Wu stopped, taking Dawn Star by the elbow. "It's up there."

That is where the cavern would be with the shrine and the tree and the waterfall in the back. That is where she had fought the Old Master and seen the Water Dragon appear before her. It seemed laughable now that she'd thought she was seeing another spirit that needed to be put down.

She did not want to laugh now.

Dawn Star's hand covered her own; her fingers were cold. "Why are you scared?"

The last time she was here, so many months ago, she might have lied. She might have said that she was not scared, that she was never scared. "I don't know what will meet us in there."

"I don't sense any ghosts," Dawn Star promised.

Wu didn't either, but it didn't stop her heart from pushing against her breast. Her hand went to her throat, looking for an amulet that was not there anymore. "It's not ghosts I am afraid of."

Ghosts she would disperse and gods she would defy, but the silence waited for them in that chamber frightened her the most of all.

Wu stretched deeply, arms above her head, then rolled her neck. She focused on her stance, her muscles, her breathing. She was only a few fights away from the Silver Division. Everything counted on her success.

She'd picked this empty flyer hold for a reason. If any one of her companions were to ask her, it was because she didn't want her opponents to see her practicing her techniques in the Arena.

It wouldn't be the complete truth, though. She was hiding herself.

She hit an invisible opponent, breaking its invisible neck. She threw ice at nothing. The hair on her neck stood up as she used Storm Dragon on opponents made of air and still she could not forget what Sky had said to her.

Thirty years. That was a very long time.

Intent and need gave her tunnel vision. She didn't notice Zu until he said, "Sky has a hangdog look to him."

Wu didn't stop her practice. "Then you should leave him be."

"Do you know why?"

Zu was too inquiring and he was choosing to ignore the warning tones in her voice. She ignored him back, focusing on finishing her form. She moved into another one and then another, but he stood there, waiting for her to say something. "It's a private matter, I imagine," she finally said, hoping that it would get him to leave her alone. It was not just Sky's privacy she wanted to protect.

"You must be careful of him, Wu."

He rarely said her name. The way he said it now drew her attention like the snap of a fan and she dropped out of her form to face him. "Why? What do you think he has done?"

He stepped out of the edge of shadow. "It's not what he has done, but what he might consider doing."

"What are you - "

"Very few like to be refused - especially those who rarely are."

Wu didn't recognize her own voice, so low and cracked. "You were listening to us."

"As you've said, I was watching him - watching you."

"Sky isn't that petty." The ice started at the small of her back and crept up her spine. Zu spoke the truth recklessly, not caring what the consequences were. Maybe he didn't think there would be any. "So until you have proof - something beyond misgivings and guesswork - Sky is welcome in our group."

He did not voice his disapproval, but she could feel it anyway. Her anger surged, like an ice-choked river after the spring thaw. He dared to disapprove of her decisions when he had been the one skulking around, listening. "You understand that any trust I had in you is gone."

The corner of his lip, where the scar started, lifted in the mockery of a smile. "I never asked you to trust me."

That was true. He warned her away at every chance, a tiger tail twitching in tall grass. Her trust or Dawn Star's faith in him were as worthless to him as a sky map without a flier. So she struck back at a place, the only place, she knew might hurt him. "Your spying on me; there is no honor in that."

The mock smile died and came back as a laugh devoid of humor. "I lost that many years ago."

"And you will not find it again." She turned her back on him. "Not here. Not with me."

She was never good at feeling Zu arrive, but it was always obvious when he went. The hair on her neck slowly stood down and her skin felt less prickly, as she stopped waiting for something that never came.

She hoped no one else would bother her. This wasn't about wanting to be alone; this was about needing it. It had been so easy in Two Rivers. She had time to leave the school and go into the hills or to the river when she needed to clear her head.

Wu began to fight nothing again, hoping to calm herself. Damn Sky for seeing offers she hadn't even known she'd been making. Damn Zu as well. Damn them all for their demands and questions and looking to her for everything.

Couldn't they understand that she was afraid every decision she made would come back to haunt her? Is this what Master Li felt like too, when he was prince leading troops into Dirge? Did he worry about who and how many would be killed? Did his decision to side with the monks and against his brothers weigh on his shoulders constantly? What of his wife and child, traded for Wu's life? Had he ever wished he'd just let her die to save his own family?

Shadows died around her, while the questions whirled in her head.

For each second she felt the weight of her responsibility, it became easier to pull on the power of the amulet and use it to achieve what she desired. She was asked to lead and then they questioned what she did. Yet dissent within the group was easily quelled by a smile or a well-placed question or the tightening of her jaw, depending on who was stepping out of their place. She was making them bend to her decisions instead of allowing them to air their agreements or disagreements. It frightened her; this power she realized was at her fingertips.

That...that was why she had told Sky no. A part of her was afraid that his feelings for her were just an accidental manipulation of the amulet. Another part of her was... another part of her...

Wu closed her eyes, fell into a form that was meant to calm and focus. After a minute, she opened her eyes again and confronted the other part of her.

The other part of her was scornful of a man that could be manipulated with a smile or look. Wu was afraid that was what had told her to say no - the part of her that liked how it felt to pull the jade heart from the dam. It was that part of her that had given Incisive Chorus, that ridiculous man, to the guards at the gate out of exasperation at idiocy. It was the part of her that was impatient at vulnerability or stupidity, because each vulnerable or stupid person was another obstacle in the path that led to Master Li's rescue.

Fear or scorn; either reason frightened her. She couldn't be afraid to use what powers she had because she would need every skill she had to save Master Li. And she couldn't be scornful of her friends, even if they couldn't match her physical strength or will, because to go down that path was much too close to the one that Death's Hand walked.

"Wu?"

She took a deep breath to stop herself from shouting at Dawn Star. "What is it?"

"I came to see...to see if you're alright." Dawn Star stood in the hangar door, on the verge of fleeing. "I felt that something was wrong and wanted to know if I could help."

Wu wanted to laugh. The problems she had could not be helped. "No. I - it's nothing."

"You aren't a very good liar." Dawn Star smiled tentatively. "But if you don't want to talk about it, I understand. I brought some buns for you too. You missed dinner."

Strange how this little kindness made her feel less like a leaf on a river and more like a stone in the middle of the current. "Thank you."

Perhaps she wasn't so far gone yet, to either fear or scorn. Perhaps if she could just remember to remember...

Wu stepped forward, taking the basket from her friend. "I think I've practiced alone enough. Let's find some tea to go with these buns."