Chapter 3: Jacob

Normal is a Four Letter Word

After about a week, Bella was back to her former self. She was back to making wedding plans, visiting the Cullens on an everyday basis and trading comebacks with me as I worked on cars in my garage. Everything was back to normal….and I couldn't stand it. I hated seeing her eyes light up whenever Edward walked into the room and I certainly hated hearing about all those annoying wedding preparations. Like seriously….who fucking cared whether she had orchids or lilies in her bouquet? I'm pretty sure Bella didn't care either, she just wanted things to be normal (or maybe more like her little fairytale world had been).

I tried to act like everything was just normal and laidback between us, but I had to admit that was nearly impossible a task. Ever since she had told me of her feelings for me, I kept a little hope in my heart that she would come to her senses and realize that I was the one for her. But, the closer it got to the wedding and the more wedding plans got put into motion, the more that little flicker of hope died.

On top of everything else, Bella insisted that I be a part of the wedding. She really wanted me to be an usher or something; which meant I had to wear a tuxedo. Didn't she understand that werewolves don't wear monkey suits? Not to mention that the idea of watching her tie the knot to that bloodsucker was just about the worst thing I could think of; worse than gouging out my own eyeballs and having them force-fed to me?

"Don't you think you're being just a touch melodramatic?" Bella asked me, arms folded across her chest.

"No, I don't. I'm not wearing a tuxedo, end of story."

"Everyone else will be, you'll look really silly if you don't."

I folded my arms and looked deep into her chocolate brown eyes, "Why are you even doing this, Bells? This isn't you. The Bella that I know wouldn't care about frilly dresses, fancy bouquets and she certainly wouldn't care about tuxedos. This can't possibly be what you want."

"Jake, those things don't matter. All that matters is that Edward and I get to be together forever."

I made a face, desperately trying to hold down my lunch, "Bella, you're 18, how can you possibly be ready for this?"

"I just am, okay?" She snapped, making me take a step back in response. "I've thought about this and this is the necessary next step in my life."

"You sound about as enthusiastic about getting married as a pregnant teenager. Maybe you should take some time and think this through."

She sighed, exasperated, "Time is not something I can afford to waste."

Oh, so that's what this was about. She was afraid that if she waited too long her seventeen year old, rotting corpse of a boyfriend would lose interest in her. That was just sick; inside that boyish exterior was a 109 year-old man, who had spent a bit more time in his life preparing himself for the idea of marriage.

I rolled my eyes at her. Her obsession with the bloodsucker really got to me. I would never understand what it was that she found so fucking irresistible about him. I mean, he was a pompous, arrogant jackass who tried to control Bella's life with ultimatums and by preventing her to see me when she wanted to; yeah, that just screamed 'I'm a stand up guy' to me.

I was really tempted to say something to her that I knew I would later regret, so I just turned from her and walked away. She sighed, irritated, and walked after me. "What the hell is your problem anyway?"

That did it; any ideas I had about biting my tongue and keeping the peace where thrown out the window. "What's my problem? You're the one who's eighteen and thinking she's ready to give up everything she has to become a monster….but I'm the one with a problem? I'm not the one in love with two different guys and rushing off to get married without giving myself time to think it through."

I glared at her; she seemed so oblivious to life in general. She wrapped her arms around herself again, I knew what that meant; she was fixing to verbally attack me. "Just because you're jealous doesn't mean you need to talk to me like this. I'm sorry if I don't love you as much as you want me to, I can't help that. You don't need to act like an asshole and take it out on me."

I raised my eyebrows at her, "Well, at least I let you go where you want to and do what you want to, I don't manipulate you and I certainly don't give you ultimatums so that you'll marry me. Maybe you should reevaluate what you see in him before you sign your life away."

For a split second it looked almost like my words had made an impact. Maybe I was finally getting through to her. But, then the look on her face changed; she squinted at me and steam appeared as though it was seeping from her ears, "I hate you, Jacob Black! You think you know me and my relationship with Edward so well, but you don't have a clue. You don't know anything about love and you have absolutely no business telling me what I should and shouldn't do." With that she turned on her heels and walked away. She got into her truck, put it in gear and backed out of my driveway. All I could do was stare at her, a shocked expression on my face.

Every night for the next week it was the same; night after fucking night lying in my bed, unable to sleep. All I could think about was Bella in her wedding dress and Edward pulling her vale back to reveal her heavily made-over face, much too perfect to be beautiful. I knew that as soon as they were married, he would rush her from the party, take her somewhere halfway across the world (probably to some fucking island somewhere secluded-and hell, the fucking Cullens probably owned it, the way they owned everything else) where he could turn her and there would be no one there to save her from her doom.

Anytime I was able to find a little bit of sleep, I was ripped from my slumber by a horrible nightmare where Bella goes around biting and killing hundreds of innocent people, bloodthirsty…literally. In my nightmare, I was always the last victim before I woke up in a sweat, panting heavily.

Why did I have to let this chick get under my skin like this? Why did it have to bother me so fucking much that she wanted to become one of those things? I mean, it was her life, her choice….right? Why did I have to practically phase from just the thought of her being turned? Maybe it was the treaty. Maybe the realization that if/when he turned her we would have free reign to torture and kill every one of those bloodsuckers….wait, how could that possibly bother me? Maybe it was because I knew that I would have to hunt and kill her too. That had to be it. I didn't ever want to have to do that, but I knew that the moment she stopped being human was the moment that she stopped being my Bella and she was as good as dead. I would not let her become one of those newborns, like the ones we had fought, who went around killing innocent people. That couldn't possibly be what she would want for herself and I owed it to her and the people in Washington to keep the human population safe from sparkly immortal things who wanted to suck their veins dry.

Wow, maybe I was a bit melodramatic. Maybe I was just spending my nights borrowing trouble. It seemed like I couldn't be myself if I didn't have something to freak out about. Maybe the whole damn thing would be a blessing in disguise. I mean, it's not like I would ever be attracted to her after she was turned, so maybe I could finally move on with my life and find a girl with some sense in her head. Maybe I could even find a girl who could see me for who I am and actually want to be with me. I deserved that, didn't I? I deserved better than to constantly be chasing some fantasy that was never going to become my reality.

What was I thinking? It would never be that simple for me, I would always love this girl, no matter what happened to her. It didn't matter if she was human or not, I would always cling to the Bella I knew and loved; the one who was in there somewhere. I loved the Bella who was sympathetic, understanding and full of life. I loved her for how she looked at other people and the world; for how she looked at me. Most girls would have freaked out and ran screaming for the hills when they found out their best friend spent half of his life as a wolf. Most girls wouldn't have given me the time of day after something as psycho as that, but it never seemed to bother Bella one bit. She was never afraid that I would forget myself and accidentally eat her for lunch. The girl was absolutely fearless and that was one of the things I loved the most about her.

I sat up with a jolt and looked at the clock; it was 5:30 a.m. What day was it? Lucky for me I had the date set on my clock as well. It was August 14th, the day that Bella and Edward were to be forever bound to each other. I threw my blankets off and hopped out of bed. I couldn't just lay here like an idiot when she was about to do the stupidest thing she could possibly ever do. I threw on my clothes and jumped out of my window. I had to see her, had to talk to her one last time before she gave up her humanity. I didn't know what I was planning to say to her or what I was planning to do about it, but I had to take a chance and hope that I could make a difference.

I ran to her house, as fast as was humanly possible for me and threw a few pebbles at her window. I waited for a couple of minutes and nothing happened. I folded my arms across my chest; frantically….she had to be there. I was about to walk away when her window opened and a head peaked out over the window pane. "Jacob?" she asked groggily, wiping sleep from her eyes.

"Bella." I said, simply. "I'm sorry, I know it's late, but I had to see you this one last time."

"Jake." Her voice was soft and inviting. She stepped back so that I could jump up into her room. I looked around, taking in the room. There were boxes everywhere and her closet was empty, with one exception…..a garment bag that I knew held her white satin wedding gown. I tried hard not to focus on the bag, but it was really difficult. I had trouble getting words to come out of my mouth, "Bel-ple-Bella, please, I have to know. Is this what you really want? Do you really want to get married?"

She folded her arms across her chest, looking defensive, and then she sighed and relaxed, "I don't know."

I placed my hands on her arms, gently, forcing her to look at me, "marriage is kind of a big deal, and it's a big step. Before you do something like this you should probably be sure."

She couldn't meet my gaze, which I found odd, but she did speak, "It's already been postponed once. My mom's here, everything's set and ready; I can't just call it off on a whim."

"Bella, listen to me, this is not about your mother, your father, Alice, Esme or even Edward. Right now this has to be about you and what you truly want for your life." To my complete shock tears rolled down her cheeks and she was clinging to me for dear life, as if I could somehow make things better by holding her. I knew there wasn't much I could do, but I didn't mind pretending. "Bella, your wedding day is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. You are supposed to know without a shadow of a doubt that the man you are vowing to be with forever is the man you truly want to be with. Now, I'm not saying that he isn't that for you, but I'm trying to say that maybe this isn't the right time or maybe you should take a couple years and then judge how you feel."

"I don't have a couple years."

"If he truly loves you he will wait. It won't matter that he won't age; the only thing that will matter is that you are happy."

"I just so badly want everything to be happy like it was in my dream or whatever it was. I want that happily ever after ending; the storybook fairytale ending."

"I'm pretty sure I've never seen any of the fairytales end with the princess turning into a vampire." I smiled at her, hoping to lighten the mood just a little, "Besides, I would never be happy imprinting on your child, Bella, you know that. That isn't me and it never will be."

"But you will imprint on someone and why not have it be someone close to me so that we can forever be in each other's lives?"

I looked into her rich, chocolate eyes and melted into a pile of ooze on the floor, "No one can force my feelings. It doesn't have to be that way at all; you can trust me on that."

"Jake, you can't possibly know what it will be like to imprint. You can't say how you'll feel before it happens."

"It probably won't anyway." I rubbed her arm, pulling her closer to my pounding chest, "besides, free will is a big deal to me and I can't abandon my principles."

Her words were soft and even, but they hit me like a ton of bricks, "I can't go through that, Jake. I can't devote myself to someone who will most likely meet some stranger and fall head over heels in love with her. I have a man who truly wants me and I can't walk away from that."

For the first time I really got it; fear pushed her into Edwards's arms; the fear of aging, and the fear of losing me to my imprint. How could I have been so stupid not to see this? I had no words to reassure her, all I had was my love and devotion. "It wouldn't matter if I imprinted on ten women, it would still be you that I wanted."

She looked up at me, small and fragile, and crushed herself against me. She was closer than she ever had been, even that time by the tent when she had kissed me back; it was almost as if she wished she could bury herself inside of me. I wouldn't have minded that at all, if it had been possible. My arms came around her to hold her protectively and my head bent, instinctively, as hers raised and our lips met in sweet surrender.

It was almost as if fireworks went off above my head. This was one of the greatest moments of my short life, and one I would never forget as long as I lived. I cupped her face, not wanting to lose her kisses. My tongue entered her mouth, gently dancing with her own, and she made no attempt to protest it. She moaned into my mouth and my heart fluttered, jumping in my chest.

My hands linked in her hair, I got a good look at her. She was disheveled, as if she had been having a bad dream. Her skin was flushed and the hairs on her arms stood up. She was wearing a pair of sweats and a baggy t-shirt. She was breathtakingly beautiful and REAL. "You are so beautiful. You don't need an expensive fancy dress and pearls to be beautiful, Bella. It's all natural; it's who you are, inside and out."

Tears fell from her eyes; bucket loads of tears. I didn't know what to do besides make a joke, "come on, I didn't think it was that corny."

She smiled, "That was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me."

I pulled her to my chest, letting her cry and feeling a great sense of relief as if for the first time in a long time – maybe ever-- I might have actually gotten through to her.