Chapter 2: Jacob

Sick and Twisted

With everything that had happened, Edward decided that they should postpone the wedding for a few weeks, so that Bella could concentrate on getting better. At least I could hold on to those couple of weeks with a little comfort.

Whatever it was that Bella had been through made becoming a vampire seem like the most glamorous thing in the world, even though I knew better. I knew vampires weren't beautiful or glamorous; they were monsters with cold bodies, stone hearts and no souls. No matter how much she believed that she would be able to withstand temptation against human blood, I knew better. If she was turned she would always be a bloodsucker to me, a leech, someone who would no longer be a part of my life.

For some reason, Bella had it determined in her head that she and Edward would have a baby and I would imprint on it. Of all the sick and twisted things I've ever heard, that had to be the worst ever. There was no way I would fall in love with a baby, especially Bella's baby; who did she think I was anyway?

Everyday after school I would go see her and she would always be the same; silent, cold, sitting in her chair and looking out the window, just like the good old days. Some things with Bella never changed. She would barely make any noise at all and whenever she did it would be in the form of sobs, and many of them. I didn't know how much longer I could deal with her grieving such a ridiculous fate. How could she be so unhappy to be alive? I will never understand the things that go on in Bella Swan's mind, no matter how hard I try.

"Bella, you must be hungry. I brought you up a sandwich and some soup." I laid her dinner out in front of her, like I was some kind of un-glorified housewife feeding her husband breakfast in bed. She didn't even look at me, just waved her hand, "I'm not hungry. I don't eat food anymore."

That was it, I couldn't take it anymore, something inside of me just exploded, "Bella, for Christ's sake, whether you like it or not, you are human! Humans need to eat and drink and bathe." I added that last detail because that was something she had not done in over a week and the smell was starting to get to me worse than the stench of the bloodsuckers. "It was all a dream or a nightmare, if you ask me. You should be glad that you woke up from that. Why in the world would you want to have some weird, genetically-impossible child that I'm supposed to imprint on like some common pedophile? What the fuck Bella? I would give anything to be able to go back to the days when I was just a regular human, without all the burdens of phasing, fighting psycho newborn vampires and bitchy redheads with vendettas. You aren't a vampire now and you never were, no matter what crazy tricks your mind is playing on you. And just because you had some crazy powers and shit, doesn't mean that's what it would actually be like. Don't be so quick to have something that could be a hell of a lot worse than you're imaging. There is no way to disguise becoming a monster with sunshine and roses, and a cherry on top!"

She hardly showed any reaction at all, she just folded her arms and continued with her staring.

"That's it! I'm done! I've been trying so hard to help you out, be there for you, cook for you and whatever, but I can see now that you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped!" I angrily tossed the tray to the floor, hoping that the food would spill, "have a nice life. However long that is." I turned around and ran out of her room, not daring to look back for fear that I would run back to her side, take her hands in my own and beg for her forgiveness.

As I ran back home, so many things went through my head. I knew I was a jackass for talking to a grieving girl that way, but she really pissed me off. I was just so damn tired of hearing about how badly she wanted to become a vampire and be with Edward forever. Barf!

I tore into my house, practically breaking the wooden door off the hinges. "Easy there." Billy said to me, trying to lighten my mood, "we only have one door." I didn't bother responding, I didn't do anything, besides go to my room, slam the door shut, drop to my bed and cry into my pillows.

I awoke, three hours later, to the sound of a wolf howling. I jumped up and looked at the clock….shit. I had forgotten that it was my turn to patrol the area. I groaned inwardly, removed my clothes, threw them over my shoulder, and jumped out of my window, phasing before I hit the ground.

I circled around the house, coming to the front, "I can cover you tonight, Jake, just go back to bed."

I looked at Seth for answers, could he possibly know about what had happened with Bella. Could he possibly have known that we had a fight…..er, I had a fight with Bella?"

Seth just looked at me, a sensitive look in his wolfy eyes. "You've had a rough time lately, go home. I can handle patrol tonight."

I just looked at him, "I'm okay."

"No you're not." He replied, simply, "and if you want my opinion…." Oh here we go, now Seth Clearwater was going to tell me how it needed to be, "you need to relax. She was in a coma for over a week and clearly some things happened in her mind that she thought were real. She needs time to adjust to everything, but she'll come around."

I glared at Seth, he was like 3 years old, how was he old enough to be giving me advice like this? He just looked back at me blankly, as if he hadn't heard my thoughts. I groaned inwardly, which came out more like a growl than anything else.

"Just go home and rest, Jake; I've got this….seriously."

I thought about it for a minute and realized that as freeing as it could be to run around as the wolf, having everyone knowing how much of a bitch I am might not be a good thing. "Fine. See you later." I didn't stick around for anymore advice; I just phased back and climbed back into my room, naked.

When I woke up the next morning it seemed for a minute like things were better. Maybe it was a relief to get things off my chest, or maybe a good night's sleep can change your perspective. I didn't know for sure, all I did know was that I felt the need to go to her and apologize.

I got up, stretched, and headed for the shower. Following my shower, I threw on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and went into the kitchen for breakfast.

"Edward called for you." Billy told me as soon as I stepped foot into the kitchen. Ugh, there went my good mood and better perspective.

"Is something wrong?"
"He said he wanted to talk to you, that's all. He wanted me to have you call him back."

Oh that was exactly what I wanted to do, my top priority in life. I groaned and went to get the phone. I waited what seemed like 3 hours for him to answer the phone.

"Jacob." He said, flatly.

"What? Is she alright?"

"I don't know. She seems worse today even. I really hate having to admit this, but I think she was better when you were here."

I smiled, despite myself, "So, you're inviting me over?"

"I guess so."

I almost laughed; this must have really torn the bloodsucker up. I was still mad at Bella and didn't know if I wanted to subjugate myself to more of her leech obsession crap, but I had to admit that it felt good to be needed.

Apparently I must have taken too long to process the information, because Edward sighed, irritated and spoke again, "will you come over and see her, Jacob?"

"Yeah, sure."

I wanted to throw in some asshole comment to show my dominance, but I didn't find it entirely necessary and gave up. I hung up the phone and turned to look at Billy, who was doing his best to look uninterested. "He said she's worse. He thinks she's better when I'm there. So, I'm going over there in a little bit."

Billy nodded; his mouth to his coffee cup. I poured myself a cup and then went to work creating a feast for myself…why did werewolves have to eat so much?

Once I was full I brushed my teeth and headed out. I thought about running there, and then I thought….I'll drive.

I pulled up in front of Bella's house and as soon as I spotted that stupid Volvo I groaned. Why did that asshole always feel the need to be so damn flashy? Weren't the vampires supposed to blend in and not draw a lot of unnecessary attention to themselves?

I walked up to the house, slowly, and knocked on the door. I was expecting Edward to be waiting for me, taking his post as master of the house, but it was actually Charlie who came to the door. He looked at me and a slight flicker of hope flashed in his eyes, "Jake."

I walked in and looked around; there were dirty dishes everywhere, as if Charlie had tried a billion times to make something to eat, just to find out that there was no hope. Poor Charlie, he was so useless in the kitchen. I didn't stop to chit-chat with him; I just headed for Bella's room and knocked on the door. That's when the leech opened the door for me. "Jacob." He said flatly.

I nodded at him, offhandedly, and looked around to find Bella. She wasn't at her usual post, where could she be? That's when I noticed that she was laying in bed, staring at her hands that were across her stomach. She seemed much paler and I wondered if this was how she would look as one of them. If it wasn't for the slight movement in her chest, I would have thought that maybe he had turned her after all.

I walked in and sat down at on the side of her bed. I looked at Edward and he seemed to momentarily pause, but quickly got up to give us our privacy. I didn't have to say anything to him to convince him that I meant her no harm; he could read it in my thoughts. I sent him a silent thank you telepathically, and then turned my attention back to Bella.

I reached out and touched one of her hands; I recoiled in shock over how cold her skin was. Was Edward sure she really wasn't a vampire after all? "Bella, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things to you. I realize that you've been through a lot and I need to give you some time to process everything and realize that you're alright and everything's going to be fine."

Though she didn't respond, she did turn to look at me. I was very relieved to see that her eyes were still their deep chocolate brown, still beautiful the way I remembered them. "It's just that I have a hard time listening to you talk about how much you want to become a vampire. It hurts a lot."

Her head cocked to the side and she actually opened her mouth to speak, "Why?"

"Bells, you're my best friend; I love you. I don't want to wake up one day and find that you're not the Bella that I grew up with and knew better than I knew myself. Can you understand that?"

She swallowed, "I guess I can, Jake. I never really thought about it that way, I guess."

I nodded, "I know you've got an intense fear of aging and having him stay the same; I get that. I'm sure many women would love to be forever frozen at eighteen, but it's not natural Bella. You're human and it's a beautiful thing."

She rolled her eyes at me, "You won't be saying that when I'm old and wrinkly and you and Edward haven't aged a day."

I shook my head, "It won't make a bit of difference to me and I know that if Edward loves you as much as he claims to, it won't matter to him either." I paused and then continued, "Because no matter how old and wrinkly you get, you'll still be Bella."

She sat up and looked at me, urgently, "yes, but if my dream or alternate reality taught me anything, it was that I can become a vampire and still be me. I don't really have to give up everything I have and everyone that I love."

"I know if felt real to you, if fact I'm sure it did, but that doesn't mean that's how it would be if you were turned. And, you know that vampires can't have babies; there's no way you and Edward could have a child, but maybe it was your subconscious mind telling you that you really want to get married and have children. Maybe there was more to this dream, or whatever it was, than you think. Maybe you should get to the symbolic meanings rather than taking it all as a literal interpretation of how the future will turn out."
"But, Jake, it was everything I ever wanted. I had Edward, immortality, the Cullens, a child, my human family and you….and you were happy. You have no idea how much I want that for you."

"I don't really think that the real me would be too thrilled with forever being linked to some mutant child of yours, honey. I don't want to be some child's pet toy. Besides, that would suck having to wait 18 years…" I trailed off, not wanting to complete the sentence…even in my head.

"But, she aged much more quickly. It would have only taken her approximately 7 years to reach full maturity."

"Bella, honey, are you hearing yourself? Do you hear how completely insane this whole things sounds? Wouldn't you think that a half vampire, half human baby would grow up slower than an average human, because vampires don't age? But, at least I know you're not making this shit up; nobody with half a brain or a kindergarten education could come up with something that fucked up.

She just glared at me, like she was trying to decide whether to slap me or not. I just shrugged it off; if she slapped me she'd only be hurting herself. I just couldn't help myself in saying what I was saying; the idea of this whole sordid weirdo life was just plain nuts.

She folded her arms across her chest, "Say what you want, Jake, but I think it was the most beautiful, amazing life I could have ever dreamt of. It was better than anything my conscious mind could have come up with."

I smiled, "That depends on whether your conscious mind ever involved me and our children in our future." Yeah, I couldn't help myself; I had to throw that one in for good measure.

She blushed nervously, looking as though she wanted to comment, and then changed her mind. Well, shit! I wanted to hear what snappy comeback she was planning. But, maybe it would have been laced with rejection and I would have wanted her to keep her trap shut.

I was ready to throw in another quip, when Edward rapped once against the door and popped his head in. He looked at us and a huge grin formed on his face at how well she seemed to be doing. She smiled back at him, gently.

I looked back and forth between them and decided it was my turn to step out of the room. I didn't really feel like being in there, watching them stare at each other lovingly. Yuck! I excused myself and went to retake my post at the TV.

"Wait, Jake, don't go." She yelled out, intensely, and I turned back to look at her. Her eyes pleaded with me to stay with her. I looked back at Edward who's face had fallen, completely saddened by her apparent need for me. I nodded in her direction and sat back down on the bed, "okay, I'll stay." I looked at her for a minute and it seemed as though some of her color had come back, "are you hungry at all? I could probably find something to whip up for you, if you wanted me to?"

She smiled warmly at me, "you don't mind?"

I shook my head, "nah." I got up, "I'll go see what Charlie's got out there." As I was leaving I sent a thought into my head, meant specifically for Edward, 'now you can have some time with her'. Wow, I thought, I was becoming a regular saint to that bloodsucker, what in the world was up with me? 'But don't even think about getting a drink, leech.' I added, just to piss him off. He glared at me and I knew I had succeeded in my mission. I smiled in response.