Beyond the Darkness
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A/N: Chapter fifty-one, done. I'm about to start fifty-two. This isn't much of a chapter, I don't think. Sorry. I hope it's not getting boring. d: I'm just trying to get down what I've had in mind for years. I've been working on this story for a looooooong time, if you can believe it. Aha. Okay well, enjoy and R&R please. (: Gracias. -Michele

::Fifty-One::

Sesshomaru stayed by her side all day. Not once had Nikala stirred or shown any sign of consciousness. No breath or slight movement. Nothing. Her lack of motion was really discouraging Sesshomaru, along with everyone else. Miroku was constantly praying, along with Sango; Kagome was either with Shippo and Rin, or with InuYasha, who was wandering around the camp. Every once in a while Rin would sit by Sesshomaru, just to keep him company, but after a while, she'd receive a vibe from him telling her that he'd be better off alone. It was then that Rin would go back to Shippo.

Sesshomaru couldn't even fathom how the others — especially Shippo — were feeling about Nikala's death because he was too swelled up in self-pity. She was his pride, his joy, his love. She'd shown him through the darkness, shown how wonderful this new world of love was. And even though he was still an indifferent and arrogant demon, there was something in him that seemed to switch on a light that showed him something beyond power. Nikala had opened his eyes to something even InuYasha could see before. She brought some humanity to this purebred demon.

Is this what that human woman did to you, Father? Did InuYasha's mother help you discover humanity as well? he thought.

He shut his eyes tightly, trying to rid of the overwhelming feeling inside of him. Her death was taking a toll on him. He had to remember who he was. He was Lord Sesshomaru, warlord of the Western Lands. He'd killed many people and demons before, all without the least bit of remorse. Now, all of a sudden he was grieving over the death of a mere she-fox?

"Do you desire power so much?" his father's voice echoed in his mind. Sesshomaru bowed his head. He did. He knew it. "Tell me, Sesshomaru — do you have someone … to protect?"

At the time, of course he didn't. Why had his father even asked him such a thing? Why would he have such need to protect anyone? His eyes lingered on Nikala. He did love her, though. He wanted to protect her from Naraku.

Just wake up, Nikala. Just wake up.

Now that she was gone, was there any reason to continue protecting anyone anymore? Even his comrades? He'd failed to protect Nikala — eventually he'd fail to protect Jaken and Rin ….

None of this had to have happened. Why had Nikala shown him beyond the darkness? Why had he saved her? Why had he saved Rin? If he'd never come across either of them, he'd be the same demon he was when his father had died. He'd feel absolutely no remorse when killing someone. He'd care for nobody but his high and mighty self. He would have never seen Nikala's beautiful face, nor Rin's innocent one. He would have never spent those nights with Nikala, never journeyed with her to find her son. And, while he thought about this, all of the memories began to flash before his eyes.

She was so beautiful. He remembered the day at the hot springs, seeing her glimmering skin wet with the water, the cherry blossom petals falling around her. He remembered the first night they'd made love, the glittering water illuminating an outline around her figure. She'd looked like an angel and Sesshomaru actually realized that he was totally in love with her.

Again, why, he thought, why did this have to happen? He could have spared himself this foreign misery. His mission was to take Tetsusaiga from InuYasha, who was wrongly deemed the master of his father's greatest fang. That was what he was supposed to be doing. He wasn't supposed to be protecting anyone.

And then, suddenly, something stung his eye. It made his vision blurry and, judging by the scent of it, was salty. He'd smelled this before. Then it hit him: Kagome. He recognized this scent from Kagome. When she was crying.

Was it actually possible for Lord Sesshomaru to be crying?

"Sesshomaru!" InuYasha called.

He was crying. Sesshomaru was crying over Nikala. It couldn't be. But every time a memory of her entered his mind, the tears only came faster.

Stop this! Stop this crying! This is pathetic! You're being reduced to a pitiful demon! Sesshomaru scolded. Perhaps it was better that he'd never met Nikala. He wouldn't have to deal with this aching in his chest. It was annoying and so … so humane.

"Sesshomaru, I'm calling you!" InuYasha said, annoyed. Sesshomaru glared. Now was not the time to be bothering him.

Sesshomaru turned his head, glaring icily at his half-brother, tears streaming from his golden eyes. InuYasha widened his eyes the size as dinner plates and staggered back. Never had he'd seen his brother like this, nor did he think Sesshomaru would ever do this. He wasn't even aware that Sesshomaru was capable of such feelings. What in the seven hells was going on?

Sesshomaru hadn't need to say anymore to make InuYasha back away from him. He turned his head back down to Nikala as InuYasha stared at him. He'd initially come to tell Sesshomaru to let Shippo have some alone time with his mother. He'd been at her side all day and Shippo had been sitting on the opposite side of the clearing. Clearly Sesshomaru wasn't thinking about maybe letting Shippo have some time with his mother. After all, he was now an orphan (and InuYasha clearly knew the feeling). He'd just met with his mother again, and then just lost her. But now, InuYasha could see why Sesshomaru was hogging Nikala. How baffling — Sesshomaru crying.

InuYasha's heart went out to his brother, even if he did hate his guts. InuYasha somewhat knew what it was like to lose a lover. After all, he'd lost Kikyo, even if she had "betrayed" him and pinned him to a tree with one of her sacred arrows. Sesshomaru had lost Nikala, and InuYasha knew it was a terrible feeling. But he'd have to let it go eventually.

"Sesshomaru, you can't dwell on this forever, you know," InuYasha said gently. The words seemed to sting Sesshomaru, even though he knew he needed too. Still, it was hard, and Sesshomaru was finally realizing just how hard it was. Get over Nikala's death? Could he even do that?

"I can't just forget about her," Sesshomaru said. "She's changed my life."

"I'm not saying to forget her," InuYasha said with a slight eye roll. "I'm just saying that you can't mourn over her forever. You've got to keep living too, you know. Are you just going to give up being the warlord of the Western Lands just because your mate died?"

Sesshomaru felt the urge to strike InuYasha in the jaw, but he knew that he was actually right. Sesshomaru had a duty to tend to, and he couldn't do that crying at Nikala's side.

"I just … can't … believe she's …" he stammered quietly, almost as if he were talking to himself, and if InuYasha didn't have powerful hearing, he probably wouldn't have even heard what Sesshomaru had said. He'd heard him cut himself off, not even daring to speak that word.

What in the seven hells has Nikala done to you, Sesshomaru? You're a whole other demon! he thought.

Sesshomaru glared while the tears stung at his eyes again.

Why is this happening?!

His heart wrenched, as if someone were squishing it in their hand like clay. He ran his fingers along her soft, auburn fur, tracing the edges of her legs. Tracing her lifeless body. He looked away, shutting his eyes tightly, withdrawing his hand, and biting his lip.

No. No, no, no ….

She wasn't dead. He refused to believe it, even if he'd decided she was a long while ago. She wasn't.

Someone to protect …

"Do you have someone … to protect?"

InuYasha watched Sesshomaru with pity. Why wasn't he feeling triumphant that he was finally seeing Sesshomaru in pain? Why was he frowning, instead of grinning with satisfaction?

Perhaps seeing Sesshomaru reduced to something small wasn't as great as I thought it would be …

Oh who was he kidding? It was he life dream to see Sesshomaru this way, but he'd never expected it to be because of his dead mate. Hell, he'd never expected Sesshomaru to find a mate at all.

He couldn't stand watching Sesshomaru in remorse any longer, surprisingly, so he turned on his heel and walked back to Kagome, leaving his half-brother alone.

Nikala … Sesshomaru whispered mentally. Nikala … I love you.

And then, as if those were magic words, he felt something grasp his hand — another hand, no doubt. His heart stopped, but his mind raced. Slowly, Sesshomaru glanced down to see Nikala's humanoid face, weary and pallid, but her topaz eyes full of life. Life. She was alive.

But … but how?

Nikala squeezed his hand and her chest heaved weakly. He could see the nasty hole in her chest, wide and angry and bloody.

"N-Nikala …?" Sesshomaru gasped softly. A set of fresh new tears pooled at the edges of his golden eyes.

"Sesshomaru," she wheezed, making Sesshomaru's heart go into overdrive. Her voice. Her breath. Her motion. Life. She was alive. "Sesshomaru, why are you crying?"