Decisions And Chocolate Cake

Judgement day. That's what all this feels like, this morning, with the scarlet sky and frost glowing red under the dawn light. It seems appropriate. It looks like a giant has opened up an enormous vial of blood and spilt it, staining sea, sky and ground with red. It's Wednesday. It's decision day. And even though I've made it, the thoughts, the doubts, the terror are all thundering around my head like an express train. I feel like I'm getting in a car to go and meet death, and do battle with him, instead of going to see my consultant and telling him I have made the right decision - the one which actually, ironically, might well save my life. But I still feel like I'm going to spontaneously combust at any point. I'm scared, and at the same time I'm resigned. I'm ready for this - up to the point where I know I will have to say the words.

I close my diary and get out of the car. The hospital looks oddly reassuring, a nurse and a doctor talking as they walk through the doors together, another nurse pushing an old man in a wheelchair. My mother squeezes my hand, Danny latches an arm securely around my waist. Ron is standing with my father, talking in a low tone. My father glances at me, and Ron gestures as he keeps talking. My father answers him, making motions with his hands as if he's asking a question.

"Are you two coming?" My mother asks, looking back at them.

"We will," Dad answers, looking at us. "We'll meet you inside. I need to talk to Ron."

"You won't miss it, will you, Daddy?" I ask. "Both of you, I want you both there."

"We will be, Mione, I promise," Ron says.

RPOV

I watch her walk inside. She seems so tiny next to Danny and her mum, so thin and fragile.

"You aren't going to leave her, are you?"

"No way. The only way I would leave her is if I was forced to - and even then, I'd try and find my way back."

"Ronald, I won't get angry, but I need you to answer my next question truthfully."

"I will."

"Are you with her just because you're afraid she'll crumble if you leave? Are you with her out of pity, or sympathy? Are you with her for the sake of her?"

"I'm with her because I love her. I feel sorry for her, of course I do. Nobody should have to do what she's doing today, and she's going through it at the age of seventeen. Of course I'm scared she'd suffer if I left - but it isn't why I've stayed." He looks at me. I see his son, in a few years time. And he's got Hermione's eyes. The colour of cinnamon.

"Good. Well, she wants us there, and I guess we'd better."

She's scared. She clings to my hand like a drowning man would cling to a life-belt. the consultant calls her name, she kisses me, leaves me behind. Danny stays with me. She holds her fathers hand now.

HPOV

"I need your decision, Hermione."

"Yes. I'll have the operation. But I want to ask you something first."

"Yes? Anything I can help you with -"

"Is there any chance, with this operation, that the cancer will come back?"

"Yes. This isn't a fail-safe way of preventing cancer. You'll still have a risk to the other breast."

"Then I want you to take both breasts. Full mastectomy."

"Hermione, this is not something I'd advise -"

"Doctor, you have said it yourself, there is risk that this cancer will come back."

"A risk yes, but -"

"But, nothing. If this comes back, doctor, I won't have the strength to fight it. I won't survive another bout. I want you to take both breasts. I'll think about reconstructive surgery later."

RPOV

When she tells me the decision she made in there, I cried. She'd stroked my hair, soothed me. I couldn't believe it. She seemed so determined and so unbelievably brave. She'll go into hospital this Saturday. She'll have the operation on Sunday. I take her down to the beach, and we lie on the sand together, her wearing my sweater, her hands in mine.

"How can you not be afraid?"

"I am. I'm terrified."

"Then, why?"

"Because I'm by far and away more scared of death."

A/N: Make what you will of that last sentence. Sorry this has taken such ages. Writer's block. Badly. As a result, I know this chapter is not up to my usual standard. Please forgive me. Reviews! I do love them, honest I do.
This is nearly over, this story. It's been an emotional rollercoaster, and i hope you people have liked it. Few more chapters to go yet, though!