Spoilers: Up to 03x15 - The Large Hadron Collision to be safe, events happen in a slightly alternate universe in the near future
Disclaimer: I don't own any part of The Big Bang Theory. I'm just borrowing their universe for my own entertainment.
Notes: One of these days I'm going to figure out how I can write and knit at the same time. Until then, progress may be hindered due to unanticipated bouts of knitting. I'm also totally slacking on the science, so if it seems vague, it's intentional.
He's working on a new problem on his laptop when Penny bursts into the apartment.
"Hi, guys!" she practically screams.
"Penny," Sheldon admonishes. "Must you always ignore the basic rules of courtesy and barge in unannounced like that?"
She gives him a look he can't interpret and continues, ignoring his inquiry. "I have some great news!"
Leonard looks up from the periodical he's reading. "News?"
Sheldon observes that the tension in Leonard's voice has reduced to normal levels; it seems he has finally come to terms with the cessation of his ill-advised relationship with Penny. For that, Sheldon is glad. He didn't know how much longer he could put up with Leonard's juvenile behavior and poor music choices, much less his constant cooing over cute kittens on the Internet and the ever-growing collection of cat toys he keeps finding between the couch cushions.
"I got a part in a TV show!" She's literally jumping up and down at this point and Sheldon fears for the collectibles on the bookcase that are rattling with the vigor of Penny's actions.
"That's great!" Leonard replies, standing and grinning, sharing in Penny's enthusiasm. "What kind of part?"
"Oh, it's just a bit part in a single episode of NCIS--holy crap Mark Harmon is hot--but it's a speaking part! I'll be a bartender in a drag club!"
"Okay," Leonard ponders for a moment. "So does that mean you'll be a gu--you know what? We should go out and celebrate!"
"Great idea. Let's get Howard and Raj and go out to eat," Penny suggests, still smiling like a madwoman.
"Sure, I'll give them a call," Leonard says, patting at his pockets. "Huh, must have left my phone in my room. Be right back."
The moment Leonard leaves the room, Sheldon can feel her eyes on the back of his head. He turns to face her fully and she's still beaming, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet. Idly, Sheldon notes that he much prefers this Penny to the Penny from a couple weeks ago when she exhibited signs of prolonged melancholy.
"You know, Sheldon, this is all because of you," she says.
And then she's moving very rapidly towards him and he stands up abruptly, ready to protect himself. She seems to catch herself at the last moment and stops suddenly, her body swaying forward slightly at her shift in momentum. Penny's hands are outstretched and just the tips of a few fingers touch the forearm he holds in front of his abdomen.
"I can hardly see how I was the cause of you getting a part in a television show, Penny," he says when he's relatively sure she's not going to run him over. He tries not to think of the slight warmth he feels on his skin from her fingertips.
And, amazingly, she smiles even brighter.
"You were my inspiration, sweetie!"
She's still grinning up at him and he catches himself wanting to smile for her, too.
"That night, a couple weeks ago, when you...kissed me," she says, calming down and staring at him with an intensity he doesn't understand, "it's like a switch turned on inside me and I was full of confidence again. I remembered why I came out here, why I was waitressing and auditioning. It's for moments like this, when the stars align and things are just right."
"Oh, I see," he remarks, finally seeing the parallel. "You're implying that by returning the favor you had done for me, you were broken out of your infinite loop."
She nods vigorously. "Yes! Thank you, Sheldon. I--"
He's startled when she suddenly hugs him. He has his arms full of Penny and he doesn't know what to do with himself. Sheldon tries not to be too rigid because he knows this is something Penny does and, he grudgingly admits, he's starting to get used to her blatant abuse of physical contact. Eventually, he relaxes just a tiny bit and he feels her sigh against him, almost making him tense up again.
"Sorry, sweetie. I know you don't like it when I hug you but I just can't help myself," Penny says as she pulls back a little and looks up at him.
"It...isn't entirely...unpleasant," he manages. "And I am happy for you, Penny. If I had some part, however small, in your getting the acting role, all the better. As I've mentioned before, Sheldon is here."
Penny smiles up at him again. He feels a slight tug of her arms and thinks she's pulling him in for another hug when he also notices she's leaning up. And then it's as if events are happening in slow motion (an impossibility, his mind chimes in, unless they were near a change in gravity, which they are not). She's angled to the side a little and in the back of his mind, Sheldon knows she's going to kiss his cheek. He doesn't exactly know how, or why, but somehow his neck turns just that tiny bit and her lips half fall on his.
They're both surprised at the contact, but neither of them move for a very long moment.
Penny suddenly steps back and raises her fingers to her lips, eyes wide in shock.
"Oh my god, sweetie, I'm sorry. I only meant to kiss your cheek. I...hope you're not mad?"
Sheldon says nothing, mouth slightly agape. Inside, his brain's synapses are firing on overdrive and he briefly wonders if this is what it feels like when one's brain is melting.
"Okay, Raj and Howard are going to meet us at the Chinese restaurant," Leonard announces as he walks back into the room. He stops when he notices Sheldon frozen in places. "What's wrong with Sheldon?"
"Oh, nothing," Penny says, giggling nervously. "Just, you know..."
Leonard looks on the verge of pressing the issue when Sheldon finally speaks.
"We can't have Chinese for dinner, we had Chinese last night."
Leonard rolls his eyes. "We're just using it as a meeting place. We can pick a place later...Penny can pick a place, since we're celebrating for her."
Leonard heads out, followed by Penny, and finally Sheldon. As they head down the stairs, Penny pauses for a moment, looking worriedly at Sheldon. Leonard is a few steps ahead of them and Sheldon catches up. As he reaches the step below Penny, he turns and murmurs to her.
"I'm not mad."
And if his lips accidentally graze her ear, he can't be held accountable. He'd measured. Some of the steps in the apartment building were 1mm off which, while not sufficient to cause tripping, was enough to induce imbalance.
Sheldon's Log
Stardate 63721.3
I find myself at a loss, something that happens rarely, if at all. I have, up until this point, determined that physical contact is unneeded for a few factors including, but not limited to:
1) Illness. The exposure to bacteria, viruses, and other unsavory micro-biological organisms is detrimental to my health and jeopardizes my ability to focus fully on my work.
2) Distraction. Having observed the level of distraction physical contact has on the rest of the human population, it is extremely obvious that physical contact would also jeopardize my ability to focus fully on my work.
I've lived with these two major tenets since I first entered university at the age of 11 with very few deviations. It comes as no surprise that most of the deviations have occurred since meeting Penny.
To that point, recent events have made me realize I must re-evaluate my stance on human physical interaction.
Five weeks ago, I became entrenched in a theoretical infinite loop while attempting to solve a particularly complex theorem involving monopoles. Penny's actions, which I'm led to believe were based in the realm of concern for my person, effectively pushed me out of the infinite loop and, somehow managed to give my mental processes the "jump", if you will, they needed to come to the correct conclusions. Her actions were to invade my personal space beyond sense or reason. She kissed me. Three times.
Normally, I would have balked at her blatant disregard for my feelings on the matter (not to mention issuing strikes), but I cannot dispute that her physical actions resulted in a positive influence on my work.
This is both interesting and troubling as it throws into question my earlier supposition that physical interaction is unnecessary.
Further data was added to this curious set of circumstances two weeks ago. At that time, I commenced Laundry Night as usual and found Penny there. She was, it seemed, "down" and when pressed, admitted that she was unsatisfied with the effects her life choices had caused.
I would be remiss if I didn't mention that it unsettled me to see Penny in a melancholy state. Her personality, while sometimes grating, has always been consistently, if not misguidedly, optimistic. She has, as the colloquialism goes, a "sunny disposition". That she would then be in such a melancholy state was unexpected and compelled me to offer assistance. After all, she was in the same state I was three weeks prior to that time, although a different set of circumstances obviously led to her infinite loop.
What compelled me to offer to return the favor she gave me (i.e. kiss her) still eludes me. But, at the time, it seemed the best course of action. If anything, reciprocating the action fulfilled my personal requirement for equivalence within our friendship paradigm. I'd also determined that the risk of infection was low as she had been in good health for some time, so compromising my immune system was not a large enough factor to negate the need for equivalent reciprocity.
I feel I should describe the particulars of the kiss, however I'm unfortunately unable to recall many details. While I do possess an eidetic memory, I seem not to be able to recall the complete details from when the kiss started to when it ended. It is most frustrating to not be able to recall the duration of the action.
I do, however, recall some small details. In the interest of scientific data gathering and completeness, I list them here:
1) Penny's lips are warm and soft. This, I recall from the kiss she gave me 5 weeks ago. Given the number of cosmetic products she possess specifically for the care of her lips, this observation is not too surprising.
2) Penny's skin is soft. Data on this particular matter is incomplete as I only grasped her chin with my hand briefly prior to executing the action. Again, like item 1, her cosmetic products surely contribute to this observation.
3) The "mind blanking" ability of the kiss is present regardless of who initiates the action. This was demonstrated both 5 weeks (Penny kissed me) and 2 weeks ago (I kissed Penny). The fact that I cannot recall the complete details of the event is further proof.
The result of that kiss, which came to full fruition tonight, was that Penny immediately felt "better" (her words), has been in a more joyful mood the past two weeks, and finally culminated in her acquiring a role in a network television show.
The interaction following Penny's announcement tonight is yet another data point in my re-evaluation of the need for physical contact. As is her tendency, Penny was unable to suppress her affectionate ways and hugged me. She did, at least, acknowledge that she comprehended my reluctance to do so. She then leaned up to kiss my cheek, but the execution of said action was modified by an unconscious need on my part to turn my head, which resulted in Penny's lips and mine meeting once more.
I put forth the proposition that it was not a kiss since only half of her lips met mine; however the action was similar enough and evoked a near identical reaction that pressing the issue would be moot.
The most interesting aspect of this third kiss is that there was no impetus for it. Neither Penny nor myself was in any sort of mental, emotional, physical, or other duress.
I have yet to gather enough data to determine if this kind of physical contact is a detriment to my work. In fact, all evidence points to the opposite, which is somewhat troubling and will merit further contemplation should the situation arise again.
As for my first point for avoiding physical contact, thus far I have evaded infection and I find I may need to re-evaluate that point as well. It is entirely possible that repeated exposure to Penny's micro-biological organisms may, in fact, help boost my immune system. I will have to keep closer track of my physical state should the situation arise again.
End Log
They don't see Penny for almost a week.
She shows up on a Saturday night and Sheldon is home alone. The guys had decided to see a movie at a non-Sheldon approved theater. He doesn't actually want to see the movie, anyway. He's semi-occupied with an advanced theorem when he hears a thump on the front door.
He waits, hands hovering above his laptop keyboard, but nothing happens.
He's halfway through reading a research paper when he hears it again.
"Who is it?"
No answer.
Sighing, Sheldon bookmarks his open tabs and goes to the door. Another thump sounds just as he reaches the door, startling him. He looks through the peephole but is unable to ascertain who is on the other side. The view is slightly obscured by what looks to be blonde hair.
"Penny?"
She knocks three times, very softly. Sheldon twitches.
Carefully, he opens the door and she's braced herself against the door frame.
"Really, Penny," Sheldon admonishes. "If you wanted to gain entry, a standard knock would have sufficed. I'm surprised you even tried to make your presence known. Normally you invade our home without any hesitation."
"Mrrr..." is her only response.
She's moving past him and slowly leaning forward as if falling. Eventually, she face plants on the couch, snuggling into the striped pillow in Sheldon's spot.
Sheldon observes Penny's actions and purses his lips in thought.
"Given the change in your recent schedule and your immediate semi-conscious state, I can only assume you are returning from your acting job."
Penny grunts into the pillow, which he interprets as a noise of assent.
Sheldon quietly shuts the door and heads to the kitchen. Penny remains stretched out on the couch, seemingly oblivious to the world. He busies himself with the kettle and mug; there is a comfortable silence between them.
He approaches the couch and holds a steaming mug near Penny's face.
Slowly, she lifts her head. It takes so long for her to open her eyes that Sheldon finds himself counting her eyelashes. He makes it to 37 before her eyelids flutter and he loses his place.
"Whu-?" she sniffs at the mug.
"Chamomile tea. It will aid in relaxation."
With effort, she sits up and stretches loudly. Sheldon takes the opportunity to reclaim his spot while guiding the mug into her hands.
Penny wraps her fingers around the mug and takes a deep breath.
"Relaxation? I'm practically sprawled on the couch, Sheldon," she yawns, blowing across the top of the mug a few times before taking a sip.
"You're exhausted, not relaxed."
Penny shrugs. Sheldon notices the slight grimace on her face at the movement.
They sit in silence while Penny sips her tea. He watches her posture soften. After a few moments, Penny seems to realize she's lightly leaning on Sheldon and sits up.
"Sorry," she says, turning a little away from him so she can see him. She can't seem to find a position where their knees don't touch, so she just goes with it.
"Penny," Sheldon begins, "am I correct to presume your acting job is satisfying?"
She mulls the question, deciphering. "I'm enjoying it. It's a lot of waiting, but I don't mind. I mean, I got to stare at Mark Harmon's ass for a while, that can't be all bad, right?"
Thankfully, she seems to miss the small frown on Sheldon's face as she takes another sip.
"What about you?" she asks, putting the mug down on the coffee table. "What have you been up to this past week?"
She's leaning towards him now and the sleepy, relaxed expression on her features stirs something unknown inside him. Sheldon stands and starts to pace.
"Well, I've come upon an advanced theorem I believe may tie in nicely with my monopole research. I've been reading research papers in an attempt to--"
He cuts off as he spies her yawn.
"You don't really want to know."
"What? No, of course I..." she trails off at his dubious expression.
"Well, okay," she sighs. "I don't know what you're talking about, but...but Sheldon, you're really passionate about it and I am interested, I'm just also really, really tired."
"I fail to see how you can be interested in something you have no desire to understand," he says. He doesn't know why he feels a little hurt that she finds him boring. It never bothered him before, with other people.
"But, I want to," she pleads. "This is your life. It's important to you. Every time I talk to you I learn something new. I don't realize it right away, but when I go back to my apartment, I look up some of the stuff you say and little by little, I learn. I'm not smart like you, Sheldon. No one is. It'll take time."
He stares at her and his lips twitch when she tries mightily, and fails, to stifle another yawn.
"I..." he's a little lost for words. "I...appreciate that."
Penny smiles at him tiredly.
"If you wish, you may take a nap. You look..." he gestures vaguely.
"Disgusting?" she supplies. "I feel disgusting."
"No, you could never be that."
Her eyes snap to his but he's looking to the side.
"I will rouse you in an hour. Then, perhaps, we can order dinner."
Penny nods and allows herself to fall over, stretching out once more.
She's asleep almost instantly and Sheldon abruptly realizes he's watching her. Shaking his head at himself, he turns off the room's lights and turns a lamp on in the far corner for minimal illumination. He sets an alarm on his watch and then turns back to his laptop, returning to the research paper he'd been reading when Penny interrupted.
An hour later, Sheldon's watch beeps. He smacks at the "off" button in annoyance and stares harder at the laptop screen. He is oblivious to everything else around him.
On the couch, Penny stirs and her eyes blink open slowly. She unconsciously realizes the room is darker and she silently thanks Sheldon for being so thoughtful. Speaking of...
"Sheldon?" she calls out, voice scratchy.
She props herself up onto her elbows and looks towards his desk. He's hunched over his laptop, eyes so intense she's surprised he hasn't burned a hole through the screen. Penny observes his profile, then, and muses at the otherworldly look the laptop's glow has upon Sheldon's skin.
Penny's stomach growls a little and she gets up, stretching and yawning. Sheldon still hasn't acknowledged her.
Suddenly, his fingers are moving rapidly and then, just as abruptly, he's still again.
Penny approaches his desk slowly.
"This can't be right," he mutters to himself. "These results are almost completely opposite of the expected result."
"Sweetie?" she calls out.
She puts a hand on his shoulder, the touch making him jump which in turn makes her jump.
Again, Penny knows he's still wrapped up in whatever he's just been reading. She remembers this look from several weeks ago. Sheldon's eyes finally clear and she knows whatever internal register he has for thought processes has finally emptied. Where the hell did that come from?
"Oh. You're awake."
She nods. "You were pretty absorbed."
"Yes, well," Sheldon says.
He takes a deep breath and then he's off, spouting off everything that was on his mind before she touched him. She's trying desperately to keep up but all she can gather is that he's thinking himself in circles. He is, in fact, dangerously close to locking himself into another intellectual infinite loop.
"Sheldon."
"--and the French paper posited--"
"Sheldon."
"--meanwhile, physicists in Russia have determined--"
"SHELDON."
"Penny, I would request that you cease interrupting me while--"
She clamps her hand over his mouth.
"And you, my dear genius, need to cease thinking."
Sheldon glares at her over her hand so she lowers it, bracing herself for whatever tirade he has in store for her.
"Penny," he begins. "I fail to see how not thinking about the implications of these findings will help."
She waits a heartbeat before realizing the outburst was really that short.
"I didn't mean you shouldn't think about it," she starts, mentally trying to figure out if she has the right number of negatives in her sentence. "I meant you need to stop thinking so much. You're...over thinking it. You know, like how when you're writing a paper or something and you type the word 'the' so many times you start thinking you've misspelled it because you're staring at it too hard?"
Sheldon tilts his head to the side and then comments, "I don't see how that has any correlation to what I'm trying to accomplish here."
And then Penny's had enough. Because she knows if she lets him continue down this path he'll lock himself into his brain again and drive everyone up the ever loving wall until he figures it out.
So, she does the only thing she knows that will work and hopes it still works.
She kisses him.
Hard.
And for a moment, Penny's victory dancing in her mind because she can tell that Sheldon has stopped thinking. She lets herself enjoy it and is just about to pull away when she realizes his brain is engaged again.
His breathing is way too regular. His lips are way too still.
So she ups the ante, puts her arms around his neck, and runs her tongue across his lower lip. Penny feels his intake of breath and when his lips part slightly, she takes advantage of it, caressing his tongue with hers.
Sheldon makes an odd, strangled noise but she knows his cognitive functions have been reduced to nothing. Penny feels his hands on her hips and soon she's not thinking, either.
The sound of keys in the door lock pushes them apart faster than if they were magnets of the same charge.
"Sheldon, we're ba--" Leonard starts as he walks in. "Oh, Penny. What are you doing here?"
"And why are the lights so low?" Howard adds with as much innuendo as he can.
Raj meeps in curiosity.
"Um, I, uh, came by after work," Penny stammers, nervously pushing hair behind an ear.
"And the lights?" Howard asks again, eyebrows waggling.
"I fell asleep on the couch," Penny says, calmer. "Sheldon must have turned them off."
"I did," Sheldon pipes in, studiously staring at his laptop screen.
"Uh huh," Leonard says, mouth open a little, a thoughtful look on his face. "So..."
"When I woke up," Penny remarks, a flash of an idea coming to her, "Sheldon was in a state of semi-stuck...ness?"
"Penny," Sheldon admonishes. "That is nowhere close to being an actual word."
"You're stuck?" Howard quickly asks, a horrified look spreading across his face.
"Almost," Penny supplies.
Raj tugs on Howard's arm and the two beat a hasty retreat.
"I'm just gonna..." Leonard trails off as he all but runs to his room.
"I don't see what all the fuss is about," Sheldon mutters, clicking away at this laptop. "I finally understand the full implications of these findings and can make much more progress on my research."
Penny stares at the back of his head for a long moment, but no other words are spoken. Her stomach growls again and she decides to go home. Her hand is on the doorknob when he speaks again.
"Thank you, Penny."
His voice is soft but it is sincere. He's still not looking at her.
Penny smiles anyway. "You're welcome, sweetie."
Sheldon's Log
Stardate 63740.3
I have acquired new data. I cannot say I'm entirely satisfied with the conclusions I can draw from this data, but I cannot refute the facts.
This evening, Penny returned from her most recent acting job and proceeded to pass out on the couch. When she woke, I was deeply involved with a set of research papers that seemed to contain circular, if not contradictory, findings. I tried explaining this conundrum to her and she claimed I was "thinking too much". I am not sure how that is possible, but she then proceeded to kiss me.
As previously noted, kisses to or from Penny have resulted in my cognitive functions ceasing. While at first alarming, I have found the experience to be an overall benefit. This time, since I knew I was in need of acquiring further data, I was able to engage my higher cognitive functions in an attempt to catalog new information.
My findings, however, did not stem much further from my previous gathered data as Penny unexpectedly advanced our physical relations by invading my mouth with her tongue. I believe the colloquial terminology is "French kissing", although the term does not actually come from France. (Note to self: research more into the history of "French kissing".)
The strict description of "French kissing" is something I have always found abhorrent and alarming. The sheer amount of germs contained in the human mouth is staggering. The negativity I associate with "French kissing" is further substantiated by an event that happened many years ago while studying abroad. I shudder to think of the situation, but I must do so now in order to record a valid comparison.
In this event, the slightly inebriated daughter of one of my professor's decided I was a candidate upon which she would "practice" kissing, despite telling her of my rejecting all human contact. She...ignored my personal principles. The experience was wholly unpleasant and I contracted influenza after the one and only time she was able to infiltrate my defenses. That exact situation solidified my belief that human physical relations would lead to illness and, thus, hinder my ability to work.
However, in comparison, Penny's kisses bear both similarities and vast differences. While Penny did ignore my views on personal space and physical contact, she did not invade them for her own benefit, but for mine.
Amazingly, I did not find the experience unpleasant at all. In fact, quite the opposite, a revelation I am hesitant to record, but I feel I must in the name of science. Penny's "intrusion" was gentle, not forced, and I find I have more data points to consider. Taste, for one. She was...sweet and a little spicy, if one can describe another's taste as such.
As for the risk of illness, I feel no negative effects after Penny's actions. I can only conclude that due to the constant contact I've had with her the past several years and the recent increase in our physical connection, my immune system is becoming tolerant of Penny's particular mirco-biological organisms. I will, of course, have to monitor my vitals as symptoms may not become apparent for several days.
I would like to note, however, that I did experience a brief change in body temperature (heightened) and my heart rate appeared to increase dramatically. Since those symptoms dissipated fairly quickly, I must conclude they were temporary and more physiological in nature--a physical response to the advanced technique Penny applied.
There is another, more troubling revelation I am hesitant to discuss and that is the effect Penny's kisses have on my work.
As stated in a previous log (Stardate 63721.3), the first time Penny kissed me resulted in my ability to discover the means of solving a highly complex theorem. Tonight's kiss had a similar effect in that I was able to see the correlations between the various papers (I am convinced part of the problem was in translation--I must brush up on my Russian).
Am I to believe that kissing Penny on a regular basis would result in my making significant breakthroughs in physics? The idea, had I not had any data to back it up, would seem preposterous. But I cannot deny that her actions are actually having a positive effect on my work. This troubles me greatly, for it makes me wonder if I could be much further along in my research had I discovered this years ago.
End Log
Sheldon's Log -- Addendum
Stardate 63740.3
After failing to fall asleep, I realized that I'd left out some observations in my previous log.
Mulling over the idea that I've been completely wrong in my assumption that physical contact is undesirable, and taking into account previous experiences, 've come to the conclusion that the one factor not in any of those other, negative experiences is Penny.
She is a highly aesthetically pleasing individual. And while that observation is purely subjective, I subscribe to it myself. I can only hypothesize that my finding Penny physically attractive is a factor upon which interacting with her has a different kind of effect on my experiences.
And, if I am to be perfectly honest, I find that I want to gather even more information regarding the recent experiences with Penny and not, necessarily, just for science.
Reading back on this addendum, I find myself concerned with what I have written. Perhaps it is due to the lateness of the hour.
End Log
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End Part 3