Beyond the Darkness
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A/N: Chapter fifty. R&R. Bye! (:-Michele

::Fifty::

Her eyes blinked open and a white light shined brightly at her. She squinted, lifting a hand to shield her eyes. Where was she? What was going on? And what was this weightless feeling about her?

She leaned up, rolling her shoulders back and stretching. She looked around and saw nothing but the bright white light. Where in the world was it coming from? Where was everyone? From what she could see, there wasn't a soul in sight.

Then, after blinking many times, a figure suddenly came into view. Nikala tilted her head and anxiously awaited the figure to come into view, waiting in both fear and excitement. Her topaz eyes widened when she recognized Tairoku's face.

"Tairoku!" she exclaimed and stood from the ground, which was as blindingly white as the rest of her surroundings. However, at least with Tairoku around now, the light had dimmed and she didn't need to shield her eyes.

"Nikala," he replied with a smile, opening his arms to her. She fell into his embrace, absorbing the familiar feeling of being in his arms. He felt soft and comfortable and strong, all at once, like he could protect her, like he had protected her.

"Tairoku, what's going on?" she asked, looking up at him after nuzzling her face into his chest. "Where am I? Where are we?"

"Nikala, you're stuck between the passing of moving on, and staying alive," Tairoku explained. Her eyes widened.

"What?" she gasped in disbelief. "Does that mean I've —"

"You're unconscious," said Tairoku. "You've not yet died, but you are well almost. You've still got the choice to make."

"I get a choice whether to live or not?" she asked, her voice cracking. Did everyone get a choice whether to live or pass? Had Tairoku gotten a choice? If he had, why hadn't he chosen to live? Why hadn't he chosen to be with her? To stay? He could have helped her search for Shippo. The two of them could have defeated Hiten together. She wouldn't have had to run away and lose him, while at the same time trying to find her son. She wouldn't have passed out and —

She wouldn't have met Sesshomaru. The idea made her feel very heavy through the weightlessness. If she'd never met Sesshomaru, she'd never had helped him find love, even if it was in her. She'd never have met Rin and Jaken, and then, later, InuYasha and Kagome and the others. Well, maybe eventually she would have, if she and Tairoku were to find Shippo amongst them, but not meeting Sesshomaru? She couldn't even imagine her life without Sesshomaru.

"Of course you get a choice," Tairoku said, pulling her from her thoughts. "Everybody does." A lump formed in her throat and suddenly she felt betrayed. He'd been given a choice. Why hadn't he'd chosen to stay?

"You were given a choice too?"

Tairoku nodded. "I was."

"Then why didn't you choose to live?" she blurted. But it was already out and she couldn't stop the words from flying from her mouth. "Why didn't you choose to come back to me?"

"My duty was done. I needed to protect you, and I did exactly that," Tairoku said calmly.

"Your duty was to help me raise our son! You weren't done on Earth!"

Tairoku stared at her with a knowing look, the smile still spread across his face. Nikala looked taken aback. Was she wrong? Was Tairoku done living on Earth?

"Tairoku?"

"If anyone isn't finished living, it's you, love. You have so much ahead of you. You've even got a baby to raise," he said gently, resting his hands on her large belly. She widened her eyes, realizing that she was, indeed, pregnant. She was pregnant … with Sesshomaru's pup. His firstborn. Tairoku was right; her duty was not finished yet.

"I don't understand," she said, her tone soft again, "how did you know your duty was done? How did you know your duty was to protect me, and that was it?"

He leaned into her, pressing his forehead against hers. She felt his warm breath on the bridge of her nose, tickling her skin. His golden hair brushed her forehead. He took her head in both of his thick hands and stared at her in the eyes.

"I knew because that's what my heart told me. I knew you were fine, that you would be fine. That you would find Shippo and you two would be together and happy again. I knew because I had faith, Nikala," he said.

"Faith?" she whispered. He nodded.

"Mhm. Faith, dear one."

Suddenly, Nikala's eyes began to well with tears. She didn't want faith. She wanted Tairoku. She wanted him alive and with her. She loved Sesshomaru, but nothing in the world would make her happier if Tairoku were alive and with her.

"I am gone physically," he said, "but I will never be gone spiritually. I've told you before; I am always watching over you and Shippo. I'm here to guide you on the right path, but it is up to you which path you choose to walk. You are needed on Earth. You are needed for Sesshomaru's sake, for Shippo's sake, for this unborn baby's sake, Nikala." He glanced down at her round stomach.

"I can't leave you, Tairoku. I can't," Nikala wept, shaking her head. "You're right here in front of me. What if I never see you again?"

"Do you need to see me to believe I am with you?" he asked her. She looked down, her eyes landing on her bulging belly. This baby needed to live. She needed this baby. Sesshomaru needed this baby. Tairoku didn't even want her to stay with him, on account of other people needed her more. Oh how she loved him for being so unselfish. She felt mighty shameful at that moment. She was only thinking about herself. She just wanted to stay with Tairoku, when it was clear that he wanted her to be with Sesshomaru.

"Which path will you choose, Nikala?" he asked her, stroking her cheeks with his thumbs.

So many people needed her. They all prayed for her to come back. But if she chose to stay — to die — she could be with Tairoku, forever. She bit her lip and one of her hands subconsciously ran down her belly. Suddenly, a tiny nudge woke her up. A kick. She'd felt her baby kick. A wave of excitement flooded her and tears stung her eyes yet again, threatening to spill out over her cheeks.

"I know," she said. "I know what path, Tairoku. I love you so much, but I know I need to live. I need to bring this baby into the world. For Sesshomaru.