Fate's Twisted Whims

a Bleach fanfiction

by: Sakura Onna

Chapter 4: Yuki Hana

Sakura sat on the roof of her dorm staring out into the night doing her best to keep her mind empty. She chewed her lower lip with out realising it, wearing the flesh so thin at it would most likely start bleeding soon, and she held her arms tight enough that her short nails were starting to dig into her skin. She didn't want to deal with the painful ache inside her heart or the emotions swirling within her. It was much easier to run away from the pain inside then face it down. It was easier to push others away then to put her trust in them. She wouldn't share her burden with anyone but herself, not even Kukaku, or Ganju, or Ryuku could get through the barrier she was forming around herself and her pain. She didn't even notice when Ryuku knelt beside her on the roof until he tried to get her fingers to uncurl from around her arm.

"Go away, Ryuku-kun. Leave me alone." her voice was deadpan but she didn't struggle against him as he got each finger to slowly release its grip on her arms.

"No! I'm not going away, Sakura-san! You can't keep doing these things to yourself! I won't allow it!" he fiercely stated as he carefully held her hands then began to inspect the places her hands had gripped her arms. A small groan past his lips as he saw the ten crescent moon indentations her nails had created start to fill with blood. He hated seeing her hurt herself. Ryuku muttered a small incantation and carefully put his hands on her wounded arms applying a healing kido. He then placed one of his fingers against her bottom lip healing it as well even though he knew she was going to chew it again later on and undo his effort. He tried to plead with her to see reason once more. "Sakura-san, you aren't the only person in the three worlds who has ever felt pain. You can't keep carrying this burden alone. You have to share it."

Sakura turned her face away from him and stood, "If you won't go away I will."

Ryuku's eyes widened and he reached out grabbing her wrist, "No! Sakura-san, please!"

She yanked her hand out of his grasp and started to walk away wordlessly. Ryuku jumped to his feet and moved to block her path but she just went around him as if he wasn't there. She ignored the hurt in his eyes as she walked away and out of sight.

"I love you, Sakura. . ." Ryuku whispered to the empty night air and full moon above, "but you are meant for someone else, it seems." a sad smile crossed his face. " Who ever he is, he is either the luckiest guy in the worlds or he is the most damned."

--------

Weeks past and graduation of another year of students from the Academy drew closer. This time it was Sakura, Ryuku, and Shion's year that would be graduating in to the thirteen court guard squads, Kido Corps, and Stealth Force. Many within the year began to talk with excitement of what their appointment might be after graduation and what their zanpakuto power may have. Some students sat and argued with each other on both subjects, others were busy analyzing other students skills instead of their own, and some just ignored the coming graduation and treated it like it didn't exist.

--------

"What do you mean by 'special recruit', Old Man Yama? I thought we were given are new recruits based on their skills and personality," Captain Shunsui Kyoraku looked at the Head Captain like he was insane. "By the way it sounds this person you're trying to saddle me with belongs in Squad 11 under Captain Zaraki not my squad."

"You'll take this one into your squad and make it so they can be in any of the squads and function well. It is anger and pain that fuels their misbehavior. Take that away and they will beyond a doubt be very obedient and loyal to the Soul Society. You will know what I mean and why I am assigning them to you went you see them." Head Captain Yamamoto replied with authority then turned to leave the Captain of Squad 8 to his own doings and have a word with Captain Zaraki about the other of the problem children, so to speak.

"Will you at least say the name of the brat you're forcing on me?!" Captain Kyoraku shouted as he ran to the doorway to try to catch Yamamoto.

"You'll know her, when you see her. Trust me."

"Some help you are old man," Captain Kyoraku muttered as he leaned on the door frame watching the Head Captain walk away. "Who ever this person is they must have really caught your attention to warrant a personal visit to inform me I'm getting stuck with them."

"Captain! What do you think you're doing?! Get back to you desk and finish signing those papers!" A young woman wearing glasses shouted when she came around a corner to see her captain leaning on the door frame.

"Come on, Nanao-chan, can't you have a little sympathy for an old man? I just got told by the Head Captain himself that we're going to be getting a known trouble starter added to our squad whether we like it or not. And this person's way of acting, from what I heard, is much more typical of Squad 11 members. They start fights at the slightest provocation, have a very foul mouth and aren't afraid to use it, have very little respect for authority and are going to be a nightmare scenario for the rest of us. And for what? Apparently we're gonna be the guinea pigs of finding out if they can be tamed down to where they're no different from your normal run of the mill non Squad 11 member shinigami." Captain Kyoraku did his best to make himself look as pathetic as possible as he spoke in the hope that his lieutenant, Nanao Ise, would take pity on him and let him skip on the rest of the paperwork for awhile.

"That trick isn't going to work, Captain. Get your lazy ass back in there and finish the paperwork! Worry about the problems with the new coming members later!" Nanao scolded brandishing the large heavy book in her hands threateningly.

"Alright! Alright! I'm going! You know I spoil you, right , my Nanao-chan?" the captain stood straight and had begun to go back in his office when he said the last part.

"I don't care! Get back to work! And since when have I been your Nanao-chan?!"

-------------

Sakura was barely aware of the passing days, just that it took a little too much effort to pay attention to the others. She started to take to ditching class as she couldn't focus anyway. All she knew was that one day, about two weeks or so before graduation, was that everyone began to get their zanpakuto's powers. Ryuku's zanpakuto, as expected by everyone, was one with healing abilities rather than injuring or killing. Shion's as well was as expected to be, was a weapon meant to maim and injure. As each of the top students of each possible category had their power revealed to them many watched Sakura with interest. Was she fire type zanpakuto? Kido based? Water? Earth? Shadow? Did she even have a zanpakuto with a power in it? As the days passed without her power being revealed the questions kept mounting. Is she even able to communicate with her zanpakuto? Can she even find her inner world? Or was she in her own little world too much to be able to truly look within herself? Is she even going to be allowed to be a shinigami with her way of behaving now? What will be done with her if she can't be a shinigami? Should she even be allowed to be a shinigami with how much of a menace she can be? What type of zanpakuto fits that? Does she even have a zanpakuto in her soul? The talk continued on and on among both students and staff as Sakura soon became the only one of the students with any degree of outstanding skills who had not found the inner power of their spirit. Some of the instructors wondered if what had caused her shift in behavior had something to do what that. Some who remembered her before the change wondered if she would return to her old self if she found her inner world and her zanpakuto. Some wondered if there was a way to safely keep her from being unleashed on the worlds without risking their jobs. Some wondered if there was a way to "lead" her to her inner world and get it all over with. They were getting sick of wondering and worrying over Sakura's path that she might take.

The reason everyone wondered so much about her was because ones zanpakuto reveals much about them and their personality as well as their spirit. Those who are intense and with a fiery personality tend to have the fire type for example. Or those like Captain Aizen of Squad 5 who have an illusion type tend to be good liars and deceivers (*hint, hint*). Those who are sadistic tend to have zanpakuto that help them achieve such things with poison or paralysis. Sakura's sides that she had shown made it hard for them to predict what her power was....

Sakura lounged on the roof of one of the Academy buildings letting herself absorb the sunlight that beat down on her. The day was unseasonably warm for spring and she knew she didn't need to worry about being disturbed by anyone because everyone but her was away on a trip to the human world to practice konso, soul funerals. Well,actually it was a younger year's trip but after that one incident a few years ago where a couple hollows that could hide their spiritual pressure so how got in the secured environment used for such trips, older more experienced students were brought with for added security ever since. She was one of the ones who would have been brought with if some of the instructors hadn't decided it was best she stayed behind. It didn't bother Sakura any that she wasn't allowed to go. This gave her a chance to find some comfort in the nice weather they were having. Sakura yawned and streched as she settled against the tiles more. She brought her arm up to shield her eyes from the bright light and stared at the sky watching what few clouds there were. She didn't mind the warmth of the sun that much but she found herself wishing there was snow and ice still for some reason.

"You want snow do you?" a voice whispered in Sakura's ear making her jump almost a jumped to her feet instantly and looked around her. She saw no one on the roof with her.

"Who are you?! Show yourself!" Sakura demanded her hand on her asauchi and her eyes shifting over everything warily. Was it one of the other students using kido to hide themselves so they could torment her?

"I am the one who knows you better than any one else," a hand touched Sakura's shoulder and she whirled around to confront the owner of it.

A gasp escaped Sakura and her hand feel away from the asauchi at what she saw. No longer was she on the roof of the Academy building bathed in sunlight. All around her snow swirled on the sudden chill wind and glistened on the branches of trees that were bare of their leaves. In the distance in all directions she saw a blizzard raging making it hard to see very far. It was almost like where she stood was the eye of a very deadly storm. The world was locked in the dead of winter. Sakura turned to her right on instinct and saw a woman who was very beautiful in Sakura's opinion. She wore a pure white kimono with a white fur pelt of some animal over her shoulders. Her hair was as white as fresh snow and fell loose to almost the ground. Her eyes were a very light, unearthly blue that made Sakura think of ice. She was around the same height and build as Sakura, and her skin was pale. Sakura looked down at her feet and saw that the woman was bare foot.

"Who are you?" Sakura asked again returning to the woman's face. "Where is this place?"

"As I said I am the one who knows you better than anyone else. I have shouted in your ear countless times and you have ignored me, Sakura Hideyori. You should know this place as it is your inner world. Now you know why you always felt at home in the snow and cold when others would have frozen to death."

Sakura stared at the woman gaining some comprehension. So she was the manifestation of her zanpakuto, "I never heard your voice before-"

"Because you had your ears stuffed with foolish ignorance! Because you were running from yourself at every turn! If you would have just faced the facts, admitted you miss your family, that you miss Kaien and Miyako, and stopped being a dumb ass you would have heard me sooner, wench!!! Tell me why I should even bother letting you wield me after your foolish behavior!!!" the woman shouted stomping her foot and glaring at Sakura.

Sakura was silent at her words knowing there was a ring of truth to them. She thought for a few moments then finally spoke, "You're very blunt and to the point. Yell at me when I make a mistake, tell me when I step right. You can help keep me from being an idiot. You would know better than anyone when either happens since you are a part of me."

The woman crossed her arms over her chest and gave Sakura a doubtful look, "You have pushed away your friends and tried to push me away without realising it. What will keep you from trying to do so again in the future? Will you stop hating yourself and taking it out on others?"

"I don't hate myself!" Sakura denied instantly.

"Yes, you do. What else is that pool of burning disgust that has been eating away at your insides for years now? You hate yourself because your family died and you lived. You don't think you're worthy of it. Kaien and Miyako's deaths only added fuel to the fire. You hurt those that love you because you hate yourself and you want them to hate you too. You can't hide your emotions from me, Sakura. Your heart is the source of the strength of your spirit. Your heart is in chaos because you haven't allowed yourself to grieve putting your spirit into chaos as well," the woman's eyes softened and she moved forward catching Sakura in a hug startling her. "Alright. I'll help you, Sakura, but you need to make an effort to find peace in your heart. Okay? I can only do so much the rest you have to do yourself. Listen well because I'll say my name only one more time. If you don't hear it this time I won't say it again. Understand?"

Sakura nodded letting herself be held for the first time since Kaien and Miyako died, not trusting her voice.

"My name is Yuki Hana, the Snow Flower. To use my shikai you have to say 'Bloom and shatter, Yuki Hana'." Yuki Hana released Sakura and smiled slightly, "Don't be so hard on Ryuku, alright?"

"I can try," Sakura said softly as she returned to standing on the roof top. She glanced at the sword at her side and her eyes widened a bit. Now there was a true zanpakuto as well as the asauchi at her side The grip on the hilt of the zanpakuto was wrapped in a medium blue colored cord and there was a matching piece of fabric on the sheath. The guard was pure black, and a cerulean blue braided cord came off of the pommel. The braided cord was held in its braid by a deep red bead and a knot at the end. Sakura drew her zanpakuto and examined the blade with a smile as it reflected the sunlight. She started facing herself a bit at that moment with the thought that Kaien would most likely be proud of her for gaining her real zanpakuto and not just the asuachi the Academy had issued. Speaking of which her next task was going to have to be returning the asauchi....

---------

The difference that started to show in Sakura before graduation after she gained Yuki Hana shocked most of everyone and brought a small ray of hope for her back in Ryuku's heart. Her eyes once more were losing their feral quality and she didn't seek out so many fights.

--------

The change from the red and white uniform she had worn for six years to the black shihakusho of a shinigami and member of the thirteen court guard squads was a strange one for Sakura. She had to wonder in a way how she had even made it out of the Academy with her behavior in her last years there.

Sakura raced through the twisting and turning streets of the seireitei to her new squad, a piece of paper getting crunched in her hand that she glanced at on occasion to check she was heading in the right direction. She could understand now why some squad members get lost in their first years in the squads, every street pretty much looked the same. She was to a degree looking forward to starting in her squad but had a sense of forboding as well. Something unpleasent was going to show up somewhere along the way. A soft growl escaped Sakura's throat as she found herself running smack dab into a dead end as she turned another corner. She made a quick choice and leapped on to the closest rooftop and continued on her way via the rooftops which gave her a better view of where she was heading. She passed Squad 10 and Squad 9's barracks before she reached her squad's. She heard some little snippets of comments about her made by squad members she past over, but she paid them no mind. She came to a stop in front of a door with a large 8 painted on it and rested for a few moments to steel her spine before she knocked on the door.

"Come in!" came a resigned voice from inside the office and Sakura slid the door open.

"Sakura Yori reporting in," Sakura stated looking at the man who sat behind the desk with a white captain's haori on under a woman's kimono. He looked extremely flamboyant and like he had never taken a day seriously in his life. Sakura instantly questioned her squad assignment and if she should request a transfer.

Captain Kyoraku looked up from the stack of papers Nanao had shoved at him earlier to look at the new recruit Old Man Yama had forced on him and he was surprised. This young woman before him didn't look like she could cause a bazillion fights at the Academy or cuss out almost every instructor there. Hell, she looked adorable with the light blue ribbon she had tied her long light brown hair back with! Was Old Man Yama going senile or something? He pondered what the Head Captain had said about knowing her when he saw her and the meaning eluded him until he took a good look at her face. Then realization hit him like a lightening bolt. Tadakatsu and Ai's youngest girl!?

Well I'll be damned! So one of them did survive. That explains the Old Man's interest, but why'd he put her in my squad? He knows it was Ukitake she had more of a bond with and liked more when she was a kid. Why didn't he put her in his squad? Wait, she has anger issues? Oh, boy. You did just send me a hellion, didn't you Old Man Yama?!

"Well then, Sakura-chan, welcome to Squad 8!" Kyoraku said as brightly as he could as he stood from his seat, which creeped Sakura out more than a little. "Well, I don't know quite what you maybe expecting for your placement in the squad but I'm putting you as 20th seat." Sakura's look of disbelief made him pause for only a few seconds before continuing. "I think this is more than fair given your record at the Academy."

"I got top marks in most of my classes! How is that fair?!"

"You may have gotten good grades for the most part but that doesn't mean much when compared to your behavior. Skill means nothing if you don't have discipline to go with it."

Sakura sighed as she heard Yuki Hana give a ringing agreement with the captain, "Very well. What are my duties around barracks then?"

A/N: Okay, I guess I lied a bit about taking my time with Sakura's years at the Academy. =P I know it'll be at least one or two chapters of Sakura's time in Squad 8 for sure, a transition chapter maybe, and then Byaku will show up quite a bit and you guys will see why when the time comes. I hope that you'll all be patient enough with me for that long. Review if you like this chapter or if you don't, it don't matter to me which because I want to hear what you guys think. =D So please click that button with green words in it at the bottom of the page that says "Review".