Sorry its taken so long to update. Writer's block sucks....
Disclaimer:
Alice is who I am
I like to hang out with my vampire fam
I see the future all the time
And I like to make an awesome rhyme
Stephenie Meyer created me
And for this I'm super-happy
So Dahlia, Evelyn, and Ava too
Just wrote this story, not the characters, for you
EPOV
As I drove over to Newton's house, I was fuming with anger at Alice. Yes, Alice. Not Emmett. I personally thought that Alice went a little overboard with my girly get-up, but I suppose I have no choice but to go along with it. She put me in a flimsy white floral dress and flat shoes, which felt really weird because they were so delicate that I had to be careful so as to not kick them off when I walked. Then she got some dangly clip-on earrings and a sparkly necklace to match--- UGH. She then dug up a shiny orange purse as an accessory--- much to my dismay. Along with all of the makeup, there was only one component left. The worst part of my outfit, or the best in Alice's opinion... a blonde wig, with curls down to my shoulders, side bangs and a pink headband to boot. (AN - outfit on profile) If vampires could be destroyed more easily, I'd be thinking about assassinating Alice right now.
I groaned as pulled up in from of Mike's house. Sitting there, I "listened" in on Mike's thoughts, and found that he was home alone. Perfect. I was ready to make my move.
EM POV
After running to Mike's house with Alice and Jasper, camera in hand, I found myself setting up the camera on recording setting at the right angle in front of the house, but out of Mike's view. I watched as Edward, or should I say Edwina, climbed out of her precious Volvo, slamming the door with annoyance and shattering the window in the process. She walked up the long driveway, and stood on the doorstep. With a sigh, I watched her ring the doorbell twice. There was a long pause before Mike showed up at the door. At first glance of the lady standing in his doorway, his eyes widened. I wasn't sure if he was repulsed, or if he had taken a liking to my brother, I mean sister…wait. Sigh. This gender stuff is confusing.
EPOV
"Hey baby," Mike said, a smile forming across his face.
"Hey there hot stuff," I replied, imitating Rosalie as best as I could. "I'm new in town and though you could help me out," I said, running my hand up and down his deflated bicep.
"Of course," he responded as he began to giggle, his face turning up like an over inflated circus pony. His thoughts weren't pretty either . . . trust me. He opened the door wider, and motioned for me to come inside. I did a little curtsy with my dress, and entered the kitchen. I heard him say, "Welcome to my humble abode," while closing the door. God help me.
APOV
This was too freakin' good. I can't believe I was able to squeeze him into that dress though. I was holding back my laughter as I stood there next to Emmett with the camera and Jasper, who was holding back his own snickers. I nudged Emmett with my arm, as I knew Mike was going to invite him inside within the second. He picked up his equipment, and we walked around to back of the house. There we found a rather large window. How convenient I thought to myself.
EPOV
I walked after Mike through the kitchen and noticed there were some pictures of Mike as a kid on the fridge. Ha. What a momma's boy, I thought still trying to hold in a chuckle. I quickly grabbed a picture of him last year hugging his mom in a pink bunny suit at the Easter Festival. I would give it to Emmett later. Yeah, I was getting payback at him for setting his sights on my Bella. I found myself in the spacious living room, but it was nowhere near as large as the one in our own house. Mike sat down on the couch, a glass of pink lemonade in hand, very manly, I thought.
"So, do your feet hurt? Cause you've been running through my mind." he questioned. After that line, it took all my energy to not snort and start laughing. Ahh. The irony. Well thanks to a little gift of mine your sick, twisted, hubris, perverted, warped, deviant, depraved, corrupt, abnormal, unhealthy, aberrant, distorted, debauched, debase, and disturbed thoughts have been "running through my mind" I thought to myself.
"Oh um yeah no. But I was at the local pub with a few friends, and someone said that you were quite the lady's man and that you know a great Mexican restaurant," I quickly replied, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible. Oh crap. I could see Emmett with a camera and Alice crowding the window behind the couch. Jasper was standing behind them, an amused look on his smug face. I tried to read their minds, but to no prevail; I found nothing useful. Emmett was literally thinking of nothing. And Alice was giggling in her head if that was even possible. And then I went to Jasper's mind, and I found him to be reciting some Civil War book in Swedish. Okay, now I knew he was up to something. I looked back to Mike, who had a bemused look oh his face.
"Um…what are you trying to imply love buckets?" he answered, still completely confused. I mentally smacked myself on the forehead. This kid is a douchbag. Wait . . . did he just call me love buckets?
"What I mean is would you like to go out sometime?" I hastily spat out, unsure if he actually heard me.
MPOV
I was in shock. This babe wanted to go out with me. Me, little ol' Mike Newton. Well, why wouldn't she? I thought to myself. I am quite the man, I mean I exercised with one of my mom's workout tapes, Buns of Steel, yesterday for an hour because my buns were looking a bit saggy and I had to work off my thunder thighs. I was about to reply when all of a sudden a strong emotion began to rip through me like a blazing sharp knife. But this sensation did not hurt . . . it was rather nice. Could I be . . . in love?
I was utterly confused, but I was enjoying it. Rather abruptly I leaned in, ready for a kiss.
Come to Mikey, I thought as I closed my eyes.
JPOV
OMIGOD! This was so great. I had only come with Alice since she said my expertise was going to be needed, and how could I refuse my loving wife? But, frankly I was quite enjoying myself. I had just sent out a large wave of lust and love in Mike's direction, and now I was watching him pucker up, ready for a smooch. I was laughing so hard, that I wasn't even making sound. Edward's face was hilarious. I could sense confusion, anger, and a teeny bit of lust coming off of him. Ooops. I must have sent out a little too much to Mike, and some of it hit Edward. Or was that his feelings . . . This was absolutely brilliant. I looked over at my siblings, to find their face scrunched up in pain from keeping in their laughter. Alice was well as cute as always. Emmett though, was zooming in on the scene with the video recorder, and he looked like if it were possible, he would have soiled himself by now. I was so getting brownie points for this one.
I continued to observe the scene playing out in front of me, and saw Edward had composed himself. Due to my vampire hearing, I could catch every word they were saying.
"Oh gosh, look at the time," Edward practically yelled, his curls in his wig bouncing up and down as he backed away about ten feet from Mike's face. The funny thing was he didn't have a watch on yet he looked at his wrist anyway. "I really must leave." I felt surges of disappointment coming from Mike's direction as he opened his eyes to find little Edwina halfway across the room. A frown covered his features.
"Oh right," he replied his voice lacking excitement. I watched as Edwina practically ran through the kitchen as fast as possible without looking inhuman. His skirts flew up a bit. Oh god. Not a pretty sight. Oh crud. He probably just heard me say that. Oh well, he knows I like to speak—er think the truth.
EPOV
I stopped real quick and shoved a business card in Mike's direction. Alice had given me it before we had left the house, and it had the title Killer Nails written on it. Apparently that was where I worked. It also had the name "Edwina Honeycutt" on it, and my cell number as well with the message "If you ever want your cuticles done" handwritten on the back.
"Call me!" I yelled as the final line to my script, though I so wish he wouldn't. I quickly ran to my Volvo, hoping Mike wouldn't recognize the car, and jumped inside not even noticing the shards of glass around the car. I sped down the street as fast as possible, knowing my siblings were following on foot. I was going to be teased for this for ages. I "listened" to their response and heard, much to my dismay; all of them were singing, out loud and in their head, "Edward and Mike sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage. That's not all, That's not all . . . I tried to tune out their singing and booms of laughter as I thought to myself welcome to hell Edward . . . welcome to hell.
Once at home, I ran at vampire speed upstairs and into the bathroom. Locking the door, I took off all the jewelry and the wig. Then I grabbed a set of fresh clothes, and hopped into the shower, hoping my shame would wash off like the make up that was thick on my face.
After my shower, I walked downstairs, ready for the wrath of my siblings' bullying, and constant teasing. It was silent. Okay, this is odd I thought to myself. The only person I could find was Rosalie who was sitting in a large armchair, reading some fashion magazine. I "listened" to everyone's minds and found Emmett in his room, but he was singing in his head, "That's Not My Name" by the Ting Tings. Oh god. I tuned out his mind quickly as that was one of the most annoying songs of the 21st century. I found Alice's mind not too far away from the house, and heard Jazzy and I are going hunting from the woods. Okay, I could care less what they did really. Though I was still a bit suspicious about Emmett and what he was doing, and I was pretty pissed at Jasper for sending those waves of lust to Mike. Oh well, revenge will have to wait for another time, and I sat down at my piano, and proceeded to play Bella's lullaby.
Alright. Thanks for reading the third chapter of this story. Hmm...I've always wondered if anyone ever reads these footnotes. Either way I like them. Anyways, make sure to review as always!
Thanks,
Dahlia, Evelyn, and Ava!
this chapter was written by me, Dal, with help from evie and ava as well.