Chapter 12: Bella

How it Feels to Have the Wind Knocked Out of You

I woke with a smile. All the stuff that had happened with Edward was gone. I was left with nothing but pure sweet bliss. Jacob and I were together; we were finally going to be together like we always should have been. I couldn't believe how stupid I had been to have doubted my feelings for him. What a complete idiot I had been! Jake had been there for me through thick and thin and had supported me in everything I had ever done. Jake deserved so much more than I could ever give him, but he seemed to be content with me. The feeling of figuring out who you want to be with and finally getting to make love to them for the first time was the single most powerful thing I had ever experienced.

All the pain in my throat, the aches in my body and the general weakness meant nothing to me. I didn't care what Edward had done, it was all a complete blur to me. I couldn't bear the thought of focusing on anything but the beautiful man I had made love to that very morning.

I got up and went to the bathroom; there was only a little bit of bleeding….nothing that I couldn't handle. I took a shower and tried to make myself look presentable for when he got back, hoping that we could have a repeat performance if my body would allow it. I slipped into one of his big shirts and a pair of his shorts. Billy was out and I knew he was going to be out for a while, so I didn't think it mattered that my attire was basically a neon sign of our relationship.

I whistled as I walked into the kitchen, going through the cabinets and the fridge, trying to find something nice I could whip up for my man when he got home. Chicken….that could work. I could roast up some chicken with garlic potatoes. That sounded promising, I was sure he would love that. So, I went to work, peeling potatoes, dressing the chicken, making my own garlic sauce and getting everything in order. I didn't know how much time I had; hopefully it was enough time to get the chicken cooked.

I looked outside; it was getting dark….how long had I slept? It didn't really matter, I knew I would have to make the meal work, whether he got home before it was done or not. Nothing mattered except us being together, that was all that I cared about.

I went searching and found a nice table cloth for the table (and it was clearly never used because it still had the price on it). I set the table as fancy as I thought he would be able to handle in his rough state. I was just hunting for a candle for the center of the table, when he walked into the house. I flashed him a huge smile and did a little ta-da thing with my hands, but I was surprised to see the horrible look on his face. Didn't he like what I had done?

"Don't you like it?"

He moved to me, sadness clearly written on his face, "You shouldn't have gone to this kind of trouble. Especially after last night."

I smiled at him, "I'm fine. You made everything all better." I reached up and kissed him and I felt him stiffen up. What was the matter with him?
He looked at me then, really studying my appearance. He frowned, as if he didn't like what he saw. My heart shattered into a thousand pieces, "I can change out of your clothes if you want. I'm sorry."

He pulled me to him, almost crushing me against him. His face was in my hair, his hands tracing little heart shapes against my back. This had to be a good sign…right? Then it hit me….he was crying. I immediately took his face in my hands and looked straight into his eyes. "Jake, sweetheart, what's the matter?"

He shook his head, clearly not wanting to talk about whatever was bothering him. That upset me. I thought we could talk to each other about everything. Why was that different all the sudden?

"Whatever it is, it will be alright."

He shook his head. "It can't possibly be alright." He drew in his breath, bracing himself for something, "I did something bad."

My body stiffened. What had he done? "What did you do?"

He let out a sob and then calmed himself, "I imprinted on Jamie."

My whole world seemed to stop. I turned white and I felt faint. He caught me before I could hit the ground and I was grateful to him, even though I wanted to kill him. Never in my entire life had I felt so empty and alone (not even when Edward took off for Italy). My life flashed before my eyes and I thought I was literally going to die. "How could you?" I wanted to be more forceful, but honestly I was lucky to have been able to speak at all.

He held his head, "I didn't mean for it to happen."

I didn't care, that wasn't good enough. How could he do this to me? We had given ourselves to each other just that morning. How could this have happened like that? I stood there staring at him, unable to speak, for about five minutes and then I finally said, "I'm gonna go." My voice was barely more than a whisper, but he definitely heard me because he reached out and grabbed my arm, pulling me back to him.

Tears were streaming down his face, "Please, I don't want you to leave."

"I knew it was only a matter of time. Why do you think I fought so hard against my feelings for you? Why do you think it was so much easier for me to pick Edward? It wasn't because I just wanted him more, it was because I knew he wouldn't eventually imprint and leave me."

"How could you have possibly known that I would imprint? Nobody knows that for sure."

"You are a werewolf, Jacob! And, all the other werewolves are starting to imprint. What else would I expect?" I folded my arms across my chest.

He pulled me to him and I was helpless against him. "Baby, I love you! No imprint is ever going to change that."

I glared at him, "yeah right! So, what you just want me to sit around and pine for you for the rest of my life like poor Leah? Well, you know what, you're an asshole!"

"No, I don't want you to have to go through what Leah went though; I wouldn't wish that on anyone, let alone the woman I love. What I'm asking for is that you trust me and give me a chance to fix this."

I raised my eyebrows, "how in the hell do you think you are going to fix this? Are you planning to kill her?"

"Well, that would break the imprint." He folded his arms too, giving me an irritated look, "of course I'm not going to kill her. I don't kill people; I'm not a bloodthirsty monster who preys on innocent people. I'm not a vampire!"

I swear steam was starting to come out of my ears, "I am fully aware of what you are."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? It's not like I chose this, you know. I didn't ask to have the werewolf gene, I didn't ask to be some animal with a hero complex and I didn't ask for the imprint. This is not my fault!"

"So, you breaking my heart and rejecting me isn't going to be your fault at all? That's just great."

"How about the crap you put my through time after time? How about when you told me you loved me and all that bullshit and then turned around and kicked me to the curb for that stupid obsessed leech?" He was outright glaring at me at this point and I didn't care; I was glaring right back.

"Maybe because I knew you'd never end up wanting to be with me anyway? What was the point after all?"

He grabbed onto my arms and stared straight into my eyes, "don't you get it? I want to be with you!"

"Well, clearly the wolf has other plans for your life."

"I don't care what the wolf wants! This is my life, not his!" The fire in his eyes terrified me and I was afraid he would wolf out right there, causing my face to resemble Emily's. He slammed his fist angrily against the counter and I jumped at the cracking sound the wood made. God, he was strong. He was big too; he towered over me and it appeared as though he was growing before my very eyes.

He was phasing and I could tell, "Jake, stop! You're going to wolf out right here in the kitchen!" He was panting heavily and his body was twitching. I watched, stunned and terrified….too scared to move, as he regained control over his body and stopped the phasing before something really bad could happen.

He stood there looking at me. I wasn't terribly comfortable with the way he was studying me, but I tried not to think about it. I didn't want to show him that I was uncomfortable and give him power over the situation, so I just returned the look right back at him. The sound of the timer brought me out of my own mind and back to the food that I had been cooking with so much love.

It was as if it finally registered what I had been doing in the kitchen and he turned back to me, "were you cooking?''

I nodded, "I wanted to make you something to show you how much I love you." The words caught in my throat and I fought hard not to bust into sobs. I wasn't sure what I should do; should I leave or should I just serve the food and pretend like everything was alright? The old Bella would have beaten it right out of there, not sticking around long enough to have to face another undesired emotion, but the new Bella was weaker and more confused.

I didn't want to leave him, I loved him so much, but how could I stay knowing that he was just going to leave me for some other girl? No strong, independent woman would have stuck around for that, but clearly I was not one of those kinds of women. I looked into his dangerously depressed eyes and melted; the stupid jerk apparently made me lose my better judgment.

I folded my arms and looked at him, composing myself, "I made you roasted chicken and potatoes in a garlic sauce. I hope you like it."

He smiled weakly, "it smells delicious. I appreciate you making this for me."

"Well, you've done a lot for me."

He nodded at me. "Can I have a taste?"

"Help yourself, it should be done."

He grabbed one of the plates off the table and helped himself to a heaping plate full of food. It was a good thing I was prepared for his wolfy appetite and made a lot. He brought his plate back and set it down on the table, looking over at me. "Would you like me to serve you some too?"

I shook my head; I wasn't feeling much like eating, "I'm not very hungry at the moment."

He nodded in understanding, pulled out his chair and sat down in it. He poured himself a big glass of tea and dug in to his food. Apparently nothing came between Jake and his appetite; man that kid could eat. He packed it in so fast it was like eating was going out of style.

Once he'd eaten about two thirds of his plate, he stopped and looked over at me. "Tastes great."

"Thanks."

"I'm going to fix this you know."

"How can you possibly fix this?" I asked him.

He looked at me, his brow furrowed, "I'm not sure yet, but it will be done. Mark my words."

"That doesn't make me feel any more secure."

He looked at me and shrugged, "sorry."

All the sudden I got really mad, was he trying to make me feel better? If he was then he sucked at it. I didn't feel better, I felt used; used and lied to. I jumped to my feet, ran to the door and pulled it open. Jake looked on in horror as I ran outside, in my bare feet and jumped into the rabbit. Thankfully he always left the keys in the ignition so I didn't have to go searching. I started up his car and pulled out of the gravel drive.

Jake ran out of the house, swearing (it was obvious from the look on his face), as I peeled out of the drive and onto the road. I wasn't going to give him any opportunity to catch me so I sped down the road, trying to get the hell out of dodge.

When I got to my house, I noticed that my dad was home, he was probably pretty worried about me because I never came home the night before. I wasn't ready to deal with his parenting, but I had no other choice, so I ran into my house and slammed the door shut behind me.

Charlie ran into the room, anger evident on his face. "Where have you been, Bella? Why didn't you come home last night?"

"Didn't Billy tell you that Jake brought me over there earlier? He picked me up from a friend's house. I was there for a New Years Eve party and I had a bit too much to drink. I'm sorry I didn't call dad, it was irresponsible and immature. It won't happen again."

Before he could respond I moved away from him and to my room. I shut and locked the door quickly, before he could follow me. I looked down at myself and realized that he must have thought I was crazy. I was still wearing Jake's clothes and wasn't wearing my jacket. Great, not only did I have to pick up my truck, but I now had to swing by Jake's and pick up my stupid coat. I grumbled to myself, but then realized that I had much bigger problems on my hands.

Jake had imprinted on another girl….my Jake. I was going to lose my best friend (not to mention the man I loved and lost my virginity to) to some new girl just because some ancient wolf desired her for his mate. Could my life get any better than this? Why couldn't I just be a normal kid, worrying about college and my clubs? Why couldn't I date normal guys….guys whose biggest worries are whether he'll have enough beer for the whole weekend or not? Why did the world seem to hate me and want to ruin every ounce of happiness and normalcy that came into my life?

Before I could ponder the answers to those questions anymore, there was a knock on my door. I went to it and threw it open, revealing Sam. I jumped, completely startled. "Sam? What are you doing here?"

"I've been trying to get a hold of Jake for hours, but he's not answering his phone."

I looked at him, he appeared to be nervous; frantic even, and I didn't really know how I should feel about that. "Is something wrong?"

"Is it true?"

"Is what true?"

"Did Edward bite you?"

I squirmed uncomfortably; trying to make sure my wound was carefully concealed. "Uh, who told you that?"

"The wolves have been talking." He paced back and forth at the entrance to my room, "you know if he did bite you that he broke the treaty."

"No, he didn't."

He wrinkled his brow, "he didn't bite you or he didn't break the treaty?"

I sighed; clearly my attempt at covering this up wasn't working very well. "He didn't break the treaty." I opened my arms, "See, I'm still alive….though I can't say why that matters anymore."

Sam glared at me, "if he bit you with the intention of either drinking your blood or turning you, then he broke the treaty."

"Look, it doesn't matter, okay. Alice stopped him. I'm fine, he's fine, everyone's fine."

"And you don't think he went off and found some other innocent human to feast on after his intended prey got away?"

"Intended prey? Come on Sam, it wasn't like that and you know it." I folded my arms in front of me, "Edward has not eaten or turned anyone, so he has not officially broken the treaty. I better not find out that the pack did anything to him. This is between me and Edward and doesn't concern the rest of you."

"That's not true at all." Sam glared at me as though I was a bug he would love to squash. "Just see that you don't put yourself in harm's way again. Because if he does succeed in turning you, I will hunt and kill him." With that Sam turned and spun on his heel. He was out the door quicker than he had shown up. I growled, how much more drama was I going to have to take?