Rozen Yoga

A/N: Okay, now that I'm out of my little hiatus, here's some more Final Destination with Happy Tree Friends. Originally, this chapter was going to include the date scene of Splendid and Perfect, but I realized it'd be too long so I decided to split it up.

He wasn't even sure how it happened. One second Flippy was on fire, his skin and fur boiling to the brink of ash waiting to scatter into the wind, and the next he was lying in bed, perspiring as though he were on the sun. He sat up and started panting over and over again, wiping the sweat of his face and trying to catch his breath. His heart was growing more and more by the minute and Flippy was beginning to think he was having (or had) a heart attack. But Flippy remained calm and took a deep breath, shutting his eyes and inhaling and exhaling.

"What the hell…?" mumbled Flippy.

He looked at his hands and was surprised that they were sweatier than his face. Then he turned around to look at his pillow and bed sheets…which were also drenched in sweat. Flippy slouched out of bed and walked over to the mirror, glancing at his soggy fur. His eyes were red, full of veins and he didn't exactly look like grade A material. He was only wearing a white tank-top and his hat was on his nightstand next to his alarm clock and bed. Flippy tore off the raggedy dirty shirt material, went into his closet and replaced it with one of his old khaki shirts, before walking to the nightstand and putting his green beret back on. Flippy got a bottle of mouthwash and gurgled for half a minute before spitting the mouth cleansing fluid down into his sink. And since he was already in there, Flippy decided to urinate into the toilet.

He did this every morning and yet, the dream…dream, more like nightmare…couldn't escape his mind. Everytime he took a step forward, he felt a twinge in the back of his skull, like his twin was literally dying to get out. Erratically, Flippy rushed to the calendar and looked at the date. Apparently, it was two days before the events in his dream were supposed to take place. He pondered for a few minutes, trying to figure out what he should do, but simply sighed and continued to go about his business.

"I wonder what Meth's doing…"

It was 2:27 in the afternoon and everyone was in town doing various activities. But most of them were in the festival district having the time of their lives, visiting the various cafes and ice cream parlors and gift shops that were placed in the area. And in the midst of all the commotion was an ice cream shack with outdoor tables and chairs, many of which were currently occupied. Surprisingly, Lumpy was working as the server of this shack.

"So you said you wanted mint flavor?" asked Lumpy.

"For the seventh time…yes." said a deer customer.

Lumpy scratched his head. "What color is that one?"

"GREEN!! Stick the fuckin' ice cream scooper in the green bucket, put the scoop on a cone, and I'll give you 50 cents!"

"Okay."

Lumpy stuck his head into the mini-freezer that was storing the ice cream and got a scoop. Then he got a regular waffle cone and placed it on top of it, handing it to the customer.

"Here you go." said Lumpy smiling.

"Dude…"

"Yes?"

"That's blue."

"Yes."

"I asked for green."

"Oh, sorry! Let me get that for you…"

Lumpy reached into the freezer and dug out another large scoop of ice cream, placing it on top of the first scoop.

"Here you go."

"…That's pink."

"Yes."

"I asked for green!"

"…Whoops. Sorry!"

Lumpy dug into the container and picked out something that wasn't even a scoop of ice cream.

"Here you go."

"That's a cockroach."

"Whuh?"

Lumpy looked at the ice cream cone and noticed a fairly large cockroach scurrying across the frozen desert.

"Oh shit!" he yelled.

Startled by the bug, Lumpy dropped the cone and proceeded to stomp the cream into dust until the bug was dead. He then scooped the dirty cream back into the cone and held it back up to the customer.

"Here you go!"

"You just dropped that on the ground! How am I gonna eat dirty ice cream that's been off the ground?!"

"Oh, don't worry. Five second rule!"

"That's not even the flavor I wanted!"

"It's fine, see?"

Lumpy tossed the whole cone into his mouth and chewed on it like it was nothing, watching the customer's jaw drop. He swallowed hard and sighed with satisfaction.

"See?"

"Now I don't even have an ice cream cone! WHY AREN'T YOU LISTENING TO ME?!!?"

Lumpy blinked twice and stared at the customer with a blank expression on his face. Then he said, "Hi! Welcome to Ice Cream Shack!"

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!?"

"Hey, what color is the green flavor?"

The customer made a high pitched squeal and his eye twitched several times. After thinking for a while, he realized that the creature in front of him had mental issues, so he walked away from the bar, muttering and cursing to himself. Meanwhile, Meth was busy slurping a strawberry ice cream cone when Flippy showed up and sat down across the table from him.

"Hey Flippy! How's it hangin'?"

Meth sniffed the air twice and plugged his nose.

"Dude, when's the last time you took a shower?!"

"I was up all night sweating! How am I supposed to smell?!"

"Why didn't you just take a shower this morning?"

"Can you stop talking about my hygiene and listen to me?!"

Meth sighed. "All right."

"You ever have this really weird dream that you were confident was real, but then it turned out to be fake?"

"It's called being drunk, Flippy. Now show me what kind of tattoo you got on your ass."

"My--WHAT!!!"

"Everytime I get drunk, I wake up with a tattoo on my ass. You have any idea how many times I had to get laser surgery on my ass man?"

"…Why are you telling me this?"

Meth and Flippy stopped talking when they heard muffled grunting from behind. They saw Handy trying his best to hold his ice cream cone, but since Handy had NO HANDS it was kinda hard to do so. Handy walked over to Meth and Flippy and sat down next to them, groaning when he got a whiff of Flippy.

"Wow, you stink!"

Flippy growled and looked at his ice cream cone. Then he slapped the cone out Handy's handless arms and it splattered on a kid's head.

"AW, SHIT!" yelled Handy, rushing back to the counter.

"Anyways, it was a really freaky dream Meth. I mean…I had nightmares and flashbacks before with the war, but this was just insane. My clone--"

"Your clone?"

"The 'other' me; the inner demon in myself. He came out of a mirror and started attacking me."

"Was I in this dream?" asked Meth, curious.

"You and your band were the first ones to die."

"Thanks, thanks. That makes me feel so much better." said Meth, flatly.

"We were on a bridge, and it started to collapse; everyone around me was screaming, crying bloody murder. And eveyrtime I tried to save someone, they just died. And what was really scary was the way they died. It wasn't just 'I got stabbed' or 'I got shot' it was brutal stuff…like back in the war."

Handy sat back down at the table trying to hold his ice cream cone once again.

"Don't knock out my cone Flippy!" warned Handy.

"Okay."

Flippy waited for Handy to place his tongue on the scoop of frozen pastry, then he grabbed the cone and shoved the whole thing into his mouth.

"SHIT!" yelled Handy, going to get another cone.

"So you dreamt a bunch of people dying. Big deal!"

"Yeah, but afterwards, the sky turned red and um…this gigantic hole appeared in the ground with teeth in it and some demons were flying everywhere--"

"Okay, you've been watching too many horror movies." chuckled Meth.

"What?"

"No one could possibly dream all that without getting some idea from a horror movie or something graphic and R-rated they saw on TV."

Handy sat back down with yet another ice cream cone.

"Do not--"

Flippy knocked Handy in his stubs and forced the cone to get shoved into Handy's face.

"SHIT!! STOP FUCKIN' WITH ME FLIPPY!"

"What's up Flipster? Had any--"

Fally yelped when he tripped over his own feet and landed right in front of the table. Fally got back up and sat down next to Meth.

"So how's life been treating you Flippy?"

"Apparently Flippy had an insane nightmare last night."

"COOL! Did someone die?"

"Yeah, a shitload of people died actually."

"Well now that you're done with your story, what's the basic overview of the whole thing?" asked Meth.

"I really don't know. It kinda felt like a premonition, like the world was gonna end soon."

"Hey, was I in the dream?"

"Yeah. Too bad for Meth though; he got squashed by a bridge support beam."

Fally started laughing in a taunting manner and said, "You got squashed like a bug!"

"Fally, you had your gut cut open." Flippy pointed out.

Fally clutched his torso and muttered, "OW!" Meanwhile, Handy returned with another ice cream cone in his stubby arms.

"Thanks Handy!" said Fally, taking the ice cream cones and licking them.

"SHIT!!" squealed Handy, running back to get more ice cream.

"Ah, it was just a dream. Get over it Flippy!" said Meth.

Flippy sighed heavily. "Yeah…yeah, I should just forget about it."

Elsewhere, Petunia, Eloise, Perfect, Shuger, and Spice were sitting at a table having another conversation with each other. Perfect was discussing an impending date with her boyfriend, and possibly soon to be spouse Splendid. Although Shuger was standing over by the ice cream stand ordering ice cream while the girls were talking.

"So you're actually going on a date with Splendid?" asked Spice.

"Yeah. What's so bad about Splendid? He's a superhero like me. He's sexy and muscular. We've known each other for almost two years now and every other date we've had has gone well. What could go wrong tonight?"

"See, you don't have any siblings to mess things up!" started Petunia.

"Is this gonna end with how your brother keeps trying to kill your boyfriend?" asked Spice.

"He does it everytime! Like two weeks ago, when we were about to go to the movies…"

"I'll see you in a minute Stinky! I just have to get my hand sanitizer!" said Petunia, retreating to her apartment.

"Okay!" said Stinky.

Suddenly, Tevor jumped out of a bush wearing khaki clothing and pressed a red button on a detonator before approaching Stinky.

"Tevor?! What the hell?!"

"You have a bomb in your skull. Either you break up with my sister in five seconds or you die."

"Tevor, this is really getting annoying. I love your sister. I'm having sex with her. Get that sand out your vagina and grow a pair of nuts. Maybe then you'll realize that I'm never breaking up--"

Tevor started grumbling and pressed down on his detonator multiple times, wondering why the bomb hadn't gone off.

"I don't get it! If I didn't put the bomb up your nose, then who--"

A loud explosion was heard nearby and blood was splattered all over Tevor and Stinky. A woman shrieked loudly.

"OH MY GOD, HE'S DEAD!!!" yelled a pedestrian.

"Uh-oh…" said Tevor meekly.

"I'm surprised he wasn't charged for murder." said Spice.

"Well no one could figure out that he was the one who planted the bomb in his skull, so no charges were pressed."

"Why don't you go double dating Perfect?" asked Eloise.

"Double dating?"

"Yeah. You take one of your guy friends and then you go on a date with your guy friend simultaneously. It's like two dates at once."

"Have you ever gone double dating?"

"I do it all the time with Flippy. Like last week when I went on a date with Handy…"

"Eloise, I'm sick of dating Flaky with you and Handy in the background!"

"Well Handy wanted to go to a fancy restaurant this evening and he wanted to see Flaky again! You're going on that date with Flaky and that's final!"

"But we didn't plan on going out tonight!"

"THAT'S FINAL!!" declared Eloise.

Flippy sighed in a defeated state and decided to agree with Eloise.

"Fine. You're right sis. Just let me go get my coat and I'll be ready to go."

Flippy went into the closet and shut the door.

"…Wait a minute!"

Eloise opened the closet door and found nothing inside. Flippy magically disappeared.

"DAMNIT! I am not going on this date alone!"

Eloise kicked into the closet at random and Flippy groaned loudly. He fell to his knees (wearing clothing that made him blend in with the closet) and started holding his crotch, coughing loudly.

"You bitch…"

"Um…I don't think I wanna do that…" said Perfect.

"Think of it this way, Splendid's not obnoxious or annoying. I mean, he doesn't make wise crack jokes or disgusting bodily noises right?"

That's when Shuger came back and sat down with an ice cream cone stacked so high that it broke into the clouds. Everyone looked up and saw the enormous ice cream with at least 2000 scoops of frozen pastry. No one even bothered asking how someone built a treat that tall, let alone how Shuger managed to carry it back to the table intact. They just stared up into the sky with "WTF?" expressions on their faces. It literally took two minutes before anyone said anything.

"So uh…how do you plan on eating that?"

Shuger looked at the ice cream tower and scratched her chin, trying to think up a plan on eating the colossal frosty treat. Then she walked away and came back with a ladder roughly the size of the ice cream cone.

"I'll be back in five minutes." said Shuger, ascending on the ladder licking every scoop of ice cream on the way.

"Don't hurt yourself!" warned Spice.

Meanwhile, Splendid was sitting next to Flippy and the others having the same conversation about his impending date.

"I don't understand why you're so nervous man!" said Flippy.

"And we don't understand why you smell like my balls, but you do…and here we are." said Handy.

Flippy growled again and stared at Handy's ice cream cone.

"Does that taste good?"

"Yes. It tastes very--"

Flippy slapped the cone out of Handy's hand and it splattered against the wall.

"GODDAMNIT!! AUGH!!"

"You've been dating Perfect for two years now. How come you're so nervous for this date?"

Splendid exhaled and everybody ducked to avoid getting frozen by ice breath.

"Sorry. The thing is, I'm thinking about proposing to Perfect tonight and I don't want anything to go wrong!"

"Well as long as you guys don't go on any bridges…"

"What?"

"Flippy's a little freaked out because he had some creepy dream last night, that's all."

"Oh. Could you guys give me any pointers to this dating business?"

"First of all--"

Fally farted loudly and started laughing wildly, like a hyena, falling down on the floor while his friends were forced to inhale the odor.

"--don't do that." finished Meth.

"Why not?"

"No girl likes a man who makes disgusting bodily sounds. You have to wait until you're married, then you break wind as much as you want."

"What if we eat tacos or beans for dinner?"

"Ask her to reconsider! I'm telling you, passing gas is the meaning of success of failure when it comes to dating! If Perfect is a slob, fart away. But judging by her name…"

"Got it. No farting." confirmed Splendid.

"Taking ecstasy would help!" added Toothy, who showed up from nowhere.

"How would you know if ecstasy helps you on dating? Have you take X before?"

Toothy looked left and right. "Uhhh…"

Toothy had a short flashback four months ago when he was in a dance club dancing erotically while blowing a whistle to the beat. Picture a hyperactive Energizer Bunny with whistles in its mouth after it just snorted cocaine. That was Toothy.

"Maybe…"

"I mean, X just makes you feel like the fucking the first warm entity you smell."

"Don't you mean spot?" asked Meth.

"No, I don't…" said Fally.

"Have you taken X Cuddles?" asked Splendid.

Cuddles inhaled sharply and scratched the back of his head.

"Well…"

Cuddles had a flashback four months ago when he dancing erotically in a dance club while blowing a whistle to the beat…with Toothy.

"Maybe…"

"C'mon Splendid, it makes you feel good! Take Nutty for example." said Toothy, pointing to the sticky green squirrel.

Nutty grabbed an ice cream cone and shoved the whole thing in his mouth while giggling. And, like always, he entered a hyper active candy high and started hopping up and down, laughing like a maniac.

"He is happy all the time! He could have his entrails hanging out on the ground and he'd still be laughing his energized ass off."

"Nutty takes drugs?" asked Rhyme.

"No, but he might as well."

Mime put his head on the table and pretended like he was sniffing cocaine, swaying his head afterwards. His cousin laughed afterwards.

"We do not snort cocaine all the time!" retorted Toothy.

Mime shook his head up and down.

"I'm pretty sure you do." chuckled Rhyme.

"I, for one, smoke pot." said Fally.

"Ditto." said TJ.

Handy sat down with a fresh ice cream cone.

"OH! You got blueberry!" said TJ, snatching the cone away and licking the cone.

"GODDAMN! GODDAMNIT TJ!!!"

Handy grumbled in a frustrated tone and ran back to the counter.

"What? What I'd do?" asked TJ.

"Are we the only ones who are drug free?" asked Rhyme.

"I've kept my nose clean for two weeks now." said Flippy.

"Yeah, cause we care about what the musty bear says." said Handy.

Flippy, once again, slapped the ice cream cone out of Handy's stubs.

"Okay, I've have wasted 20 dollars because you sons-a-bitches keep swiping ice cream out of my hand!"

"Maybe it's a sign you should stop getting ice cream." suggested TJ.

"NO! You all are gonna sit here and enjoy my ice cream cone whether you like it or not!" said Handy, retreating to go get more ice cream.

"Flippy, how come you're not fuckin' with Meth's ice cream? Or mine?"

"Don't you mean Handy's ice cream cone TJ?" asked Fally.

"Yes, my ice cream cone."

"And to answer your question, the reason why I'm not fucking with Meth is because he has a guitar…"

"So? I got a guitar." said Rhyme.

"I got one too." said Cuddles.

Mime pointed to himself and mimed playing a guitar.

"Yeah, he's got one too."

"Let me explain, through methods of flashback." said Flippy.

Meth and his band members were inside his garage strumming their guitars and playing their drums when Flippy came in and grabbed one of his gold ones.

"Hey what would happen if I do this?" said Flippy, taking out a pair of scissors.

Flippy then cut off all the strings of Meth's special guitar and casually said. "Whoops." Meth stared at Flippy for a while before he grabbed one of his heaviest guitars and walked over to Flippy. He then bashed his head in and rendered Flippy unconscious. Then he walked back to his group and started playing again, leaving Flippy bleeding profusely from his head.

"Handy doesn't have hands capable of cracking my head open."

"Oh."

"Let's get back to my dating dilemma people! What else do I need to cautious of?"

TJ tossed Splendid a can of breath spray.

"What's this?"

"Breath spray. The last thing any girl wants to do is kiss someone whose breath smells like a monkey cage. I'm pretty sure after you ask her to marry you, she's gonna kiss you so just spritz that in your mouth real fast."

"Anything else?"

"Nah, I think we got everything covered."

"Oh, don't go on any bridges." warned Flippy.

"It was just a dream Flippy! Get over it already!"

Handy returned and sat down with the cone in his stubs. For once, no one actually bothered to knock it out of his hands or steal it from him. Handy used all of his strength to lick the ice cream and when he got the taste in his mouth, he jumped up and shouted, "WHOO HOO!!"

As he tried to take another lick, the cone fell out his hands and splattered on the ground.

"SHIT! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!"