I DO NOT OWN LWD!!!!
Chapter Thirteen: Not Exact
CASEY'S POV:
"You know, I've missed this." I said to Emily as she gave me a manicure.
"Me too. I miss spending time with you. It seems like we never talk anymore." She ended sadly.
"I never meant to shut you out. I just needed to figure out things for myself." She nodded.
"That's why I thought I would give you space but after your little break down in class. I thought it was time to step in." She continued doing my nails.
"Oh, yea. That was a little embarrassing." I winced at the memory.
"Yea, it kinda was." We laughed.
" It's good to hear you laugh again, Case." Emily smiled gently at me.
"Yea, it seems weird to laugh. It's been hard to find things to laugh about these days." My eyes filled with tears.
"We don't have to talk about her it you don't want to." She put her hand on top of mine.
"No, it's okay. I think I need to talk about it. About Kaylie." I smiled sadly.
"Take all the time you need." Emily said as she finished my nails.
We shared a small smiled then Em moved to sit next to me on my bed. Each of us grabbed a pillow and laid them on our laps. I knew Emily had a right to know what was going on but then again, it wasn't like I had anything to lose, right? Sighing and looking down at my hands I gathered the courage to tell my best friend.
"It all started with a dream I had..." I began.
That seemed to get her attention and as my story went on her eyes couldn't have become any wider. I told her all that was in my dream, even let her read it out of my dream journal. Then told her how soon after I developed feelings for Derek. Every now and then she would ask questions on time periods and then I got to the part of me meeting up with Truman. Recounting the conversation I had with him seemed almost like it happened to someone else and not me.
"I can't believe I actually fell for that prick. I'm so sorry about that by the way. He told me you guys had broken up and...I'm so sorry." Emily confessed.
"He really said that? Oh my gosh, he is the biggest prick. Em don't even worry about what happened with him. I forgive you." I reassured her.
"You're the best." She reached out and hugged me. " So, tell me what Kaylie did to him. I'm sure she did him some serious damage." We laughed again.
"Actually, I'm not sure. All I know is that whenever he came around the guys would give him a look." I smiled at the memory.
I continued retelling my story. I told her about Kaylie and Derek's break up and how Dean was always around with Kaylie. How Derek always got protective and everything that lead to the day of the party. Tears were shed, from both of us, when I retold the part of Kaylie being in the Hospital.
"You know what I hate the most about it?" I asked Emily.
"What?" She wiped the tears from her eyes.
"That I knew it was going to happen all along and I did nothing to stop it." Tears filled my eyes once more.
"Case, it wasn't like you knew for sure things would happen. Sure, you had a dream and she died in it. Can you honestly say that things went exactly the way the dream did?" She asked me.
"No, but I still feel like it was my fault." I chocked on a sob.
"It wasn't and you know that. It wasn't Derek's fault or Kaylie's fault. It just needed to happen. Things always happen for a reason." Emily finished.
"You sound just like her." I smiled sadly.
"What can I say? She rubbed off on me." Em, smiled at me.
"What reason do you think she died for?" I asked Emily after a moment of silence.
"I don't know. What reasons do people die for?" She shrugged.
"I think all this talk of Kaylie has put a damper on our girls night." I desperately wanted to change the subject.
"How about we watch a movie?" Em got an impish grin.
"What did you have in mind?" I asked.
"How about some 'Cry Baby'?" She pulled out the case from her bag.
"'Cry Baby Cry'" I quoted with a grin.
We put the DVD into my computer and arranged it so we could lay on the bed and watch it. Emily had brought over all out favorite movies and somewhere after dawn we fell asleep. I can't remember the last time I went to sleep with a smile on my face.
DEREK'S POV:
"Gah! There is no way we are ever going to beat this high score!" I threw my controller down.
"I have to admit Kay had us pretty beat." Same put his controller also. Dean started laughing hysterically.
"What is so funny?" I spat.
"Kaylie isn't the only one with the high score." Dean was pointing at the screen.
"What are you talking about?" I looked to where he was pointing at.
"Dude, Casey tied with Kay." A shocked Sam said.
"No...way." My jaw was hanging open.
"I wonder how they did it." Sam stated with a smile on his face.
"Oh no, we are so beating their high score. There is no way I am losing to Casey." I picked up my controller with brand new motivation.
"Speaking of Casey. You talk to her lately?" Sam asked turning off the game.
"Why'd you do that?!" I yelled at him.
"Yea!" Dean said.
"'Cause we have to talk." Sam got the look that my Dad always got when he was being serious.
"Listen, whatever was between them is over now. So let's just play the game." Dean argued.
"I'm not sure." I said after a few moments of watching Dean and Sam wrestle over the T.V.
"What do you mean?" Sam got on the couch again and I leaned back in my chair.
"I went to go see her today, and when I was in her room her 'Dream Journal' was laying out."
"Please, tell me you didn't read it." Dean said.
"Yea, D. She would kill you if she found out." Sam explained.
"Well, I did and the dream was about me." I couldn't help but smile.
"That's not surprising." Sam said, mostly to himself.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Dean asked him.
"Uh...well, I meant that...What was in the dream?" Sam asked me ignoring Dean.
"Everything that has pretty much happened recently." I averted my eyes to Dean whose face was serious.
"So she had a dream about Kaylie dying?" Sam asked.
"Yea, and about me and her." I sighed.
"No wonder she was freaking out over the phone." Sam said, again mostly to himself.
"You talked to her?" I asked.
"It was a while ago. She called about you one night." Sam left out the part it was three in the morning and that she liked Derek.
"Why would she do that?" Dean asked.
"I don't know." Sam shrugged. "Because she cares."
"I guess it isn't completely a surprise. We did get married in her dream." I said in a weird voice.
"I can see that happening." Sam nodded.
"Oh yea, definitely." Dean nodded also.
"They would have five kids, all girls and the walls would be all pink They would all be like Casey and-" I cut them off.
"Not more keeners!" Sam and Dean laughed.
"Well...I mean it would be worth it." Sam said after the laughter died down.
"Oh gosh, Sam." I gave him a look.
"What? Casey is pretty hot." Sam held his hands up in defense.
"For a keener." Dean said.
"Yea...for a keener." I mumbled.
From there out conversation died and we ordered pizza. We spent the rest of the night watching hockey and munching on our food. Mostly I was into it but thoughts of Casey kept invading my mind. I felt like nothing was going to happen between us because she was distant and blamed me for Kaylie's death. Deep down I knew that was a lie. She was shutting herself away because in reality she blamed herself. She wished she could have done more, but then again so did I. After reading her dream I felt like things would change, some how be different between the two of us. Only because now, I was one hundred percent positive how I felt for her. How I didn't want anything to come between me and her. The reason I had for this was because I love her.
CASEY'S POV:
By mid morning Emily had to leave and that left me alone in the house for the rest of the day. Everybody else went out to go shopping and I found myself in Kaylie's room. On her desk there was an old and ragged journal. Picking it up I flipped to a random page. It was the journal where Kaylie kept all her own poems and her favorite ones. The one I flipped to was a favorite of hers, "Romance (Introduction)" By Edgar Allan Poe.
"Romance, who loves to no and sing, with drowsy head and folded wing. Among the green leaves as they shake. Far down within some shadowy lake, To me a painted paroquet. Hath been-a most familiar bird-Taught me my alphabet to say,- to lisp my very earliest word. While in the wild-wood I did lie. A child- with a most knowing eye." I read to myself out loud. "Succeeding years, too wild for song, Then roll'd the tropic storms along, Where, tho' vistas thunder-riven, The blackness of the general Heaven, That very blackness yet doth fling. Light on the lightning's silver wing."
A voice I was all too familiar with spoke behind me. "For, being an idle boy lang syne, who read Anacreon, and drank wine, I early found Anacreon rhymes. Were almost passionate sometimes- And by strange alchemy of brain. His pleasures always turn'd to pain- His naivete to wild desire- His wit to love- his wine to fire- And so, being young and dipt in folly. I fell in love with melancholy, And used to throw my earthly rest. And quite all away in jest-I could not love except where Death was mingling his with Beauty's breath-Or Hymen, Time, and Destiny. Were stalking between her and me." My back was to him but my eyes filled with tears by the passion and words of the poem.
"O, then the eternal condor years, so took the very Heavens on high, with tumult as the thunder's by; I had no time for idle cares. Thro' gazing on the unquiet sky! Or if an hour with came wing its down did on my spirit fling, That little hour with lyre and rhyme. To while away- forbidden thing! My heart half fear'd to be a crime. Unless it trembled with the gloom-The black hath mellow'd into grey, And all the fires are fading away." I turned around and looked at him as he spoke. He was walking towards me.
"My draught of passion hath been deep-I revell'd, and I now would sleep-And after -drunkeness of soul. Succeeds the glories of the bowl-An idle longing night and day. To dream my very life away." He was right in front of me, his eyes intense.
"But dreams-of those who dream as I, aspiringly, are dreamed, and die: Yet should I swear I mean alone, By notes so very shrilly blown, To break upon Time's monotone, While yet vapid joy and grief are tintless of the yellow leaf- Why not an imp the graybeard hath. Will shake his shadow in my path-And even the graybeard will o'erlook. Connivingly my dream book." He ended still looking at me in the eyes and leaned forward kissing me gently but passionately at the same time.
I kissed him back with all the passion I had inside of me. There was no reason as to why I was doing this, but I couldn't contain myself. My feelings, the way I felt about him, I pushed into the kiss. Desperately trying to make him understand how my heart fluttered around him and the way he smiles at me makes my knees go weak. That I love him.
"You read my journal." I said to him after we had pulled apart from each other.
"It was on your bed when I came to talk to you." He was panting slightly and so was I . His eyes were still intense.
"You know, I'm fuming mad at you at the moment." Our lips were centimeters apart.
"You know, I'm not going to apologize for it." I felt his smirk on my lips and my eyes were closed.
I answered by kissing him again. This time it was small and didn't last so long. He had pulled away from me and grabbed me by the shoulders. His eyes were nervous, loveable, afraid, but determined.
"Case, I know you're blaming me for her death but it's okay. I don't care, blame me but don't shut me out. Don't leave me in the hallways alone and confused. I can't take that, Casey, without you I thought I like giving up. I need you." His hands had fallen from my shoulders with his last statement.
"I don't blame you." He was looking down. "I need you too." I cupped a hand around his cheek and made him look up at me.
"You do?" He asked in almost a whisper.
"Yes, I need you Derek Venturi because I-" I was cut off by his lips crashing unto mine.
"Let's go somewhere." He pulling away from me.
I looked around the room, Kaylie's room. Everything came back, all my doubts.
"She wanted this." His voice was soft, I turned back to look at him.
"She told me, in a way." He looked around the room also.
"She did?" My voice was barely above a whisper.
"When we broke up...She knew, somehow she knew." He paused, he had tears in his eyes. "She told me before she left my room that day, that you felt the same way that I feel about you." He looked at me. "At the time I didn't believe her, until now." Out eyes locked.
"It just doesn't seem right with out her here." I said.
"I know, but this is what she wanted." He wrapped his arms around me.
I sighed into his chest.
"I miss her, Der. I miss her so much it hurts." He kissed the top of my head in understanding.
"Come on." His voice was strained.
He took me by the hand and lead me out to his car. I didn't know where we were going, why we were going or even where me and him stood in our relationship. I knew that every fiber in my being wanted to be with him. That my heart needed to now he loved me and that I love him. Looking at him now, I was afraid. Afraid somehow I would lose him too. That somewhere along the line, I would mess something up or he would...I knew that I couldn't lose him because that would ruin me. These thoughts ran through my mind the entire time we were in the car. It was late November and leaves were falling off of the trees and everything seemed to be dying. Everything was dying, not only did she die but everything else is. I knew that in the Spring the trees would come alive again, the flowers would be in bloom, and the sky, well it would be blue. I just hoped me and Derek lasted until spring, even after. I didn't want what we have now to die. Feeling his hand intertwine with mine at that moment brought me out of my stupor. I knew, oh how I knew, we would last.
DEREK'S POV:
I was in the car, with her. Can you believe it, with her. Casey, I kissed her and she kissed me back. There were no words to describe my happiness at this very moment. I could tell what she was thinking as we were driving. She was looking out the window with sad eyes. She was glancing at the scenery, at the dying trees. I didn't want to lose her wither because that would just kill me. I wasn't lying when I told her I needed her. It was the truth, she was someone that understood the pain. Although, that wasn't the only reason why I wanted to be with her. She was smart, funny, kind, talented, passionate, and most of all forgiving. She cared about people, and she was herself not matter what. Yes, she was a lot like Kaylie but I don't want her because she is a lot like Kaylie I want to be with her because she is so different from Kaylie. Kaylie was my best friend and I knew her better than anybody but our relationship was predictable, and comfortable. With Casey she keeps me on my toes, and keeps me guessing. I am almost never comfortable with her but she relaxes me. See her sad right now, was like putting a knife in my own heart. I understood so I reached out and grabbed her hand. She held mine in return and squeezed it slightly. I smiled over at her and I knew then that everything would be okay because we were together and that's all we needed. Each other.
I held her hand the entire time in the car. It wasn't as short for a drive as I remember but I didn't mind. Casey had turned the radio on and was humming along with the music. I kept quiet every now and again kissing her hand and caressing my thumb on the top of her hand. Soon enough, we came upon a small grove of trees out in the country.
"Where are we?" Casey asked.
"Me and Kaylie used to come here when we were younger. We made a pact that were never to bring anyone else here." I confessed getting out of the car.
"The why did you bring me here?" I went to her side and opened her door.
"I wanted to." I shrugged.
"What about the pact?" She was still sitting in her seat.
"Case, we were fifteen." I bent down and looked at her.
"Are you sure she won't mind?" She bit her lower lip.
"What is she going to do? Strike you down with lightning?" I smirked.
"No, but she might strike you down for going against her." She had a light smile on her face.
"She won't mind." I smiled gently at her, remembering that day when me and Kaylie first made the pact.
*FLASHBACK*
"Okay, now open your eyes." Kaylie said.
I opened my eyes to see green lush trees around us and a small pond in the center of it all. We were on the edge of the pond sitting out in the grass.
"How did you find this place?" I turned to her.
"Me and Dad used to come out here when he was teaching me to drive. One day I crashed into a tree, just over there." She pointed ahead of us. " I was so upset I ran in here. I've never brought anyone here before." She looked around.
"Why not? It's a tight place to hang." I leaned back on my elbows.
"That's it, because then it wouldn't be my place. It's the only place that reminds me of home, the place where nothing else matters." She laid next to me, looking up at the sky.
"Then why bring me here?" I asked looking down at her. Her long hair was spread out behind her and she had her eyes closed.
"I consider you my best friend. Best friends share everything." She said simply.
"The purest of friendships." I mumbled.
"Exactly." She said. " Let's make a pact." She opened her eyes.
"What kind of pact?" I was still looking at her.
"We can't tell anybody or show anybody the place, unless the relationship is pure." She sat up.
"Like a girlfriend?"
"Only if you love her, and real love, Venturi, not the I'm going to dump you in two weeks love." She pointed at me.
"Alright, Alright." I rolled my eyes. "Deal." We shook hands.
*FLASHBACK*
"It's gorgeous." Casey whispered as we entered the grove.
"I knew you would like it." I smiled.
The was a slight frost over the grass and trees, and even a think layer of ice on the pond. Now there was a bridge that lead to the other side because now it was too hard to walk around it. The trees had become over grown but still beautiful and the branches hung low.
"Was the bridge already here?" She asked pointing to it as she walked across.
"No, I built it when we were sixteen." He smiled.
"Why?" She was standing in the middle of the bridge looking at me with curious eyes.
"Kaylie's birthday." I said simply as I walked towards her.
"She said you didn't get her anything." She frowned.
"In her opinion, I didn't." I shrugged sadly at the memory. "Although, at the time I thought I did." Casey face made a confused expression.
"Part of our pact was that we could only bring someone here if we had the purest of relationships with them." I said not looking at her.
"What do you mean?" Judging by her voice I knew she had caught on.
"I brought her here for her birthday. She didn't know because I blind folded her. When she opened her eyes and saw the bridge she had a huge smile on her face" We both smiled at that.
"What did she do?" Casey asked stepping closer to me.
"Oh, she was all smiles until I told her why I brought her here...I told her that we had the purest of relationships." I said looking her in the eyes.
"You told her you loved her." She stated.
"I did." I cupped her cheek in my hand.
"That's why you brought me here." She looked me in the eyes.
I could not lie to her. In fact, I couldn't say anything to her because I was afraid of what she would do. Maybe it was too early to bring her here, and I suddenly felt so stupid. To me it had felt like I been in love with her for so long that I didn't even think about how she would react until this moment. I tensed up, and closed my eyes, then nodded.
"I love you, too Derek." She whispered and for what ever reason I sensed a but coming on.
"But?" I guessed and I opened my eyes to see her eyes filled with tears.
"I'm not ready for this." She gestured between us.
"What do you mean?" I swear we could both here my heartbreaking.
"I mean," She took a deep breath and hugged me close and I held her desperately as she explained. "I don't want to mess this up, and with us being so vulnerable there is too much of a risk of us failing. I need you, Derek and if I was to lose you. It would ruin me." She held me tighter.
"Isn't that what you're doing now? Losing me?" I was angry but I kept my arms wrapped around her.
"No, I'm keeping you on the sidelines." I felt her years through my shirt and I felt my own coming on.
"You're pushing me away." My voice cracked and she pulled away to look at me.
"I'm slowly letting you in." She wiped away a tear of mine and gave me a small kiss. "I just need time, we need time." She whispered against my lips.
I grabbed her by the waist and kissed her again, slow and passionately. I decided I hated love, it made you feel blissful but at the same time torn a whole through your heart. The one thing against them. Time.
Hey guys! Sorry that it has been so long. Things have been crazy with Dance, the Play and School work. Don't worry, more to come. SOON. (: There is still so much more that needs to happen! Don't forget to Review!
Loves,
AVA
P.S. My Twitter: AvaBell323