Strummin' Above the Chin

"OW! Son of a bitch!" shouted Meth.

It was late in the morning and Meth was standing outside of his friend's house hammering a new mailbox to the ground. The mailbox was painted so it had dark red and orange flames on the front of it and was painted black in the back. But what made the mailbox really special were the tiny, but sharp spikes on the edges of the latching door.

"Hey Meth, you get that mailbox finished yet?"

"NO! If you assholes would help me instead of staying inside and drinking lemonade while I roast my furry ass in the sun, they maybe I would be done!"

Meth's friend laughed. "What's your problem?"

"These spikes—they keep cutting my arm and I keep getting splinters in my fingers! Why'd you even make a mailbox with spikes on it?"

"Because when you open it, the spikes make it look like teeth and it's like a monster is waiting to eat the mail, and then swallows it when it closes shut."

Meth's friend guffawed and started to open and close the mailbox repeatedly.

"Isn't that badass?!"

"…Yeah, it does look pretty radical." laughed Meth.

"So you're saying you'll finish the mailbox? Thanks Meth!"

"No, wait—!"

But Meth's friend was already rushing inside his garage where he continued to sip on his lemonade.

"Goddamnit Creolz…" sighed Meth.

Meth continued to hammer away on the mailbox post until he hit his thumb with the hammer on accident.

"OW! SON OF A BITCH!!!"

Inside of the garage, a bear and two beavers were resting inside sipping lemonade with the door closed while Meth was outside still working. The bear's name was Creolz, who had blue fur and was wearing a black T-shirt. One of the beavers inside was named Eddie and he had green fur and was wearing a black T-shirt as well. Lastly, the other beaver had grey fur and, of course, a black T-shirt. His name was Kalvinz.

"Man I wanna get back on the bridge while it's collapsing again!" said Eddie.

"Why?" asked Kalvinz.

"Cause it was so extreme man! It's like surfin' through this gnarly wave in the middle of a hurricane!"

"So you don't care that you almost died out there?"

"Yeah, yeah, I do care. But if I did die, it would've been so extreme man! How many people do you know of who get crushed by a fat support beam on a bridge?"

Kalvinz and Creolz pondered for a moment before answering.

"Ya got me." said Creolz.

"Ditto."

Eddie laughed. "Exactly! None of you know anybody who died getting crushed to death by a big ass wire!"

Everyone took a giant gulp of their lemonade and sighed as the yellow beverage cooled them off.

"Damn, Meth sure knows how to make a good batch of lemonade!" said Creolz.

"Are you serious? You know how bitter mine tastes?!" said Kalvinz.

"That's cause we peed in it when you went to go get your guitar."

Kalvinz immediately spat out his lemonade and groaned while Eddie and Creolz laughed heartily. Kalvinz threw the glass to the floor and watched as it shattered into several pieces, spilling yellow fluids all over the floor.

"You guys are asses!"

"No, if we were asses then we would've taken a shit in your lemonade. I thought about doing that, but somehow, I had a feeling brown didn't mix with yellow very much." said Creolz.

"Right…well pissy lemonade aside, any of you guys think it's weird what happened to us?" asked Kalvinz.

"How so?"

"Flippy has a dream about a bridge collapsing, and then a bridge collapses just like he predicted. Isn't that a strange coincidence?"

"Not really."

"What about the two guys working security, Ryley and Moss? Ryley nearly drowned inside of a bathroom because he got his hand stuck in the toilet and when he finally gets free, he gets impaled in the eye with a pole. And then Moss…I don't even want to get started with him."

"Maybe a wild bear got loose in the ceiling—"

"Eddie, no type of animal of this world could ravage a body like that without anyone hearing or seeing anything."

"Well, I did find an eyeball…" said Creolz.

"Regardless, a wild bear can't do all that without someone noticing."

Back outside, Meth had finally finished building the mailbox and was busy trying to remove the splinters from his hands.

"That's the last time I make a mailbox…" vowed the bear.

Suddenly, Flippy appeared running down the sidewalk panting heavily and perspiring, out of breath.

"Hey Flippy, how's it going?"

"You're going…to die!!!" he shouted.

"…I love you too."

"Damnit Meth, I'm serious! I had another dream again like the bridge!"

"Are we still on that? You saved me and my band from the accident and I'm thankful for that, but you need to stop obsessing over that! You're alive and so are a bunch of other people and if it hadn't been for you—"

"It wasn't about the bridge Meth! It was about you and how you die!!"

Meth's eyes grew wide and he dropped the hammer on his foot.

"OW!! GODDAMNIT IT!!" he shouted, hopping up and down on one foot.

"What's your problem?"

"I HATE HAMMERS!!"

Flippy entered the garage and began to examine his surroundings. He checked the gas line to make sure there were no leaks and then examined the circuit breaker to make sure nothing was ruptured and no sparks were flying.

"Hey Flipster! What's up?" asked Eddie.

"Now's not the time Ed. I gotta-I gotta check stuff."

Flippy walked over to the closet and slowly opened it, waiting for all the clutter inside of it to fall down with a loud crash, spreading dust everywhere and making the band cough loudly. Flippy kneeled over and examined all the sharp, hazardous objects and began to chuck them aside. He broke the chainsaw and threw the remains into the trash before kicking a box of nails into Creolz's house. Then he looked at the lighter fluid and carefully placed it on the top of a sturdy shelf away from everything else, it case a gust of wind came by and knocked it over.

"Flippy what the hell are you doing?! Why you breakin' all my stuff?!" asked Creolz.

"Just trust me on this!"

Flippy got a rake and snapped it in two, only to scream when he realized he just made two weapons instead of one. With no other option, Flippy chucked the broken wood into the air and watched as it stuck into the ceiling.

"Okay…the garage is safe proof." muttered Flippy.

"Why does it need to be—?"

"Meth is going to die…very soon."

Flippy yelped loudly when Eddie stabbed him in the back with a giant rusty nail.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?!!?"

"You just said you were going to kill our band leader!"

"I said he was going to die jackass!"

Flippy grunted twice and winced with pain when he yanked the long, rotting nail out of his flesh and threw it inside of a trash bin.

"I had a dream last night—"

Everyone groaned and rolled their eyes, not wanting to enter another one of his episodes.

"Are we still on this?!" asked Kalvinz.

"Listen…to me: Last night I dreamt of a large white background that was barren and then, out of nowhere, I showed up running through the field laughing wildly and jumping everywhere."

"Looks like Flipster had a Gay Dream."

"Shut the fuck up Eddie! At least I still don't poop in the bed!"

Meth and the other band members began to laugh and snicker loudly.

"You said you wouldn't tell anyone!!!" whined Eddie.

"And it wasn't a Gay Dream! I wasn't banging any dude as far as I could tell. Anyway, at the end of the dream, I grabbed a huge pile of the powder and began to sniff it until I started laughing again. In other words, I got high on meth."

"So?"

"Don't you get it? It's a sign! I've never had a dream about getting high on meth before so why do I suddenly have one immediately after the accident?"

"Chill Flippy. Even if your dream was a sign, what makes you think I'm going to die because of it?"

"Remember the theater and that guy who saw the thing collapse? He had visions too about the people who were going to die and it makes sense because you and your band were the first ones who died in my dream!"

"Wait a minute; you only had a dream about meth though." Kalvinz pointed out.

"That doesn't matter; whether or not the dream was strictly meant for him, you guys all would've died at the same time if I hadn't warned you! My dream just means Meth is going to die first!"

"Aw that's rank man! We're all gonna die?!" asked Eddie.

"Probably! You all died at the same time in my dream!"

"So uh…when am I gonna die bro?" asked Kalvinz.

"Everyone except for Meth needs to calm down because you're all safe until something happens to Meth. After Meth dies—"

"IF I DIE!!" Meth pointed out.

"Right. If you die, then you guys have to worry." Flippy restated.

"Are there any other clues in your dream you remember Flipster? An unwanted gnat or some weird faze in front of your face?"

"There was some 70s song playing in the background but I can't remember the name of it. Something to do with a speaker…"

"But there aren't any clues about my death?"

"No…just a song and methamphetamine."

"What about us? Is there a clue to our deaths?" asked Kalvinz.

"Nope." said Flippy.

"…It's nothing embarrassing is it?"

"I don't know."

"…I mean nothing got shoved up my ass, right?"

"I don't know!"

"…Do I get cock vored?"

Flippy and all of the band members stared at Kalvinz for a solid two minutes before Flippy sighed and shut his eyes, rubbing his scalp after taking off his beret.

"Okay…so what you just asked…"

Flippy had to stop himself again.

"…Did you just ask me if a cock swallows you?"

"Yes."

"…And why would you ask that?"

"Hey, weird shit happens in this city!"

"So you just randomly think a penis is going to swallow you?"

"It could happen!!"

"How would the cock even get a hold of you?"

"Well—"

"STOP IT!!!" squealed Meth.

"Hey I'm just pointing out some of the possibilities Meth."

"I don't give a shit Kalvinz! Stop talking about vore and cocks! I do not want to hear about vore cocking and cock vore or any form of getting swallowed by someone's dick!! God!!"

Meth sighed exasperatedly and turned back over to Flippy.

"What am I supposed to do Flipster? I could die at any moment."

Flippy sighed and looked around the garage, confident that it was 100% safe now.

"I'll watch over you guys for now until something happens but as far as I'm concerned, this garage is death proof."

"Gotcha."

"We can play our guitars now, right?" asked Eddie.

"Yeah, yeah, you're fine." said Flippy, sitting down on the steps of the garage.

"And a one, and a two, and a—" started Eddie.

Meth and his band began to play the beginning notes of the song Moving in Stereo and Flippy began to ponder about his dream some more while they played more notes and Creolz started to drum his drums. Then Meth began to recite the beginning lines:

"Life's the same, I'm moving in stereo,

Life's the same, except for my shoes,

Life's the same, you're shakin' like tremolo,

Life's the same, it's all inside you."

"Damnit, what does this all mean? Getting high on meth, the stupid 70s song—"

Flippy gasped when he realized that the song Meth and his band were playing was the one in his dream. Eddie began to sing the next phrase in the song:

"It's so easy, to blow up your problems,

It's so easy, to play up your breakdown,

It's so easy, to fly through a window,

It's so easy, to fool with the sound."

"High on meth, Moving in Stereo. High on meth, Moving in Stereo. High on meth, Moving in Stereo. High on meth, Moving in Stereo,"

Flippy kept uttering the phrase to himself to try and understand the hint he was given…it was right there on the tip of his tongue.

"High…on meth. Wait a second, high…on Meth."

Flippy looked above Meth and saw a shelf that was shaking due to the bass of the speakers. On the top of the shelf was a glass of lemonade that was slowly hopping up and down due to the noise and was headed right for the edge…and underneath it was the amp connecting to Meth's guitar. Flippy sprang into action and gunned for Meth as the glass got to the tip of the edge and fell down to the amp. In a dramatic move, Flippy performed a Matrix style dive and shoved Meth out of the way, tackling him like a ram. Meth let go of his guitar immediately before the yellow liquid landed on the amp. The amp began to emit sparks of electricity and an eerie whine just before the amp caught on fire and delivered a giant charge of electricity to everything connected to it, including Meth's guitar. Had Meth still been holding the guitar, he would've been electrocuted and fried. Meth and Flippy were panting as they looked at the burning amp.

"Holy shit Meth! You all right?" asked Kalvinz.

"I am now, thanks to Flippy."

"Hey uh…if you just avoided death…then that means…"

The rest of the band members gasped and their eyes grew wide.

"OH SHIT! WE'RE NEXT DUDE!!" shouted Eddie.

A couple of sparks flew off the amp and fell inside the large speaker resting next to Eddie. The speaker blasted a giant bass tone in Eddie's ears and paralyzed him, forcing him to cover his ears and grit his teeth. In fact, everyone inside the garage was paralyzed and holding their ears while the speaker grew louder and louder each and every second until Flippy saw a small flame emitting from the inside. Flippy used all of his strength to get back up and slowly walked over to Eddie, grabbing his arm and dragging him in his direction, pulling him away from the speaker. Three seconds later, it exploded, sending shards of debris everywhere. Everyone got back off the floor and looked at the wreckage, examining the burning amps and speakers.

"WHOOOOO!!! EXTREEEEEEMMMMEEE!!!" shouted Eddie.

"You almost died jackass!" shouted Flippy.

"Yeah but it was so awesome man! I almost got fried by a speaker!"

"It's so easy to blow up your problem, it's so easy to play up your breakdown…Meth what was the next line in the song?"

"It's so easy to fly through a window?"

After saying that, Kalvinz yelped and fell over when he slipped on the lemonade he slammed on the ground Creolz and Eddie peed in. When he slipped, he fell head first towards the garage and his head burst through the window, shattering it and dousing the ground and his face with glass.

"Ow…" moaned Kalvinz.

"Good. The glass didn't kill him." said Flippy with relief.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the way he was supposed to die. After he got his head stuck in the broken window, another zap was heard and the door began to open, taking Kalvinz with it. Kalvinz began to shake his legs with desperation and scratched away at the door, trying to get free.

"Guys? GUYS!! SHUT OFF THE DOOR!!"

Meth ran over to the switch that controlled the door and yelped when it shocked him after he touched it. Meth looked more closely at the switch and noticed a large piece of shrapnel was stuck inside. When the speaker exploded, one of the shards landed on the switch and screwed up the controls, which would explain why the door began to rise. Kalvinz began to protests and thrash his legs and arms around to get free from the garage door, but nothing seemed to work.

"Creolz where's your remote for the door?!" asked Meth.

"There isn't one!"

"So how do you shut it off manually?! There's gotta be a failsafe!"

"Uh, uh…the circuit breaker!!"

Meth rushed to the circuit breaker and squealed when a spark flew from it and shocked him.

"I can't touch it without killin' myself!"

Kalvinz screamed loudly when the garage door got closer and closer to the roof. Any further and his head would get crushed in-between the roof and the garage door. He might even get decapitated. Flippy jumped into the air and grabbed one of the broken sticks that came from the rake, jabbing the main control system for the whole electric system throughout the house. Everything instantly shut off including the garage door, just when Kalvinz's head was about to get crushed. Kalvinz began to pant and sweat heavily while everyone else sighed and walked out of the garage.

"Okay…now that was a close one." said Meth.

Everyone turned around when they heard loud trickling and observed Kalvinz urinating all over the ground behind him, whimpering.

"Heh heh…you peed yourself."

"Shut up Eddie and call the hospital." said Kalvinz, coughing up some glass and blood.

Meth took out his cellphone and dialed 911 while everyone else caught their breath and began to reminisce on what just happened until Creolz forgot something about himself.

"Flippy!! What about my death?!"

"Don't worry about it, you're all fine. You were really close to that speaker when it exploded so I'm guessing you were supposed to die along with Eddie or when those shards flew everywhere."

"So I'm fine then?"

"Yes! Let's just wait here outside until the ambulance shows up."

Creolz sighed with relief when the gang saw a white van speeding down the road.

"Damn, that was fast." said Meth.

Unfortunately, the van wasn't an ambulance and was just a normal van speeding down the road. While driving, the van hit the curb and popped a tire, screeching out of control. The gang quickly backed up to avoid getting caught up in the accident, but it wasn't the van they had to be worried about. When the van passed Creolz's driveway, it hit the still open mailbox and tore the whole thing off, sending it hurling into the air. …It was Creolz's sorry luck that the top half of his head was in the way. The gang heard a loud squish and shouted out loud when blood sprayed all against their bodies.

"Hey guys…what just happened?" asked Kalvinz.

Meth and Flippy warily walked over to Creolz and groaned when they saw his body. The mailbox that Meth just made with the spikes on it just severed Creolz from the mouth up, leaving only the lower half of his head and jaw. His body was pinned to the wall of the house, still held up by the spiked mailbox.

"Shit…"

"Maybe-maybe he's still alive. If we could—"

Meth grabbed Creolz's legs and pulled his body towards himself, covering his mouth with his arm when his body came apart minus the top of his head. Eddie walked over to the mailbox and pulled it from the wall, looking inside and hooting loudly.

"How cool is that?! Creolz has half a fake head in his mailbox!"

As Eddie was guffawing, he looked down at the rest of Creolz and looked back into the mailbox, suddenly realizing what happened.

"OOOOOOOOOHHHHH…that's…that's not a fake half head, is it?"

"No." said Meth.

"…Can I still play with it?"