, please just let me know, and don't forget to acknowledge me. I have no problem with you printing out the story or saving it on your hard drive or linking to it on your blog or website or whatever—I mean, wow, if you do that, that would be awesome if you like my story that much! Thanks!
See, I keep my promises. This rewrite has been on schedule for these chapters! See you again next weekend for Chapter 4, and please do leave me a review (: Constructive criticism is always welcome; in fact the reason why my writing is improving is because of mystic emeralds, Julia and Tania, Diney Blue, and all of you who take time out to review and let me know what I can do to improve. Thanks! I'll send Syaoran over to hug you tonight ^_^ but he comes back to me afterwards, OK? (Kidding, don't I wish?)
Chapter 3: Heartbreak
For Sakura, the relationship with Yue made her feel like her long wait for true love was finally over. Yue was intelligent, sweet, and passionate, and he displayed none of the qualities that Emile and Kito (someone Sakura pushed to the back of her mind always) did. And he made her feel so happy; even the worst of work days became better with just a smile or gentle gesture from him.
The first time they made love, they were alone in his office late at night, and they were working on an ad campaign when he suddenly swept all the papers on his office table aside.
"Yue...What..." was all Sakura got out before he seized her and pinned her to his desk. Then his lips came crashing down on hers in a passionate, delicious kiss.
"God...How am I supposed to focus with you around? You're a beautiful distraction, baby," Yue groaned, then sent his tongue into her mouth. He kissed his way down to her neck, and Sakura, momentarily afraid, tried to push him away out of fear of a repeat of what had happened with her high school boyfriend.
But why was she feeling so excited, so eager to let Yue touch her? Why was her body begging for his touch?
She shivered and squeaked, "No, wait, please…"
"What?" Yue raised his gray eyes, dark with his feelings, to hers. "No...are you a virgin?" He stroked her cheeks gently, kissing her forehead.
"No...but..." Sakura took a deep breath, fighting her tears. "I..."
Miraculously, Yue understood, and folded Sakura tenderly into his arms. "You had a bad first time, didn't you?" Yue breathed. "What kind of asshole wouldn't give you heaven when you gave your virginity to him?"
"I..." Sakura swallowed, not wanting to cry. "He pretty much forced me into it, and luckily he was done in five minutes."
Yue looked at her incredulously. "Five…minutes? Five freaking minutes?" He threw his head back and laughed; Sakura blushed. Was he laughing at her inexperience?
"I...I think it was my fault, I didn't have experience, I..." She shut up when Yue pulled her close, kissing her forehead, her nose, then slowly, her lips, drugging Sakura with a sweet, slow, sensual kiss which had his tongue sliding gently over hers. He pressed his body against hers, and she gasped; she could feel him against her and...he wanted her.
"I'm not laughing at you, Sakura, sweet baby. I'm laughing at that pathetic loser who didn't understand that you're the kind of woman who deserves to be made sweet love to for hours on end."
Tears started in Sakura's eyes; the memory of her high school boyfriend Kito was something she tried not to bring up. She'd pretty much tried to forget what he had done to her, and now…Yue was saying what Tomoyo had been telling her all along. Still, she could not bring herself to tell Yue the truth about her first time.
Yue spoke into her ear in a low husky voice. "So...I'm just going to have to make up for that idiot, aren't I?" He picked Sakura up in his arms, despite her protests, and carried her to the elevator, where he continued to kiss her. Thrills ran over Sakura's body; her first time with Kito had been nothing compared to this...drowning sweetness.
"Someone might see," Sakura gasped as Yue nipped her earlobes.
"I love you, and I don't care," Yue breathed. His driver pulled up with his limousine, and he whispered tenderly in Sakura's ear, "My place. I want you not to worry. I'll take care of you." He held her gently in his arms, kissing her forehead, kissing her lips, slowly arousing feelings in Sakura that she thought were dead.
Those feelings she had read about in romance novels—maybe they were real after all, she thought, as she twined her fingers in Yue's long silver hair.
"You're going to know what real lovemaking is like," Yue whispered against her lips. "Five minutes times ten...longer, even..." he said as he stroked her neck. "Your first time—I'm going to erase that memory, baby."
At his large home, Yue continued to kiss Sakura as they entered the door. He was whispering things that were driving her crazy. He complimented her skin, he kissed her eyelids, he told her that he'd been wanting to touch her ever since he saw her. And he himself believed it; he saw Sakura as the most beautiful thing he'd ever had the pleasure of making love to.
So when they made it to the bed, Sakura was breathless with desire. Yue then spent the night showing her why it was called lovemaking, and Sakura found out what it meant to reach the heights of pleasure—over and over and over again.
After the fourth time, lying in Yue's arms, she thrilled when he kissed her and said, "God, I love you. You're so beautiful." Then he'd pulled her into his arms and they had fallen asleep...like true lovers.
For the first time in her life, Sakura could now giggle away with Tomoyo and compare notes on being made love to. Tomoyo could not bear to tell Sakura about her reservations, not when she was so happy, finally.
Sakura would attack Yue when they were alone; she had discovered she had a sensual side which Yue enjoyed. She had discovered full-blown love for the first time in her life, and enjoyed Yue's passion in bed. He told her constantly that he loved her, and showed it in many ways: showering her with presents, checking on her constantly.
One night, after their second month anniversary, they had made love then he'd given her a pair of gorgeous, sinfully expensive emerald earrings.
"See, they're emeralds surrounded by diamonds," Yue said as he placed them on her. "The diamonds are me, and the emeralds are you. If you look at it, it's me protecting you, loving you."
Sakura had cried for joy, and Yue held her close, whispering that he loved her...forever. They made very passionate love that night and Sakura floated about in a sea of joy for the rest of the week.
"Yue, darling?" she said after one blissful evening of lovemaking.
"Mmm?" He was nuzzling her neck.
"I…can I say something?"
"Anything." He kissed her gently.
"I…" Sakura took a deep breath, "I've never met your friends or family. We've been together for some time now; shouldn't we…"
Yue hugged Sakura, pressing her to his chest. He kissed her head absently. How could he explain to Sakura that while he loved her, he did not want to get in too deep with her? She was fun to be around with, someone he cared deeply about, but meeting his family and friends was tantamount to declaring his intention to marry her. Nobody had ever passed his pureblooded Chinese parents' test for potential wives, and Yue, pragmatist that he was, did not want to rock the boat; he could be disinherited if he did.
"I'll gladly meet your family," he said, hoping it would work.
"Really?" She propped herself up, eyes sparkling in happiness.
"Yes, how about this Sunday at the Hei Fung Terrace in Imperial Hotel in Tokyo? Reservations and dinner are on me. I'll have my secretary Nakuru take care of that."
Indeed, Yue would pay any price to avoid going in too deep. He knew he wasn't ready to commit that deeply to Sakura. Yes, he loved her, but he was interested in seeing her family and friends. Plus, it didn't hurt that Hei Fung was very pricey and would impress her family if he picked up the bill.
"Oooh!" Sakura squealed, and hugged Yue. "That's wonderful!"
It did not occur to her that Yue had sidestepped her original question, not in her happiness. And Yue smiled. Crisis averted. She would stay by his side.
To Syaoran's annoyance, his lunches with Sakura became fewer and farther between because she was dating Yue openly now. He would never admit it, but he missed her: her laughter, the way she listened to him, how she got him to open up, how just gosh darned nice she was to have around.
He had no idea that he wasn't alone in being concerned about that development. Tomoyo and Eriol, who had hoped to matchmake him and Sakura, reserved judgment on Yue because Sakura seemed so happy with him.
And had he known that his father knew what was going on, he would have been very surprised, and pleased.
But Syaoran had been thinking of things ever since he and Sakura had had it out over Loraina. Irritated as he was, her words took root, and he had found some wisdom in introspection.
Maybe I did drive Alia away, he thought. Sakura had carefully pointed out Syaoran's acts of possessiveness and other failings in the relationship, then asked about his previous relationships. Syaoran was too embarrassed to admit that he'd had a purely sexual relationship with one girl in high school, and no other serious relationships or even dates since then, so he'd merely said he hadn't had any relationship experience.
And Sakura had told him to think about things, see things from Loraina's point of view, even to the extent of asking Syaoran to demonstrate and she would play Loraina's part. He was surprised when Sakura pointed out how possessive he was, how he had forced his will on his ex-wife, and how selfish he had been in her responses to his actions.
That had forced Syaoran to think things through a little more thoroughly…and he was slowly realizing how he had driven Loraina away. What was harder for him was knowing he had ruined things himself; Sakura had pointed out how desperately Loraina had tried to save their marriage by hiding things and pretending everything was okay.
So, as usual, he was wrestling things through musically. He had gathered his thoughts, and they came together as a song. He finished it in time for his weekly conference with Eriol, and when Eriol arrived at Syaoran's studio, Syaoran showed him the lyrics.
"Since you left me, I never really tried to put my life back where it should belong, and I've always let the past come back. I'm realizing that it could be wrong. But now I finally know I have to let it go to make way for a brighter tomorrow. So now I'm leaving yesterday behind, and finally I've made up my mind to let the memories stay away and think about today. I'm leaving yesterday behind 'cause now I'll try to live my life once more just the way I did before. Since I know that I never will forget the memories that made my yesterday. But I will try not to let it interfere with the choices I will make along the way, 'cause I'm not living in a world of fantasy; I'm here now in the world of reality…" (1)
"Hmmm," Eriol said as he tried the notes of the melody out on Syaoran's beautiful grand piano's keyboard. "This is strangely positive coming from you."
"Will it suit you, though?" Syaoran asked. "You said you were theming your next album as songs of rebirth and this kind of isn't it."
"Never hurts for the Prince of Tokyo to have a moony love song or two," Eriol playfully baited Syaoran.
He bit. "It is not moony!"
"Calm down. I know. But Syaoran…does this mean this is the beginning of the end for your, ah, mournful love song compositions?"
"I don't know," Syaoran mused out loud. "It's just something that kind of came out."
The song, which Syaoran had titled "Leaving Yesterday Behind," was more than just that. It was a message, Eriol knew, and he decided he would carefully coax the story out of his best friend.
"Perhaps you're ready to move out of your old house, then, just as your lawyer has been advising," Eriol began.
"Maybe. Too many memories," Syaoran said.
"If you get a new place, you can quit sleeping in the guest room," Eriol said. "The last time I was there, I noticed some of your photos of Alia—I mean, Loraina, were not there anymore."
Syaoran paused before answering, "I know. Sometimes I feel it's time to let go. "
Eriol tensed. It was the first time in two years Syaoran had mentioned anything about moving on. "And why is that so?" he asked.
"I just…" Syaoran stared off into space. "Sakura and I have been talking about Alia. Remember how I nearly killed you when you cleared out her dressing room, and only Daidouji saved you?"
Eriol raised one brow. "I'm not filing charges, obviously, since you were unsuccessful," he joked. "But truly, Syaoran, what has Sakura-san said?"
Syaoran drew a deep breath before answering, "That…That maybe I drove Alia away."
That statement cost a lot for him to say, Eriol thought. He was proud of Syaoran for reaching that point of realization, and of Sakura for guiding Syaoran to it. In truth he had bet Tomoyo that Sakura would be the one—the only one—who could make Syaoran realize it.
Perhaps now, as Tomoyo had predicted, things would turn for the better.
Out loud he said, "I see. And what do you think?"
Syaoran shook his head as if to clear it. "I think…I think she was right."
"Ah."
"Eriol, there are so many whys and buts and ifs in my head right now, and I don't know…I wish I'd said something then, that I'd seen it coming, that…But you know what confuses me more?"
He knew what Syaoran wanted him to say, and so he said it. "You don't know if you want to go back to a point in time when you could have taken it all back, and you don't know why you don't want to try again with Loraina."
"Exactly." Syaoran sighed. "I…When Loraina first left, I…well, you know I tried to kill myself. It was like just taking a breath was pain, every moment without her was like…God I don't know, just that it was so fucking hard to be without her."
Eriol wanted to say that if Syaoran had just talked to someone, opened up and told them what he was feeling inside, then perhaps things would not have been so bad. But ever since they had been children, Syaoran had not been the kind to say anything when he was upset; he tended to run off, find a hiding place, sulk, or just get angry. Often, many conflicts had started over Syaoran's refusal to say anything, and Eriol had often chided him on needing to take responsibility by speaking up and communicating with others.
Which was what he was doing now.
"But now I don't think of her all the time anymore. Sometimes I just think of what to make for dinner, what instrument to use for a song, if that thing I see will make a nice photo, should I get that shirt, what can I say to annoy Sakura with…and it feels strange. Like suddenly the world is different and you can't put your finger on it…but it just is." Syaoran said, his tone light with wonderment.
Eriol smiled; that was a mouthful coming from the normally taciturn Syaoran. And…he had called Alia "Loraina." Her real name, at last.
"Syaoran, heartbreak is like that. You never really suffered it, so now that you're this old and you suddenly have it happen to you…of course you came unhinged a bit."
Raising an eyebrow, Syaoran wryly joked, "A bit?"
"There is such a thing as diplomacy, you know," Eriol chuckled.
"Yeah, well." Syaoran looked over the song. "Want me to arrange this with strings?"
"Mmm, maybe we'll leave it be for now, with your piano arrangement." Eriol smiled; now he had something interesting to report to Tomoyo…and Syaoran's father: a real development.
They discussed his upcoming album, and Syaoran gave Eriol copies of the arrangements he'd done. Eriol teased him about the jingle Syaoran had done for an ice cream company, and Syaoran protested that it paid quite well. In addition to writing and arranging for Eriol, Syaoran had a side business of TV and radio commercial jingles going. He was comfortable and happy.
"I was wondering…if you didn't have the interest from your trust fund from the Lis, would you go into any other line of work? You haven't used your business school degree yet," Eriol asked. He was interested in Syaoran's answer because he'd received a hint from Syaoran's father, Yong Song Li, that he might change his will.
"I don't know. I'll burn the bridge when I get there," Syaoran joked, and Eriol groaned at the mixed metaphor. "But I have some investments and stuff. My dad is fine, and since my eldest sister, Achi Fuutie, is running the company, there's no real pressure on me."
"Ah, so." Eriol made a tiny smile with his lips. "Well, see you next week then."
When he left, Syaoran continued playing a bit, aimlessly developing melodies for his digital recorder to pick up. He was thinking of Sakura again, and wondering why he disliked her new boyfriend without even meeting him. He stopped playing the piano when the ringtone he assigned to Sakura went off on his cellphone.
"Syaoran-kun, hi!"
Warily Syaoran said, "Are you bailing out on lunch tomorrow again?"
Sakura protested, "You make it sound like it's all I do!"
"Uh-huh. No, you don't. Just half the time."
"Syaoran-kun! That is so not true!"
"Yeah, right, whatever." Syaoran grumbled.
"Look, Syaoran, I called to invite you to dinner this weekend with my family and Tomoyo-chan." Sakura sounded giddy with happiness.
"Uh huh," Syaoran said skeptically. "What's the catch? I have to play nice to your big brother?"
Sakura's voice was high-pitched in her enthusiasm. "No. I want to introduce you and Tomoyo-chan and my family to Yue!"
Syaoran raised an eyebrow, though the gesture was futile. "Right. And I should care why?"
She sighed. "Don't you see? He wants to meet the family and my friends. It's serious!"
"Huh." Syaoran grunted. Sounded serious, all right. He bet Yue would bail; he knew that kind of Chinese heir all too well. He wasn't one of those, but it annoyed him when others were.
"Syaoran-kun…Are you mad at me?" Sakura asked.
He paused before answering, "No. Not at you."
"Then why aren't you happy for me?"
"I don't like him," Syaoran said straightforwardly, paying Sakura the compliment of not hiding his true feelings.
"You sound like my onii-chan," Sakura complained. "What have you got against Yue?"
"Look, I told you, I have no problem with you dating him, but one, he's your boss. No office romance ever goes right, for a reason. People might talk behind your back and what happens when he dumps you? Two, he's traditional Chinese, and you remember, I warned about that. I should know, I'm Chinese too! His family comes first and if trouble comes up over him dating you—and it will, believe me, because you're Japanese—you're the one he'll dump. And strike three, it takes him this long after sleeping with you to want to meet your family? You've been dating what, eight months now. Sakura, why only now?"
"Syaoran-kun," Sakura began. "Please…It's complicated. He's trying his best."
"So you say," Syaoran said. He'd heard Sakura's explanations of what Yue had told her and as far as he was concerned, they all came down to two syllables: bullandshit. Not all Chinese families were as strict as Yue made them out to be; Syaoran himself came from an old, wealthy Chinese family, and his older sisters had married whomever they pleased. But Sakura, in love and enchanted with Yue, refused to listen to Syaoran's warnings.
Stupid Yue, he thought, and vowed to be unpleasant to the man when they ever met. He didn't want Sakura hurt, and so he wanted to be the one to strike out for her.
He was already planning the snide things he would say. "Nice hair. How long does it take to dry?" Or maybe, "Oh so you're Sakura's third boyfriend. Guess third time lucky doesn't apply to your case."
Either way, when he arrived at the Imperial Hotel, he was already in a foul mood. It didn't help that he was seated right next to Sakura's brother, who favored him with a glare when he arrived. He noticed how Tomoyo Daidouji and Touya Kinomoto practically smoldered with sexual chemistry, and how Sakura and her father both pretended not to know.
Sakura, he was sure, was pretending ignorance because she did not want anyone hurt; Syaoran knew Touya was in a relationship with Yukito Tsukishiro, and the two lived together. He didn't know what Tomoyo Daidouji's reason for hiding was, but he figured it was none of his business.
Syaoran passed the time by talking to Fujitaka Kinomoto; the conversation was quite enjoyable, as Fujitaka was considering a new expedition in the Philippines.
"Do you know that archaeology in the Philippines has many brilliant minds but they have to fight the government for the preservation of important sites? Plus the government participated in several hoaxes in the past, staining the reputation of Philippine archaeologists. It's so sad!"
"Why can't they organize?" Syaoran asked.
"Infighting. Jealousy. Competition." Fujitaka ticked off the reasons on his hands.
"Kind of like when a pack of wolves is starving, they tend to turn on one another," Syaoran said.
"Correct, Li-kun. Unfortunately, with the prize being research grants and facilities. I'd like to help out, and I've contacted the anthropology department of the state university and several other schools, so I've arranged for several grants." Fujitaka decided not to mention that they would be coming out of his pocket; he'd taken out a loan and used his home as collateral. "Touya-kun and Tsukishiro-kun are coming with me next month to serve as project directors."
Had he known how his decision would affect Sakura, he might have reconsidered.
"I hope you succeed, Kinomoto-san," Syaoran smiled. "Maybe in the future I could invest in those grants?"
"That would be good," Fujitaka smiled. "As long as you join us."
"May I?" Syaoran smiled broadly.
"Of course."
Sakura smiled to see Syaoran so engrossed in conversation with her father, but kept watch on the door. Yue was still not there, but he had confirmed with her earlier that morning, so she felt confident.
"Problems?" Tomoyo asked.
"No, no," Sakura smiled. "Oh, Tomoyo, I am so happy he agreed. Maybe this is the start of something wonderful. Third time lucky, you know."
Tomoyo opened her mouth, but after a glance from Touya, she smiled and said, "Yes, perhaps."
It was only when Touya raised his voice that they noticed that Yue was fifteen minutes late without any word from him—quite inappropriate by Japanese standards. Sakura was getting embarrassed as the waiters kept inviting them to order, but they couldn't as their host was not present; the reservations were in Yue's name, after all.
"Where's that guy?" Touya complained. None of them were willing to order without him, but they were already hungry. "How rude is that? What could possibly be keeping him?"
"Good question. Brushing his hair?" Syaoran cracked.
"Hey Sakura. He has a point. Marry him instead," Touya pointed at Syaoran.
"You paying me?" Syaoran retorted.
"Like anyone else would have you?" Touya fired back.
"Onii-chan! Syaoran-kun!" Sakura glared at them.
"I can't believe my little sister is going out with a guy who's gayer than me," Touya sniped.
Syaoran choked on his water. Gay? But he could have sworn…
Touya shot him an angry glare. "Got a problem with gay people?"
"No," was all Syaoran said. He looked at Tomoyo, who merely smiled at him sweetly.
"Sakura says you call her boyfriend gay," Touya challenged.
"And I apologize to all gay men when I say that. If you ever saw what he wears…"
"What, you met him before us?" Touya said.
"No but Daidouji over there has quite the photo collection," Syaoran said calmly.
"Oh right, I've seen it too." Touya looked at Tomoyo. "Why you'd even bother photographing that guy…"
"I'd say waste of film, but since we use memory cards now, I'd say he isn't worth a pixel," Syaoran chortled.
"Assuming you can fit his big head into the frame," Touya chuckled.
"The hair!" Syaoran and Touya both began to laugh.
"Seriously, who wears hair that long these days?" Syaoran snorted.
"Maybe his beauty is all there; cut it and he turns into a wimpy guy named Yabu," Touya laughed; a "yabu" was a quack doctor and the name was associated with wimpy men.
"He'll be here. Stop it, you two," Sakura hissed at Touya and Syaoran. "We are not in a playground. Act mature, will you?"
"How many Chinese brats do I have to meet anyway?" Touya gritted his teeth. "And why do we have to wait because he's late? How much respect does he hold for you if he can do this?" he asked pointedly.
"Hey, I'm the brat. Yue's just the dork," Syaoran said.
"He's busy, all right?" Sakura hissed. She glanced at her phone; no messages or missed calls from Yue.
Twenty. Twenty five minutes. Touya and Syaoran had begun a tirade against Yue, and Sakura escaped to make a call.
Yue did not pick up until after she had dialed thrice.
"Oh thank God Yue! We…are you all right? We've been waiting and…"
"My mother called," Yue said. "I'm heading for the main mansion of the Lims."
"W…what?" Sakura was floored. "But you promised…and we're at the Imperial Hotel already…you said earlier that you…"
"I know, Sakura baby girl, but please understand, this is my family…"
"This is my family too!" Sakura hissed. "Why…"
"Look, I'll make it up to you. Put it all on my tab; I'll text you my credit card number," Yue said. He dropped his voice to the sexy register. "We'll make love, I promise baby."
"But Yue…"
He cut the call, leaving Sakura gaping. How could he?
Her phone's message tone bleeped. Yue had sent his credit card number to Sakura with the words, "Sky's the limit. Am sure that'll be a super treat for your family!"
Insulted, Sakura raised her chin and decided to put up a brave front, marching back into the restaurant.
"Oh there you are, Sakura-san," Fujitaka called out. "How is Yue-san?"
Swallowing, Sakura put on a cheery smile. "He called to apologize but his family…uh, had an emergency."
Syaoran sent a hard stare at Sakura, which she ignored. Touya said, "Coward. Bet that's an excuse." He looked at Syaoran as if waiting for confirmation.
"No bet," Syaoran said slowly. "He probably doesn't really have a family em-…"
"He can't make it but dinner will be on him," Sakura talked over Syaoran's words. "Come on, let's order!" Sakura chattered throughout the meal, smiling and cheerfully telling everyone stories about Yue, ignoring Tomoyo's sad looks and Touya's mockery of Yue's cowardice.
Harder to avoid were Syaoran's pointed stares. With a sinking feeling, Sakura realized that he knew the truth. Frantically she joked through the meal, ate more food than she wanted, and paid the bill in secret—using her own credit card, even though she could ill afford what amounted to half a month's salary for the meal.
Her family left first, Touya offering to take Tomoyo home, as she expected. She tried to escape before Syaoran could say anything, but his hand came down on her arm.
"I told you…" he began.
"He's busy," Sakura snapped, wrestling her arm out of Syaoran's grasp.
"Why are you covering up for that jerk?" Syaoran stood his ground.
"He's not a jerk!" Sakura said.
"Asshole, then. Come on! I'm not stupid. Your dad was distracted, so he missed it. I kept talking to him for that purpose, all right? Your brother was making goo-goo eyes at your best friend, and they both pretended they missed it. But damn it Sakura stop pretending Yue didn't back out…"
"Look, just drop it," Sakura raised her hands. "Okay? You don't know what he said…"
"I don't have to know exactly what that bastard said!" Syaoran roared. The others in the restaurant stared at him, so he lowered his voice. "I just know he backed out on you. And you know what? I have to tell you that his family is just one excuse that he'll keep using because you don't belong in his pureblooded world. Why can't you just…"
"And then what, Syaoran?" Sakura asked, her cheeks reddening. "You going to taunt me? You going to tell me I can't make good choices? Come on, Syaoran, tell me what happens. Is there any point to discussing this? I know what he did. I'm an idiot. Fine! So can we just drop it?"
"Why are you so damned stubborn?" Syaoran asked. All he wanted was for Sakura to just tell him what had really happened, but now they were arguing and the argument was spiraling out of control.
"I'm leaving," Sakura said.
"Sakura…" Syaoran took a step in her direction.
"I'm a grownup, believe it or not, so leave me alone."
"You're being irrational, Sakura, I…"
Syaoran was left gaping when she turned and walked swiftly through the lobby without letting him finish his sentence. She was steaming mad, Syaoran realized, and he rushed to follow her, calling her name. He knew it was too late when she jumped into the first cab there, leaving the concierge and the next person in line speechless.
Sakura gave Yue's address to the cab driver, and once there, she settled to wait outside his door. She didn't know why she was so angry—at Syaoran. As she calmed down, she realized he was just trying to help…but still, she was furious at him for interfering…and for exposing that he knew her shame.
She had a long time to think—because Yue didn't come home until after midnight. He did a double take upon seeing her outside his apartment.
"Sakura?" Yue looked at her curiously. "Why are you here, baby?"
"I'm waiting for you, because I don't have a key to your place," she said pointedly.
"What is it?" He ignored her comment, unlocked the door, and ushered her in. Sakura walked in but did not sit down, even though her feet hurt from standing by the door for so long.
"Don't you owe me an apology?" she said, arms crossed.
"For what?" Yue tried to embrace her, but she moved away.
"For humiliating me in front of my family and friends," she said stiffly.
"I told you to put it on my bill…"
"Well, I didn't want my poor family dining out at your expense so I paid for it."
"So what's the problem?" Yue was puzzled. "Come on baby, calm down." He bent to kiss her and she pushed him away.
"Damn it!" Suddenly Sakura was sick and tired of everything. "You told me to arrange for this. You set the time and the place. You…"
"Yes, I know, but there are more important things…"
"Than me?" Sakura sank into a chair. "Yue, you're supposed to be my boyfriend…"
"I am, baby, I am. And I do love you."
"So why did you bail out? I didn't force you into it," Sakura protested.
"I had other things to do. My family comes first. You should understand that!" Yue pleaded.
Oh God. There it was—what Syaoran had warned her about. Why hadn't she listened to him?
"You could at least have told me in advance. Common politeness," Sakura seethed. "We were on the phone a few hours before dinner."
"You handled it well, I'm sure…"
"Do you even realize how I feel?" Sakura was ready to scream but she kept her voice even. "How embarrassed I am right now?"
"Look, my parents would never have understood if I told them I had a prior commitment to you," Yue said, rubbing his temples. "Why can't you understand that?"
Her jaw dropped open at the sheer effrontery of his statement. "It's called manners, Yue. Look it up in the dictionary."
A long silence ensued.
"This isn't working out," Yue said quietly.
"What isn't?"
"Us. You don't understand why I have things, commitments to honor…"
"What?" Sakura couldn't believe her ears. "All you have to do is apologize! How hard is that?" Her eyes were brimming with tears.
"You're Japanese," Yue said, as if that answered everything.
"And that means I don't have the right to basic courtesy from my own lover? Yes, and don't you dare flinch, Yue, we are lovers," Sakura said.
"Yes but…Look, I'll be honest. You mean a lot to me, but…Don't we have good times together? I love being with you. I love making love to you…"
"So is that what I am, your mistress? A good time girl?" Sakura was incredulous. "Is that what 'I love you' means to you?"
"You make it sound so bad," Yue protested. "Come on, babe, look at reality. I'm the only heir to a big company, and they expect me to marry someone Chinese, a virgin girl from a good background. You won't pass that criteria, but I don't care because being with you is fun. Why should we worry about tomorrow? Let's enjoy today. Come on," and he nuzzled her neck.
Sakura could not move; she felt as if she had been punched in the gut. Was that all she was to Yue?
"You…You think of me as…as a mistress?" she whispered disbelievingly.
"The one I love," he said as he nibbled on her ear.
"For now…" Sakura whispered. "What happens when your family decides it's time for you to marry someone?"
"We'll worry about that then. Come on, Sakura, be reasonable," Yue wheedled.
She stood there, letting him kiss and fondle her. Something was roaring in her ears, and she thought she could hear voices taunting her.
Hadn't they just made passionate love a few days ago? Hadn't he been the one—not her—to say he loved her forever? Yue had been so happy; he'd shown her that making love wasn't just about what he wanted, but also about her pleasure. She'd thought they were doing fine. So what was this now?
"What really happened, Yue? Why did they call you home?" Sakura asked quietly.
He stopped touching her. "My parents found about about you and they don't approve," he said, unable to meet her eyes. "I can't marry you," Yue said. "My family would never approve."
"It's too early for that," Sakura said. "I just...Wait! Where did you get the idea I wanted marriage? Yue, I love you but not yet..." She wriggled free of his grasp and stood next to the door, her arms folded.
"I'm at the age where I need to marry," Yue said. "And my parents have made it clear they won't stand for someone who isn't Chinese."
"I am not trying to marry you," Sakura said, keeping her voice level. "I love you but I..."
Yue crossed over and took her in his arms. "I love you too but I can't go against my parents' wishes." He bent his head to kiss her. "But that doesn't mean we can't have something beautiful together. Who says this has to end when I'm married?"
"I didn't ask you to," Sakura pushed Yue away. "And I am not pressuring you to marry me; I didn't even think of it!" Her green eyes were blazing. "You act like I forced you to make a choice when I didn't!"
"By being there you forced me to make a choice," Yue said sadly. "I love you but I can't..."
And to her dismay Sakura knew what the choice was. "Fine." She removed the emerald earrings he'd given her and placed them on a side table in his living room.
"Here. Sorry for the bother. I'm sorry I disrupted your life. I'm sorry I'm such a...nuisance. And I'm sorry but I refuse to be your 'good time girl' because I have too much pride for that shit. And I will never be your goddamned mistress!"
She was somewhat ashamed; she'd never talked to anyone that way before but...she couldn't take it anymore.
"No. You can keep them," Yue began, but Sakura was halfway out the door.
"No. You can't buy me."
"Wait…Is this…Are you…"
"Since you're too much of a coward to say it, I'm breaking it off. Go find your virginal Chinese princess. Goodbye and be happy with your wonderful pureblood family," Sakura said, fighting the tears in her eyes.
He caught her, gathering her into his arms. "At least let me kiss you goodbye," Yue whispered.
It was the hardest thing in the world for Sakura to turn her head and push Yue away. "No." She walked away stiffly, not looking back, not crying, not running.
And he never chased after her; he merely looked at her then closed the door. That told her, with finality, that she would never mean more to him than a 'good time girl' would.
Sakura would never know how she made it home that night. She didn't bother telling anyone what had happened; whatever for? So that she would be pitied again? Or—maybe they would wonder why she'd lost yet another boyfriend.
It had happened so fast; she had had no sign, nothing to tell her something was wrong. She thought of the last few days over and over: had she said something, done anything to suggest she was pressuring him into marriage?
No. It's you. Something is innately wrong with you, a voice sneered in her head. You are a freak, Sakura. Everyone you love hurts you then leaves you. What makes you think you can be loved?
She tried to ignore the taunting voice in her head, which sounded like her high school boyfriend Kito's voice. She got no sleep that night; memories of her and Yue kept running through her head, and nothing would make them go away.
But she tried. She turned on the lights in her room and purged it of his presents, his photos, things that reminded her of him. Even her closet—she removed blouses and dresses he liked, the one she'd worn when they first met, on their first date, when they first made love…she almost laughed when she realized how much of her closet was disappearing into the box she'd dumped Yue mementoes into. But the act served its purpose; the first rays of dawn were peeking over the horizon, and she breathed a sigh of relief.
Then Sakura began to pack a large backpack haphazardly; she did not know where she was going, or what she would do, but she just wanted to be alone, somewhere other than there. She did not want to see anyone, or talk to anyone. She couldn't face anyone right now, least of all Tomoyo or Syaoran.
For her father, Sakura left a note saying she would be out of town for an assignment and she would be back in a week. As for work, calling Rika was the easiest way out; she told the calm, gentle woman that she needed a week's leave 'for my health.' As Sakura predicted, Rika did not ask questions but merely said she would do as Sakura asked. Getting a cab to pick her up before her father woke up was easy.
She decided to email Tomoyo from her cell phone at the train station in Tokyo instead of calling her, saying she was on assignment. Email meant Tomoyo would not be able to trace her location. As for Syaoran, Sakura could not face him, and so she did not tell him where she was going. She remembered all the warnings Syaoran had issued about Yue, and he reminded her of her own foolishness in believing Yue, in thinking that everything was going to be all right, that someone really did love her in that romantic way a man loves a woman. Finally, she turned her cell phone off.
Surveying the destination board at the station, she chose Osaka as it had many small inns by the seaside; Sakura had always loved the sea, and so it seemed like a good place to go. Using cash instead of a credit card, Sakura got a ticket, and finally slept the sleep of exhaustion on the train, a dark, dreamless sleep for which she was grateful.
Once at Osaka, she checked into a tiny inn by Osaka Bay, and after more dreamless sleep, she roamed the city aimlessly, hating herself, hating why she seemed to drive all those who claimed to love her away. And drowning in the memories of the first real taste of love she'd had.
I'm a freak, Sakura told herself as she sat in one of Osaka's famous rock and sand Zen gardens. I don't deserve to love, or to be loved. I'm never good enough for anyone, and everything I touch turns to shit.
What Fate had in store for her next was an even more cruel blow, though.
(To be continued next weekend)
In Chapter 4: Syaoran comforts Sakura, who is forced to face a demon from her past, and tragedy hits the Kinomoto family.
(1) Lyrics from "Leaving Yesterday Behind" by Keno. I do not own this song, nor am I claiming it is mine.
Chapter notes: "Onii-chan"- Brother; what Sakura calls Touya
The Imperial Hotel and Hei Fung Terrace (which serves Cantonese fusion fare) are real; feel free to Google it! I only got to the lobby when I was there but wow, it's just so luxurious.
I know Yue seems a bit out of character from the anime and manga, but allow me to say that I've considered this carefully. He can be very sexy and strangely sweet, but he also seems to take things to an extreme, and he carries cruel biases as well, so I think the manipulation of his character here to suit the story is fairly logical. He's not evil per se; Yue is acting according to how his world expects him to be, and I feel his unintentional cruelty is even more painful as a result.
I am not making up the biases against non-Chinese that Yue has. I base this on members of my own family, and trust me when I tell you they can be very close-minded about this whole issue of blood. One of my relatives has never spoken to a woman my cousin married; she's a beautiful, wonderful person, but just because she's half-Spanish and half-Filipino, my relative thinks she's 'disgusting'. Don't get me wrong; a majority of Filipino Chinese are not like this, but those who are biased can be very, very cruel and irrational.
I wonder if you notice the difference between Yue (in this story and the earlier chapters of "Slowly, Sweetly") and Syaoran (in "Slowly, Sweetly" ch 15) when they make love to Sakura? One of them truly loves her; the other one loves making love to her. I guess it's obvious which is which, I hope.
In "Slowly, Sweetly," I made it clear that Yue never knew Syaoran, but Syaoran knew of Yue. I didn't make it clear though that Sakura and Syaoran already knew each other then, hence the correction in this revision.
Syaoran in both the manga and the anime tends to pick things up slowly but when he comes to a realization, he follows it through. I decided to focus on his thought processes instead of on him and sakura 'roleplaying' his relationship with Alia/Loraina so that I could foreshadow his relationship with Sakura and show how he gets to who he is in ch 15 of "Slowly, Sweetly."
Yes, I've removed a lot of Eriol-Tomoyo-Touya scenes from the rewrite. My problem is, now that my co-writer from "The Heart Has Seasons" is inactive in CCS, and is focusing on her work in HP, I have trouble with that story; hence it is, sadly, on hiatus until I can find someone I can discuss it with and write it with ^_^
Syaoran and Fujitaka, I think, would be good friends; in the anime, remember the part where Syaoran stands on a chair to applaud Fujitaka and gets pissed when he realizes Fujitaka is Sakura's father? I decided to explore this so that I could add something in the next chapter about Fujitaka, Syaoran, and Sakura: a scene in which Fujitaka comforts his daughter. In the anime, when Sakura breaks down after accidentally destroying Fujitaka's computer, and when she cheers up after she confesses to Yukito and gets rejected gently, I loved how Fujitaka seems to know just how much comfort his daughter needs without being overly intrusive. Sigh, oh for a dad like that!
Sakura's angry response to what Yue does is based on the way she gets angry in the anime and manga. She will be sorry for the burst of temper later, but will be very defiant when in the throes of her anger. Though when she does run away at the end of this chapter, again I based it on how she acts in the series. She WILL come back, but I figured as an older person, having gone through what she has, she might need more time to recover before coming back to tackle her problems.