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¨°º¤ø„¸ CHAPTER THREE ¸„ø¤º°¨

¸„ø¤º°¨ NERD!, SLUT!, HEAD! AND PUSSY!. WHAT ?¨°º¤ø„¸

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THE GREAT HALL, SLYTHERIN TABLE

"Damn, what's up with the Gryffindor's this morning?" Draco asked doing a double take as the doors to the Great Hall burst dramatically open and strutting into the hall came Weasley clinging on to a sexy ass Hermione Granger- wait, I did not just say that Granger was sexy, Draco thought shaking his head. Potter was on Granger's right with Weaslette in his arms and looking very smug; behind them were two very fat red-headed twins looking rather lost and confused- wait, fat twins? And behind the fatties came the rest of Gryffindor house making their way to their table for breakfast.

Blaise had noticed that his attention wasn't on the conversations anymore and seemed a little put out. "What the hell are you staring at Draco?" he asked turning around to see exactly what was more interesting than Quidditch.

"What the fuck is going on?!" Draco exclaimed suddenly making his whole house give him funny looks before they turned around to see just what he was looking at. As he eyed Hermione with his storm grey eyes- who had just so happened to sit just behind Blaise who sat directly across from Draco- he couldn't help but think that whatever had brought it about, this change was good. Very, very good indeed .

The Slytherin's were in shock. Draco glanced behind him to see that it wasn't only the Slytherin's that were surprised though- the Ravenclaw's and Hufflepuff's had stopped eating- some had forkfuls of food halfway between their plates and mouths- and none of them were talking.

Blaise was the first to regain his ability to speak. "I don't know what the hell is going on but I sure like what I'm seeing," he told them with a smirk as he watched four of the Gryffindor girls- Julie Parkes, Rachael Codnor, Natalia Fairboure and Thelma Holmes- pass their spot at the table, all four of them wearing some of the shortest black miniskirts that he had ever seen.

"Look at them yummy Gryffindor boys," Pansy muttered from Draco's left as she eyed six fine ass Gryffindor boys - who Draco thought were named Coote, Peakes, Suri, Claverdon, Fogarty and Swann- who were following the skirtless girls closely and looking like they owned the place.

"Is that fucking Longbottom with Brown, Patil, Robins and Spinnet clinging onto him?" Theodore asked looking just as confused as he sounded from his seat between Vince and Greg. Across from him Pansy was still eyeing Ritchie Coote and did not answer; while Vince and Greg were just glaring at the obese twins as they pulled more food than Weasel could ever eat onto their plates.

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At the next table the Gryffindor's sat in a Slytherin-like manner and pretended that this behaviour was nothing out of the ordinary for them.

"I think that our entry performance exceeded all expectations," Harry whispered to the twins, who were sitting across from him, as he grabbed his customary plate of eggs, bacon and toasted bread.

"Yeah," was the muttered response from fat George while fat Fred said, "haey." Both red heads seemed to be enjoying being fed by their girlfriends Angelina and Katie , who just nodded in response to Harry's question as they stared at their fat boyfriends in Oz.

A little further up the table Hermione was playing her part of Malfoy very well. "Ron get off of me, I'm trying to eat!' She yelled at him, acting annoyed though inside she was struggling not to laugh.

"But Mione," Ron pouted playing along and gave her puppy dog eyes.

"No buts Weasley," she snapped and pushed him away, "now let go of me and let me eat in peace."

Ron gave a dramatic sigh saying, "fine Mione," and proceeded to turn away from Hermione and start a conversation with Dean and Seamus- who were acting like the Slytherin chasers Urquhart and Vaisley- about his new robes.

"Hey, Neville, don't take all the girls for yourself mate," Seamus yelled, ignoring Ron's attempts at conversing with him. Beside him Dean was saying, "yeah leave some for us," as he watched most of the Gryffindor, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw girls throwing themselves at him. Neville merely smirked and returned to flirting with them all.

Two boys whistled at Hermione and Ginny as they made their way over to Ritchie, Jimmy and friends who were at the end of the Gryffindor table trying vainly to talk game to some of the girls who were advancing on Neville.

"Hey guys," Hermione said seductively to them with a wink- which made them blush shyly- while Ginny simply ignored them.

"Hey Miss Sex Goddess," Ginny whispered to her amused as soon as they were out of earshot.

Hermione looked to the red head on her right- who was successfully impersonating Daphne Greengrass- and asked Ginny what she wanted, as if 'Sex Goddess' was her normal name.

"Have you looked at the Slytherin table and noticed how really quiet they are being this morning?" Ginny asked looking at the table behind her.

"No and who cares about those Snakes!" she said loudly, looking at Malfoy from the corner of her auriferous eyes. "Now let me eat and read the Prophet in peace."

"Yes master," Ginny replied jokingly.

Hermione saw her turn back to Harry from the corner of her eye and had to hold in a laugh when she noticed that he was no longer eating and was just looking at himself in the back of a silver spoon. She smiled from behind her newspaper- that she was only pretending to read now- as she heard Ginny try to attract her boyfriend's attentions.

"You know babe that scar is really sexy," she was saying, "you should stop hiding it behind your hair." This lead to a great deal of PDA which Hermione chose to ignore and began to really read her paper.

They all ate breakfast in relative peace, not really caring that every member of Slytherin House- and every teacher for that matter- were staring at them in confusion and amazement throughout their time in the hall.

By the time that breakfast was over an annoyed Hermione left the great hall- after shoving her bag to Ron and making him carry it and waving off all the boys that were stalking her- a clinging, never stop talking, Ron and a smug Harry walking down the hall to potions laughing about their behaviour in the Great Hall.

Nearing the dungeons they saw Parkinson, Zabini and the King of Slytherin himself, Malfoy, heading for the lesson and decided that it was about time to up their game.

They pushed roughly past them and Hermione smirked as she saw all of their things hit the cold stone floor with a crash.

"Sorry about that Malfoy," Harry said from beside her with a clear smirk in his tone with Ron adding a Pansyish "yeah," to the apology.

"Watch where you're walking, Potty, Weasel, Mudblood!" Malfoy snapped angrily looking Hermione up and down, clearly checking her out.

"Do you see something that you fancy Malfoy," she said walking away- not caring to help them pick up their belongings and certainly not stopping her friends from stepping on their parchments and kicking their ink bottles further down the hall as they passed. "You know it's really sad when boy's drool all over a girl like that."

Naturally Parkinson, Zabini and Malfoy were confused at the things that the 'Golden Trio' had just said and done. She ignored this fact and began talking loudly to Ron and Harry, "I can't believe that Dumbledore would let disgusting Death Eaters like them return to Hogwarts." She sent a smirk back at the Slytherin's who were now looking murderous.

"What did you say Mudblood?!" Malfoy shouted, overhearing just as she had meant him to, and storming up to her to grab her arm painfully.

"Let go of her Malfoy," Harry said menacingly, both his and Ron's wands ready and raised- Zabini and Parkinson's in the same position behind Malfoy.

Hermione held her hand up. "I've got this boys."

She turned back to Malfoy, disgust written onto every inch of her features. "You!" she said harshly at the Slytherin's who were glaring at her Golden Boys, "don't touch me with those filthy hands of yours, Snake!" Hermione violently jerked her arm away from Malfoy's and stormed into potions with Harry and Ron close behind her.

What the hell just happened? Wondered Malfoy from behind her as Parkinson said, "Draco, forget about that Mudblood, she's nothing but dirt," and grabbed his arm to steer him into the classroom.

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Upon entering potions Pansy, Draco and Blaise saw all the Slytherin's sitting at the front of the class- in the Gryffs seats- and glaring harshly at all the Gryffindor's who were lazing at the back of the classroom.

"What the hell is going on?" she asked Miles Bletchly- the Slytherin team's keeper- who was sitting closest to the door.

"Don't know, they were all here when we arrived," Miles informed her, looking at Spinnet with his midnight blue eyes and raising one red eyebrow at her.

Enough was enough.

Storming towards Longbottom, Pansy demanded, "why are you in my seat? Move, NERD!"

His reply came as quite a shock to Pansy.

"I'll move once you learn how to close you legs, and that could take a while, SLUT!" he said smoothly and turned back to a giggling Robins and whispering something- apparently dirty- in her ear, causing her to blush a deep Gryffindor red.

Desiring nothing more right that second than to hex Longbottom's balls off she looked around the room, what she found was a large number of girls staring at her and holding their wands tightly, their expressions daring her to do just what she was thinking about doing. Glaring back at them, and unbelieving of exactly what Neville Longbottom had just said to her, she walked back to the head of the room.

"SLUT!" coughed Cleveley and Markham as she walked by. As she took her seat, just about ready to cry, Pansy picked up a parchment ball that someone had lobbed at her. Upon opening it she found a very realistic picture of a girl who looked very much like her, on her knees, giving some guy head.

Pansy turned to see who had thrown it, determined to hex him or her to hell and back, but found every single one of the Gryffindor boy's starring at her, making 'head' sexual gestures with their hands and tongues, and making loud popping noises.

That was it.

She rose from her chair and ran out of the classroom with tears flooding her face, bumping into Professor Snape who just happened to be entering at the moment.

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Hermione snorted as Parkinson fled the classroom just as Snape reached it and glared at all the Gryffindor's seated in the back as he told them to turn to page two-hundred and seventy-five in his demanding voice.

"Can anyone tell me what the Draught of Living Death does?" he questioned, looking around the room and finding that not one hand, even her own, had been raised. "No one? How about you Ms. Granger?" he asked with a sneer as he walked to the back of the room and stopped before where she was sitting between her two best friends with her head down and neglecting to take notes, or even open her textbook.

Hermione lifted her head to look up at the greasy potions git before her and pondered for a moment on how best to answer her hated Professor in an un-know-it-all type way when she really did know the answer. Deciding, she sat up straight and flipped her brown locks behind her saying, "why the fuck would I care what the Draught of Living Death does?" quickly nodding toward Malfoy and adding as inspiration hit her, "why don't you go and ask that pussy at the front that you call Godson?"

Snape's eyes widened comically and the class fell silent in shock at what had just come out of her 'Golden Girl' mouth. "Ms. Granger!"

"What did you just say Mudblood?!" Malfoy yelled, interrupting Snape and storming up to her, eyes daring her to say it again.

You really think that he would have heard the first time, Hermione thought with an internal sigh.

"I said, 'why. The. Fuck. Would. I. Care. What. The. Draught. Of. Living. Death. Does? Why. Don't. You. Go. And. Ask. That. PUSSY. At. The. Front. That. You. Call. Godson?'" she said very slowly as if Malfoy was stupid, which, to be fair, he was most of the time.

"You little bitch," he spat back at her, pulling out his wand.

Hermione just leaned back in her chair, sporting a Malfoy worthy smirk that was full of amusement, while he pointed his wand in her face. "Do it, I dare you," she challenged, loving how pissed she had made him.

"Fine, you asked for it Mudblood," he said and prepared to hit her, vital parts, with an Engorgement charm maily because he felt like humiliating her and partly because he wanted to be able to see what that sexy black dress was hiding.

"Draco, lower your wand right now," Snape hissed at his Godson, "and take your seat." Malfoy frowned but didn't dare argue.

Snape turned back to Hermione who was now filing her black finger nails in a nonchalant way. "Miss Granger..." he began before she cut him off.

"You want me out of your classroom? That's fine 'cause I was just leaving!"

Picking up her belongings from where she had left them with Ron she flipped off a very pissed Malfoy as she made her way out of the class, slamming the door before Snape had a chance to get the last word.

I'm just getting started Malfoy, Hermione thought as she retreated from the potions corridor and skipped to the library- in a not so Slytherin type way, but oh well- with a massive- Slytherin- smirk adorning her face.

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Please Review!

I know I made Neville a player . What can I say Neville is one of my favorite Harry Potter Characters

AND CAN ANYONE GUESS WHO NEVILLE IS IMPERSONATING ?.

THANKS for all the REVIEWS!