Lying To You
Danny knocks. Ginny comes in, followed by Ron and Harry. She plonks down on the bed beside me. She takes my hand. I clutch it blindly. Harry looks at me, eyes focusing on my bandana. I look up, seeking Ron's face. He looks like he's in pain.
"Hermione," Ginny says softly. I drag my eyes away from Ron. "You said you had to tell us something."
"I lied to you yesterday. I'm not so unfit I can't make it up a hill without virtually collapsing. I wasn't tired because I pulled an all-nighter. I just - I wanted to be normal."
"What exactly are you trying to say?" Harry asks, confusion evident. "If it isn't a bug, what is it? We're worried about you. Really worried. You were spacing out yesterday. You looked - well, frankly, you looked awful."
"I know." I smile slightly. "I'm sorry I lied. I hope you'll understand."
"Hermione, please, talk to us." Ginny looks genuinely terrified. I take a deep breath. I slide the bandana off my head and unbutton the first few buttons of my shirt to show the port.
"I haven't got a bug," I whisper, a tear sliding gently down my cheeks. "I've got breast cancer. I've been having chemotherapy. That's why we had to move here. And I wanted so badly to have friends who didn't know so I could be normal. I didn't want you to know. You don't have to hang around. I'm sorry I lied to you. I didn't slip in Chem. I had a dizzy moment because of the drugs. I'm sorry I lied." Ginny bursts into tears.
"Oh, Hermione, no!"
"Is that why you cut your hair?"
"My doctor told me I'd have more chance of keeping it if it was shorter - less strain on the roots. I'm sorry."
"Don't," Ron says, his voice harsh. "Don't you dare apologise. I would have done the same." Harry gazes at me.
"Cancer?"
"Advanced and aggressive. If the chemo and the radiotherapy don't beat it, I may have to have - have a - a mastectomy." He nods slowly.
"Would you agree to meet my mother?"
"Why?"
"She had breast cancer a few years back. You might - you could chat." I snort with laughter through my tears.
"Harry, can you do me a favour?" Ron breaks in. "Take Ginny downstairs. I want to talk to Hermione." Ginny gives me a hard hug and then slips away.
I stare up at Ron. I hold out my bandana.
"I don't suppose you know how to put these things back on?" He takes the bandana from me and slips it back on. "Sit down, you plonker." I say thickly, patting the bed beside me.
"How long?"
"About a month. Three more weeks of chemo, then a break, then the radiotherapy. Then - well, then they'll review. I have another test this week, to see if the chemo is having any effect. If it is, they'll carry on. If not - well, what has to be done, has to be done."
"Shit, Hermione," he mumbles. "Why the hell didn't you tell me?"
"Would you honestly have stuck around? I wouldn't have let you stay. I don't ask you to stay now. I don't want you to watch me go through this." I leave the fact that I don't him to watch me die hanging. I might still. If they can't beat it. I may be staring at Death again. He reaches out and takes my hand.
"Tough. I'm not planning on going anywhere. The only thing that's changed now is that I know. It won't make me leave. I won't let you do this alone." I look up at him. What's he saying? He leans back against the wall. He holds his arms out. "Can I hold you?" he asks, not taking his eyes from mine. He wraps me up in his arms and I rest my head on his chest. I feel safe. "I'm not leaving you."
"This isn't going to be easy."
"Then I'll bear it with you. Get used to it - I'm not going to go anywhere." He tilts my face up, letting his eyes meet mine again. "You're more beautiful now than I've ever seen you. You can beat this." His kiss is gentle. His hand on my waist steadies me. He takes my hand. He brushes the tears from my cheeks with gentle touches of his thumbs.
"We'll go as slowly as you need to."