Ch 4: Powerless

A/N: I changed the ending of the last chapter slightly. Much thanks to my little brother, who, when I came down stairs for the SECOND time to inspect the toaster oven to make sure that what I was doing was consistent with cooking poptarts, he asked me what character was cooking lunch. I told him, and he looked at me, and said, "Have him get pizza then!"

… I'd spent three days blocked by this, and there was an obvious solution. I still blame my writer's block for me not coming up with an answer.

This chapter was surprisingly difficult to write…

Disclaimer: I don't own digimon…___________________________________

I hung up the phone, made sure my wallet was in my back pocket (It was), and then sat down on the couch. I'd ordered the pizza, so now I had to wait. Wait for Kari, wait for the pizza, wait for my father's trail so that my father would come home, wait for Kari's parents to be found, wait for my mother's kidnapper to be located…

All this was about waiting, none of it about doing. I felt so powerless, something I wasn't used to. I rarely found anything I couldn't do, and when I did, I had normally avoided it. But now, I really had no choice, I couldn't just run away… except there was nothing I could do!

There had been a time, before, when I'd felt almost exactly like this. When Angemon had died in the Digital World, I had felt truly powerless. But then, I'd been more heartbroken then angry.

I was angry now, but it was nothing like the anger I'd felt at the forces of darkness, as I'd tried futilely to categorize them. I'd tried to draw lines between good and evil, but there was always this grey area.... It wasn't even that few things fell into this grey area. My own older brother often fell into that category, when he was simultaneously treating Sora badly, but also taking me in, even when he was going to have enough problems with money just for himself. I'd never really known what to do when that grey area became involved. Even Davis was faster to act then I was.

However, at least then, I'd always had a target, and I'd always had control. Control that was different from my normal 'easy-going' self control that most people saw. No, it had always been more rigid, more disciplined. Like a gunshot, rather than like water.

Now, I had no target. Nothing to punch, no villain to beat to the ground, no chance to play hero. All I had was this anger that I could hardly control. I wanted to hit something, to throw something…

And yet, it wouldn't have done any good. Of course, that only made the anger worse. I was standing up; looking at the ceiling with both fists and my teeth clenched by the time Kari came downstairs, and walked beside me.

"Hey, T.K… Are you alright?" She said, sounding and looking worried when she saw the way that I was acting.

"Does it look like I'm alright?" I snapped. I instantly regretted it, especially when I looked at her, and saw how hurt and confused she looked, and so I apologized, "Sorry. I'm... just feeling powerless."

"It's alright." She said, smiling.

"No… I shouldn't have snapped at you. It WASN'T alright." I said quietly. It hadn't been alright. I hadn't meant to take it out on her; I'd just lost control and not thought before I'd said something harmful, but that didn't make it any better. If anything, it made it worse.

"Alright, then you're forgiven, if that's a better way of saying it." She said, looking almost amused at my semantics.

"Thank you." I said, grateful for her quickly forgiving me, but also for the fact that she had cared enough to ask me if I was alright, and decided to tell her as much, "For forgiving me, and also for caring enough to ask if I was alright at all, I mean."

"You're welcome."

The doorbell rang. Kari stepped a little ways back from me, too much for my liking, but I understood that public displays of affection were considered to be rude. I rushed over to the door, paid for the pizza, and gave the delivery guy a relatively generous tip.

As he left, I set pizza on the dining table, opened the box, and took a slice, sitting down on the couch to eat. Kari did the same.

"Earlier, you said you were feeling powerless. What did you mean by that?" She asked between bites of her pizza.

"Well, your parents have disappeared. My father has been arrested for something he didn't do. My mother has been kidnapped. Nothing I can do will have any effect on the outcome of these things. I can't do anything to make the result come any faster, either." I explained. Now, of course, I felt better, because Kari was here with me, and everything seemed better with her around.

"I understand. It'll be alright… No matter what happens, we'll pull through." She said, smiling comfortingly at me.

"I can believe that… But it becomes harder when you aren't here with me… and when I say 'here', I mean right next to me. I mean 'here' in the 'close enough to touch' sense."

"I couldn't believe it if I weren't next to you, either." She said, and her warm, cinnamon colored eyes met my sky-blue eyes. I was immersed in her eyes for… I don't know how long.

I would have kissed her, but I was vaguely aware of the half-eaten slice of pizza in my right hand, and I knew that it would be kind of awkward holding my arm away from her to avoid getting pizza all over her shirt while kissing her. She seemed to notice the same problem, and I mentally cursed myself for not getting a plate.

The eye contact finally broke when she took a bite of her pizza. I quickly finished my slice, and noticed she was done too. I quickly kissed her on the cheek.

She quickly kissed me back, "Now we're even."

I smiled, and kissed her again, "Not anymore."

She kissed me on the cheek again, "Now we are… And now, I'll occupy your lips so you can't make it uneven again." She tilted her head slightly, and kissed me on the lips.

I put my arms around her, and pulled her whole body closer to me. She did similar, until the only distance between us was the distance forced on us by our clothing. It was exciting in ways I wasn't really ready for… But I liked that. And while I wanted to be even closer, I was still in control enough not to try.

And then, I heard a key turning in the lock of the front door. The kiss broke, and within a second, the only contact between us was my arm around her shoulder.

The door opened, and Matt entered the room.

"What are you doing back so early?" I asked, slightly confused, and probably coming off as a little irritated.

"Short rehearsal, the drummer had to leave for a family crisis." He said, looking vaguely amused, and then, as if he smelled it, "Did you order a pizza or something?"

"Yes."

"Smart move… Mind if I take a slice?"

"Not at all."

"Alright, thank you." He said.

As he entered the dining room, Kari whispered, "That could have been REALLY embarrassing… I mean… we were a little close there…"

"Yeah…" I blushed slightly, thinking about how close we'd been, and how much I'd liked it.

She noticed the blush, "So you liked it, too."

"N-Not like that", I lied.

"Don't try to lie, it's really obvious."

"Alright… just don't be judgmental or anything."

"T.K… I already admitted to … well…"

I finished the sentence that she apparently couldn't. "Being turned on. Did you?"

"Yeah, I said, 'you liked it, too.'… Too?"

"I guess you did."

She rested her head on my shoulder... she was still blushing slightly, and I felt a little guilty.

She was embarrassed. I should have pushed her away… Only, what good would that have done? I had been in a no-win situation.

"I'm sorry… I embarrassed you." I whispered. Even if there was nothing I could have done, I was still sorry.

"Hey, I brought it up, you shouldn't feel sorry."

"What are you two whispering about?" Matt asked, turning his head around a corner to say this.

"Nothing!" Kari and I said simultaneously.

A/N: Not a great chapter… I'm uninspired.