Chapter 14: Jacob

Alpha Bullshit

I hadn't phased since that day with Sam at the school and I knew the others were getting suspicious. I used to take my (highly underpaid) job very seriously, but ever since that day with Sam things had changed. I never wanted this fate, and it always felt like I was giving something up because of my genetics, but it never bothered me like this before.

I couldn't stand the thought of the others reading my thoughts and knowing about the imprint. I just couldn't set myself up for that. They would all be so damn excited for me, but I was anything but excited. How could I allow other people to be so happy over something so horrible?

I was always a firm believer in standing up for what I believe in, most of the time at the risk of pissing someone else off. I stood by my principles and didn't let anyone tell me how it was going to be. But the imprint….it had gotten the better of me. This hit below the belt. Sure, I'd always wished I would imprint and be able to get over Bella, but now that it had actually happened it seemed like the worst thing in the world.

I had spent my life following this girl around, always in love with her. I always knew she would be it for me, for as long as I lived. But, she was always just out of my reach. At first fear of rejection kept us apart, and then it was Edward. He had been a thorn in my side for too long. Finally it seemed as though she was ready to be with me completely and the imprint happened. If it wasn't her, it was me. Was that how it was just destined to be? Where we always going to take one step forward and ten steps back? Would we always be just out of arms reach?

Unfortunately phasing and running as the wolf was truly freeing, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was running and hiding from something that was inside of me…how utterly foolish! I knew that eventually I would have to surrender to the wolf and phase, but until that moment I was content to hide myself away, somewhere within my soul, where he couldn't find me.

My phone started ringing again. It was always ringing these days. How long could I get away with the fact that I was technologically retarded? I wanted to dig a hole and bury my phone so I didn't have to worry about it anymore, but I knew better than to think that they would just give up trying to reach me. Just as I had suspected….the house phone began to ring. I groaned inwardly; would Billy know how to divert them? Would he even try?

"Jake!" Billy yelled, "Sam's on the phone."

I practically growled…I so did not want to talk to him. Anyone else in the world would have been better than Sam. I grabbed the door handle and practically pulled it off its hinges opening it. Billy raised his eyebrows at me and I just grunted a response.

I went to the phone and let out a deep breath before picked it up. "What do you want, Sam?"

"What do I want?" Sam growled, "I want your ass in the clearing in five minutes."

"I'll pass." I told him.

"Listen wise ass, I'm not playing games with you. Pull yourself together and be here in five."

"Or what?" I realize I was being a hardcore asshole to him, but he really pissed me off.

"Or I will make you. Do not tempt me, Jake!"

I growled, I hated it when he played the alpha card, it was such a low blow, not to mention completely demeaning to my character. "Fine." I didn't bother with the pleasantries and I didn't waste my time saying goodbye, I just slammed the phone down, nearly pulling the whole unit from the wall, causing Billy to glare at me.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Only one phone….I know."

Six minutes later I was at the clearing. When I got there Sam was pacing back and forth, wearing the ground down. When he saw me, his nostrils flared, "I told you five minutes!"

"I had to make myself beautiful for you." I didn't know exactly what fired me up so much around him, but he really pissed me off.

With that Sam was in my face, angrily shouting at me. "Sit your ass down." He pointed to the ground and did his little alpha thing, forcing me to bend to his will. Instinctively I sat down next to Jared.

Sam turned his attention back to the group. "Okay, rumor has it that we need to be prepared for some really bad vamp sons of bitches to show up on our doorsteps."

"Where'd you get this from?" I asked, a bit too cocky, even for me.

Leah glared at me, "I told him, okay?"

"Okay, where did you get it from?" I asked her, very curious.

"It doesn't matter. What does matter is that it's true." She folded her arms and gave me the death look.

"Next time we're running together I'll know." I was such a smart ass.

"Not if I control my thoughts."

I had no idea why Leah would want to keep something like that a secret, but it was evident that she did. I didn't press the issue any further, I decided that I would probably find out eventually anyway and let it go.

"So when are they coming?" Embry asked.

I took my head out of my ass and turned my attention back to Sam, who frowned. "It appears as though they have already approached this area recently, so it could be anytime."

"Do you know who they are?" I asked, wondering what all the secrecy was about.

"Just some evil vampires, that's all I know." Sam said.

I nodded….he knew more than he was letting on. I glanced at Seth and noticed that he looked like the cat that swallowed the canary. Note to self…..press Seth for answers.

"So what are we doing here anyway? Why was it so important that we meet?"

Sam glared at me, "we are going to have to patrol the area with a lot more force. Never less than two wolves on guard at a time and always something nearby in case of an attack. We will need to get the schedule down so that we know who will be stationed where and when."

Goody. I had to hold myself back from bursting with joy….I was just so incredibly excited to be forced to do patrols, and with the other wolves there to read my thoughts…..not!

After our exciting little meeting, I decided to go for a run….alone. I really wanted to phase and be free, but I couldn't risk someone reading me and I was pissed at the wolf for using me. How can a person be mad at a spirit that was living inside them self? I didn't know, but it was happening. So, rather than take the risk of someone getting into my head, I let my human feet carry me as fast as they could, through the woods. At least in human form I got to wear sneakers that kept my feet warm. Sometimes in life you have to look at the bright side of things to keep yourself from completely losing it.

"Hey Jake, where are you going?" Quil shouted after me, breaking my concentration and frustrating me to no end.

"I don't know, I'm just running. Leave me alone!"

Quil looked at me, hurt, "What's been the matter with you lately? You've been acting like a hardcore ass."

Embry was at Quil's side then, "Yeah, like more than usual."

I folded my arms in front of me, "Can't you see that I want to be alone?"

Quil gave me an irritated look, "Come on Jake, we're your friends."

From somewhere behind my annoying best friends Leah stepped out. She folded her arms, "Would you two clowns leave him alone please?"

They turned to look at her. "You're defending him?" Embry asked, almost in shock. It was a rather unusual turn of events.

"Scram!" She yelled at them and they responded by running away as fast as they could. I almost laughed at the scared looks they had on their faces. Leah walked over to me and folded her arms.

"Thanks, but don't think I'm going to talk to you about anything." I told her.

She put her hands up, "I wouldn't dream of it."

"Okay, good." I started walking away, and she followed me.

"Jake, everything's going to be fine." She told me, almost gently. What had gotten into this girl?

I looked into her eyes and found sincerity there. "You can't know that."

"I know that no matter what's going on with you, it can't be as bad as it may seem."

"I wish."

"I know you had a fight with Bella."

I glared at her, "How in the world do you know that?"

She shrugged at me. "It doesn't matter. What does matter is that I'm sure you're both sorry about whatever it was that happened. I'm sure that you'll forgive each other and things will go back to normal around here. We'll be back to having to listen to you mope and complain about losing her to Edward and blah blah blah. And, you know what, after this new mood that would actually be kind of refreshing."

"Well, I'm sorry, but I don't think it will ever be that simple."

"Is it because of the other girl?" Why did she feel the need to ask me all these stupid questions and act like she cared about me? Why change the habit of a lifetime?

My nostrils flared, "I don't want to talk about that!"

"Okay, okay. Clearly that's a sensitive subject for you." She said, holding up her hands in surrender.

"You know what? I'm tired of this!"

"Of what exactly?"

I never would have thought in a million years that Leah and I would be having this conversation, but it kind of felt good to be able to get some things off my chest. "All of this. I never wanted to be a part of the pack. I was just a regular kid, working on cars in my garage. Bella and I had a simple friendship. I was there for her when she needed me after the bloodsucker left for Italy. We had a good thing going and then this bullshit happens! Now, I can't just be a normal teenager, but I have to walk around with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I have to put my own problems aside to be some hero that I never wanted to be. I didn't ask for this! After everything that I've had to go through; the physical changes, the phasing, having my thoughts read all the time, patrolling and spending my time hunting vampires, you would think that I could get a break at least once in a while. I mean, come on…it's like I'm asking for a million dollars or something."

"None of us chose this, Jake. Phasing has changed everything for all of us. We all know what you're going through." She was close to me, almost reaching out to physically comfort me. I hadn't realized that I was crying until I felt her reach up and wipe a couple tears from my eyes. There was something weird about this moment with her, something almost special.

"Of course." I said, feeling like a raving jerk. Of course, she should understand better than almost any of us how difficult this whole thing had been. Imprinting had broken her heart and ruined her life.

"I know how it is to want to get away from all of this. It's almost impossible for me to be around Sam and not be in pain, but I know I have an obligation. Whether I chose it or not, this is who I am now and I have a job to do."

"I hate the wolf. I hate him!" I was angry again. "Why does he have to make everything so hard? Why can't I ever just be me?"

She reached out and put her hands on my arms, looking straight into my eyes. "I know it's tough, but we get a chance to do something that most people can't; we make a difference in the world. People are safer because of our sacrifices. Despite everything, it's worth it."

Wow, Leah was really something. Since I had known her I thought she was a whining, sniveling, bitchy girl with hardcore hormones. I never realized how deep she actually was. I was floored.

"I just can't take always being pulled in so many directions, you know? My heart versus his, and then there's all of Sam's alpha shit. I know you love him and everything, but he really takes things too far sometimes. I would never be able to force people to comply to my will. I could never take away anyone's free will like that; it's just not me."

"That's just one of the many things that make you special."

"But, I guess it's pretty obvious why I couldn't step up and be alpha."

She shook her head, "No. I think it's one of the reasons why you're perfect for it. You would motivate people and you'd truly know that your pack wanted to be there and that they listened to you because they believed in you, not because you forced them to."

I stood there, looking into her eyes for what seemed like ages. Talking to Leah had been the best thing I could have done in that moment. She had cleared my mind, refocused me and energized my spirit. I felt like myself again and I could hardly stand how incredible that was. Was there really a way to live this life and still be myself?

Sam walked over to us, breaking our trance and he glared at me. I could see jealousy in his eyes. He still loved her, I could see it. Pain was evident in his eyes and it really hit me. Sam hated what his imprint had done to Leah, but he wanted Emily. He had accepted his imprint and loved her as if he had chosen her himself. How had he been able to do that? It was like an arranged marriage….I could never get on board with that. I knew it bothered him to not be with Leah, but he didn't seem to put up much of a fight in the matter either. "It's your turn to patrol."

I looked at him, almost nicely, "Can it wait a few minutes, I was in the middle of an important conversation?"

He looked at me angrily and I could tell that he was fixing to play that stupid alpha card again. He was going to force to onto patrol and out of my conversation with Leah, either because he didn't like me being so intimate with her or just because he could. It didn't matter to me either way…I wasn't about to stand there and let him tell me what to do, like he was my daddy or something.

"Get to your post, now!"

I just looked at him, not budging. He flinched, shocked. I smiled back and him and explained myself, "Sorry Sam, but your little alpha mojo doesn't work on me anymore."

He looked completely confused, "How…" his voice trailed off as he answered his own question. I smiled in response. I wasn't going to take his crap anymore.

"I play for a different team now. My own team." I looked at Leah, who was smiling like a crazy person and then back at Sam, "and anyone who doesn't want to be bossed around is welcome to join me."

With that I spun around and took off for the rabbit. I drove home in peace, feeling as though I was at least in control of a few aspects of my life. It would be great to finally be in charge of myself…it was a very powerful feeling.