Going Insane

Sarah was going insane.

It was all so obvious now. She was slowly and inescapably losing her mind.

First it was her load of whites. She took them downstairs to the basement of her apartment building, washed them, dried them, brought them all back up folded ever so neatly and went to bed before putting them away (because she was tired and maybe just a little bit lazy). When she woke up (in a panic because she was late for work) she ran to her laundry basket, intent on wearing all white that day—because all of her other clothes were dirty—and found that she had no underwear. She had no lacy white bra, none of her white thongs, not even the regular cotton pair with the tiny pink flower on them.

Nothing. She went through the motions of her laundry the night before and was almost certain she'd folded them and put them in the basket. Almost. But then her alarm clock—the one she set to remind her that she had twenty minutes to be at work—rang and Sarah decided that she would have to brave her day wearing her 'in case of emergency' underwear. They were something that Karen would have approved of (seeing as how Sarah had bought them with Karen) and her mother would have fainted from in horror. But they were all that Sarah had, and her red bra wasn't really all that dirty. Besides, she was late for work and it was an emergency. She would just have to hunt down her missing underwear when she got home.

Only, she couldn't find them, not that day nor any other.

Next she did her blacks. Three bras, ten pairs of underwear, all in varying styles and with different adornments. Those went missing. She put them into her basket, brought them up to her apartment, set the basket down to make dinner, and when she came back they were gone, but nothing was out of place. Nothing to indicate that some scary stalker had come in and rifled through her laundry.

So she had to be going insane. There was no other explanation.

It continued to happen. After her black underwear disappeared her colours went. And soon the only thing she had left was an old trainer bra (Sarah thought she'd thrown those away years ago!) and her granny panties (Sarah turned down a very handsome looking date because of them). And then she didn't even have those (she'd washed them in her sink like she was some refugee and when she turned her back they disappeared).

So Sarah decided that she wasn't insane, merely misplacing all her underwear. So she looked through every drawer and cupboard in her bedroom, pulling out pile after pile of clothing, sorting it, searching everywhere. She even took to ripping her sock balls apart (just in case a thong had managed to wriggle its way in there).

Nothing. Not one bra, not one tiny scrap of underwear.

She was stark naked, searching through every piece of clothing she owned, and was obviously insane. Certifiably insane. All that was left to do was to check herself into the nearest psychiatric ward…if only she could find some underwear to put on first. She let out a shout of frustration. Then Sarah turned—intent to search one last time. And froze. There he stood, staring at her, a slight smirk on his face, and it all clicked into place.

"You!"

Why hadn't she thought of it before? He had sent the goblins after her, and now he was obviously resorting to psychological warfare. Well! She wouldn't take Jareth's game laying down. No sir!

Sarah attacked. She had him on his back in no time with her hands around his neck. Maybe if he feared for his life he'd return her underwear to her (that or Sarah would have a dead Goblin King in her bedroom, and she honestly didn't care, she was so mad). But apparently Jareth didn't feel bad about stealing her underwear and driving her crazy, because he didn't even have the decency to die without a fight, no, instead he flipped her over and grabbed her hands (which made strangling him all the more difficult). Sarah had had enough, first he sent those horrible goblins after her, then he drove her insane by slowly flitching her underwear.

Well, if threatening him wouldn't work perhaps demanding would. "Give me back my underwear!" The pompous ass just stared at her.

Sarah growled, feeling more like a crazed wolf than some naked woman…naked! Sarah shrieked and kicked out at Jareth. How dare he! He had been distracting her! No, his whole plan must have been to get her naked (to humiliate her!) by stealing all her under things. Sarah lunged to her feet, intent on meeting him head on. Only he wasn't there. He was still on the ground, curled into a ball (like he was really fooling anyone!).

Sarah hissed, grabbed a pair of pantyhose that were lying on the ground, rushed over to Jareth, and set about tying his hands to her bedpost. She was going to get her underwear back one way or another…just as soon as she put some clothes on.