I DO NOT OWN LWD!!!!!!
Chapter Eleven:
Fade Away
CASEY'S POV:
Every minute that went by was like being tortured slowly. Nobody slept and nobody was told to go home, and none of us wanted to. It seems that when the doctor started talking to us about Kay's condition, all I wanted to do was leave but I didn't. The doctor told us how Kay's white blood cell count was well above normal, even before the accident. That there was a underlining problem that was keeping her from recovering. Yes, she would be able to recover from the injuries of the accident but not of the cancer that was deep with in her. Everybody in the room had a shocked expression on their faces except for me, it was all just deja vu, remember. Her cancer had spread so rapidly that even if it was caught earlier she still wouldn't have survived, and that if she were to wake up that she wouldn't live long anyways. As this was being said to all of us the monitors by Kaylie's bed started to beep. The doctors and nurses ran to her and all of us backed up. My Mom had her arms around Greg and he stared ahead watching as the Doctors worked around Kaylie. Dean was holding Lizzie who had her face buried in his side and Derek was standing next to me staring at the ground. I had my arms crossed over my chest, like I was trying to keep myself together and failing miserably. I felt as if the walls were closing in on me and I turned to leave.
Walking out of the room and getting away from all the screaming monitors I started to run. Anywhere but there, all I needed was just to get away because if I wasn't there it wasn't happening right? I ran into a room and it was dark. It was the hospital chapel, and I sat in the nearest pew. Never before had I felt so much sorrow, never had I felt so guilty, and afraid. I was never one to be religious but then, at that moment, I prayed. I prayed that God would help Kaylie, that things would go back to the way they were. Even as I sat there and prayed, tears streaming down my face, I felt that no matter how I felt it was Kay's time. It was the same feeling I had in the dream, if that makes sense and it did to me. Somehow it gave a small sense of comfort.
DEREK'S POV:
As the doctors were huddled around Kaylie, I was hoping that it was the end. I really did, and I knew that was horrible but at least she wouldn't be suffering and neither would we. The floor became suddenly interesting to me as the monitors started to quite down. I saw Casey run out of the room, and I wanted to go after her but I couldn't. I know it sounds odd but how could I leave Kaylie behind? If this was her last moment on Earth I wanted to be there, even it tore me apart inside. The monitors came to a stop and the doctors dispersed except the one.
"Kaylie's slipped into a coma. She's on life support, there isn't anything we can do for her." He bowed his and left the room.
" What are we going to do?" Nora said.
" The only thing we can do..." Greg said.
" Let her go." Casey's voice sounded from the doorway and everybody turned to her.
Her eyes were red and swollen from crying and she kept her gaze on Kaylie. She held her head high, like she had accepted the harsh truth but I saw through her. We both knew that we had to let her go but deep down neither of us didn't but it was what it had to be done. Nobody accepted it but how could we keep her from dying. It was her time, we all knew that as well. All of our eyes watched her as she approached the bed. Her head was low and her eyes flooded with tears again but they never fell. She carressed Kay's cheek with soft reverence and before I could stop myself.
" She's right." Everyone looked at me now. " We can't save her, no matter how much we want to." Casey and mine's eyes locked.
" No matter how much we love her." I said still looking at Casey.
DEAN'S POV:
I for one couldn't believe Derek or Casey. These two who have always been there for Kaylie and have always loved her and supported her. Were just going to give up. I didn't want to do that, and as I watched their little love fest I grew so angry.
" How can either of you say that? Everything that she has done for you and you're just going to let her die?" I spat.
" You heard the doctor! There isn't anything that they can do for her!" Derek shot back, angry as well.
" I don't believe that! Not for one second." My voice was hard.
" Boys.." Nora started.
" Do you remember that feeling that Kaylie used to talk about? The one that gave that warm feeling in your heart when you're not sure of something. The feeling when you pray to God and ask for an answer. When you know that everything is going to be alright, and even if you don't want to do it. You do it anyways because it's the only way. Haven't you guys considered what she wants? She wouldn't want us fighting or giving up. She wants us to be happy, even if that means that she isn't here to make us happy herself." Lizzie had spoken up.
" Your right Liz.." Casey looked down at Kay.
There were tears in my eyes, I wasn't ashamed of that. I mean this was the girl that I pursued for months and the one that I wanted to be with. She was the most amazing girl I would ever know and I had to let her go. So, that's what we did. That night we took her off of life support and we all stood around her as she slowly slipped away peacefully. Nora had her arms around Lizzie and Greg had an arm around the two of them crying silently together. Derek and Casey were standing close to each as if they needed each other to be there or they would collapse and I stood alone. I was alone in this, in a way, I stood by myself and watched as the girl I knew I could love faded away. As the sound of the heart monitor screamed into assurance of her death, I walked away. It was over, they torture and now came the sorrow. The grief and I left to take in all alone. I got in my car and drove away, to the one place that always brought me comfort.
CASEY'S POV:
After that day in the hospital, where I watched Kaylie die, I ran home. Every part of me wanted to run into Derek's arms and let him hold me as I cried but I didn't. He was hers, so much of him reminded me of her. The way they joked around together and how they made each other happy. So I ran home and as I made it into my house and rushed into my room. Leaning against the door, I slid down it and sobbed into my hands. She was gone now and instead there being relief that she was no longer suffering, there was emptiness. It wasn't until after I stopped crying that I moved to my bed, exhausted. I laid there and almost wished I had been dead and not her. Eventually sleep toke over me, a temporary relief from all the pain.
Now, instead of watching her lifeless body hooked up to monitors. I watched as they lowered her into the ground. There was no stopping the tears that I couldn't believe were still in me. I wasn't alone in this everybody Kaylie ever knew was there. Nobody had a dry eye, except Derek. It was like he was numb, and I didn't blame him but in a way I did. He was always with her, keeping her out and making her do things. The doctors said that she had cancer and maybe if he hadn't always been with her than maybe she would still be alive. Deep down I didn't really believe that but I needed someone to blame, and isn't that what we always do, blame the ones that we feel closest to? I felt close to Derek because he was all I had to someone like Kay. We were always close and now that she was gone he was the next best thing.
I was pulled out of my thoughts as people started hugging me. The funeral was over and everyone was leaving. Over and over again they all said sorry and gave me pitied smiles and over and over again they walked away and never felt what was feeling right now. I stood there looking down at her headstone, those words too familiar, those words that haunted me. The same words in my dream.
Kaylie Anne Parker
1988-2009
Even as sickness took her, she loved with all her heart.
Now her soul goes to God, to be with our Father once again.
A loving friend and Daughter
Derek came and stood by me then. He still hadn't said one word to me since the hospital, in fact he hadn't said a word to anyone. He just stood there, eyes red from not sleeping but not from crying because lets face it Derek Venturi never cried, even at his best friends funeral. Even as I blamed him for her death, I still needed his comfort and I knew it didn't make sense. I rested my head on his shoulder and his arm came and around my shoulder bringing me close. He needed comfort and I found that almost odd for him because he seemed so much stronger than me.
" When we were in the hospital and she was in surgery. Somehow...Somehow I knew that she was going to die. Even though I had no idea what actually was going on with her. It seemed that a part of me wanted her to die, so she wouldn't be in pain. So she wouldn't suffer." His voice was low.
" I want to blame you for her being sick. I want to blame for keeping her out and making her do so many things because then maybe she wouldn't have passed out while driving and maybe she would have been with us longer. I want to blame you, and a part of me does blame you...a big part." I confessed my thoughts.
We never made eye contact, and we never moved away from each other until after I spoke my piece. He removed his arm and I brought my head back up.
" Then maybe it's better if you blame me. At least that way one of us won't hurt as much." He walked away then.
A part of me regretted what I had said to him but it was the truth. I never went after him and he never looked back. I never turned around to see his shoulders hunched over and he never let a single fall down for all the emptiness he felt. I set down the red rose I had been holding in my hand the entire funeral. Kissing my hand and then resting it softly on her name, I said a teary but silent goodbye.
From that moment on, I drew into myself. Kept things in, and never spoke out.
I remember thinking:
So, this is how it feels to Fade Away.
HELLO MY LOVELIES. I KNOW IT IS SAD, I CRIED MYSELF AS I WROTE THIS. I PROMISE MORE TO COME! WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL HAPPEN NEXT???
LOVE,
AVA
P.S. FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER!!!
/AvaBell323