I DO NOT OWN LWD!!!!

Chapter Twelve:

A Journal Read to Letting Go

DEREK'S POV:

A week had gone by since the funeral. People at school left us cards and decorated Kay's locker in her memory but after a couple of days someone was using it. Everybody was always apologizing and letting me get away with things, I know they were doing the same to Casey. No, I hadn't talked to her and she hadn't talk to me, in fact she didn't talk to anybody really. I want to talk to her, I want to be there for her but it was all my fault why Kaylie died remember? But I could tell she had enough of it, on time in class she broke down and started yelling at the teacher because he let her have a few extra days to make up an assignment due in class that day. She yelled at him saying that it was unfair to the other students that she got "special treatment" and that he needed to treat her like he would any other time. Unfortunately that just got her sent out of the room and even more apologetic looks. Today it needed to end, I was tired of it. While she was living in silent misery and I suffered openly by myself. We were in the middle of class when I stood up in the middle of a lecture, and everybody turned to me. Cassie eyes watched me as I walked out of the room, not looking back at anybody. I left the school and got in my car and drove to the cemetery. I parking I sat there in my car for an extra moment, and sighed deeply. I opened my door and slowly got out of my car. It was a cold day, a day that Kaylie would have loved. The air was crisp and it smelt of snow, although it wasn't actually going to snow for another month. There was a small breeze and I stuffed my hands in my pockets as I walked towards her grave. I kept my head down the entire way there and as I approached it I fell to my knees. Suddenly it was like I had no air in my lungs and I gasped for air as my eyes filled with tears. I hadn't cried, and I never talked to anyone about it, except when Casey was speaking to me. Which was never anymore. Sitting there staring at my best friends final resting place I gave into my emotions and began to cry.

"Kay, I don't want to feel like this anymore. She was right, it is all my fault that you died. I made you...do to many things and...If only I had paid more attention.. you might still be here." I bowed my face into her gravestone and cried into it. " She blames me and she has every right to because it's true. It's all my fault. Please...Kayls...I'm so sorry. I love you.. You were always there for me and I was never there for you... Please forgive me." I was pounding my fists into the grass and breathing seemed almost to painful.

Then a feeling entered my heart and I started to call down slowly. I laid there my face on her stone for a long while, I'm not sure how long but when I could breathe I sat up. Looking at her stone, there was a picture of Me, Kay, Casey, Sam, and Dean posing and smiling. I was between Casey and Kaylie and Kay had her head on my shoulder with that warm smile on her face. I found an odd sense of comfort in this and I smiled sadly at the photo. Kissing my hand and resting it on her name on her gravestone, I stood up slowly. Wiping my eyes I gave the picture one last look over and started walking back to my car. There was someone I needed to see.

CASEY'S POV:

School was supposed to be my one escape from her death but it turned out be the one place where people kept reminding me of it all. People started treating me differently, and giving me slack. Then when I lost it in class one day pleading for them to treat me like everybody else, I got sent to Paul. I hadn't spoken to Paul in a long while mostly because I spoke to Kaylie about things but the school felt like I needed to talk to him. Although we never did, I always sat in silence and that just got me more sympathetic looks. I hadn't spoken to Derek since the funeral only because I felt ashamed for what I said to him. It wasn't his fault, he wasn't the reason why she died but I still couldn't talk to him. He reminded me too much of her and I didn't want to remember her. Today during one of our classes together, Derek got up and left. He had this look on his face of pure misery, one determination for answers and one that mad people not question his intentions. He was hurting and it was partly my fault. I wanted to go to him and make things right but nothing I could to at this point would make things right because no matter how hard I tried she was never coming back. That was one fact that I had a hard time believing, I always thought she would walk right through the door with that huge smile on her face but it wasn't going to happen...

When school got out for the day, I didn't see Derek's car in the parking lot and when I got home it wasn't in his driveway either. Yes, a part of me was worried about him but the other part of me screamed to just stay away from him. I lost my chance with him, I lost his friendship for what I said and I was all alone now. Nobody could possibly understand the pain I was going through. Nobody except him and he hated me. My best friend and sister is dead and my friend and potential boyfriend hated me. Nothing seemed important to me anymore, and only my dreams haunted me. Shaking away my thoughts, I took out my dream journal and turned to one of the pages of my dream.

[DEREK'S POV: WTTTCGAB: CHAPTER THREE]

" Guess who princess?" His voice was low and husky sounding in her ear. He could feel her shiver. I totally gave myself away...haha.. oh well..

" Hmm.. I'm guessing some weirdo creep who preys on young college girls." She smiled as he let her see again. He turned her around to look at him.

" Man, I was right!" She pushed him playfully.

" Oh, is that what you think about me?" He had his hand over his heart in mock hurt.

" Nope." She smiled at him sweetly.

Shaking his head, he grabbed her and threw her over his shoulder. She was giggling and he couldn't help but laugh at her.

" Put me down!..haha.. Der! Put me down!" She pounded her fists on his back.

" No! I'm kidnapping you!" He laughed, ignoring the glances he got from his team mates he passed.

I turned to another page.

[CASEY'S POV:WTTTCGAB: CHAPTER SEVEN]

" I should've told you.." I turned and she was looking at me sadly.

" I understand why you didn't." I said holding her hand now.

" That's no excuse Case, and you know it. I'm sorry. I know you're angry." She said softly.

" It doesn't matter what I think Kay, all that matters is you." Tears filled my eyes.

" I'm not going to make it out of this one Case. I know that, and Dean knows that, my parent's know it and now you and Derek know it to...Please, take care of Dean. He tries to act strong but I know this is killing him to." Kaylie's eyes filled with tears to.

" I promise, he loves you. We all love you, none of us want to let you go." I said.

" I know, but this is part of God's plan hon." She squeezed my hand.

Tears were sliding down my face now, and I set the journal down on my bed. This was too much and I got up and took and extra pair of clothes and headed to the shower. I want to let her go, and I didn't care if it was a part of God's plan. I wanted her back...I wanted everything back to how it was...

DEREK'S POV:

I parked on the street in front of our two houses and got out of the car. At first I started walking to my house but just before I got to the door I paused. Instead I ran to Casey's house and knocked on the door. Nora answered the door looking red eyed and surprised to seem me. Before either of us said anything I hugged her tight and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She smiled at me and let me through motioning me that it was alright I could go upstairs and see Case. Without hesitation I ran upstairs but paused to see her door left open and her not in it and the sound of the shower could be heard. I walked into her room and sat on her bed figuring I would just wait. When sitting on her bed and I leaned back on my hands, my right one rested on the journal. Lifting it up I brought to my face to see what it was, it was her dream journal, and I only got that by flipping it to the cover and seeing the front of it in bold letters state 'Dream Journal'. Opening it back to the page it was left on I read part of the entry. Curious I flipped back a few pages to the beginning and started reading it. After all, it had me in it.

As I got deeper and deeper into the dream I sat up right and then my elbows were resting on my knees. When I got to the part where Kaylie, in the dream, was in the hospital dying I understood why Casey was acting the way she was now. Why Kaylie's death hurt her so much and why she wished she had done more and the more I read the more I thought that maybe Casey felt the same way about me as I felt about her. Although I could never be sure, especially with how things are now. Hearing the water turn off in the bathroom, I set the journal down as I came to the end. I wasn't sure what to make of this so I set it down nicely on the bed. Standing up, I left her room and walked down the stairs. Nora was sitting on the couch and looked at me expectantly, I just shook my head and she frowned. I walked out of her house and walked into mine. When I walked in Sam and Dean were standing there in the living room. They had Babe Raider out.

"In memory." Sam said sadly. It was Kay's favorite game.

"In memory." I sat down on the couch and they handed me a controller.

Neither of us could beat her high score.

MEANWHILE: CASEY'S POV:

After my shower I headed back to my room and found my journal closed on my bed. I picked it up and then heard the front door shut. I sighed and sat back down on my bed, my head in my hands. Then there was someone at my door and I looked up.

"I think she would want us to have a girl day." Emily said smiling sadly at me.

I smiled at her and she came and sat next to me on my bed and hugged me tight...

HERE YOU GO GUYS. THINGS ARE LOOKING UP.

SORRY IT HAS BEEN SOOOOOOO LONG. BEEN SICK AND IN THE PROCESS OF

WRITING A STORY FOR AN ONLINE MAG. 3 MORE TO COME!!

LOVES!

AVA