I do not own any of the Twilight characters, just my own!! Thanks for the added alerts and the reviews for this….I really do appreciate it. Probably well past the point that would be healthy, but that is another matter.
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Kendra froze as he stared at her with curious eyes, and all of her desire was replaced with sheer terror as she stared back at him. "Kendra, what is this?" Edward asked, as his fingers traced the jagged scars on her lower stomach gently.
"Stop." Kendra begged in a whisper, pushing off of him and turning her back to him as she pulled her knees to her chest. She felt the tears sliding down her cheeks, and she sobbed quietly as she rested her head on her knees.
"Kendra, what's wrong? What is it?" Edward slid a hand over her shoulders, and she fought to breath. She could not answer, and he moved in front of her in one motion to look into her face. She glimpsed the pain in his beautiful face and she closed her eyes. "Did…..he do that to you as well as……."
Kendra was stunned as she looked into his face. She realized that he must have no idea about what had happened. "Edward, no. I…..I did that to myself." Kendra whispered hoarsely, and his eyes narrowed as he looked at her.
"Why would you do that?" He spoke low but his voice was demanding as he took her hands, and she pulled away. "Why would you hurt yourself like that?" He looked as though he would cry, but didn't, and he moved next to her on the bed to put his arms around her. She struggled in his embrace, but he held her tightly. "Kendra, please talk to me." She tried to think about what would sound the best, or make the most sense. It was a hard thing to explain to somebody for the first time, and especially for her because she was trying to avoid the details of her experience. Her silence dragged on ,and he forced his head up to meet his gaze. His eyes were burning through her, and she blinked her tear filled eyes. "Talk to me. You're killing me right now."
"I……when he threatened to kill my family if I told them how he was, I had nobody to talk to. I felt so guilty about being responsible for their life or death and I searched for a way to deal with the emotional and physical pain. I was losing it and I needed to keep fooling everybody. One night, after something bad happened….I went into the bathroom and found a loose razor blade in my bathroom. It was connected to my room and nobody ever checked on me. I found a place that you would not see on a day to day basis, though my mind was too fuzzy to realize that it really was not that discreet. That first cut hurt so badly, but somehow my pain became free within it. I felt like I could carry on with my lie, if only for a moment. When things got really bad, I would hide in my bathroom and just cut my skin. I became addicted to the feeling, and he…..he encouraged me to hurt myself. Of course he saw it, and he would ask to watch me do it, and he never cared that it hurt me. I knew it was a problem, and when he finally left me that day in the house I told myself never to do it again. I have lost my willpower a few times, but now I have stopped. I moved her and found you and Alice, and I have my family. I don't want to cut myself anymore." She cried softly, as he stroked her hair. "I wish I could take it all back, Edward. I wish that I was a better person for you."
"You are not a bad person, Kendra. I hope he comes when I am with you, because I look forward to ripping him apart for all that he has done to you. I am going to make you better, Kendra." He kissed her hair and stroked it as he held her, and she cried slowly. "I want Carlisle to look at you tomorrow and make sure that you will be alright. Please, Kendra. I know that you are scared, but he can help you through this as well."
"They saw it at the hospital after I was……they said it was going to heal. I lied and made them believe that I was going to go for help, but then I came here." Kendra told him, but he looked into her eyes as he held her face in his hands.
"Still, I want him to take a look." He shook his head as his eyes saddened, and she tried to look away. "You could have told me, Kendra. You can trust me."
"I was hoping I could avoid it." Kendra told him quietly, and he closed his amber eyes painfully. "I didn't know that you would want to be with me. I don't even know if you still want to."
"I do. I do so much." Edward told her after a pause, and she breathed deeply. "I……I want you to get through this and then you'll really know how much." He held her as she calmed down, and then curled up with her in her full size bed. He wrapped his arms around her waist and inhaled the scent of her hair as he slowly kissed her head. She fell asleep in his arms, sleeping fitfully and dreaming constantly. He comforted her every time she woke up and would hold her tightly until she would fall asleep again. Kendra clung to him tightly as he would settle her, and jumped in the morning when she woke up alone. She felt tired and weak, and she got up to take a shower and pull on the nearest jeans and tee shirt that she could find. She yanked her hair into a ponytail and pulled on her shoes and a hoodie, glancing at the overcast but dry sky outside. She got into the car with Heidi, who looked at her questioningly and Kendra smiled weakly.
"I had insomnia." Kendra told her, and Heidi sighed as they pulled into the parking lot. Kendra saw the Cullens by their cars, and she saw the stricken look on Alice's face as she hurried over. Edward gazed at her with concerned eyes, and she met his gaze steadily as Heidi parked.
"He is a good reason to have insomnia." Heidi told her dreamily, and Kendra nodded slowly and absently.
"Kendra. Hi!" Alice greeted her, and smiled at Heidi too quickly. "Heidi. How are you? I need to steal your sister for a moment." She took Kendra's hand and walked her across the lot to Edward, and started talking low and fast right away. "I am so sorry, Kendra. I saw it happening right as he got there, and I wish I could have warned you." Alice's eyes rested on her covered flat stomach, and Kendra covered it self consciously with her own hands. "I don't know…..how anybody could be okay with that. I don't know how he didn't care for you enough to stop it."
"Kendra." She looked up uncertainly as she heard his voice, and he was right in front of her. She stared at him, searching his eyes for any sign of the good part of last night and she smiled in relief when she saw a glint of it. He took her hand and leaned down to kiss her cheek with lingering lips.
"It won't happen anymore. I have you guys now." Kendra assured them in a low voice, and they both stared at her. The siblings trailed them, and Alice fell back into Jasper's arms as she looked down with pained eyes. Kendra was walking beside Edward, and she was lost to the looks that they were getting in the hallways as he clung to her hand tightly. She only saw him, and she begged him silently to still care for her. At her first class, he took her face into his hands and pressed his lips to hers gently but she felt his emotion in the contact. She closed her eyes and savored the moment, knowing that any kiss could be her last with him. She went into her class breathlessly, looking down to avoid any looks that she received as she sat down. Kendra took notes as she halfway listened to the teacher, and her mind relayed last night over and over. She ached as she remembered the desire that she had been feeling towards him, and the harsh reality of his touching her scars made her eyes sting with tears. She felt like they would never have that moment again, and her day dragged slower and slower as she shuffled between classes. At lunch, he met her at the door and got her some food in line before he led her to their table. She greeted Alice and happily settled into his arms as he held her close. She chatted with Emmett and Jasper a little bit, but Rosalie seemed to want to ignore her still. Kendra walked to math with Alice after the guys had kissed them goodbye, and the girls walked quietly.
"He is not going to leave you. I can see that you're worried, but I can see you guys in the future and you end up happy." Alice assured her quietly as they approached the door, and Kendra nodded.
"He was so shocked, Alice. I could not stand the look in his eyes." Kendra said, and they sat down.
"He's taken in so much already, and it hurt him to know about it." Alice told her, stopping the conversation as the room started to fill up. The girls followed along with the class, and thanks to the Cullens, Kendra was caught back up in school. It had been rough with everything going on, but they had worked on her catch up work staunchly with her. The class ended and Edward met them out front, squeezing Kendra's hand before she went to gym. He told her that he wanted to take her to his house, and her eyes met his for a long moment. She touched his lips with her fingertip, and he looked intently at her. She faltered all the way through volleyball and was almost happy to go to the house. Edward met her outside of the locker room, and securely held her hand as they walked to the car. She saw Heidi and pointed to him and waved, and her sister smiled at her with a wistful look in her eyes. Kendra got into Edward's car as he opened her door, and Alice popped into the back seat quickly. They drove quietly to the house, as Kendra stared at Edward and he stroked her hand with his thumb. They pulled into the driveway sooner than she had hoped, and she sighed as he opened her door. He pulled her out by the hand, and she felt her legs trembling as she stood up.
"He will help you, Kendra." Edward assured her, and she took a desperate breath as the other car pulled in next to them. The other three got out and Kendra felt a rush of calm flowing around her, and she looked around quickly. Jasper met her eyes and smiled slowly, and she gazed at him curiously. Alice melted into his arms and looked at Kendra with a warm smile as they all walked into the house. Edward saw the exchange and squeezed her hand. "That's Jasper's talent, and he had been trying to use it on your for a long time. It is such a relief to see that it finally works, Kendra."
Carlisle and Esme were sitting on the couch, and they glanced up at the group walking through the door. Carlisle met Kendra's stricken eyes, and smiled warmly. She accepted Esme's offer of a water, and smiled her thanks when she took it. "You look so tired, Kendra." She stroked the girl's cheek before hugging her, and Kendra closed her eyes. She had spoken to her own other several times and was pleased with her recovery and state of mind, but she missed her so much despite the good news. She still carried the guilt of her injuries.
"I am." Kendra admitted, and Esme looked worriedly at Carlisle. "It's OK. I can handle this." She took a large sip of the water and closed her eyes, feeling Edward's hand on her lower back.
"Do you want me to go in with you?" Esme asked her, and Kendra stared at the warmth radiating from her eyes.
"That would be nice." Kendra told her, and she heard someone sigh and leave the room. She noticed Rosalie's absence as she looked around, and Esme took her hand as they walked into the office with Carlisle. "Why does she hate me so much?" Kendra whispered, knowing that she could hear her anyway.
"Rosalie is worried about getting found out. She is fearful of your contact with this family, and perhaps Edward." Esme told her, and Kendra frowned. "She will come around." Kendra looked at Carlisle as she walked in the door, and he held a clean white towel in his hands.
"I am not sure of your comfort level with me, and I was going to suggest laying this over your lap. I don't want to make you feel bad with this, anymore than you already might." Carlisle told her, and she met his eyes as she realized that Edward must have told him a lot.
"I am sorry, Carlisle. I did not mean to make you get involved in all of this." Kendra said tearfully, and he touched her shoulder.
"Don't say that." He left the room and she removed her jeans and lay back on the couch as she covered her lower stomach and legs. Esme sat next to her and stroked her hair, calling to Carlisle. He came back in and took a seat next to her, and she closed her eyes as the tears slid down her cheeks. He felt along her scars and asked her if she was in any pain, and she shook her head from time to time in response. When he was done after what seemed like hours, she opened her eyes and he was gazing sadly at her. "I don't understand how a man that is supposed to care for someone could let this happen. Thankfully, they seem to have healed as good as can be expected and I do not see any that are too fresh." He gazed at the wall for a moment, and she blinked her eyes. "I am worried a bit for the future. I know from Edward that you have not done this recently, nor do you want to. My concern is that you might regress should anything happen as far as losing any stability, and I would like to refer to a friend of mine so you can heal properly."
"What are you saying, Carlisle?" Esme asked him, and Kendra looked up at her.
"Edward is very taken with you, Kendra. I know how he feels about this whole situation, and I know how he would feel if anything else happened to you. I fear that if anything were to happen between you two, and you regressed somehow, that he would carry the guilt for it. I have hated to see him suffer when he first met you, and I can't see him suffer needlessly if you two end up not working out. The odds are somewhat stacked against you for obvious reasons, and I am concerned for both of you and your well being."
"Do you not want me to be with him?" Kendra asked, her voice cracking at the idea of his disapproval.
"We are all very pleased to see that he might be close to loving somebody again. It has been some time, and it didn't end well last time. So that is not what I am saying, but there are certain obstacles that you may face. I am slightly concerned that he became aware of this so quickly." Carlisle said gently, and she understood the level of imtimacy that he was getting at She blushed and glanced away, and Esme contained a small smile. "Will you see my colleague as your therapist, Kendra? He is very good and easy to communicate with."
"I will. I need to regardless of my involvement with Edward or not. Can I keep it from my family? They have no idea about any of this." Kendra asked, and he nodded gently. He finished up and left the room so that she could put her jeans back on, and he and Edward went in alone afterwards. Kendra sipped her water and chatted with Alice on the couch as her mind raced, and finally he came out to take her home for dinner with her family. The drive was quiet, and she didn't want to pry. He dropped her off and kissed her cheek, promising to return later.
"Eat something and relax, love. I'll be back after dark." Edward told her, and she stared into his emotional amber eyes for a long moment.
"Will you?" Kendra asked, as the day hit her and she felt herself shutting down slowly. She leaned back against the seat, and he leaned forward to brush her lips lightly with his.
"Promise." Edward's voice was a whisper, and she shivered as her mind raced. She got out of the car reluctantly, wondering if he would have second thoughts now. She shuddered at the shame the night and day had provided her, and crossed her arms closely together. "Promise." Edward's simple word echoed through her mind over and over, and she wondered if he meant it.